Pale face and co the people cookers hand held by ppt's.

Thanks to my brother 's observation that KGB ,CIA etc used ultra sound waves in mental tortures to extract information in my last visit to his house that led me to look it up in the Internet after lapse of several weeks owing to the mental rut i had fallen into.

what i read fits exactly, each and every aspect and detail given lucidly in those articles, into the form of' evidence less' excessive intrusion into my privacy i was and am being subject to.The pale face and co are people cookers who use electronic gadgets aided by willing gangs, to ruthlessly to do so .An  part of the secret services acting at the behest of sick and crooked politicians.

It is not ultrasound waves but radio waves similar to microwaves  or cell phones in hand held or mounted gadgets which was used very lavishly at the first instance during my interrogation that of making me hear loud and thunderous noises [having earlier observed that i was sensitive to loud noises] ,only by me as such waves can be individually targeted and making others around me  even in the next room believe that i was delusional [hearing sounds which they didn't or worse schizophrenic scaring them away].
I suppose that my knee problems that developed all of a sudden, tooth ache for which i under went root canal surgery were all due to targeted emissions from these gadgets that can pierce neighbouring walls ,floors, ceiling , carried out in a sustained manner  over the year and preceding it .As well as my husband'.s sudden heart condition .He is still under medication but of course in the manner of these perverted operations, is totally unaware of the connection.
The headaches, coughs, hiccups and burning sensations --tiny pricks at my exposed body parts whilst 'grooming' me which i had thought was the result of male gazing was actually the courtesy of these gadgets that pale face and co the 'people cookers' used first to rape my mind and then to keep me in check .It was also and is still being used on my family members as well.

I read a lot of articles and blogs on this subject thanking all of them, total strangers  a hundred times wholeheartedly for bringing into public knowledge  such unbelievably perverted usage of technology by secret services or maybe by some fanatic groups and  thus clear away the fogs troubling me and penetrating the thick  screen of secrecy and deceptions woven around me. .

I' d like to voice what one blogger who like me has personally experienced all this  had to say .that the politicians who are turning a blind eye to these macabre going on's in the secret services could very well become  the unconscious target the next time around. 
.

  .references from ---People cooker .com

www.stopeg.com
www.petermooring.nl
please go through these sites for precise information.

Neo religion.

The curious phrase' Neo religion' and religious tourism keeps popping out of .on and off from a set of journo's, activists. articles etc,in a derogatory manner at the surge of masses , well fitted as well as  the ill fitted ,to temples of ancient fame all over Bharat.And it is increasingly seen as being one of the main causes of the recurring land slides in the recent rains at uttarakhand.That mother earth is unable to bear the burden of religious tourists trampling all over her in the quest of instant moksham!
.
These neo pseudo orthodox Brahmin's/manuwadis are behaving exactly in the manner in which a set of high caste  rich and  powerful classes behaved just a century back.That of shutting out the lower castes from their very private worship of gods common to all Hindu's, in pristine surroundings.
Now that the floodgates [temple gates] have been opened to all along with the easy availability of cheap modes of transportation ,it is natural that lakhs  are making up for the centuries of repression in great haste and break neck speed .Equally it would be unfair to blame them of being bereft of the knowledge that families who have been making these pilgrimages for centuries  such pilgrimages have,that these pilgrimages  were always considered to be fraught with dangers so much so that it was undertaken only by those  who had fulfilled all their responsibilities to their families and had prepared themselves for the ultimate.The sight of an tender 8 month old baby in a young couples arms  at kedarnath reveals the extent of the easy accessibility of this pilgrim centre without the corresponding awareness of the perils that await one in these high reaches of the Himalayas that have been  greatly and stealthily accentuated of late. 

Every one high or low wants a few drops of the elixir of instant salvation.What is wrong in this quest? The Hindu faith and belief.This is not a neo religious belief but a very very ancient belief and form of worship.This is the equality several social reformers agitated for in the past century .Its fruits are being seen now.

What is wrong is that the authorities in certain areas are still stuck in the past and are blind to new turn of events viz  increasing population  coupled with reasonable economic advancement and the un inhibited unleashing of the suppressed spiritual--religious fervour which has let loose what some scornfully term religious tourists all over bharat.

And why pray ,if ngo's from all over the world were given a free hand in  helping the victims of tsunami  in Tnadu and other places so much heat is being generated at offers of help [ be it may even be political]from within the country and is turned away disdainfully when every extra helping hand counts and all sorts of resources need to be pooled urgently in order to rescue and rehabilitate the hapless victims of the Himalayan tsunami ?.  

At which point of time did uttarakand detach or cede from India? Can some one shed light on this 'neo phenominon'?

PS.If anything that i have written hurts any of the survivors in any way i am sorry for the same.I blogged this  purely with the intention of  hoping to galvanise  help for all those caught unawares in the treacherous hilly terrain.

Embrace the trees.

Hello ppt's, experts in skimming out politically advantageous cream and butter from the churning's of my rare ,sour and dour moods obtained from a combination in a little part ,of my natural disposition and in main parts from the constant prodding by foul means[drugs --truth serum +suggestions+ultra sounds that could quite scarr my psyche irreparably so that it may ' compel 'me (now ,now donot read an unnecessary political inner meaning to my letting out my spleen) to sit in dharna outside your and media houses posh doorsteps and shouting slogans[according to your sane selves --raving and rantings] against your gross interference into my rights and liberties to my hearts content much to your embarrassment], how come you unable to decipher in the true sense the irony of the real event of the Chipko leader's [poor soul ,the one in forefront of planting and protecting trees] ghareoed by  a deluge of soil,mud and flood waters hurtled freely ,without any hindrance ie not much trees and roots to fix it, at his house in uttarakand?

Are your decoding abilities confined only to politics?

It is a dejavu moment for me.There seem to be quite few these days.
Nearly 2 1/2  years back i was also stuck like all those 1000's stranded now at uttarakand,at Devaprayag,owing to landslides caused by heavy downpour , on our way to Badrinath and returned half way hoping to make in on another year.

The only difference is that natutre wasn't that furious and the ecology had not yet snapped the thin thread it was already hanging from and the causalities were much less.
Hope that in future pilgrimages to the two most sacred sites to Hindus -both saivaites and vaishnavaites -kedarnath and badrinath, DevBhoomi will stand steady, firm and lofty [not crumbling and loose] and bear their burden.

If minds that become hyper active and excessively alert to hidden perceptions in my run of the mill talks and writings ,has blanked out in decoding what i am saying ,it is this-- restore the sensitive ecology with whatever it takes and plant trees. More and more trees so that the sacred soil does not run off causing disaster but embraces Devbhoomi. 
                

Vethalam

Hey kgb you really spread the attention a bit too thick for my liking .Shows that you continue to read my personal diary  shamelessly and do thathasthu--so be it ,only to such  emotions written in the spur of the moment that of  those of   done in excess will get under my skin.Now why don't you do a thathasthu  to my earlier post and cut the electric feed to the hidden cameras ,audio  system--crazy noises used in kgb tortures,etc and restore my human dignity.This i assure you will never get under my skin nor would it make me sing peans at your magnanimity for that which is my right.Naturally i'd appreciate it.Relieved that the vethal has got lost.
How ever after a brief lull  it is clear that the Vethalam [-kgb]
 pazhaiyabadi murunga marathai errivittadhu

The  vethal [kgb and co] has once again climbed the tree

Oracle continues --- 13.6.13 7 pm.

My joining BJP has changed nothing.Every thing is on course as usual ie what had become the norm for the past one year .
 What ever i write in my personal diary is up on the air immediately read shamelessly by all politicos and journos, and what i and my family speak , argue expound theories etc is how ever as usual for a 'select' shameless few.

Just what is happening ? Can anybody explain please? Nobody in India is going to believe that the dilli sultanate and its cronies of all shades  are dearly hanging on to what ever words issues out at the height of my emotional outbursts which i have not specifically blogged  [unlike the letter to Ad ji] or if i have, it could be totally to do with my personal experience without any innuendo or inner meanings, as the  direction that need to be taken with interpretations that is suitable in a  given political situation.

Can some one kindly explain as to how long i have to put up with this and who that pale face in the upper floor is? Since his entry ,my life has gone for a toss and is 'up for grabs'--to use media youngsters language.

1. Being a forcible oracle is terribly exhausting.

2.When will i get back my normal life? Earlier even if i was gloomy etc i was free , not caged and manipulated like this .When will all the electrical connections of my house which is in the hands of others be severed ?So that  my dignity and self respect and mental peace is restored once again.That which is in the hands of even the lowliest of lowliest [poorest of poorest] woman living in a jugghi as  a matter of unquestioned right is assured of without having to agitate for it  --to relieve, to bathe ,to dress ,to eat , to work,to laze to give vent to emotions and thoughts with total freedom [it will not even cross any ordinary citizens mind that each and every move  of his or hers is being watched.Oh what a luxury!],to become mine once again.To watch tv or use the pc and net and phone and read books or gaze at natures offerings[sky, stars, trees, flowers etc] for my own pleasure , the source of my personal recreation without obstruction and unasked for company.In case of illness the liberty to choose doctors etc,and to be free of the ever nagging suspicion of late [past one year] that the people i move with in ordinary course of life are  acting naturally and normally and not tutored.And the events that take place are not specificly created for me.........15.6.13


3.I can trace a lot of links.And the burden i seem to have to carry all alone though joining a party is really the height.

An letter to Sri Advaniji.

As i write this the sun has risen as a dazzling jewel from the coral coloured early morning reddened eastern sky and is spreading its eons old life giving /assuring light and warmth  through the narrow gap in nearby sacre4d fig tree , the myriad leaves of which have spread in exuberant multitudes, are quietly soaking in this early morning radiance to further sanctity its age old sacredness and refresh it for the long day ahead.
Two black and white puppies are bounding around playfully with the total abandonment of the very young and the innocent .How care free and joyful is their life!

This is a frank and open letter to you dear sir, Sri Advaniji , prompted by your decision to quit so very many posts that were yours due to your long and hard slogging in the political arena  and thus  causing a lot of consternation in your sorry our party and unconcealed glee in the opposite party viz -Congress.

Frankly sir, for long you were to me like any other leader of other parties ,not of congress in origin, like Jyothibasu, somnath chatterjee, MGR , and social leaders like vinobabave and mohan bhagwat , and host of others to be venerated and not to be hero worshipped.
The only leader i ever worshipped by putting her on a pedestal was Smt Indira Gandhi. And that was way back in my teens, especially during the Bangla desh war.
sir i am from a family that is familiar only with congress and its  history and culture.My comfort level was in that circle.Every other current leaders ruling India as well as several star journo's have descended from my grand father's --M,A.Ayyengar.'s colleagues and friends who have all fought shoulder to shoulder in the freedom movement.And my fathers total commitment to communism as was  practised in india [he was communist party card holder] had made me wary of Janasangh that was often described disparagingly as a communal orgsn by him.
But as my wings grew and came of my own i realised the following--
1.That the Congress to which my grand dad belonged is o longer the same. In its quest to stay in power it has overtly pandered to minority denominations at the cost of National security --like in Assam

2. Whilst Congress leaders of yore stood for ideals which they were ready to uphold sacrificing self for dharmic advancement of the country and its institutions , of late for past few decades many of them are bent on sacrificing the nation for their own advancement and agendas..
3.Where as Sri Vajpayee of jansangh [ so a dreaded communalist in my eyes brain washed by commi thinking for most part of my life] /BJP epitomised the concept of Dharma that most rulers of ancient India adhered to when he relinquished his pm post without a second thought just because his majority in the house was short by a single vote! I wonder whether Congress at the same period would have let power slip by.Their actions for the past decade and more has shown that they would never what ever the cost may be.And that sickens me.

4. The principle idealogy of BJP party   which is nothing but your own baby, your brain child, are the principles that every normal right thinking Indian would subscribe to . And i find myself doing so , very naturally.

Since this a frank letter let me get to the bottom of it.I was shattered when i learnt in a indirect manner that you a highly respected person was the cause behind my very strange inqusition/interrogation, to find out about my views and force me into the political mainstream .All that you had to do was merely to ask me to do so.[if by any chance i Am wrong in my deductions regarding your role ,forgive me]

It made me boil with rage and humiliation and disbelief,How could a person espousing the cause of Hindu's treat a Hindu woman so shabbily?
It made me wonder often times whether the Congress tricked you into this making use of your insecurity borne of advancing age.
The congress tried after you left hard to woo me.But how could i go against my ideology? So i stuck on to my non partisan stand which i decided to end when it resulted in the death of innocent people ,by joining your party on 8.6.13.Hence this letter.

Dear sir what i am going to say will be highly unpalatable and bitter to you .To all those outside your party you are a man of very advanced years[even though i personally am in awe of your energy levels that far outbeats me though i am 30 year younger than you].However the young and the restless in India want some one with vigour, enthusiasm at par with theirs to lead them .To them Sri Modi who exudes strength and is full of confidence and has a very clean image is the leader who they are looking upto to give them jobs as well as peace security. The other alternative -Rahul  evokes only protective feelings amongst women and impatience and derision amongst the youth.

sir Modi may or may not win.I have no idea about electoral calculus but since your  sorry our party had decided that he is the best bet and sir if you could swallow the ignomy you feel the way i have swallowed mine and carry on with the tide , maybe just maybe the power that you always wanted to put your and bjp's  ideals to work  would be in your grasp in near future. In all probability a mere hand breath away.

I can gather from the fact in the manner which all the top leaders  are flocking to your house ,shocked by your decision to quit that you are held in very very high esteem within the party  .Due to age factor [ though you may like sri ramanuja live upto 120 year s, full of vigour] and churning's in the polity, society and economyand the country teeming with  with swathes of youngsters you could be perceived as one who is not upto the rigours of governance how ever spiritually, emotionally and psychologically your august presence is very essential for the continuity and the fructufiaction of the ideals on which you formed the party.

By moving away you could play neatly into the smirking hands of Congress who would love this rift and would play it to its hilt to its advantage.

For the sake of the country you love so much  dear sir take up the responsibilities you have relinquished in a sudden move , and also   save me from the curses of an elderly and sincere man's hurt feelings [yours] as i enter your party.

Thanking you ,
 sincerely
   from a recently joined member of bjp

Stotra ratna by Alavandar/Yamunacharya

பெருந்தேவி தாயார் ஸமேத ஸ்ரீ தேவராஜ பெருமாள் -ஸ்ரீ வரதராஜ கோவில் -காஞ்சிபுரம்

The Strotra Ratna are   pearl like hymns in Sanskrit on Narayana strung  together with deep devotion and eloquence by Yamaunacharya also known as Alavandar ,in the 10 th century AD.He is regarded as a very important acharya by Sri Vaishnavaites.

At the age of 36 ,he relinquished his kingship and suzerainty over Madurai and large tracts of neighbouring regions .He had originally gained these  when the reigning king of Madurai kept his part of the bargain and promise to cede these if young Alavandar could defeat the most renowned scholar of his court which was against all odds ,owing to the tender age of alavandar. Alavandar a precocious child  how ever defeated the pompous scholar as easily as a child's play and the king as was the dharma of those days honoured his promise and immediately handed over half of his kingdom. Alavandar relinquished his kingdom which he had governed well  and also had  extended it on coming to know about his lineage, that he had descended from Nathamuni [his grand father] who was  deeply devout and committed to the cause of Vaishnavism,  by the patient efforts of  one of the aged disciples of Nathamuni who gently made him realise that it was his[ alavandars] duty, to which he was naturally disposed to carry on the work of teaching the essential  principles of Sri Vaishnavism that was slowly going into abeyance due to lack of good acharyas to carry it, forward.

Alavandar's innate spiritualism submerged under polity and materialism  was awakened when he read a few lines of Gita ,showed to him by that aged disciple of Nathamuni .He immediately renounced his kingdom and life of a house holder and proceeded whole heartedly thence forward into the realms of spirituality.
It was Alavandar at  ripe old age who recognised young and bright Ramanuja as his succesor and the fit person to carry the mission of teaching and propagating Sri vaishnavaite faith and philosophy.

The following is sloka  from the Strotra ratna
                                  _________-
               ஸ்ரீமதே யமுனார்ய மஹா தேசிகாய நம :
                         Srimathe Yamunaarya MahaDesikaya namaha

                                         ஸ்தோத்ர ரத்னா
                                            Stotraratna

60**पिता त्वं माता त्वं दयितत नयस्त्वं प्रिय सुहृत्
        त्वमेव त्वं मित्रं गुरुरसि गति च असि  जगताम्
        त्वदीयसत्वत् भ्रिदत्य स्तव परिजन स्तव गतिरहं
      प्रपन्न क्षैवं सत्यह मपि  तवै वासिम हि भर :|| 

பிதா தவம் மாதா தவம் தயிதா த்னயாஸ்தான்
ப்ரிய ஸஹத்வ மே த்வம் மித்திரன் குரூர் சிகதி சாக்ஷி
த்வதீய ஸத்வத்ர த்வஸ்தான்  பாரிஜன்ஸத்வ  த்ராத்திரஹன்
ப்ரபந்ந ஷ்ரேவம் சத்யா ஹம்பி தவை வாசிம் ஹீ பார் ||

**Pitha  tvam ,matha tvam  dayithathnaysathan
priya sahthva mev tvam,mitran gurur sigathi  shaksi jagatham
tvadheeya sathvadra tyasthan parijansathva drathirahan
prapann shrevam sathyahampi thavai vasim hee bhar|

meaning:
You are the father.You are the mother.You are the dear son,
you alone are the friend.you are the ally .you are the teacher and the refuge of the world.
I am yours.Your servant,your associate .you are my goal,
I have taken refuge in you .When such is the case i am really a burden to you alone.

           ஸ்ரீமதே  யமுநார்ய    மஹா தேசிகாய நம :  
           Srimathe Yamunaarya Maha Desikaya namaha

                        ____________________
Dated 9.6.13   -- written and published 9.30.-10.30 AM

Membership.

Dear viewers and to whom so ever it may concern,

Today [8.6.13--Saturday] evening i became a member of Bharatiya Janata Party--BJP.

Dear viewers i quit it in 2015 for good.

To lead one has to rely upon oneself and not on surrogates.

The resident Marxist multi cultaralist crusader is an expert in rustling up odd individuals in a moments notice to make his point to me--
viz---1. That he has noticed my self pitying pshychomatic gestures of rubbing my aching shoulders whilst getting out of bed early in the morning.
2. That the world is full of misery and oddity and that mine is next to nothing in comparison
By making sure that a woman  with a heavily bandaged girl around the neck and shoulders came into my line of vision as i picked up grocery and vegetables after my morn walk from a shop

The extensive networking with instantaneous participation [barely an hour lapsed ] to rub it on coupled with the subtle proclamation that i am constantly under watch and monitoring throwing away the right to privacy brazenly out to the winds and the fact that i am unable to disable it  is a constant source of irritation .Hence this post.

Am agreeable to the misery bit but not to the oddity part.To my mind and observation it is he and his boss who are odd balls.The crusader with his crazy hairstyle and distinct looks and his boss with glaring pale skin ,can never merge with the large population of this country the way i can with my typical Indian --desi features.
In a moment i can transform myself into  a lower middle class as well as amissddle class woman where ever i go and which ever crowd i am in Bharat.I will always be part and parcel and never stick out--looks wise..

Celebrating diversity in life is fine .It is the only comforting  option available to those who can never merge their identity in the larger stream and become invisible.For instance can  this odd ball inquisitor stand in a bus stand without being noticed? Never.He can only create such a scene like a drama setting but cannot be part of the real scene.Whilst i can easily be part of the real time situations like standing in a bus stand for hours and go totally unnoticed.This natural ordinariness that i can claim as a victory in the ongoing battle of nerves is so very  very comforting.

Can his boss become a Bengali or a Marathi or u.p house wife in a moments notice? I can with a change of sarees or,the pallu wearing style or by smearing sindhoor by letting down my hair or knotting it.I can also morph into a minority woman in seconds by merely not affixing the bindi .

Arre baba you may be odd and sticking out like a sore thumb.Hence all these strong impulses to celebrate oddities .I have no such compulsions or impulses whether physical, spiritual or economical.I am part and parcel of the main stream with which i can easily merge without overawing anyone how so ever educated and intellectually aware i may be.

I have no need for surrogates either to emote naturally at the happenings around me in this land of my ancestors nor the necessity to make elaborate studied alterations ,to blend. 

date.1.6.13

Attempts and experiments at forcible yet subtle coversion and its abortion.

Woke up feeling fresh and free.Coffee after so long tasted good! [have the drugsstopped being pumped?]
Morning was cool and invited me for a walk and i accepted .

For the first time in a year [it seems like a century]  i felt that i was no longer an alien an foreigner. My sense of belonging to this soil ,to the air and people around that i always taken for granted but denied deliberately in all probability in the incessant efforts to mould me in the image of another , a powerful foreign woman-sg ,holding sway over us ,fell apart.

The soil regained its sacredness .The sweet cool fragrant early morning air that had lost its purity regained its spirituality,suffusing me with its freshness.My ability to appreciate flowers blooming on tree tops and to inhale their aroma so as to mildly intoxicate me , returned.
The passerby's were like before.No longer hostile but comforting companionable country men and women.The variety and degrees of their economic standings ,nothing to be gawked at as i had been doing of late.They all merged into the familiar part and parcel of the environment i have been moving around for ages.The midlde aged couple walking with canvas shoes, the maid scurrying off to to some house, a lazy dog curled up at  a corner, the vendors the rag pickers, all as common place as before.Nothing to be dissected, pitied, tabulated and shelved for future analysis.The flower seller had reverted to her familiar brisk manner.All of this, what a relief !

As i walked back home i could feel more burdens lifting off my shoulders.I can start enjoying the various festivals and perform the shraddha ceremonies without any defilement  by tutored and scared priests,I may not have to witness unorthodox practises in temples i visit by fake or genuine priests ,compelled to tamper with age old practises.The small but painful stabs at the beliefs of my faith under powerful pressure from above ,will no longer be administered.
I suppose that my bedtime story sessions --hypno therapies  would also come to an end and my emotions and intellect would be my own
How is it that so many in the know of all thee gross inhuman treatment have been mute spectators? Especially those who profess to be champion of human rights as distinguished by indifferent Hindus  who would view all this as a part of my karma?

I a Brahmin woman was forced to live another woman's life, faith, values behaviours and outlook.An christian whose level of comfort rests in a foreign soil.And the reactions i exhibited was adopted by the other to gain political advantage.
Whether madame was privy to this horrific experiment ,as  an active collaborator or a mere puppet in hands of crafty diaobolical men maddened with the lust for power, i know .not.Both ways, has wreaked  a havoc in my life.
Thanks to my ancestors good deeds , and their deep faith in Santana dharma and the sacredness of this soil , air and water of this great country i was able to extricate myself and renew my connection with the sacred soil sanctified by passage of a galaxy of rishis and acharyas ,borne by mother earth with my entire being.
I am of, from and belong only to this soil.My comfort level has returned .The forced alienation has taken wings.sujata is back.

The expensive, elaborate experiment conducted 24 hours for past several months has failed.
A mere enquiry into the membership procedure of BJP by stepping into the party office has shooed away unabashed encroachers and stray grazers [was celebrating a bit too early it seems today---2.6.13] and has restored my original identity.over night.

Hope the mohini pisasu --she devil that took possession of me for the past 11 months ,has left

date.31.5,13 --Friday

The obssesion with the oracle  persists.what more can i do? walk with my hands to prove that i am not one?i must develop a stronger faith in the workings of Karma to tide me over.  2.6.13 10 am

swimming with the tide/relinquishing 'virtual' power.

As i stood near my bedroom window watching the activities on the street below .saw that old ,half blind widowed woman of poor means ,staggering out of the tenements and swaying and groping her way ,towards the nearby petty shop.
The sight of her as it always does cuaght my attention ,stirring my pity.As i watched on ,her slow progress, it startled me to observe that she had fresh change of clothes different from that of yesterday.whilst i was still in my nightie and the sun had climbed quite high i the sky.Was my pity misplaced?

She has nearly nothing  but is cherishing the very fact of being alive and is going about it in a routine , unhurried manner with total lack f self pity.
I am younger richer, healthier but i am neither cherishing nor exploiting these facts but cherishing only those moments i spend at front of the PC with my fingers on its keys!

The only routine i look froward to.The only entertainment and fulfilment in my present life.Why has it come to dominate my life so wholly? Wasn't it only an self imposed mission , an fulfillment of my late son's last wish? Instead of treating blogging as a memorial as i originally intended ,to be updated once in a while ,it has steadily over he years come to dominate my entire life, the very meaning of my existence , with everything else, the normal life of a house holder taking a back seat .Especially for the past one year with the arrival of charlie and co .

The main  reason apart from the net being a rich source of articles with varied viewpoints that are at times diametrically opposite to the msns and therefore interesting that alleviates the boredom of  my humdrum life and broadens my general outlook and understanding of the polity, history and society, is  the feeling of power that seems to gravitate from it as a result of making my musings and comments  public .

The fierce battle of nerves between me and charlie and the various hurdles thrown at me by professionals and professional orgns with full political backing ,did not deter me from blogging,Charlie exposed me as a shameless person .It didn't matter
Every one , from little boys playing cricket in the compound to persons leaning on walking sticks  were made to show their ire --both real and contrived.It didn't matter .  Since every time i dipped into the net i came up with a support system that was powering me and cleansed the dirt thrown on me constantly , every hour of every day of a whole year!
Matters came to such a pass after the strange Inquisition of may-June 2012 that it was no longer necessary for me to blog to make my thoughts public.I just had to write it in a book or diary as is my normal practise before transferring it to the net or speak or utter a few words in my house and it was Public!
Did that deter or daunt me from blogging .No.

Did the fact that my family and those closely related were psychologically and emotionally blackmailed in covert manner deter and  daunt me? It did .But overcame it once the pressure was so 'magnanimously' removed in response to my  silent tears .A lot of people enjoy seeing me cry.A perverse pleasure i seem to provide to those unable to digest my general make over /personality.The high that comes out of showing a woman her place --in the kitchen,in the nursery ,in the bed , with flashes of flesh  and cunningness very welcome as against  wholly unwelcome flashes of knowledge and intellect  by a set of  self proclaimed  inheritors of dominance blurring the distinctions between physical and mental capacities and sole repositry of wisdom.

I literally have to bathe,dress, eat, sleep ,let out those  embarrassing queer sounds in the bathroom in public! Did it deter me ?  It did but  made a few  changes in my usual routine  like those adapted by women in rural areas  to salvage my shame and whatever was left of it  and got adjusted to it.

My angry taunts owing to non stop provocations for the past one year on the blog received swift reactions by political class that was good for the country .But my activities in leisure , of writing about our history  or my soul searchings  in a personal diary or reading essays or short stories brought about violent reactions. The loss of lives . The loss of Innocent lives. That deters me. It took me several years to see my face on the mirror .That is what bereavement does to one . How could i do the same to another--a mother - how so over remote  my connection could be to actual act of violence and death.

As i paced the terrace yesterday evening i wondered about the total lack of remorse in  many a  top politicians of this country , living and dead  to loss of lives by their indiscretions and single minded goal of gaining and maintaining power .

Politics according to wikki is the art of influencing 2 or more people . If so, i, who hail  from a family which is  not new to politics , and have always abhorred politics but have in reality  become an politician myself!

Though i know that my persona is fatally attractive as well as repugnant to those in power and is thereby causing loss of lives [tho in a round about manner] i am also clinging to power! That of continuing  stubbornly to be in  no man's land or property,tantalisingly and dangerously.If terrorists and Maoists start taking advantage of my ideological stand that of cherishing my freedom to express and chart my own individual course and activism, to suit their violent methods i would be giving them tacit approval if i still stuck on to my  stand.
Hence i have decided to relinquish my power derived from my uniqueness , my individuality by joining a political party --naturally the BJP ,being a rightist in my leanings, if they would have me. Then the 'sting' from my writings /blogging  as well as my leisure readings should hopefully dissipate as i will be thence forward be bracketed in a well defined group that has its the usual share  of bouquets and brickbats. .

As i sat in the balcony sipping my early morning coffee the bitter exclamation of my husband's reactions to my declaration of my decision at last night supper came to my mind.
He had thundered 'Politics is the last resort of scoundrels'. I corrected saying 'In my case it is the converse . If i didn't join politics ie by becoming a member of  a political party i would become even worse than a scoundrel in my own eyes.'!
As if in affirmation a lone koel cooed melodiously .My spiritual messenger. At the same time groups of crows forming several  tight circles and hobnobbing with one another ,flew away in different directions in search of food with ear splitting raucous cries.
My husband also warned  that my place would be in a grimy corner of the party room with only tea and rusk as refreshments when called to attend meetings or whilst marching down streets in hot sun bearing flags and banners.
The very thought of joining a political party is scary , that to to one who has become a loner and unsocialble for the past several years .The only public service i am skilled at present is blogging about our culture and temple visits and commenting on any issue of public importance that stirs me.Yet i think i should find the courage to do so in order to salvage my conscience.

This is also the maximum i can do to cure some of the most powerful persons of this country of her/his /their obsession with my day to day life[extremely mundane but is like a keg to explosives to persons under terrific pressure to perform] and save some innocent livesof my/ our country men from being lost.

I have no antipathy towards the ruling party --Congress , only that when it started to eye me, a trail of deaths followed in its wake .How so ever remote the connection maybe , i find myself in constant bereavement .
It is my request that hereafter that my words and deeds be treated with the scant regard one would have for an ordinary member of the major opposition party or at the most the individual opinion, without frothing and fuming over it.
Congrats politicos , congrats charlie and co .You have both won exactly 11 months after my confession .If subsuming my individuality owing to the pricking's of my conscience , is losing, let it be.

date:30.5.13 thursday