Excerpts from my diary---1.5.14 6am
Woke up at middle of night to hear the sound of garbage being cleared .a signal that my mind was cleared of those reading the thoughts whatever.Just what was achieved?No idea.Went back to sleep and woke up at 4 .wouldn't sleep.so heard the transistor.An song was hurriedly played --'yenno radha indha poramai jagam dhaan azhagil mayangadho?' meaning radha why are you jealous ? Is there any one in this world who is not besotted and floored by beauty?[another sordid attempt at delusional control]Sung very nicely . It was cut midway through when i ruminated over the inner meanings from my point of view.Why are so many jealous of me?which explains all these constant attempts at brain washing.If i have a inner beauty wont the world appreciate it?How can one stop beauty from being appreciated?
Whilst preparing morning coffee saw the wash clothes stained red .Oh punishment for asking why sg bloodied my hand.It didn't revolt me . i have seen worse. i replaced the hand towels with fresh ones .It also brought to my mind my bubs warning when i first reported about the teasing sounds etc that either the person doing it will kill me or i will do it ,2 year back!I took it lightly and laughed it away. But i was nearly killed wasn't i when .the triangle failed,that night?
He also referred to Alistair McLean story in which a Father refuses to bow down to Nazi's terrific torture to give them a good certificate as his loyalty was to his faith .And he advised me to have faith to tide over this unbelievable chapter in my life which he also termed as vendetta against my grand father which has caught me and also observed that their seemed to double agents at play.Brilliant bub! How very correctly he put his fingers. He further explained that if one is on a public platform even if it is only on the net one has to belong to a group as groupism is part and parcel of public life and one has to stick to such groups and that charting a individual course is simply not acceptable . He also assured me that however smart the person tormenting me could be he would slip up one day or the other and asked me not to worry and carry on as usual by ignoring the taunts .
As i heard the hymn on sanat kumar -murugan the youth god next it was clear to me as to why i held out .My faith in sanat kumar alias vidat's unstinted support through out the ordeal as in life so in death, always on my side.
In life against all those who tried to put me down -family, relatives ,sales persons etc and after death when powerful heads of this country as well as in the world tried to put me down .He kept coming in my vision .Smiling and saying 'come on ma you can do it'.He gave me so much real strength when it mattered most that the strength the brain washers were and are trying to give so shallow and pseudo that it is laughable.
8.30.am
As i went for the morn walk after the early morn diary writings examples from our ancient history apart from the gyan imparted from pulp and pop fiction by my bub , came to my mind.Didn't koorath aazhwar refuse to divulge the where abouts of sri Ramanujar to the fanatic saiva king and also refused to bow before him and had his eyes gorged out as a price for his loyalty and faith?Didn't battar the keeper of sri rangam temple preferred to stand and and defend the deity within from Turkish marauders rather than flee and thus lost his life?
The temple gate were open after along long time.The syrupy secularists have offered me a carrot ,maybe for mentioning the faith of a christian father. .It touched me so much that i wished i had wings that could make me fly back to my house immediately and write the communal examples from our ancient history and await the stick.
For the first time after a long period a van with lotus flag drove by.
Whilst preparing morning coffee saw the wash clothes stained red .Oh punishment for asking why sg bloodied my hand.It didn't revolt me . i have seen worse. i replaced the hand towels with fresh ones .It also brought to my mind my bubs warning when i first reported about the teasing sounds etc that either the person doing it will kill me or i will do it ,2 year back!I took it lightly and laughed it away. But i was nearly killed wasn't i when .the triangle failed,that night?
He also referred to Alistair McLean story in which a Father refuses to bow down to Nazi's terrific torture to give them a good certificate as his loyalty was to his faith .And he advised me to have faith to tide over this unbelievable chapter in my life which he also termed as vendetta against my grand father which has caught me and also observed that their seemed to double agents at play.Brilliant bub! How very correctly he put his fingers. He further explained that if one is on a public platform even if it is only on the net one has to belong to a group as groupism is part and parcel of public life and one has to stick to such groups and that charting a individual course is simply not acceptable . He also assured me that however smart the person tormenting me could be he would slip up one day or the other and asked me not to worry and carry on as usual by ignoring the taunts .
As i heard the hymn on sanat kumar -murugan the youth god next it was clear to me as to why i held out .My faith in sanat kumar alias vidat's unstinted support through out the ordeal as in life so in death, always on my side.
In life against all those who tried to put me down -family, relatives ,sales persons etc and after death when powerful heads of this country as well as in the world tried to put me down .He kept coming in my vision .Smiling and saying 'come on ma you can do it'.He gave me so much real strength when it mattered most that the strength the brain washers were and are trying to give so shallow and pseudo that it is laughable.
8.30.am
As i went for the morn walk after the early morn diary writings examples from our ancient history apart from the gyan imparted from pulp and pop fiction by my bub , came to my mind.Didn't koorath aazhwar refuse to divulge the where abouts of sri Ramanujar to the fanatic saiva king and also refused to bow before him and had his eyes gorged out as a price for his loyalty and faith?Didn't battar the keeper of sri rangam temple preferred to stand and and defend the deity within from Turkish marauders rather than flee and thus lost his life?
The temple gate were open after along long time.The syrupy secularists have offered me a carrot ,maybe for mentioning the faith of a christian father. .It touched me so much that i wished i had wings that could make me fly back to my house immediately and write the communal examples from our ancient history and await the stick.
For the first time after a long period a van with lotus flag drove by.
posted by K.C. Sujata at
10:35 PM
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