Youth's yearning for role models.

AS i walked back from the temple a lot of policemen were sitting outside bjp office.The middle aged ones studiously ignored me and i thought to myself ,they all know my condition but are indifferent to it and so glared at them when i spotted a tall young and straight policeman maybe reaching 30 years of age looking at me in sort of respect and admiration.Fresh face that reminded me of vid.

I mused as to why he let slip his real feelings towards me.he is a policeman not some ordinary person .So what made a tough young man do that so very naturally? it didn't seem to be put on.
Is it because i am  warding of pf's constant  attacks? is pf  some great person in their esteem?May be as a junior policeman he is in awe of hi senior[if that chap is a police m].Yet it didn't quite gel

Then it struck me that it could be my influence over politicians .He was recognising the political power i seem to wield though it is all in wraps.And i didn't campaign unlike those men and women on the posters or win a seat nor appear on TV constantly.[i haven't appeared even once]..Yet some sort of political power .If so then word has got around despite my solitary confinement.

Is it something to do with modi/bjp or jj  etc?The toughest of all and also won a huge mandate?
or was he aware of my putting India first in those days of terrible pressures and he appreciated it?

What ever ,if i was a role model for that young man in that event,then vid's efforts have fructified and am glad that one from my cynical age group has set an example for young and spirited men like him to not to lose trust in principles and encourage and infuse courage in them even if it is a little bit ,to take a stand if possible and not to be cowed down .

How very proud vid would have been of is mother.An weak and voiceless person as he knew of me turned unbelievably strong when things got tough.

ps. Went very cautiously to take chadari in ttd temple.The priest placed it gently unlike earlier times.change of political power? c.niadu taking over? good! i will not be humiliated in ttd temples hereafter.
no wonder cong fell.troubling me so insensitively and   arrogantly even in temples, the place of peace and worship.

Written on 30.5.14.---7.30.pm

Heard news at night that A.yadav--cm-- has suspended policemen involved in gang rape of two teen age girls in UP.

so diarist /indulgent mother sujata's  observation of youth is indispensable to political class  .Reeling under the fear of sponteneous gathering of highly networked youth  in city squares charged and outraged by seeing visuals that are repeatedly telecast on newschannels  , the fearful  political class who are clueless in dealing with such unorganised gatherings do need this bloogger /diarists assistance  viz observations on youth in ordinary walk of life  to deal with such tricky situations .This explains my plea for privacy falling on deaf ears.

simple all that politicians need to do is to go to the root of the problem ,the media houses that are creating such hysterias in impressionable and naive minds.Censor the media which is thriving  quite a lot by  chasing ambualnces and creating chaos in a orderly life by needling and instigating youth to take to the streets.
.
Times now is an  expert in this field so is toi news paper.it starts a campaign at a drop of a hat .

i have no problem with youth letting out their ire. only that it need not be stoked by media to such an extent that my unwitting capacity to either give an idea or to deal with it has made me a prisoner  in the hands of political class and people affected by it .i am caught and trapped

concluding excerpts from my diary of 30.5.14 1.30pm --friday.

Frankly change in govt has not changed my precarious and exploitative position in any way .King is dead .Long live the king!
Have been trapped and caught ,it seems for the rest of my life.

Who ever he is [my chief tormentor pf ] one thing is for sure, he is quite soft , no very soft on Nehru/gandhi dynasty.So cannot expect impartiality from this person .

Those who know who he is [in the main part of this diary i have written a long thesis speculating  at this person's  true identity ,will blog later] better be on guard if they truly are in the opposite camp of politics.

There are bound to be mischief's with his continued presence in here in these flats.

Saw news soon after that J.J has decided to meet the new PM.

Reel and real life gestures.-------written on 15.5.14 4.30 pm

Modi was always a distant figure in my life so far An cm of a faraway state.No emotional stirrings  either this way or that.Yet it is he who has interceded in my 2 most emotional periods of my life in recent times.[past 2 years]when i touched the lowest point ,literally when i was a mass of jangled nerves and nearly a total wreck.[which  was a week long trauma after effects of under going month long of painful dramas ]

First when 2/3 rd of my confidence was shattered after that two month long thunderous humiliation ,it was modi who wrote a blog saluting individual activists[at the height of anna movt] when no one  that is those i would normally associate with courage and compassion did or showed the scantest regard to my existence .I guessed that it was for me .It was an immediate recognition of my fighting spirit and will power  in his own macho way but the miserable condition i was then, it took me a long while to appreciate this recognition .

Second low was when i felt terribly lonely, abused and discarded after i determined to stand out the ordeal and stood it to keep the munificent pact with russ,it was modi who publicly by taking 2 oaths that were definitely culled from my inatl diary was sending the message that even if he was aware or could be involved in the torment he recognised my  spirit  that put country's welfare before self and was thus extending moral support in his own  patriotic way at a time i needed it most

Maybe the flood of tear of relief after a week later was because at least one atma recognised my contribution .And now it dawns upon me that modi was that atma , the conqueror of millions of hearts and future pm of  this great and sacred country!

30.5.14.   10 am
The above gestures are in reel [net] life  though at a point both the shadows  and real life did merge but in real open life for all to see  was i substituted by smriti rani?
In one of my early morn diary writing i had written about my day dream of contesting against sg in her constituency with modi bhai campaigning for his sister [me] to avenge her humiliations at their hands and making me [and another blogger win ]win with the sound   of vande mataram rending the sky.
come to think of it s.r does bear some physical resemblance to me as i did look like that in my late thirties .
Did that induce n. bhai to experiment it in real life?

Would any normal citizen /person believe what i am alluding to?That i am the ghost writer of several scripts that actually played out by politicians in the poll arena of the largest democracy in the world for the past 2 years?With the much feted left adapting it for violent acts and the much maligned right ,for non violent ones?

The above reaction is after i read an article put up on net about a 54 year old man refusing to sell lethal drugs to US which was published in Deccan chronicle  on 25.5.14 at 1 am by soumindra --.The basic frame work or layout of that article was suspiciously familiar to that of my diary writing on 24,5.14 10.30.am [which i published much later] over which lefts are slobbering with a slew of articles in similar vein .

Frauds ,cheats, looters of ideas  what moral basis have they all to publicise Smriti's  affadavits  acting holier than thou when journo and politicians on both sides are quite the same ,how ever  the rights as mentioned earlier are a shade or two, much ,much  better in their reactions and in confiscation of my ideas and experiences .
Published on 30.5.14--10.30.am

Raining money.---25.5.14. 10pm

The latest news that govt is getting back crores in Augusta deal .Again i am liking to my reactions to news which are yet to be blogged,yesterday i wrote that sg will naturally head Cong as she would be able to face corruption charges with ease with political power.

Why did Italy return the money? Were they afraid that next govt will pursue the case and therefore decided to bail out one of their own?I am alluding to sg because of news reports referring to family and AP ,that suggested their involvement.

Did Italy return coz of my inter natl diary in which i refer to sg's reason to be at helm?

If so to this govt that has tortured me so  i am its luckiest star .As they wind up i seem to make foreign countries like Russia, US   and Italy shower their munificence on them .OK our country and also bail out their high command from a tricky situation just by writing in a 25 rs note book ,but of course writing on and on like one demented, the result of screws being applied .

In This shower of gold my pick is that which was given by Russian president . the others are unwanted cover up money ,acquiring of  which is nothing  to be proud of .

When vidat created this blog for me way back in March or April 2007 it was his intention that i should make money out  of it in the strength of my knowledge experience and vocabulary  through advertisements .I haven't made a single paise out of it as i didn't want to and at same time couldn't spend my inheritance due to strict stranglehold over my activities or past 3years by the self serving political class and greedy and hungry  media..

Its obvious  that the blog which Vidat created for his mother has not led to her enrichment materially speaking but has enabled her to enrich the mother of all  of us  viz mother India.

It is a pity that no one  will ever acknowledge ,as this shower [ the one i liked] was the  result of  an operation that  was  so shrouded in intrigue, mystery and tragedy  that even the outgoing pm cannot take credit if he wants to for the fructification of his one and only pet project nor credit me for pulling it off .

i have still preserved the letter of appreciation sent by Indira Gandhi to me and my teen aged  friends for contributing rs 100 [a great sum those days] to the relief fund at the end of bangla desh war in 1971 but will not   have a  letter of  appreciation for securing 33 000crores rupees  , to nestle along side ,in a   time worn  leather bag as it can never be sent by  her d-i-l and her appointee .

Excerpts from my diary ---24.5.14 saturday --10 .30.am

Is this still an innatl diary? Does it matter? if it still is? Since all readers have read my innermost and most private thoughts ,just what is left to divulge or hide?
Yesterday as i relaxed for an afternoon nap after acclimatising to the heat wave sweeping in through the open widows  to catch up on my sleep that was totally lost yesterday night with a malfunctioning ac or deliberately controlled to push in the warmer air from the outside  coupled with the news that A.K has opted for jail against bail made me spare a thought about the condition tihar.[why should i  think of a fellow i have stopped sparing a thought since his ignominious faring in ls polls?--this realisation comes today and have  added it only today ---28.5.14  probably hypnotised that night]It must be unbearably hot in this mid summer  when temperatures are reaching 40 c and above.

of course it is a drama with an eye on election hoping for sympathy at his incarceration[or now to come to think of it the deliberate attempts of secularists either to take away the pre eminent importance of new Pm's swearing in when all eyes ought to be on him and not on a pesky neighbour's coming and going or  aman ki asha's  genuine efforts or two on one ,who know my pshycology well, to react and write something suitable? hope i am not giving them to much credit to somehow secure N.sahriffs attendance in oath of new pm .but one never knows with these shady operators relying heavily on delusional liberalism--realised earlier but  written on only today---28.5.14]So his condition didn't trouble me  but it made my thoughts fly back to the days when my grand father spent years in jail in similar and worseconditions sweating it out for the sake freedom for this country in his quest to drive away the Britishers.
Earlier in morn read an art in net by rights whose pet peeve is Nehru's acts and views that made a hotch potch of Indian foreign policy,economy and his reluctance to admit to his Hindu brahmin heritage and over emphasis on appeasement in his concept of secularism.
Yes what they often rant is right but the fact is he also agitated for freedom against the British occupation and he also sacrificed his family[tho much.much smaller in comparison to my g.fathers],luxurious life and spent year shut up in poky jails and bearing it all like my gf ,by nursing the hope of freeing this ancient sacred land from the clutches of western men with a totally different mind set and culture and then chart a new developmental course for the country both he and my gf and so many others loved and cherished deep within their hearts.
Then i all of a sudden i felt a stab of regret and was quite moved to tears when i realised that in a ironic twist of fate the grand -dil- /g.g.son of that man who wanted British out used me the g.daughter of another man who was his contemporary and shoulder at arms as well  to facilitate the entry of US an Western power to gain entry into India under the cover of that UN act that likes to 'sensitise' policemen  handling sexual harassment cases .

To me security/law and order is a sovereign power of a country which must never be compromised.
And i the transistor g.daughter of that man who sacrificed everything to see to that the Britishers left our country unwittingly helped the g.dil[who unlike me knew of that deal secured for her personal freedom].of another too well known a person who struggled with similar aim to secure her release from US courts[this news i by luck saw as sticker running in only one news channel--news x ,this news hasn't come in any other news tv , net or papers that i read', a total black out] to allow that top most western power in the world like BR was in their heydays, say 70 years back to get a foot hold in India.

i didn't mind  sg  securing  her release only that it should not have been through me employing shady tricks with that anti national bargain ,by which i feel that i let down the ordinary people of  India many  of whom  who love and protect their wives, sisters and daughters and wouldn't want foreigner to do it for them
secondly it has also mocked at the e sacrifises made by our ancestors   mine and rg's [apart from others] to cleanse this land of western domination .

I post poned writing this feeling of betrayal as i know that Cong is meeting after a terrible disaster in the elections though it was sg, rg, + libs who were subjecting to unwarranted torture for past 3 years to provide emotional evidence when all they needed was to ask me straight away to help ,if they were really banking upon me to know the pulse and perceptions of this nation  instead of resorting to humiliating me and every one in my family as well as relatives .90 % of my family are for Cong, from Cong and vote for Cong.
so i concluded that it as nothing but arrogance of power and money and a different mind set unlike the Indian mind set and the tendency to look down upon such a mind set , culture. history and even religion that made them resort to this delusional control.

As i sat up in the terrace enjoying the cool sea breeze and watching mars that is slowly losing its size and brightness[no longer near earth i suppose] i debated with myself whether i should take the pleasure of rubbing the nose of rg to dirt when nearly most of his own party men were doing it and have my sweet revenge for past humiliations or hold on .Decided to hold on since at the end of the day he is the g.g.son of Nehru and for all the rights damnation , Nehru is a tall leader .further he was a colleague/brother at arms of my gf , though  nehru may not have jelled with my gf's otrthodox views ,he accommodated him .my father was a great fan of nehru but our two-mine and rg's  connection is through the freedom fighters.So decided not to write something or nothing at all which may damage his prospects when the entire lot is in such a low spirits and cause further dissent.So didn't.Felt free and spoke over the cell.[may be i was put under pressure to write what a section of cong --maybe the modern pro development group wanted and i fought it off as i didn't have the heart  to kick a person who was shadowily a part of my life , our past linkage,who was at crest of power for past 3 years, when he was down and under whilst i did it fearlessly  that is  expressing my view point &critisims of some of his and his mothers policies[never attacked them personally ],when he was in a high]


Today after going through the net articles i grasped the angst of younger party members of cong and it is that which made me decide to write this .They are all talented , educated and capable young men wanting to serve the country.Just why shouldn't they be allowed to take over ? .

To hell with nehru's dynasty.It is no longer the original dynasty.Why shouldn't cong i knew once .,not make a comeback dislodging the westernised trio,who are seeing India from  a typical western view point viz--lambads, tribals, sc's minorities , caste , ill liberals etc and are not in the least proud of the developments , modernisations that are taking place or of the institutions, many of which nehru himself laid the foundations
Hope the patriotic , modern educated and culturally conscious youngsters not ashamed of their Indian origin and background like scindia and others will not have their dreams and hopes crushed at the prospect of cong vanishing into dust with the continuation of a indifferent leadership that muddied the prospects further by tilting too too openly in favour of minorities just for votes and upsetting the majority centrist in the process without any tangible benefits for both or from both .The simple logic is if a Hindu leader like nehru hugged and kissed minorities it was seen as secular but if a minority leader like sg did it is seen as communal in a country populated by hindus,Frankly to survive she and rg ought to have been or appeared to be more hindu than a hindu..Doesn't imran an anglo pak bend himself to appear more muslim than a muslim?politics, keeping in touch with ground level realities..

Actually i have written all this in my blogs long long back and got punished every time i did ,but who can wake a man who is pretending to sleep?

since i have decided to let it out whether any thing happens or not this is my view,
The ghan family is not in sync with the aspirations and ordinary values of a vast majority f populace which is youthful and center rights not ashamed of being a hindu and are not aggressively hindu either.
They are not bothered about rights, this right , that right but something concrete --like money earned from a job and to spend it for  a better standard of living .They do not find any thing wrong in various institutions only that there should be no corruption .
Finally i shed a few tear for the state of cong 2 year back itself .Actually am not bothered any more. But the boisterousness from my flat residents have vanished[prob all are cong] and there is a funeral like atmosphere in here as well as on tv with journos and anchors  fuming in frustration and that has in a way made me write this.
If at all the grand old party has to survive  and become inclusive and regain its meritocracy  the white Moguls have to let go.
Definitely i have written this under nudging as other wise i wouldn't bother ,but it is my real view .I can be even more truthful but it would be too harsh on the g's and their educated minority fans and pseudo secularists and libs.

TV news at 12.30 pm N.Sharieff has accepted Modi's invitation and is visiting India at his oath taking ceremony.good news.
2.15.pm.
oh my god ! Is this still an international diary?Did N. sharif decide to visit  after reading mt diary writing in the morn? .It is a good result no doubt.[i am guessing it is do with my genuine feeling of  regret of letting  down ordinary Indians by letting  US in to do the policing]

But if it was due to my diary writing that is enabling foreign policy and diplomacy this may tempt the new M --modi and co  to continue with this arrangement viz views of a ordinary citizen and i hope that modi and co are confident enough to chart their own foreign policy , tackling civil society etc on their own and not rely shadowily upon my life and writings.

This ordinary business has become so extra ordinary i past 2-3 years that my ordinary life has gone for a toss and i Am very keen on getting back as quickly as possible to my ordinary life .

I wrote my diary at 10 30 only by keeping cong's future in mind though i was watching debates on impending visit of n.s with interest.

If this piece has  in any way influenced the visit ,the new PM must overcome any temptation to use me clandestinely as was and is being done.

I am fed up with this extra ordinary life of a ordinary person and am rearing , thirsting and hoping to get back to my mundane  ordinary  oh so heavenly life  of sloth and slumber, shopping and cleaning, going on pilgrimages, planning festival and ceremonies, reading good books, good articles and listening to music ,to sleep soundly without those glaring  watch tower lights  ,watch films on TV and net &comp-away away from all this unwanted attention
when ever i feel strongly about something or react to news i will automatically come on net and blog or tweet it  but politicians must have it in them [if not 282 is laughable] not to tamper with my privacy or allow it to be  invaded to either  further their agendas or not pay heed to my constantly admonishing and requesting them to take note of and act suitably out of sheer indifference. If not if 44 is laughable and contemptible so is 282.

Interact with the honourable PM.

I went to the site but was either prevented from typing my request  fully or there was some error in it .So i am typing out my request in this blog hoping Sri Modi would see it and take due action .

Respected Sri N.Modi,
Kindly accept my congratulations on becoming the PM of this great land and people .
 The news papers today revealed your eagerness to communicate with people directly through the Internet  and your sincere quest to redress their grievances.This has encouraged me to petition to you directly so that  my grievance would be redressed immediately.
 My flat  is bugged all over with hidden audio receivers and cameras whose electrical feed is in the control  of residents of flat which is immediately above mine as well as in few adjacent houses .
I have this habit of writing my diary nearly on a daily basis and also blog my views and reactions to news items in this blog..
This may have led to my being constantly watched even in my most private moments .As a woman it is terribly humiliating..My direct verbal confrontations with my harassers[it was precisely at this juncture that i was unable to type further] have yielded no results.As also my petitions to authorities.

So i request your honourable self the Pm of India to order the clean sweep of my house ,remove all the gadgets prying into the privacy of my legally acquired house and warn my neighbours to desist from constantly provoking me with intention of making me  write what they want  or make me  react caustically  which could cause unnecessary mischief .As also ask them not to poke their nose  in my day to day life so that i and my family can regain our peaceful enjoyment of our house and environment like any other normal Indian citizen.

My son's marriage is upcoming and i can't imagine putting the young bride in such a  perverse situation knowing fully well about the constant presence of hidden cameras in every room of my flat.that seems to have direct access to media world wide .I am unable to entertain guests and relatives for the same reason.
This is an honest request of a citizen of India and the genuine grievance of a  woman  harassed by neighbours and their political masters and  friends.
Hoping for immediate action .
Thanking you ,
                  yours faithfully,
                            k.c.sujata
address; K.C.Sujata w/o T.R. Venkatesan A.5. Srinandan apartments No 22 Dr Thomas road T nagar Chennai.

telephone--24357084, 9884580783

Celeberation of democracy.-- 26.5.14.--6am

Was woken up with a start .now at 5 am by that morbid sound of bells chiming and announcement of time like as if in final count down and followed by a kural and its explanation.all of which has been going on for past 3 days.
Definitely i wrote my diary at 10 pm yesterday [haven't reproduced,maybe later]  like as if the whole world is on my shoulders because of an irresistible urge .That is my  right side of the brain felt squeezed with electronic or some such waves several times yesterday.The works from above and it finally paid off by my writing something in this time the reaction to a interview of a journo on tv about the reasons for defeat of Cong.

I gave in because there is  no nefarious deal to my notice, that could be sealed

OK the kural today was --if there are 2 enemies it does one good to choose one of them .this made me write this feeling it was directed against me, before i forget its messaging.

So i have 2 enemies politically.Cong and bjp.and i have to choose one.well i already did when i joined bjp last June and stuck to it fighting off suggestions to resign that came coupled with the  indifference shown by that party[maybe many in there couldn't stomach my being too frank and my  lack of motivations] to my plight.And i am still sticking to it .not for posts etc , just that i can identify with bjp's ideologies than with any other party .That is all .And in my own personal experience for the past 3 years out of the two evils cong  is worse  evil as that chattisgarh incident revealed to me and became the turning point  in my life and forced  made me to take a side when i was keen on maintaining my equidistance from both parties . Cong's idealogy is fuzzy, it seem to resort to  band aids to fix problems as when they arise  .
But being its member doesn't mean that it as license to control my private life .not a slave.what applies to cong also applies to bjp in this matter and i expect and naturally demand that the constant monitoring  of me and others in my own house without my or my hubs permission as well when i go out be removed and ,make me feel that i live in a democratic country and not in a totalitarian one  .I had always felt that i did live in a democratic country till all this started in full steam ,to my knowledge in 2012 April though i am sure it was going on without my eyes being forcibly opened to it in 20 12 , even much much earlier.

The sun has risen as a reddish orange ball at the horizon .an rare treat after a long long time.
5pm

As the tv's are running a non stop commentary on the run up to the  oath taking by new PM Modi, it makes me chafe at the pettiness and pique shown by nearly all the secularists and am appalled at their hoity toitiness since not one has come forward to congratulate this man whole heartedly  not only at his stupendous efforts , capacity and success  but are also being blind to the fact that his very election to the top most post is what the founding fathers of the constitution  and  democracy in India envisaged and dreamt of --treating all equally and granting every one and any one equal opportunity in the say and running this great nation breaking away from very many  shackles of past  like caste, religion , class ,lineage etc.In a way i to belong to that supercilious group[partly] but i at least realise and acknowledge this feat and made sure to congratulate sri modi on the day of his victory itself .Am glad that i registered my emotions immediately.The continuing indifference of the self styled secularites does prick me.

And didn't modi prove me right of what i have been harking all along ,by prostrating  himself in the parliament before the portraits of all those who sacrificed a lot and made it possible for a man of ordinary family, means  , and native thinking but with more than ordinary  capacity and ability and commitment to be elected  to the top most post?
When he choked at the speech in Parliament overwhelmed by emotions it brought to my mind that Tamil song i heard on may ist  early in the morn.

yenno radha indh poramai yaar dhan azhgilmayangadhavara?

Radha! why this jealousy? Just who in the world will not be fascinated by beauty?

Excerpts from my diary ---25.5.14.--12.30.pm

Yesterday night had a terrific fight with venk at his being totally brain washed into thinking that it i i who is imagining things due to lack of attention and his adamancy in recognising even a shred of truth i what i have been saying for past 2 yeas.
I blew my fuse at the thought , what if the incoming govt also continues with this delusional control to score some benefits  and points in foreign policy , civil society matters, etc?Most Indian  men do not have th concept of privacy .it is ok for male.but what about a female? how can i bring a young woman as a bride if her every move will be watched by perverts, young, middle and old and getting unholy pleasures at the nuptials etc?
some how i put up with this humiliation .had to.since no one cooperated .be it family members  or police or political party-bjp or EC.put up because of my age 56  and have ,experienced too many blows in life.But why should i compromise an young trusting bride's  privacy with entire life before her or her families  privacy?
so wrote a caustic blog and tweet that if  bjp and aidmk continued with this shady set up they will be betraying the trust of the terrific mandate they both got i recent polls.it will show them as lacking in confidence.
I thought and pondered as to how to get out of this tricky situation and that made me more angry .it is so frustrating.
Read news that A.jait wasn't too happy with too much hype around N;shariffs visit by media since it could eclipse modi's day .true.But whose brain wave was this invite? It is suspiciously like the converse of my petition to modi requesting him to shift away all offending neighbours ,etc -refer to -earlier blog .Just who acted upon it?
Now latest news is that govt is getting back crores of rs in the Augusta deal .Again i am linking this to my reactions to news which are yet to be blogged  viz yesterday i wrote that sg will naturally head Cong as she would be able to face corruption charges with ease with political power.

since this chap on the black scooter entered my life ,terrific electoral gains have been reaped by modi/bjpand j.j's aidmk and terrific electoral losses have been suffered by sg& rg s cong and stalins dmk.

He should be garlanded by former 2 and thrashed by he latter 2 ,Just who is he?

The govt , imbeciles have in a way benefited by his entry mainly due to my will prevailing over his dark, unpatriotic and dirty will.

Stark truth.

Whenever i feel strongly or react to some news i will automatically come on net and blog or tweet it  .The politicians the new one's must have it in them to not to tamper with my privacy or invade it on the specious ground of either liberalising my rightist views or gaining immediate access to  my reactions ,which has been wrongly  construed or  deliberately  tweaked and projected  as the real reaction of ordinary middle class Indian/Hindu woman so as  to further their agendas.

If not,if a low  44  is laughable and contemptible then so is a full  282 or 39.

Invite to SAARC in new PM's take over on- May 26 th 2014.

Brilliant !In a deft stroke not only the unwarranted fears of our neighbours  have been doused but also our age old ties with all our neighbours have been reaffirmed and renewed.
If this  invitation  is reciprocated  whole heartedly there is every chance of peace and prosperity  for all those millions upon millions  inhabiting this sub continent.

Excerpts from diary--13.5.14. 7 am

The sun has started to scorch and it has heated me and the environs around so much that i find it sitting on the floor more endurable and healing than sitting on a chair.
The sun is peeping through the sacred leaves of the fig tree and as i watch those tiny leaves with a individulaity of its own flapping in the early morning breeze which is still cool from the left overs of last nights  condensation the nagalinga tree in the park comes to my mind.

I have been walking in that park for the whole of last week to wear  ,tire and divert  me so that i will not be tempted to write even a single word which may trigger a cascade which might provoke the desperate psuedo secularists to undertake gory missions or any other perveted projects to stop the march of psuedo communalists in the final week of the on going general elections.

I observed on 9 th ,that the nagalinga tree's green leaves were slowly turning saffron and the ground beneath was carpeted thickly with ripe saffron leaves ,shed by the tree, whilst pink flowers in profusion had blossemed in full size and were spreading its sweet scent .

I decided to wait till the entire tree turned saffron to write my diary but broke my resolve yesterday after the final elections came to an pecaeful end and here i am at my compulsive writing.

After i wrote and blogged that provocative and controversial piece on how my skin crawls etc i wrote a lot of diary till 6 th which kept me too occupied to go and visit the net. And then i felt a tremendous presure to blog those diary pieces specially the may 6th one  which clearly holds bjp taitorous to its own foot soldiers working for its electoral gain in UP  ,by joining  with cong to secure sg's release by showing their own party men and loyalists as illiberal louts . Or i was supposed  to  write something creative .

The other pieces from may 1 st were also damaging to other political parties  secular credentials and i realised that i was virtually sitting on a time bomb that could  probably damage bjp/modi most.

The usual guilt trap of the killings of illegal migrants in assam was was foisted over me  and i had to fight it.that is publish may 6 th diary to avert further violence , an super imposed image of a humanitarian , the conscience of the nation.If i wanted a strong govt in centre[ . got tired of weak, disspirited and fractious govts] and even if bjp was in the list of my tormentors i decided to hold out ,if possible till may 22 nd and allow the' illiberals 'of bjp to help the' liberal 'bjp to win decisively.

from past experience i know that my 'controversial'[imaginative] writings never provoke or encourage the illliberal rights  to do gory acts but only play out harmless dramas whilst they tend to give ideas or provide the cover for libs, secular politicians  well crafted and pre planned missions to go about thier dirty businesses.
So i decided not to write even a single word till the elections got over.I also reasoned that the real players out there have staked a lot of money ,energy, ambitions etc in this huge process , a political one and i had no business to cause confusion by just sitting and writing in my house.

If there was violence it was for the real players to bear the brunt or carry the cross .

Amazingly this election hasn't witnessed any.I remember that in every general elections there could be clumps of killings up north running in double digits in and around the election booths itself and that would make me wonder as to how contradictory it was to concept of democracy.

In that week i also smelt another trap being laid over me .That of being a champion of human rights  in global level to bring  powerful men across the globe, to heel ,Probably after the andaman trinagle incident my stock has also risen world wide.

Again i found it churlish and indigestible to interfere in diplomacy of countries that their elected leaders are scripting for their people..

This is a power which i can very well do without An power that would would only make me a pawn in the hands of  libs and politicians [.Like that poor kid malala ]..Who would continue to use me to score over their rivals  in here by projecting me as a international figure,with power and influence across the globe and to 'secularise' the illliberals.Another well scripted role.

I am just guessing ,may be obama sent men to nigeria after i wrote that may 6 th piece  but decided against going against his diplomacy when i refused to publish that piece.

It is quite odd.When my entire house is under control ,what prevents those in control to publish whatever piece that would suit their interests?I wouldn't even know of it .Even if i did would they care ?How come suddenly propriety comes only in this matter? or is it to make me realise my sins and repent for them?Just what is my sin?To be myself? An ordinary hindu developing an extra ordinary interest in Hinduism?An ordinary indian  trying to fight for my right to privacy and freedom of expression?
just when did these two become a sin in india?

There are millions like me ,only they donot have a vehicle like my blog or vocabulary or the drive[my son's untimely death] to express their interest in their faith which could be any religion--like i do .And i happen to be hindu .That is all.

Since i didnt publish i was being pressurised to make a symbolic gesture .Visit ghandhi statue in marina beach [robot and a group of womn mouthed it] and then pay a cheque for renewal of a  sri vaishnavaite religious journal by 1 pm yesterday --the last day of elections in UP ,bihar etc [again robot was suitably needled to vociferously persuade me to sign at least the cheque] .
iF i did both i will appear as a non violent conservative having influence over violent conservatives. I clearly do not want this role .I didn't go the beach.I didnt want to sign the cheque before elections got over either .

.How ever under boisterous persuasion of venk i nearly did .As this is only an illusion how could it provoke pseudosecularists to act who may not like my partiality and wreak mayhem? What if they did? Even in illusion and what if illusion merged with reality? Would i stomach the guilt ? never.hence i decided to pay for the mag next week around and didn't sign that cheque.

Again by writing the above para i am risking the trap of being labelled as a human rights activist . I am not a human right activist.i did this, that is excersised control over myself in the battle of wills, so as not to interfere in the democratic political process.
So international and national human rights activists viewers with hidden agendas  get off my back .

The presures --
1. my head felt extraordinarily jumbled up and i had to clear it by hearing to repeated  chanting of Hare rama Hare krishna .
2.Then my left tooth started to ache then it morphed into a cold with fever, body pain cough and running nose.
3, then as the fever left my left arm felt like  a log of wood and had such a terrific pain that i couldnt lift it for 3 -4 days
It left only yesterday morning.
I suppose those who know pshycho  and presure tactics may be able to decipher the above symptoms.I am guessing that these manifested becuase i refused to obey the sub conscious commands given to me under hypnosis

Excerpts from diary --6 th may --17 may.

I am finally blogging the May 6 th diary  till its logical conclusion to 17 the may.Something prevented me from blogging it and i suffered tooth ache , headaches and fever cold and felt my hands go wooden for a couple of days , probably the result of my refusing to submit to presurre tactics to come on net and publish it or write something in my diary .That something is the lack of  my real and truthful view in the un/us gift to delhi and therefoe i kept postponing it.It cleared only on 17 th .I am producing all the contents to the benifit of commoners  which the oligarchs have already read .and made use of .

6 may tuesday --10.30.am.

My parents wedding day .A quiet morn as chanter has left for monthly trip to the 7 hills.
The news in hindu that ukraine was pressing ahead coz of imf is holding back rest of aid till it gains control of En ukr caught my eyes + that ukr was pressing nationalists to assit it.

Didn't Kerry rave and rant about these nationalists misdoings in geneva accord speech?Something clicked and i felt nauseous I had the cake and also eaten it .Something in my genes that puts india first?
In that triangle i botched it and then withstood the presurres and secured the nuclear deal for the present govt that is for people of india
In the third episode tonsure of tormentor + kasi blog i thought i had lost and had let americans in to cretae chaos  when illiberal fascists etc etc --the labels stuck on modi and co takes over next and stop our development .I nearly cried and called obama a chimp out of anger and frustration .
Now that i have sort of unravelled the cold diplomacy that un + us aid for prtection of women in delhi may have been a bonanza to next govt which all have decided to be of bjpso as to counter china's aid arms to maoists [if not how can poor tribals have so many arms?] by tackling the menace to peace and development effectively.
If so i have not on;y helped the govt that is leaving but also that is said to take power and most importantly to people of india.

Why should i bother about india, india etc could be because i am a hindu and feel deeply that every inch of this land is sacred and all its inahabitants specially hindus whether they hate me or like me or  are different from me are my relatives .My religion teaches me that i must a dip in ganga and in rameswaram at least once in my life time .Where on earth can one find the ganges at kasi and the sea at rameswaram?If not in bharat /india?
On the day of marriage my father was a young man of 21 and was already wedded to communist ideals whilst my mother a girl of 15 was already wedded to Indian nationalism and the freedom movt.

12.30.pm--
Had my gf been alive, he an hindu nationalist would have condemned the delay in release of bjp's manifesto that enabled an hindu woman to be tortured so as to turf out an european.
Had my father an commie  been alive he would have reacted imme to the news of gunnig down of bangla deshi migrant muslims with' poor souls' and wouldn't have wiated for a day or two to express it as commies did.
my view--India is not a waste paper basket .stop and send back the illegal mus migrants and not the persecuted hindu migrants--where else  will  hindus go if not to india?But not by violence and killings but by peaceful methods.
And who wouldn't feel sorry for life talken? That young girl swathy's life snuffed away by cowards in morn of may 1 and of others at night in the games that politicians play.i have pieced the bloody plot with help of tv debates and news items and the timing of such items .but i am not divulging them not coz of fear but coz   it is all part of political games with which i want no truck.

15.5.14.
I still have this misgiving allowing U.S  a back door entry.Practically speaking the money is welcome to who ever governs delhi viz aap or bjp.  for freebies to ak and his separatist pals or for strengthening nationalist bjp.It is russian roulette .
My real view.--it doesneedle my self respect to allow a foreign power to gain a foothold on whatever excuse.
To the conservative right the society being illiberal so as to pave way for fgn intervention will be totally unaceptable.I feel sorry for all those idealistic innocent young rightist fans of mine that it was one of my blogs that facilitated this by staining and mocking at thier pride our society and its capacity to reform from within.

17.5.14  10 30 am Saturday.
My first reaction to un/us deal is correct .I didnt like US  gaining sly entry into india under the pretext of women protection.
I am ashamed that  it could have been my  writings of emotional reactions to tricks  and  my blog kasi that unwittingly did this.
I am also sorry for letting down all those ordinary  indians who take pride in thier society  and culture and believe that reforms in society should come from within just as i do and have the firm belief in our society and culture to correct itself  all the inequalities and injustises.

Maybe in the very first episode of devyani /sg it was this deal that was offered in return for release and i had succesfully countered then as well as in the next.

i am ashamed because i lowered my guard .If only i had been alerted and a even a tiny bit of support shown to me ,i wouldn't have let this happen, if at all .So the shame is not mine alone and the blame has to be borne by those who allowed it to happen,if at all they feel the prick of conscience at compromising nations pride and security..

Note :I am not ashamed of the emotions i displayed to the tricks played .They are real reactions and emotions to what was represented to me by tapping into my doubts and making use of the  out of the ordinary events in my secluded life.

Probable links to inatl happenings.

6 -7 may --us decides to help trace girls kidnapped by bokoharam with michelle found 'snuffing'[exact words in news ] of girls ambitions at education  unpalatable.

19 monday  putin decides to pull back from border of ukr and asks ukr and rebels to sort it out..

My real reaction to the deal is, the diary writing of 17 th may .

Excerpts from my diary --3.5.14. 7.45.pm petition to Narendra bhai

I dint want to write but suddenly on watching the news that there would be a debate on Assam and role of modi and Cong .it struck me that this stupid diary being an international one[ have to swallow the bitter pill of lack privacy ,even poor Markel the Pres of Germany doesn't have it ,so where am i in the pecking order?] that i have to write to give my view as news unfold tho' i am in receiving end of both Cong and bjp .O.K this is it.Saw news in morn that 25 were killed in Assam and the q that arose in me was it a reaction to Modi's speech and i replied aloud  [the audios can pick it] 'not necessarily' .Assam has a long history of riots and a shourie wrote about it way back in 1990'and suggested to keep the illegal bangla Desi migrants away and predicted that if govt didn't act the society would move in due to clash for spaces ,livelihood etc .So it is clearly Cong 's responsibility since it has been ruling on and on over there as well every where.it is not keeping them away.

So there, i have to clear it even in my diary.crazy. but i am doing so that i do not want to give a wrong one sided picture as events unfold.

If bjp comes to power  they must clean my house of medias cameras etc whether they are concerned about privacy rights or not .it is for their  viz--modi's good.

since this is a diary i ll write frankly and edit only when i blog .My reactions to news  varies from day to day .since there is a lynch mob out there in the wide world ,they would love my caustic views only on modi  because i must be seen as an illiberal/ordinary Hindu without any hero worship.

Hence for modi's own good as well as mine as i have   got sick and tired of being  constantly pried upon [ .How can i even think of bringing a young bride into our house in such  a  perverse set up or entertain any relatives? ]that  he'd better remove the inter national  and national viewers from  my drawing room etc ,by removing the electric connection which is in upper floor residents control and all those hearing  and seeing devices and shift away and transfer all the constant provokers  viz the burkha clad house owner and co and other politically and pecuniary motivated  Hindus and Muslims who are all the original inhabitants ever since this flat was  first constructed in 2oo2 May or ask them to leave me alone to mind my business.
.
Further he can always  block my blogs but only  if it causes loss of lives , if at all, even if it could only  be  the unintended consequences of my blogging.

Nurturer.

J.Jayalalitha has proved beyond doubt that she is the all embracing  viz nurturing Amma of Tamilnadu.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Hope my wishes as well as the heartfelt wishes of  a vast multitude in here stands Amma in good stead in her tireless endeavour in nurturing us all  in future as well.

The conqueror of millions of hearts.

Narendra Modi bhai,you have done it! Achieved the impossible--the conquest of millions upon millions of hearts across this vast, ancient and sacred land.
Their yearnings are on your shoulders as well as their best wishes to stand you in good stead .I join them and wish you all the best in your endeavour in forging a new, bright and prosperous india .
May god who never seems to have deserted you be with you always.                                                   Congratulations and best wishes.
  .

Greetings to the fresh new dawn

close up of nagalinga tree and its pink flowers that are in full bloom which  are  spreading its tingling fragrance 

Nagalinga tree at  a park whose  leaves cover[--90%]  have  turned  to a pleasing saffron

Taken on May 16 at 7.30.am

Transistor----4.5.14.sunday 10.am

Yesterday i was made to wait for an assessment on my wrist watche/s worthiness . I glanced around .The room was crowded with middle class youngsters.Not one of them had black ink on their left index finger nor did those of same age group working inside the glass partitioned service room .

Is it indifference and cynicism or some underlying fear?That .once their votes become valuable there can also be such times when they or some of them can become expendables ,at the cost of their lives and liberties?Playing it safe.Wise kids.

My husband votes religiously , an middle class man with deep interest in politics and look where it has landed him--right into the hands of politicians some of whom he dislikes, hates and some of whom he adores and hero worships,who are all merrily ,without a jot of conscience are exploiting the ability, and ideas of a person he has sole claim over-viz his wife [me] by successful delusional control coupled with his powerlessness .

I  am  even more powerless except for the fact that my grand father 's MA iyengar's contribution to this nation is too great to be trifled with ,beyond a point.this is from my point of view.An view that evokes derisive laughter from my immediate family that finds it amusing that whilst the real descendants of Mk Gandhi the father of the nation ,a man of extraordinary stature are consigned to total anonymity  i must be reeling under grandiosity by clinging to such a  delusive and romantic belief.

My gf looked after me when i was a toddler  when he was the speaker of lok sabha ,since my mother couldn't handle two infants in a row as my brother was born within a year and quarter of my birth.When i was taken back after a period of 2 years or so my gf  unable to bear the separation named an transistor as 'sujata'  in my memory and would often ask his college going sons to fetch sujata --or hand it over to him whenever he  wanted to hear it .Be it news or songs.This practise of calling a transistor sujata continued even in his retirement since that particular transy was serviceable for a long time .This time around his grand sons who resented me and were jealous of the pride he took in my academic achievments had to fetch it.

I too hear  music and news from a transistor at bedtime and of late the songs played have meaning and so does their sudden interruption .

What a seer my gf was when he so aptly named that transistor sujata 54 years back.His pet has become a broad caster like that transy and also is clinging on to the transy and gets inputs and broadcasts rather narrow casts.
I have tied all the loose ends in the latest blood splattered politics.But i will not divulge it as no bloody politician is on my side and they would use me only as a pawn taking advantage of my useless fury and frustration .

note --evening news--Trilateral meeting between Australia, china and Malaysia in Australia over 370 airline's recovery.   

Excerpts from my diary --4.5.14

Proof of my inter national viewers .An article by David brooks of new york times published in Hindu yester day viz Saturday -may 3 --love story .It is exact replica ,with suitable substitutions to my situations etc,of my diary writing on may 1 of  6am and 8.30 am and my life for past 2 years.And i have not blogged it .

How ever the decision to publish it by Hindu is not for me but clearly  a political payback by commies to Cong .It is not humanitarian but purely political .

news .rg rules out alliance with left.

Excerpts from my diary---1.5.14 6am

Woke up at middle of night to hear the sound of garbage being cleared .a signal that my mind was cleared of those reading the thoughts whatever.Just what was achieved?No idea.Went back to sleep and woke up at 4 .wouldn't sleep.so heard the transistor.An song was hurriedly played --'yenno radha indha poramai jagam dhaan azhagil mayangadho?'  meaning radha why are you jealous ? Is there any one in this  world who is  not besotted and floored by beauty?[another sordid  attempt at delusional control]Sung very nicely . It was cut midway through when i ruminated over the inner meanings from my point of view.Why are so many jealous of me?which explains all these constant attempts at brain washing.If i have a inner beauty wont the world appreciate it?How can one stop beauty from being appreciated?

Whilst preparing morning coffee saw the wash clothes stained red .Oh punishment for asking why sg bloodied my hand.It didn't revolt me . i have seen worse. i replaced the hand towels with fresh ones .It also brought to my mind my bubs warning when i first reported about the teasing sounds etc that either the person doing it will kill me or i will do it ,2 year back!I took it lightly and laughed it away. But i was nearly killed wasn't i  when .the triangle failed,that night?
He also referred to Alistair McLean story in which a Father refuses to bow down to Nazi's terrific torture to give them a good certificate as his loyalty was to his faith .And he advised me to have faith to tide over this unbelievable chapter in my life which he also termed as vendetta against my grand father which has caught me and also observed that their seemed to double agents at play.Brilliant bub! How very correctly he put his fingers. He further explained that if one is on  a public platform even if it is only on the net one has to belong to a group as groupism is part and parcel of public life and one has to stick  to such groups and that charting a individual course is simply not acceptable . He also assured me that however smart the person tormenting me could be he would slip up one day or the other and asked me not to worry and carry on as usual by ignoring the taunts .

As i heard the hymn on sanat kumar -murugan the youth god next it was clear to me as to why i held out .My faith in sanat kumar alias vidat's unstinted support through out the ordeal as in life so in death, always on my side.
In life against all those who tried to put me down -family, relatives ,sales persons etc and after death when powerful heads of this country as well as in the world tried to put me down .He kept coming in my vision .Smiling and saying 'come on ma you can do it'.He gave me so much real strength when it mattered most that the strength the brain washers were and are trying to give so shallow and pseudo that it is laughable.
8.30.am
As i went for the morn walk after the early morn diary writings examples from our ancient history apart from the gyan imparted from pulp and pop fiction by my bub , came to my mind.Didn't koorath aazhwar refuse to divulge the where abouts of sri Ramanujar to the fanatic saiva king and also refused to bow before him and had his eyes gorged out as a price for his  loyalty  and faith?Didn't battar the keeper of sri rangam temple preferred to stand and and defend the deity within from Turkish marauders rather than flee and thus lost his life?
The temple gate were open after along long time.The syrupy secularists have offered me a carrot ,maybe for mentioning the faith of a christian father. .It touched me so much that i wished i had wings that could make me fly back to my house immediately and write the communal examples from our ancient history and await the stick.
For the first time after a long period a van with lotus flag drove by.

The general elections --2014

A grand , collosal and hugely expensive and a long winding Indian wedding has come to a nice and peaceful end.
Will a Indian ever miss a chance of participating in festivities?Be it a villaga fair or a marriage,to have fun , socialise and to splurge money?
We all have done just that ,in one of the grandest weddings that had its moments of tiffs and brushes,partook the best of the dishes/speeches from a sumptious buffet and heard the music in each persons heart as they looked forward to the d day and queued up happily and expectantly to gift the power each one was bestowed with to empower the candidates with confdence and interest  in the upcoming new status and the long journey ahead .
 The general elections of 2014 has finally come to an end. what a relief !
                                                           The reason behind my enormous relief  is  that i have never ever before in my life have gotten so involved in politics as deeply i was this time which was mainly due to deployment of persuasive methods viz delusional control-- viz soft violence ,soft or hard it was violence neverthless, for the past 2 years. 

written on 12.4.14.---6.30.pm