I have cleraly caught the tiger by ts tail.I have to wite my thoughts whether i like to do so or have some other presing work to do so.last time i didnt about my views on every one having a stake and two days later my bub died.Today i was thinking about that if a woman like m e is considred  pervert why isnt her husband who taught her all this lkike most men would be doing in a marriage to thier wives as normal .A symbolic cretaion of my showing my frustartion fe months back  in the manner which some manipuri women did fewyera sback,was shown yesterday in a dance show below.Then i knew that i had to write my view  it   as it is somethimg todo with secularism and a art i read in a magazine --love jihad.i had lot of workbut fera made me write t andnow blog this  cutting of  alot of th ediary s i have no time or energy only the suspicion that may be my next bubs life is in danger.

kept thinking at the injustise of not hauling the ppeeping tom into my house and life but punishing me instead .As i ahvewritten a lot on this for past 2yeras let menot go on and on .
As i kept cooker and prepared to writeramajeyam the ink bottle fell and goats bleated outside. warning of danger to hub if i did so.I am unable to understand as to how my daily routines have for past fewmonths become life thretaening.bUT i have  heed watrning sso stopped .
Then i was about to feed crows a new ractise when a child started to cry .So i sprinled the rice on the rice n cooker.after showing it to god.My practise so far since marriage has been to cook food without bathing  due to having to send children to school  by 7 am ,college reaparing lunch tiffinetc.so notime i bathed later and showed ay other dish coked ater that to god and sprinkle it on th edish.My hub understood th etime constarints  and didnt bother muc for teras,deacdes together.Only of late he has stated asking me to bathe first beforecooking .Even thsn he is not particular that i should feed the crows.,only show the food to god and ten sprinkle it nthe ood ,nor did he eevr frown upon me scattering seeds in th ewindow sil to feed any bird or squirrel in the  mornings.squirrels and pigeons and crows used to eat them and this practise of mine as going on for 12 yeras.
Now suddenly i am ut in a dilemma should i feed them or not should i water the plants in the balcony r not .If i am watched amm i doing some thing wrong csince io feel that eveything i do is cynosure to someones eyes. I never associated my daily routine with religion .Now if i do one thing it is wrong if i do another that is also wrong.My routine hs been upset.An understanding and mild husband used to my slow ways  and a rock in times of my crisi and grief has sudenly becoe aggresive, demanding and insensitive.unlike before and taunting me ioopften about my claims to beihg an hindu without knowing the rituals ,the usual grindetc We have had such arguments before butforgotten soon but it seems to e imposed on me from outide.Just as i have may griuses against him so doese have aginst m ebut we learnt to live with this from very long since nd never felt that such iritants  could ever spol the strong bond we have had over the yerasuntil itwa delibeately roken in 2012resulting in is herat getting weak knowuing sub consciously that his most trasyred possesion -me was being cut off emotionally  from him and he was unable to do anything about it and our drifting apart under force ahs nowreached alarming levels of our lives being threratened.

I am bewildererd . just what am i expected to do?It si motre like mil vs dil situation  !i had a routine ealier now all of it has gone for a toss.Now unsteadiness had entered my life.with in gress of fera .since june this year.i had fera earlier also but tried to overcome it as i felt that any consequences would only be for me  like a push or whatever  and didnt imagine that anyone in here would want to take my life r my families for just being myself, ourselves and in expressing my views on public afiras or translting hymns.An hobby i enjoyed as t gave mening to my life.
tis is so long how can i blog it .hope without blogging my, my family's and close relatives lives as well as friends lives are spared.--however i am blogging a part of this long diary
2pm aRE my trubles due to the fact that some of my predictions have come true?The fact is they are not predictions  .I was redaing articls, in papers and net speially th ecomments for 4 lonf yeras 2009 -2012  4 hours eacn day.just a diversion from my grief  and came to know of presnt generaion s young minds through thes comments And i have no interset in politics,so have  a impartial outlook and so made few gusses from my constant readings of blogs which were refreshingly different from papers .So please viwers i am no astrologer.What i observed was through sheer hard work  4 hours reading for 4 yeras..an work trather an hobby  i enjoyed , as it divetted me,enriched me and opened my mind. I never expected them to come true .They were just observations skimmed from the net etc ..My expectations were  different .
Now it is my curses that is causing me trouble .sorry. This is because i lack information as to what is happening waround me which hadsgreatly upset my normal routine and life.just lie a angry child that can show its anger only to its parents knowing well that they may reprimand but will also understand and forgive.
My frustraion in not securing my privacy issurely understanadable but my curses may not be.fRANkly they are not curses but abuses at heat of the moment which i forget  the moment i barked it out.
My frustartion and fear ismainly due to foll---
1.Lack of info
2.threats and klater warnings received
3.the secrecy sorroungding all this and no one coming forward to clera ot even when i keep on reqeing, pledaing , demanding and beratingas to why am i in this illeagl detention  whilst every one around me are going about freely, debate freely,on tv's, talk and write and move freely?
4.the unfairness of this all.Why should my innermosr thoughts, emotions ,abusses etcbe made publicwhen millions i here ae entitled o thier privacy of thier hiomes and thoughts.
5.I suspect that the dental clips,glasses and cameras and adios in my house ar relaying my thoughts .I had to on y owngert to know about thse gadgets etc from net .i did go to the dentist and opthamologist for normal cleaning and testing.but what i have been fitted with is not normal and it was without my knowledge and consent
i visited dentist yeaterday to remove the clip he said they awere in good shape and if i ddi only a small tooth will survibve.Again alrm bells and returned home wth the clips on .Then remembered hub frequent visit to dentist past yera and also in past months on enquiry found he has 3 clips.Too much! he is literally an pathetic hostage without knowing it .a robot.Can human beings do such things to another human being?His glassesare also special i think that for usto survive this onslaught our clips have to be removed simeltaneously , as well as the media presnce and our glsses s made plain.