Unable to protect the one who protected me.

31.8.14----Sunday --written at 11.30am                                                                                                         Felt nauseous after bathing and dressing in the little light that .i suppose i have to stick to bathing dressing and relieving myself in darkness if i have to escape this casing work.the symptoms described before my brother 's  death is nearly similar to that of my brother- in- law.Gasping and rasping all night long and expiring on the next day.

When i think about this i feel frustrated and sad that i couldn't save my dear brother.A brother who had always protected me and given me good advise whenever i felt at the end of  my spirits and truthful and philosophical observations that would in a instant clear the fogginess in my mind and restore my spirits.
may be i am being selfish seeing the loss only from my selfish view point .What ever if the death is unnatural and before time the i  have been put a the guilt trap they  so much wanted to.But as  a person who has  not much control even of her own house and emotions but  do have  the luxury to point this out in words mirroring my frustration either in thought or speech or in writing  but do fear  the consequences  i have to face and    i have to shed tears quietly.
.

Diary --30.8.14.--3.30pm

Blogged 15.8 and 18.8 .14 diary which pours out my angst about being abused and misused by Secularists cum politicians.An part of 15.8 in which i make few links with some leaders  is blocked .

Removed bulb from small bathroom and taped its socket and covered the shower and taped every little metal on taps.hoping this would give me the much needed privacy at least in a place i can get a little control over my current life all by myself . I know i am pitting my poor knowledge of spy cameras etc against  that of experts .Yet i hope that at least here i am a little bit free of roving eyes as ,i have tried my best ,climbing on stools and sticking those tapes . That is all.Changed glasses on room windows.

Just before lunch heard long time resident telling ufr that medicine has to be sprayed as termites have started eating the foundation.ufr the sec of association said fine we will cut the trees.
Remembering the way the lush canopy of the forest tree that gave us so much shade and privacy was felled by ufr,i accosted him in the landing asking him not to cut the green cover near my balcony.He agreed and parted with the words' i'll take care of everything.'
Now when i think over those words it is sending alarm bells within me.didn't he coolly tell the watchman at height of my jamming that motor can be used  till  water lasts and everything was fine and there was nothing to worry?Didn't my face become a mask that could be peeled off ?So now what treatment is being readied for me?i am losing hair in lumps !It could also age catching up yet it is too  sudden and drastic.

A small girl is blabbering in flats  below . Maybe to shut my loud thinking
.
There is hardly any new thinking or creativity left as there is no leisure and peace coupled with constant fear of losing hub ,son and others .And i am being repeatedly tested as to how 'strong a Hindu' i am.!

i hail from a long lineage of scholars, philosophers poets , so naturally i have interest in philosophy, history and so on .So what is the need for me to prove it ?and when it is proved i receive news of passing away  of my near one's .so i have to make a link between the two .Who ever is putting me into these tests please stop it immediately ,it is becoming a  trial by funeral fire. To, please whom?why? what is there to boast about my interests and beliefs  and prove it forcibly to people i hardly know?Again running in circles.
5.30.pm--
              did i cover the socket properly?. it seems that i haven't covered it properly and it seems that any one would have watched me whilst i bathed and changed a bit without inhibitions lulling myself into a false sense of security and privacy.Can't even write about it .why is this peeping into my private moments  going on and on ?Even a doc will get tired of it.
The reason i decided to blog this is because when i wound some dark material over the socket hoping this would stave off the view ,a goat started to bleat miserably sending alarm bells.

i request those who read this to use their influence to save my husband Ravi's  and son 's  life as well as others in my near family. i just lost my very dear elder brother . i am quite convinced  that my husband's life is getting cheaper day by day.I am convinced that my attempts to secure my privacy would make  my husband and son  scape goats. ..

I have no idea as to who reads my blogs but it  has been suggested that they have international ramifications.So those in authority please  inform me about my sphere of influence and kindly put an end to this constant testing of my strong Hindu cum strong secular credentials.Since political parties are lukewarm to me i guess i am being projected  as a' individual activist' to suit some one's interest and its effects on me is traumatic .The casing that is going on and on  ends in a death in the family in a cyclic manner.Why should such a role be foisted upon me ? --persuasion by suggestions or threats held,  has to be considered as   forcible.
            .



I cannot choose between my husband's life and son getting  married  soon .I want my husband to live long and also want my son to get married reasonably ,soon  and that he leads a very happy long life in the company of his wife and children and i also want to live long happily in the company of my husband, son, our son's wife /daughter-in - law and grand children

 .
                
 

from my diary --18.8.14

7 pm .
  When the hindu paper came marked in eralier months it sacred me like as if  athreat was being issued.
Today to it came marked. it didnt sacre me. it is o showdipleaure at my diary writing.so it means they are reading my personaldiary and are making a connection betweem them and happenings in sangh parivaar.as i am yet to blog 15.8.14 diary.
Dont they know that i am a helpless victim i this quest for emotional evidence? How come they kept quiet i preceding yeras and are showing thier displeasure only now? I suffered then and am suffering now .Why was it ok  if emotional evidence was extracted in neraly in same manner under previous regime and not now?Is it my fault that i have been trapped and tapped ?
What is the se of showing displeasure to me?Any one needled in the manner i am will vomit out everything.I am powerless. It is the newspaper which has the power to rectify this.Since they seemto know as to what is hapening to me and around me much better than i do ,why not write articles in thier newpapers about it ,insteda of warning the victim and get me out of this trap?What is preventing them?Dislike towardsme?Thay have to choose between personal dislike and the social fabric they are so worried about.If they think my writings [after too much of emotional provocations which i hate to the core but cannot fight it]are encouraging sanghis then they must tell the world through their paper as to what is happening to me and set it right.This is true social responsibility they seek to espouse and not merely marking my paper or threaten my and my family's life .If i am not constantly cased , provoked, isolated ,traumatised by suspicious deaths in my family in recent times i would never write my personal experiences in such depth.

I would have written  of my recent visit to Tirumala like this--Had a quick and good darshan and written about beauty of thehills and passing landscape.that is all.

The ball is clealry in the newspapers , medias court.

8 pm .
As I finished writing the above the resident adjacent to my flat gave me a odd look .It took me a while to decipher it .It isto do with y open letter to hindu.Does it mean that casing, emotional provocation etc is done with consent and participation of  commies etc to secularise 'communals' through me?Specially those at thetop?
Then my dera commie pals you cannot have the cake and also to eat it It is not possible for me not to write when such heavy tortuous things are done to me .I have to do so to get mental relief .aNd if i write and ifthi s is a open house how can one section lay the rule that the other shouldnot get to  read what flows in my mind when i write it down and for that reason i shouldnt write?
Is it my  duty to maintain the secular fabric of this country?Did i ask for this mantle?When it is thrust on me hoping that what i feel [or write ] inside will be used as such or in the converse  and if it is done it is ok ,and not one of you are bothered about my mental, emotional well being, but if i write to get some mental emotional well being then i am committing a crime!Irony to think that a card holding life long communist 's/left liberal duaghter has to be treated so shabbily and abused by the commies /left liberals ,themselves!
Scandulous the depths people sink. If i am heavily tested definetly my inner most feelings ,thoughts will bubble up ad i haveto write it .so those who are doing such inhumantortures on me ,whois a member of bjp just for namkevaste --so no help from there,and who  feels that it is not  her sole burden to uphold secularism, have to be prepared for the side effects  of my writings on' communals'.

If i am asked  openly i would  pitch in  to contribute  my mite to cause of secularism as i firmly believe that every one irrespective of thier faith have a equal stake in this land and country  and they can negotiate, agitate etc for their rights but no one can ,who ever that maybe should  hold a dagger behind my back and, arm twisting and threatening lives of nera and dera ones.
if not just stop all this and just let it be.It is increasingly becomig a double edged sword from secularists point of view.
If secularists are in this racket  please stop it ,if not in this racket ,then write about it in papers ,that is about the forcible extraction of emotional evidence from me ad put and end to all this .

It would be a very great help  to me and my family ,  life saving and i would be truly , really grateful.

Excerpts from my diary ---28.8.14

7am
       Who is going to ring me up and call me by my pet name hereafter and talk for hours  about this and that with a pure and kind heart?N o one.
My dear brother lay creamy white inside that glass cabin with a face full of peace and his head the cause of all his troubles  since his birth was tilted in that familiar angle so very familiar and dear to me.Is 62 an age to die?Don't people with similar ailments live to 80 and beyond?
Was it a natural death or am i in any way responsible for his passing away before time?Should politics be allowed to play in life of innocents?Just  what message is being sent? That we acknowledge that our hands are tied? So i and my family are the scape goats in this gory bloody political war?

M.A. Ayengar 's grand son ,identical in hue, looks ,ideas values and a similar brilliant political grasp ,was he sent packing for pointing out the vendetta politics  that had started to play a havoc in my and  our lives since 2012?
Poor bub whilst M.A was strong ,my bub was weak .what pride can be claimed by those executing this cowardly act?
I am writing all this now after   the meaning of symbolism ,sunk ,
.
As we came out yesterday evening from bub's house to get back to or home two auto's bearing a Amman -  goddess name and a  seer;s  photo's respectively ,refused to take us back .No other auto stopped at the stand  so we walked along the busy traffic congested road hoping to flag an auto on the way .As we walked  i glanced up at the sky and saw that it was darkening rapidly, and thought of the foreign power which had also landed me in this murky turmoils and tribulations when a skinny driver stopped and picked us up .Traffic was very heavy.My mind was foggy with grief and i chanted my time tested mantra ,one of the names of Vishnu and the driver started  driving wildly but i didn't budge till i finished it .Saw a van with Indian flag  on the opposite  road going slowly towards the direction of the place of  my brother's house .I remembered that earlier when we were going towards our bubs house the road on our side as clear and was being very briskly cleared by the traffic police  whilst the traffic on the other ie opposite side .the traffic had piled up for more than a km

As i reached my flat sick with grief and worry ,my flatmate ,the one whose hub announced the grave verdict on me ,was talking irritatingly boisterously with an equally boisterous wife of my immediate flatmate .Morning as i cleaned the doorway saw newspapers only on the doorway of these 2 neighbors and not on mine or the adjacent one  .  

                                        Oh it is a  curse of being ill informed   ,not knowing for sure who my real enemies are and how many they are.and be  forced to try and remedy my situation and save lives of my family in  a solitary battle through my writings and blogging.

What ever my prayer these days to god  ,just like it was on after  Vidat's demise is to give me and rest of my family the inner strength to face all the troubles [mainly from politicians] that has suddenly multiplied and come out of it successfully and intact
All the symbolism i mentioned could be a artifice  when my spirit is at a very low ebb to divert me from my real enemies and again they could also be true .Only the informed will know the true picture and they are all maintaining a strict silence .An silence well maintained since 2012 .

Is there a macabre planning by human beings in  two consecutive sudden deaths of my relatives ,the recent one most heart wringing or is it destiny's sport? God knows for sure.

3 pm
For the past 3 days the following was chanted repeatedly in a small boys voice  Pazhithal koodadhu--meaning One should not insult any one .I am linking this advise or warning to my diary writing about my visit to a Vishnu temple on new moon  day 25.8.14 in which i recall the past history nearlly 1000yeras old whilst meditating at a very revered  Vaishnavaite  preceptor shrine about how his friend's  eyes were forcibly blinded  by a  ruler of Saivite sect for failing to disclose the whereabouts of Ramanujar against whose propogation of  tenets of SriVaishnavaite sect the fanatic ruler had a terrible aversion and in a similar manner my eyes were nearly removed on pretext of cataract formation and am  made to wear glasses with the intention of insulting and humiliating me ,as of the religious beliefs of sri vaishnavaite sect and also try and divert my attention  from drinking in natures beauty or ruminate over articles and news  on public affairs and sort out my views on the subject and then to write and blog it [now i am always writing about myself ]   to constantly to stare at women of various age and size  backside's as also front and at same time put me on defense against skinny poor and simply clad  people.Like as if  they are my only  exploiters. . Then it was brutal .Now the cruelty is done with finesse and subtlety .Methods have changed but history seems to have repeated itself .
In that diary i also mention how two women relive themselves in a public toilet .an old woman showing her back whilst a middle aged one covers it .I noticed this because that middle aged woman was looking at me pointedly like as if she was demonstrating the manner in which i ought to relieve myself . This upset me and i ranted in that diary that in my house i can do what i like and it was none of anyones business to poke their nose and if they do i would label it as perversion .within 2 days my bub was no more.

Which person would tolerate any one looking at her whilst bathing or using the toilet in her own house ? Wouldn't any person deem it and call it as the perversion of the person or persons taking such sneaky views at some else;s wife, mother and sister or just another human being's most private moments  within 4 walls of a self acquired pvt property  ?
3.30pm
If such a perversion is justified on the grounds that i am myself a pervert due to mental conditions [if alt all , it is over blown]then the burden of curing me  is on my  husband and not on any tom , dick and harry howsoever 'powerful' 'responsible ' such persons be who have forcibly in a shadowy manner entered my husband's house without his knowledge or consent and have made his house , his wife and son a public property and object of public ridicule .And this is increasingly getting to be life threatening. He found me sane and still does [unless it is deliberately shown that his wife is out of her mind--this happened in past week with non stop pumping ,signals, suggestions that they were related to my urge to talk and write on and on  and threats , that made me lose my confidence in the pattern of life i was following ,my routine and timings and also sets of beliefs  to divert ,to confuse me but at same time keeping my mind preoccupied  with small daily routine activities  without a thought,creative or otherwise by  holding a constant threat of death of my family over my head --13.9.14   and making me accept that it  was i who is full of vice  and without any character. or will. lesson is being taught for writing too much  ] and as long as he is confident of  handling me ,his wife of 33 yeas why should a stranger poke into his and our very personal family affairs?why all this undercover if intentions were pure and honest? Has it become part and parcel of polity and civil society  from long since [in my case since 2011] that such gross violation of  a honest but weak persons rights no longer stir or prick any one?
don't those in power have respect for  citizen's  family or respect their views and decisions even in their personal lives?
Am hearing a song praising the godess of strength loudly from a speaker kept near the temple , and a lot of crackers being burst ,now after i have returned home attending my brother's last rites.

4.pm
As i finished writing 3 pm para , son came out of room , woken up from nap as if to warn me ,that para was controversial  better stop  or else your son had it. .
Then as i contd  with 3,30 pm writing the owner of black scooter came out on his balcony speaking on his phone .Another hiss and warning that -stop this , other wise your son and hub 's and close relatives  life time is bleak .  Threat from whom ? no idea .

So i have made public my angst  at pain of losing my life or sanity and also that of my family's , but i have to let the world know my plight and how long can i bottle  it up ?my humiliations and, shackles on my privacy  ? Their lives are dear to me but i also need a let off and this diary is one such let off and even  if t is public  i have to blog this since it being public has not in any way checked persons from going about thier   deeds .Apart from trusting god i also have to trust human beings to rescue me and my family from this tricky, shady ,life threatening situation.

Note.6.9.14
What i have written above is only with regard to myself with mixture of history and suggestions from symbols ,songs etc that one of the causes of my present troubles is due to  clash between two sects.No  such clash exists in here or any where on this country at present  .There is no sectarian violence in here at tn .I was  only relating my personal troubles that could be because of  any number of causes  ,with a dose of imagination and history .
   


  .

Bait?

When thre are so many legal options available to stop publiscing my famed diary --viz by acting upon the police complaint i gave some tinme back and remove all the pervasive cameras and render my status as an non entity ,who'll be for gotten in due course of time  and by blocking my blog[maybe it is , no idea], then why resort to shady illegal tactics ?As a person who has never broken the law i am unable to comprehend the workings of the minds of those who seem to do it casually without slightest regret for doing so .it actually appears that such  that they are entitled to to break law and constitution at will!

Why should this under cover business was started at all and allowed to go on and on with it  now taking a dangerous turn for me and to others closely connected to me?I forget with the sudden and unfortunate demise of my  poor helpless brother   the only one in my family with a good political grasp my connections have been totally severed .Others do not and will not understand the position i am in !

All This dangerous turns means that those who were enjoying the fruits of my forcible writings through under cover operations  are finding that it is back firing on them .
Even now aert there any   way of dealing with this problem --? Action can be taken on that complaint.And id f some foreign power is really bombarding me with radio waves ,why can't the authorities come and tell us about and ask us to shift to a safer place  i am guassing that would be a safe place which is away from mobile towrrs.and teach us precautionary mathods to tackle it insteda giving hints and play acting?
Why should al tgis be uder cover? Under wraps? Then again it means that i am being used asa bait to lure and tackle the foreign power.victimising the victim further.Isnt this demeaning the calibre of our inteligence ,diplomacy and leadership and throwing apserations on thier abilities as it apera sthat all are hiding behind me or putting me forward as the shioeld to cower behind it and  tackle the enemy.

What impression is being sent to foreign powers?Won't they laugh their heads off at the spectacle of  all the brave males of this country who have received special training and others who  have stormed and  conquered  the ballots are hiding behind an woman blogger   to tackle them?   .

Lost .---27.8.14

My brother , my friend, philosopher and guide is no more.

The  only person who understood the situation i am in and the only person who offered solace with kind words enabling me to let it all out and also try and face the situation bravely ,is no more.
Rasps all night which was innocently mistaken as snoring and after a long gasp after taking a glass of warm milk at 11.30.am ,my dearest brother who seemed to be on path recovery  and who wouldn't hurt even a fly became cold.

Satisfied? Happy? At the work executed?The weak and helpless seem to  provide natural fodder.

15.8.14

Was watching the fountains showering water on the symbols of our sect Vaishnavism ,as the Sun dropped and the cupola]of god in front of me where i sat on a rim of a platform ,was lit up and bathed in golden light.
Everything was dim as i had left my spy glasses in the lodge.
as i gazed with my dim eyesight i could feel anger and bitterness course through me for being fixed . my  grand father a Hindu who found strength to agitate and send away the mightiest power on earth  then standing before the very sacred deity-Srinivasar  sanctified within?Didn't he , my father and their fathers and mothers before them stand before this sacred deity  praying for strength having absolute faith  in the deity?,


Is it  sheer politics that made  his grand daughter wear those glasses and stain age old traditions ?
If this is the doings of a Hindu ,how can a Hindu ,or even an atheist not care for spiritual sentiments?My grand father was a politician and he may have had some tricks of trade of a politician  but i am sure that he could have never found it within him to trade age old sanctity, heritage and faith  of this most sacred deity for few political gains.I doubt whether even under alien rule we would have been forced to do so whereas i under native/hindu rule had been used without my knowledge,to do what is considered as sacrilegious by many hindus [without their knowledge ,yet fraud has been played upon them] and even when i have been made aware of those wretched glasses last month e same sate of affairs continues  and the onus or trap is on me to uphold traditions or face the flak.
My grand father's task was easier than mine.He had to struggle only against foreigners who in no way intruded into his religious sentiments and spiritual beliefs.Whereas i am forced to be on alert against enemies who are on face of it of my own religion and belief's!His enemies had  a face and showed themselves plainly as rival or enemies but mine do not have a face nor do they reveal their identity.

Maybe it was the work of adjustment experts to show how a Hindu's religious sentiments can be hurt by other Hindu's in power.Maybe this line of thinking was a suggestion put in me to kindle revenge in me .Earlier a suggestion was also put in me that those glasses was for my security and that if i divested them ,i ll be putting myself ad everyone else in a security nightmare.

As i write this diary on 15 8.14  morning recounting my emotions on 13.8.14.evening  i feel that whenever i lament at my state of affairs a success is got hence i decided not to write it out on that evening and thus cut off such victory and  discourage such selfish political schemes .I  saw and heard our pm/speech on tv and here i am writing it all out
In the onward train journey i had fortified myself with ear plugs in bid to escape jamming ,having experienced intolerable pressures  whilst going in trains in the past  2 years, the maximum being in a trip to nearby city a month or two back and on a earlier trip from a temple city in tn ,which was one and a half year back.
Heard the film song  , this is my country,it touched me deeply and i felt my frustration at my constant shackling in my country i have roamed freely and of late the fear that if i  dint please some one i had it  ,fall away .This coupled with my age old ties to the temple town and the temple made me angry .i am  from a family that is part and parcel of this land /bharat for centuries.Yes of course that at times i live  in the past and not in the present realities has given meat for some one to control me.Whether i live in past or in present what gives any one the right to control me thus? so shadily and illegally curtailing my freedom? .

As i sat snatching glimpses of the fountain amidst devotees walking around eating chenna otr taking photos in a picnic like atmosphere , and listening to the devotional songs being played ,the vision of my anscestors whom i can trace upto 1857,as well as countless kings , saints ,acharyas paying thier humble obseince before the deity passed before my eyes .As also the mute hurt in the arm twisted Brahnmin priests eyes  i have been seeing for past 2 yeras when ever i visit temples  ,some of whom can trace thier devotion to the deaty and this particular deity to nealy 50 generations otr more passed through my eyes.
Fury at being fixed made me boil ,seking revenge!Why not wera those galsses and take revenge on my controllers? TIT for tat.Revenge is a powerful emotion specially for a person who has been constsnty arrased like me wiyhout any resaon .It had even blinded my own belef that sacred and anient deities must be seen in person and since the glasses were provided by the controlers the burden of or guilt f cmmitting sacrilege to such a ancient and pwerfuldeity has to be borne by htem and not me.
just like those founain s throwing water in the air with great force and then coming down  gently to drench those venerated symblos i knew that i couldnt take revenge --Maybe it is the norm that any vip visits , security cameras will be switched on even within the sanctum . The need of the times when many a politicians life is under threat. But i am not a vip though a threat was made known to me indirectly .And i siad looking at the shimmering golden vimanum --I movingly requested  Vishnu to help me in the manner he helped a elephant cuaght in the jaws of acrocodile which finally sought his help after waging  afutile long and exhausting battle on its own .I bade godbye to my desire to take revenge then and there itself  by shifting te burden of avenging the humiliations i am made ti suffer to Nrayanas protective and speedy presence riding aloft Garuda with a Chakra in his hands .I said softly to myself  'Go to hell all of you  and politicians   '

I felt the sae headiness ad the great relief i felt when last month i gavea tenner to aold lady and felt that no human in power can ever ,ever equal the power of almighty  and when he is therewhy to fera  or subserve to human authority that is being clandestinely without any legal or even spiritual basis being imposed upon me.

The next day , on vid's 31 st  birthday i did not wera those glasses and left them in the room itself ,though th etemple as quite some distance away. A bespectacled man's sigh f relef on seeing me nera the gates without the glasses on ,was very obvious even to my dim eyes.
The queue we were joined into  was for those parents whose kids were i tera old .All of them had tonsured heads and cooing, gurgling and laughing. Didn't mind the distraction . i had earlier in the day meditaed on the terrace of my room over loking the temple..
A man in 30's barged in to this queue looking quite ot of pace and kept enquiring every one as ro where he could deposit ghis mobile.He said he ws in the defence services.Quite an odd intrusion .He left mid way.The q moved very quickly and i stood befoe te eity in no time at all! Ah,the peace and the sublime spiritual beauty radiated by srinivasar is beyong description.
A bulky security shioved  me of roughly . I didnt mater at all. A deliberate 'humiliation' that only made me luagh.No anger .I saved so many devotees of srinivasar , past and present from humiliations and deep hurt which they would havre to swallow  mutely , hepless to do snything about it.
I had  2 choices   .If i had worn those glasses i would have had my revenge on my controllers.tit for tat.Revenge is a powerful emotion specially for a person constantly harrassed, provoked , needled  and armtwisted against my will and my ordinary nature  .It had even blinded my own belief that sacred deities must be seen in person to derive spiritual benifits  .Sinmce the glasses were provided by them the burden of any sacrilege to te mucn venertaed deity must be borne by them and not me.And if i didnt i would be respecting the beliefs of my anscetors ,siants, and kings of yore and also not hurt thesentiments of devotees in the preesnt day,though only a few mayknow of it.. I chose not to By that one gesture  of wearing glasses i would haveshattered the belief , and faith the long list of devotees in past had so sincerely reposed on this particular deity  as well as countless devotees in the present who visit with deep faith .

A goat is bleating .Were my emotions constantly kindled for past few weeks for some one in power to emote on d day --15 th?Is it emotional evidence at even an deeper and painful levelstill continuing?The kurals suggested so. What a irony!I had deraly wished for a change in regime so that the next leadr would be a strong one relying solely upon his or her own views , instincts and confidence in processing the available information obtained by  normal methods and thus relieve me of the burden i have been forced to carry for past two years ,that of my sub conscious being torn open mercilessly and protect me and also thus  free me  like a true leader and allow me to lead a free and normal life.

Just what is so special about me?Whatever i am losing hair, bp is rising and have lost interest in all those small pleasures like shopping, watching tv, hearing to music and reading story books which made my life livable and made me pick up the threads .
In ordinary course of life , interest shown by  the powerful would be flattering but when it is not open , such a interest it is more like a punishment for being what i am.

                        


Note: i had determined not to stoke fear in other communities with my blogs but i am constrained to write this out as i fear for my own family's safety and also try to get rid of the constant tapping which is sapping me out by blogging my privations.
. 

The inner resource .

The fascination that the powerful have of me is flattering .But when such persons are ashamed to own such a fascination openly and publicly ,it is more like a punishment for being what i am and therefore wholly unwelcome.
'Arasanai nambi aandi purushanai vitta kadai  '--meaning--By trusting a  ruler a woman left her  powerless husband and found herself neither here nor there.She was not feted by the king and her husband ignored her thence forward..,
  Since my  powerless  husband is not in the least bit ashamed of his legal, emotional,intellectual ,marital and religious ties with me created and sustained publicly for past 33 years and performs his duties towards me  to the best of his capacities i am not willing to leave him for a  clandestine and secretive place in the inner hallowed circle of the powerful[,even if i put his life at risk for making my feelings in the unfolding  situation by making public my view in this matter, i have to state it and make myself clear ] and neither  do i like nor do i want  my life to  play out  that Tamil adage.
..

 

31 st Birthday remembrance.--14.8.14

Dear Vidat --creator/Sanatkumar---eternal youth ,

Sorry son,

No suitable lines are arising out of my innermost thoughts to commemorate your affection, understanding and service to me.

My eyesight has dimmed with passing time.hence unable to grasp the hidden beauties in  nature and express  it  in words ..

i am sure that he is out there looking  over us  as loving and understanding ,he was to all of us in life as in death and protecting  and shielding  my family ,relatives, friends and me under the canopy of his warmth and affection.                                                                                                            
.

Deadly casing ------10.8.14

Was shown a long time  resident of the apartment complex  with a son studying in college. So now we are in that stage.

But the scary thing that struck me was ,why only one son parent are being shown ,that to the eldest?If they supplant R and vid/vin in this casing that is going on and on without my able to work out the details as to how it works , but one thing i can make out is that  it is a perverted  form of state control using shady methods involving  technology, pshycology and human participants  available at a cheap cost mostly from slum tenements and migrant labourers and people we known for a decade or more  in these flats itself and mid way entrants as well.

If it is r and   ,next stage in enactment would be a office going son and after that it is my unnatural demise,Is all this to chase my late son's influence ? We had different viewpoints. and quite unlike.But now it is 3 of us though originally 4,, our family.Son is working and is  having pressures at the work that is too technical for his liking ,has gone through break up and is isolated from his comfort zone just as late son was in the end .I strongly suspect that he is being deliberately driven . political vendetta against me?. is  my son being targeted to get back to me ever since the month long plan to drive me insane as well as make hubs weakened heart collapse was dropped all of  a sudden, if i remember rightly [as i was in total daze then ,my facial skin had become like  a mask worn over  my rapidly hardening skull]a day or so after the news of collapse of  flats under construction  with migrant laborers collapsed in a sudden cloud burst on 27  was making headlines .

Why was it dropped when we both were nearly at the end of ?Every one around  was  made to view me  as  a mad  woman with loose morals  for  past 2 years and r 's weak  heart condition and his indifference to our state due to his powerlessness,lack of connections or influence or wealth   was also known . The stage was already and set for the final act without anybody in the know  having the courage or kindness  to question the torture and those who didn't know as to what we were being subject to, would take it as natural course of our grief and advancing age. Change of heart? Humanity? If so we as  a family will escape  but if it was under pressure from elsewhere then it is quite dicey and i request that person or persons who put the pressure to do all that can be done to ensure our safety in days, months and years and decades  to come.

At present i think my surviving son's life is in danger gauging from the step by step casing that is going on within my complex itself and indirectly making me aware of it .

Is some one palying god?----------written on -9.8.14.

Frankly  have ----
1. No privacy.
2. No religious freedom
3.No right to peaceful and sole  enjoyment and without any encroachment  of my husband r's  immoveable property nor does he its rightful owner, has it.
4. No freedom of movement
5. No safety  to my life or to my family's just because i blogged  my views on every thing under the sun or  write them in my diary .

6. No freedom to maintain a personal diary.
7.No freedom to take part in political process.
8.No freedom of expression
9. No freedom to cohabit with my lawfully wedded husband of 33 years  in our matrimonial house.
10.No freedom to enjoy a normal family life or social life .
11. No freedom to be myself .Have to put an act of being docile and submissive to men [otherwise threat to R's and son's life ]
12. No freedom to lead a relaxed  life at our age.Too much of torrid and lurid casing that is sapping us of whatever energy is left in our old and tired bodies.
13. No freedom to have a thought  that disparages anyone in the mind of the controller.
14. No freedom to entertain superstitions and express them owing to the fear put in me that if i have or speak of such beliefs considered to be superstitious by some one controlling my life, then my fears would be gorily enacted  to disprove such superstitions.

15.No freedom amongst my family members to hold differing views on a subject.Each of  us will be a taught a lesson by enacting life threatening  acts either involving us or our close relatives so that each of our view points is proved right..Since it is only i who am aware of this so it  is depriving  only me the freedom to have a view on a subject.That is i should not argue or otherwise i ll be put in a  perennial guilt trap.

16. No freedom to enjoy the society of my fellow country men or women
.
17.No freedom to mingle freely within my Hindu community.

18.16 & 17 is the outcome of my being forced to wear glasses through which any official or politician or various types of persons   may be watching what i watch much to the discomfort and even fear of those who i come across in ordinary course of life ,since every one is warned before hand and nobody would dare take the risk to come into the view of such strangers with ulterior motives.
Since the religious identity of those watching what i see is also kept in wraps[guessing] all the hindus with a traditional bent of mind & who are informed about my glasses will view me with suspicion and even  revulsion for hurting their religious sentiments when i visit temples or attend ceremonies which as per hindu traditions  are meant only for close relatives. Even if they are not informed ,it is playing a fraud on their deeply held beliefs .In short teaching the traditionalists a lesson for being traditional whether they come to know of it or not ,owing  to extra ordinary  power and authority wielded by those who are making every one dance to thier tunes, using me as a pawn.
19.No freedom to enjoy the sights and sounds  and scent  of the world around me through ordinary glasses and a mind free of control .
20 No freedom to have a good darshan of my personal  deities in temples through ordinary long distance glasses.
21. No freedom to meditate,
22. No freedom to ruminate, ponder , dream
23.No freedom to curse, abuse .No freedom to display my anger to the only persons i have done after marriage --my husband and son.

Of all the fetters on my freedom the worst fetter is the one put on my freedom to think.

Others can be somehow or the other be borne or get adjusted to , by changing habits, lifestyles etc .But this manacling my thoughts and its constant correction and control is by far the worst form of punishment that can be meted out to a human being by another and who ever is doing it is  indulging in the worst form of human rights abuse.

Now the q is who is doing this --possibilities

1. The US .Its intent to keep a check on the religious minded --read hindu -- public personalities .May be i come under that category.

0r 2.Under the orders of local  viz Indian politicians who do not care much for freedom of thought  or privacy  .

or 3. under the orders of netas who want to either please the US by wiping out unclean thoughts from my mind  or to free themselves of the problem  which every one knew and abetted ,by tripping and trapping me as quickly as possible.

If it is first i ll say Thank you , big brother i can do without your  survelliyance  ,since political leaders  in here may take away my privacy or right to free enjoyment of my property but would not go to the extent of controlling each and every thought of mine . It didn't happen in the previous regime ,though persuasive conversion methods after a year long of  harrassment were adopted which i aborted in the only option left to me viz joining bjp --the party known for its hindu credentials.

How ever heavy jamming that drove me to the edge of my sanity and heavy pumping that nearly killed R has taken place only in this new regime.R is yet to regain his identity and health which the earlier regime had dented greatly and the new had just to give a little bit of  a push to achieve the goal....Whilst my son has also been driven to exhaustion and nervous breakdown only after a change in the govt.So how can i trust my own people/politicians after such a shabby treatment ?

i cleraly donot like this survellinace by a foreign country, if it is true that i am under such a survelliance..Nor do i like this constant jamming .threats and thought correction by my own country.which is true as i personally experienced and am experiencing.

Despondency hit me when i remembered reading that US  survelliance was in place since 2010!So i could have been under that  since then!

Did my late son signal to me that my time was up when i stumbled in the storm swollen fiercely raging  ice cold waters of the sacred river  at foot hills of mountain ranges  in middle of  2010 and could have been washed away and drowned ,had not my lurching to the support  my second son who was also taking a dip close by ? As i steadied myself i saw my late son in black jeans and black t shirt  climbing up the mountain foot trail  to the hoary and sacred temples beyond [the path that the scholar and saint of 8 th cent ad took]. .beckoning me as if to say ' Ma, you just escaped a sure death but all is not well  '.It was like as if he knew it and was  warning of the dark forces that had entered my life then itself .
Had i not steadied myself ,may be my innocent family viz r and son would have been safe and even happy now.

Caught between the devil and the deep sea.

I have a question to the person seeking to control my thoughts.Did you create me from the elements so as to confer on yourself the power to reward or punish me for my thoughts? Isn't that the job/duty of the creator of us all?
The punishments that i may have to endure in this world is when i contravene any law made by human beings for social good of all and not a select few..Did i contravene any such law? If so  proceed against me legally.

By seeking to punish me for my inner most thoughts the person doing so is seeking parity with the creator of us all!Every religion and every spiritualist will consider such an confiscation of eternal laws which are  beyond mortals  reach and understanding,  as deliberate attempts to play god .

Alarm bells.

Once bitten twice shy.Hence even if it appears absolutely paranoid or totally crazy i have to blog the description of people ,my relatives and friends i am being shown so that  the concerned authorities take action as deem fit .

1. Around 10 am was shown a woman in 70's with flying white hair knotted at the nape in a fluffy saree and a unique gait .An replica of a close relative of mine living barely few kms away.Quite orthodox.

2.A very dark and fat and jovial  man with a  dash of vermillion  on his forehead and a small pig tail of hair dangling from  the usual cropped hair cut and wearing black pants and white shirt.Is he  a converse of my family priest?
.
3.Shown a man in 70's getting out his car .silver haired , dark and one eye  half closed .A replica of another relative living on and off in here..He is a scientifically minded right .

I wrote out these descriptions in a park i halted at 11 am to take rest on way back .Saw a corporation lorry drive by.

4. Shown a slim fair girl in temple. can't place her.Shown several skinny youths ,young men ,women,a lame man  on the road--can't place them

5.Whilst waiting to cross the road saw a tall and slim ,young man  with long hair and a small beard .An replica of boy well known to me.Works  in US and was in  India few months back with a white  American young man .

Saw a govt of India mail van pass by .

published at 1.10.pm -5.8.14.

Some more additions .I weighed within myself  the pros and cons of continuing to make public the people 's replicas i am being shown since i had a sneaky suspicion that i was being made to do so to prove that i am superstitious as well as to damn my name forever amongst the supertstitious that anyone even remotely connected to me either through relation ,or friendship or politics  is sure to be at the receiving end of some high and mighty's wrath .

I am superstitious in certain aspects .no doubt.But i have a choice .i need not reveal the persons shown to me and thus save myself from being further damned in superstitious circles  .or reveal them not caring staining   my name with the sword hanging over me --What if?Do i have it in me to be indifferent to any one's life be it even a stranger or some one hostile or indifferent  to me when i feel that i may save such persons ?No. even if it is some sort of out of the way idea to show to world that a hindu is not being given religious freedom in her own country by her hindu rulers to off set some powerful persons image of denier of religious freedom to  citizens in here ,to powers  abroad and i had even resolved not to become a pawn in such  games , i  have to give in with the sword dangling ,what if?
So i'll blog publish and then put it in draft.Why not keep it published? The list may go on and on and push away my blogs regarding the threats  to life ,peace,sanity and prosperity my  immediate family faces and my first and foremost concern is towards them and myself.
so here goes.--

1. A  man, said to be a priest of wealthy and rich , sporting a replica of upper floor resident's former unique  hair style sat for a ritual on my son's ceremony ----8.8.14
2. Saw a tall bespectacled girl  in jeans and top with her  mother at the clinic where i had gone to get my ears checked .may be on 6.8.14.  a sort of replica of R's sisters family .The sister is in 70's and ailing .Is in nearby metro.
3. Was shown a man of my age  my 10 th class mate who is a doctor and is working in UN .He has interest in Hindu philosophy.
4. Was shown a replica an younger version of second son of former cm of tn at  a restaurant in a sacred hill town in nearby state.This inclusion is  odd  in this list of rights.Is it for lack of ethics and morals whilst dealing with me before change in regime?.---14.8.14
5.A replica of a younger version of my very close female relative  who is in the capital city.---14 .8.14
6.Was shown replica of the younger versions of a union  minister from TN  and a party functionary of Cong who could also be a senior leader in tn  of another party , as both have somewhat  similar countenance .The latter replica apart from the replica of upper floor resident's hairstyle  smiled at me ,whilst replica of nri   smiled to themselves and none of the others did.--14.8.14
7.Saw  a replica of younger version of Iron man on TV .He accompanied the PM on his visit to  father of the nation's memorial  today.Did only i  wearing those distance glasses see and observe this?  15.8.14

My bub has been admitted in hospital  again by name 'Maya'. Hope he pulls through   by god's grace as well as well with the grace of those in power  .--15.8.14

1. Was shown a man in 50's -- a little distant relative of mine hailing from a orthodox family in the morn today at a park  --17.8.14
2. Was shown a younger version of my second son clicking on the keys of a shop's computer with a sad and forlorn look yesterday --16.8.14.

Was shown a long time resident [man] of our flat  who is nearly of my age having two sons one of whom is studying abroad and other who is in here, is in college.To this resident  and to another dusky wiry and energetic man in 40's from the opposite tenements the upper floor resident was explaining the 2  motor pumps--metro and bore  capacity etc whilst the white haired  old but energetic and wiry watchman watched ---26.8.14..

Did i offend my co religionists? unbelievable.

The door of the Srinivasa temple which had been always closed shut whenever ,which is nearly daily for past 2 years when  i combine my morning walk for past 12 years with a brief stop at the gates for a glimpse  of the deity visible from the gate as well as from across the road traversed by people of all faith  was open today.I did not wear my specs.
There is a clear link between my spectacles and the temples doors being shut so angrily in morning hours.

is it because--
1. There is a tussle between followers  of two religions?

2.Is it an constant reminder to me to not to use the specs in inner sanctum of the ancient temples  as it is against the traditions of Hindus to allow people of other faith an entry into the sanctum sanctorium?

My distant  eyesight is pretty bad .even leaves of trees look like green sponges without them .I cannot read a single letter without my reading  glasses on . I have to use specs if my eyesight should not worsen further .i could even become partially blind if i do not wear  my specs constantly.I know that in which ever shop i get a new one made it would come attached with those prying cameras or could even  be fitted with one when i am asleep but i think things have changed now since i was made aware of it then it would mean that my specs will be free of  such intrusions and am hoping  and trust that authorities will free both my hub r's and my specs of such intrusions and give back our much needed privacy..

But fine i got it now. I will not hurt the sentiments of my people of my community and will never wear  specs inside a temple or in rituals meant only for family members.In a recent ceremony   i took of my glasses since i was made aware that nearly all my specs have cameras relaying my every movement.To whom i have no idea.
For past 2 years  nobody ever warned me that my specs was offending religious sentiments .How was i to know about it when silence was maintained all around and i got to know of my spy specs only after the month of jamming and my recuperation from it.last month.

 If only some one had told me openly about my spy specs earlier i would have obliged immediately by taking them off whenever i visit  a temple or attend some ceremony or function I am a person who will not contest or argue with instructions given by  priests whether Brahmin or non Brahmin ,in their domain --temple , rituals and so on .
Have i unwittingly offended people belonging to my own  religion?Unbelievable! Me? A person who is very proud of her religion --Hinduism .If i have,[ i think i have without meaning to do so ], i offer my very sincere apologies.

note;i have ordered for new reading and looking glasses for myself and one for my hub too .i trust that the authorities who opened my eyes to the nature of the glasses will  free those much needed specs of intrusions.
thanking you -----14.9.14

sos with a million prayers . 4.8.14--12 noon monday

Yesterday had lunch with poor kids at sprawling campus housing the free school and hostel for poor kids of primary level.Food, fine.All the kids ate the sweet and snacks  i had bought ,with great relish.The donation was in memory of my late son's  31 st birthday calculated as per traditional methods .
Of the35 children only one small girl was yet to polish her plate.clean.she would put some food into her mouth and then start dozing ,seated on the  floor!She was sitting all alone in that huge hall .All the others had gone out to play.after finishing the lunch  in normal time.

when i pointed out  this to the warden ,  she said this was how that girl was ,whilst eating but was very sharp and good at studies.Her lively  and bright sister few years older nodded her head Then the warden called the girl to her group  that consisted of herself, and 2 boys and that sister who were having their lunch after first serving food to the kids.She came running with her plate, joined the group  and  polished off the plate in no time.! .

I fell asleep late at noon back at home and woke up with the picture of that little girl and her obvious lack of interest in her meal  when seated all alone but finished it quickly without dozing off when she sat next to her sister and in the company of  that woman warden.These kids are all from poor families who are housed and given  education , food and shelter free of cost from 1 to 5 th class. Parents visit them once a month.That child was clearly missing her family so are several others..i could see tears in a bright and confident second grader who sang several songs lustily when she mentioned about her --new baby born into her  fairly big family .Despite the hype around family planning several households in rural and suburbs still have 4 or more children and their incapacity  to provide education or even food  etc makes them send their children to this well run trust .

It also reminded me of my son Did he drop 15kgs in just 4 months into this new job at Bosch at Coimbatore because he is alone at his place of employment down south?There is  sadness in his eyes and a faraway look  unlike his usual sharp and alert eyes.He is very restless unlike his usual cool and calm nature like as if he is being driven to a breaking point that reminds me of those 2 months in 201 2 when i was driven till i  broke down with my confession and slowly  lost interest in translation of ancient hymns, mantras as well as  writing my views on  matters of public interest .He is also listless like as if he is losing the battle of nerves ,not of  his job but of deliberate needling , and constant pressure tactics at work .

He is not a child but loves to be in a group and had always the knack, social skills to form a group or be a part of a group wherever he went and which  ever  background and how so ever  diverse the people  around him are .So i am sure that he is being deliberately isolated at his work place as well as in the time he spends at his rented house and in  that city.
i hope and pray that the good and kind people in authority  transfer my son  back to Chennai ,  or enable him to get a suitable job  here in  Chennai as quickly as possible and grant him also a fresh lease to a happy .peaceful , a comfortable  and a long  life.by bringing him  back to  us  at Chennai.Otherwise it would be just a matter of few weeks before he is completely broken down  with his personality  , confidence  gone forever at an age when he ought to be settling down in life , happily married in a well paying and satisfying job.

This is an  impassioned plea   to those who have the authority and capacity to restore my son's confidence and motivation in life and gift him back his normal life.

Earlier today in the morning i glanced at the mirror.didn't see a single wrinkle.Where have all those lines running down my cheeks gone? Each line is a testimony to experiences gone through  in my life, so far.The person who looked at me from the mirror wasn't me, the 57 year old who has been through so much of life  in past decade that it had aged me so , crows feet, white hair,long and drawn face etc.It was bright ,chubby and wrinkle free face that looked back at me! The face of a 40 year old woman!The way i would have looked back at our suburban house in  1996! when R was doing his punishment job transfer in  a insipid town down south and sons were in school with my first son in plus 2 .R would come home on weekends totally dissatisfied and dejected at the lonely environment there but refused to shift us there as it lacked facilities.He stuck on, slowly losing his motivation and finally at the end of 3 years quit the job for good and never took another.
Now R's face is also bright and he  is unusually merry ,over energetic and boisterous.After that 1 month of transformer torture he was put through he seems to have lost his original personality which had already been slowly chipped away in past 2 years ,culminating finally last month.it brings tears to my eyes when at times i look at him and wonder whether the R i know will ever be restored back?  It is my son ,now who is like as if he is in a punishing job at a place he has no friends as i have explained above.Repeat of events.At the sight of of my son's sad and hopeless face in his weekend visits  my heart sinks and my insides  knot in fear.

so some one or many are  casing us. As i came down for a walk saw a inmate's son in white uniform waiting for his bus. He is in plus 2.he was waving at his plump and chubby mother in early 40's and his father who is on leave from a desert posting .I was being shown as to  on whose age and model we are being built up.A  married couple in their forties having an active sexual life and family life revolving around a single school going son .That boy's mother's father often helps his mother and stays here on and off.Somewhat like the way my father used to visit me in the suburb life.That boy's father is in secret services.The signals gleaned from the acting put up for me is quite clear though not fully clear.

So another act is being played out before the final real one.In real life R didn't get his transfer that was promised to him within a year or so back to Chennai  and he lost his motivation, energy ,smartness self respect and confidence in life and in the institution --[ bank ]as he understood that he was being punished for pulling up his bosses for corruption  /kite flying, by those higher than his immediate boss when he ought to have been felicitated for saving the bank from incurring huge financial losses and the wrong doer be punished.Instead the wrong doer was let off and a sincere honest officer like him was punished for daring to bring to light the irregularities  in the bank .Even the bank unions which he served energetically and sincerely did not  help him out. Nor did any friendly higher official or his friends. . He just broke .So that fate awaits my son also now.Reasons could be different.It is nothing to do with him since he is just another ordinary youth.It is definetly to take revenge at me and my right husband or to teach us a lesson . 

Once again i request the concerned authorities to  put an immediate end to the no touch torture  that is being meted out to my son and allow him to lead a normal life.  

Million thanks-------4.8.14 10 13 am monday

Got the good news that my  brother has been shifted from icu to ordinary ward and will be discharged from hospital soon .Is it the effect of my sos on  this blog yesterday?
Who is the good samaritan? I hope and pray that such a person or persons  keeps our family ,relatives and ,friends , in his or their benevolent looks and protective shield in the days to come .
Thanks a million.

sos- -3.8.14 sunday 3.30pm

Call me delusional,schizo etc or even if i am being deliberately set up as one  to fix me for good or i am being used in a perverted form in diplomacy or simply to settle political scores between arch rivals  i have to relate events played  and their links to tragedies in my present life as they have come too too close for comfort .

1. last week or before that the spiky white haired nervous and a bit off his head, watchman was brought into service.same time  around i saw my son's friends parents on the road.The father  is with spiky white hair and a highly nervous  with trebling limbs  .who is said to be  recovering.Soon after got the news of my nervous  brother fainting on the road and he is in ICU for past 4 days .i had met  him 2 days before he fell down at a function.

yesterday saw a silver hair ,cut very short , distinguished looking woman  at the political  party get together..i tried to piece her.she seemed familiar like a journo on tv.Today on road side just half an hour so back  i saw poster of  a white haired old actress whose hair is also cut short dancing with a lot of  dusky young men as well as with the  leading young hero .My heart sank as i made an instant link.It is the first time that i have made an link so fast.Is the nice and lively 80 year old Japanese tutor for Bosch down south,my son's  teacher, whom he and his friends like immensely , the next target?

The pattern i have observed since i was made to be aware of my Bil's death as one of being unnatural is that lonely, socially isolated and ailing people are targeted since it could appear to most people that such sudden turn for worse  in illness, or  a fall could be in natural course of life.If so then why give an indication to me beforehand by showing people who are somewhat similar before the actual one's , my family members and friends take seriously ill and even pop off ? To put me in a perpetual  guilt trap ?
There are signals that my another elder  brother living alone in a suburb in here and building a new house is also in the list . When i cautioned him he answered saying he had done all his duties  and he was engaging himself in this activity to keep himself  busy in his retired life   and if that some one who is bent on going after my near ones wanted to do away with him since  he cannot do anything about it he will not flee back to delhi but continue with his work in here and asked me not to worry.He does me proud.the blood of our bold father and grandfathers run in his veins too.yet i cannot keep quiet about it and therefore  making the threat to his life public and hope the authorities take care of his safety.                                                                                         And why are conversations within my  family acted out for me to see and grasp and then play it out with deadly precision to the detriment of my family and friends life?who is so perverted but  at the same time is  cloaking  it into a holier than thou mantle?The kurals played could be for every body but it also could be for me specifically as well as the garbled ethics that is being played now .It is simply too preachy as well as threatening.

This reminds of the advise Chanakya gave Chandra gupta in 3 rd cent bc when c gupta could not defeat the powerful rulers of  india , the nandas  .Chanakya pointed out that c guptas startegy of directly attacking the enemy was being easily repulsed and to secure victory he must first attack  those living in the outskirts and then slowly and steadily proceed in, systematically destroying all support  to the ruler and victory would be his. c  gupta followed this advise and those who know history can guess the rest. This latest mode to put fear in me by threats to me and my family could be for two reasons.

1. to stop me .put an full stop to my existence.
                                                                                          2.to keep me away from taking part in public life either by writing or taking active  part in the party's activities .

An silver lining in these sordid episodes is that there is some one who wants to protect me and my family whilst there are others who are bent on finishing me and my family off.Their identity unknown.

so i have to blog this so the persons in charge will save the life of my hapless brother and ensure the safety of that Japanese woman who is also living alone and is old.

Authorities please act as quickly as possible and save both the  lives .  further since my house is like a broad casting station i kindly request the intels or those who can guess what is coming next without waiting for me to observe the events played and make a link to injury and death to my  family, friends  and circle  that may take place in future  to  inform authorities immediately [my processing is  slow] and save lives.