Unable to protect the one who protected me.

31.8.14----Sunday --written at 11.30am                                                                                                         Felt nauseous after bathing and dressing in the little light that .i suppose i have to stick to bathing dressing and relieving myself in darkness if i have to escape this casing work.the symptoms described before my brother 's  death is nearly similar to that of my brother- in- law.Gasping and rasping all night long and expiring on the next day.

When i think about this i feel frustrated and sad that i couldn't save my dear brother.A brother who had always protected me and given me good advise whenever i felt at the end of  my spirits and truthful and philosophical observations that would in a instant clear the fogginess in my mind and restore my spirits.
may be i am being selfish seeing the loss only from my selfish view point .What ever if the death is unnatural and before time the i  have been put a the guilt trap they  so much wanted to.But as  a person who has  not much control even of her own house and emotions but  do have  the luxury to point this out in words mirroring my frustration either in thought or speech or in writing  but do fear  the consequences  i have to face and    i have to shed tears quietly.
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