diary --2.9.14-- 5.30.am
Woke up at 4 with the symbols shown or past two days running through my mind and heard the cranking of hand pump right at front of me down below.peeped out of the window .a woman was using the pump .the night was dark and stars and a planet winked enticingly at me.Peace ,utter peace this beautiful sight going on for aeons ,draped into me ,stilling the rush of thoughts and clearing away the anxieties in a trice but only for a few seconds.
Questions arose in my mind.Am i expected to write about the symbols which some one has already read when i was half asleep.Debated.Just what did i achieve by writing about them ?If my family members life is in threat then i couldn't prevent my brothers death,though my appeal may have delayed it .The temptation ,what if is yet to leave me,specially to save hub, son's and my life as well.
Since few days back heard loud ear splitting music mostly sad devotional songs from nearby temple as if in tune with my mood and as also to fan it.
on 31 st evening long time flat mate dropped in to offer condolences of bub's passing away.He expressed sympathy and advised me to put the burden on god .Just as i blog this now at 4 pm my s.i.l rang up anxiously offering condolences of my brother's passing away.. He soon left saying don't trust any one.He was hiding something and wasn't going to disclose it.
Yesterday i decided to visit the beach to sort myself out . As i walked towards main road at 5.30.am saw the plump woman a flatmate whizzing down in her scooter smilingly, a street dog nipped at my heels .I moved in surprise and turned and saw a thin middle aged woman of lower class right behind me.Remembering warnings moved away from this shadow .Two men , one in grey safari came out from nearby building , looked at me ,walked away to a tea stall. So they had made that dog to nip and let me become aware my shadow.
Took an auto ,the driver kept looking at dirty roads and at women ,.
All walkers were walking , chatting on the walkway.The beach was quite empty .Sat near the wave line on the sand and stared at the sea.Its beauty sort of dimmed down without my glasses on .Why ? Why am i caught in this death trap? why is no one coming forward openly to help me or even tell as to what all this is about?Is it to do with abnormalities in my nature or something more sinister ,a foreign plant?abnormalities mental or physical in people is common .even if i am not considered to be human enough ,but a walking corpse ,why should it bother any one ,except my family? They are used to me as i am.Why should i relate this exploitation,casing ,emotional stirrings with deaths ,tapping and writing that is going on and on when it is falling on deaf ears? Or is it being heard through my blogging?. if it is ,does stir some out there?Now 6am heard a song on Vishnu
Felt sad and meditated on Rama as suggested maybe to check my anger in this phase but bitter thoughts of revenge did arise at political leadership. .After an hour or so walked up the long beach
Saw a strange sight that made me wear my glasses to get a better view.A tall broad shouldered youth in jeans, t shirt and county cap .walking from opposite side with a flock of crows circling him and two dogs were prancing at his heels.One stopped mid way .I watched that youth till he went out of sight. I couldn't help crying with my whole body shaking.
A symbolic creation...
Isn't it in natural for any bereaved parents to feel so?On face of it we,specially me may appear to be getting along.One has to.But that grief will linger .Then walked had a last look at the sea .Thought of my brother and that article i read in a paper on 31 st .May be it was written generally and with a political motive but it could also have been written after reading about my plea and requests in earlier blog.
note --i had deleted this para today morning after a walk, and constant pressures for past few days regarding the safety of my son's life and when my husband's body started to swell and he started walking heavily sending alarm bells that may be he is next on the list I am going to keep this above para in memory of my poor and powerless brother .The least i, his sister weak and powerless can do for him .As soon as i deleted the owner of black scooter left with a scary signal. R became a little bit less restless and i could snatch a nap in noon .god knows what all gadgets were being used upon him and on me ,evening heard flat mates talking how 'Mani' ran away after his work was done and that they would have to use chemicals to clean the tank.maybe in reference to me and my blog on 28.8.14 which i continue to keep ,again in memory of my brother ,though again apart from this chemical threat ,it is being suggested that an other sect will get furious.whereas no such sectarian clash exists to my knowledge at present.If at all it could be only against me and my blogs . . written at 6 pm 5.9.14.
A thin man directed my attention to a group of gypsies .As i walked on a bulky man got his mo bike ,glaring at me muttering some thing.I walked on .A police van full of plain clothes men who ignored me and this motor bike waited side by side to cross the road and a car with govt of India went down the road with its occupant reading something .The van and motorbike crossed the road together.
The motor bike man came back and inquired quite pleasantly whether i needed any help as i looked lost? Suggested that i take a bus.Thanked him and said i ll catch an auto soon as i am not new to this place.Hearing song about a goddess , now as i blog at 5.15pm.
When i wore the glasses ,the young auto driver with ear drops, spat out.Came in around 9 am. Hub came out of bathroom ashen and trembling.His heart was troubling or was it deliberately troubled?A sad song of a man pleading for mercy was heard and i let go of my bitter revengeful mood in a instant.
As i bathed heard a song saying they couldn't help.Came out and saw a plump woman from opposite slum pumping .Now the warnings in bath rooms has stopped I had taken off the tapes over the socket as i think that without warnings i 'll not be able to tackle casing or have to be doubly cautious remembering earlier directions.
.Not possible....i guess it is too late,maybe my blogging did it .If some one was helping me i am truly sorry for botching it up .Received a call The marriage proposal of son is off.
Noon blogged repenting my decision to darken the socket .No use. Later son called .Then received call informing me and asking me to attend the 10 th day ritual .
The sound of chiming of clock has lessened and advise indistinct .The ear splitting music played only in evening.
Unable to decode the sad songs only that some one had tied their fortunes with me and my kindness and understanding and they had lost it and are as helpless as i am as they are unable to alert me in this casing war.
skipped morning walk.Decided to chant a different mantra as one of the reasons of problems faced by me is made out as a sectarian conflict and that is also fanning and confounding the problem .As i blogged this without blogging 'one of the reasons' heard a sad song pleading for mercy from mother,and son rang soon after.Oh my god ,just what is happening? Why am i being constantly trapped putting my husband's and son's life at risk?Who despises me so much ?Just what did i do?changing my daily routine under symbolism hasn't stopped the unnatural deaths.
I and my family are under this constant threat and since it is due to fascination of leadership to my ideas then such persons must provide us protection against such enemies both internal and external .we just can't be used and misused by both sides by taking my patriotism and public spirit and religious beliefs for granted from one side whilst the other frowns ,without proper security and safeguards. Since i clearly have no choice in this matter the authorities must guide me from the traps in open clarity without confusing me as i am no longer young to grasp things quickly and to get over tragedies quickly and also provide security to my family and me as well as my relatives .Heed to my requests .
Am hearing ear splitting gloating music from the festival speakers.'Am a bad boy '.Song suggests that some one or some persons are taking a lot of morbid delight in trapping me into being the cause of any mishap in my family.Why?What for?For thinking? abusing?calling names in my personal diary which is by force has been made public knowing fully well my diary writing habit and no one coming forward to remedy this? And calling this thought control as against democracy and is reminiscent of earlier communist regimes?
This is indigestible.First my diary became public, then my thoughts,all without my knowledge and forcibly and i am made to pay for it by seeing my dear one's popping off? just who is doing this to me ?
Those in know of this, kindly answer me.
An film song is heard meaning what is behind my jacket, my heart is in my jacket,in the heart a god's name is there.
This would mean that some transmitter is in the gold pendant i always wear as per our tradition here at south.And that transmitter is sending my emotions instantly and that could explain the swift punishment r got when i had revengeful thoughts in the beach .who has placed it ? A sacrilege to traditions ?Indians or a foreign power .?Does that explain why r's life is threatened since as per traditions a married woman discards her--mangal sutra--gold pendant on her husband death.But it doesn't explain other deaths. oh my god don't tell me that the plot is so sinister that each of their wives have this in their mangal sutra and their emotions transmitted and punishment given when i abuse the controllers of my life since 2012 ? just guessing about gps etc in others pendants, Did my flatmate advise me to turn to spirituality and develop pure thoughts in few months back and deaths which i guess to be before time in my family is and which have been deliberately brought to my notice,that is hat such deaths were not natural only now after change in govt Why can't any one tell us on the face if it is so? Why should i guess it ?Are our lives so cheap that it doesn't matter if it is so trifled with by breaking families and severing relationships for good with no chance of return ?Is some one taking revenge on the present leadership through us specially me and is this the famed strategic move of the famed security expert to keep me in place ..Or is there the hidden hand of a foreign power in all this?or political opponents handwork?or to simply nasty me .Can't keep on guessing till i pop off .
again emotional blackmail has started .calls about proposals and r getting restless.
Note .I at times have some angry words for our leaders out of sheer frustration as a child which would show its angst to its parents confident that they would not harm him or her for showing such emotions and then forgetting it.My anger is purely and mainly due to lack of information on the mysterious activities around me and no one is coming forward to clear the air .Hence as per symbols shown i hit out guessing something or the other on my own This may ,viz guessing, few angry words and then retracting may hopefully stop in future if persons stop exploiting me by persons not known to me and some one in authority comes forward and explain to me the real nature of things.and removes all cumbersome gadgets that is broadcasting my thoughts even the dirtiest and vilest to the world without my consent or permission . . If a person in power is to hear each and every citizens angry words he or she would be too discouraged to undertake anything at all..
Questions arose in my mind.Am i expected to write about the symbols which some one has already read when i was half asleep.Debated.Just what did i achieve by writing about them ?If my family members life is in threat then i couldn't prevent my brothers death,though my appeal may have delayed it .The temptation ,what if is yet to leave me,specially to save hub, son's and my life as well.
Since few days back heard loud ear splitting music mostly sad devotional songs from nearby temple as if in tune with my mood and as also to fan it.
on 31 st evening long time flat mate dropped in to offer condolences of bub's passing away.He expressed sympathy and advised me to put the burden on god .Just as i blog this now at 4 pm my s.i.l rang up anxiously offering condolences of my brother's passing away.. He soon left saying don't trust any one.He was hiding something and wasn't going to disclose it.
Yesterday i decided to visit the beach to sort myself out . As i walked towards main road at 5.30.am saw the plump woman a flatmate whizzing down in her scooter smilingly, a street dog nipped at my heels .I moved in surprise and turned and saw a thin middle aged woman of lower class right behind me.Remembering warnings moved away from this shadow .Two men , one in grey safari came out from nearby building , looked at me ,walked away to a tea stall. So they had made that dog to nip and let me become aware my shadow.
Took an auto ,the driver kept looking at dirty roads and at women ,.
All walkers were walking , chatting on the walkway.The beach was quite empty .Sat near the wave line on the sand and stared at the sea.Its beauty sort of dimmed down without my glasses on .Why ? Why am i caught in this death trap? why is no one coming forward openly to help me or even tell as to what all this is about?Is it to do with abnormalities in my nature or something more sinister ,a foreign plant?abnormalities mental or physical in people is common .even if i am not considered to be human enough ,but a walking corpse ,why should it bother any one ,except my family? They are used to me as i am.Why should i relate this exploitation,casing ,emotional stirrings with deaths ,tapping and writing that is going on and on when it is falling on deaf ears? Or is it being heard through my blogging?. if it is ,does stir some out there?Now 6am heard a song on Vishnu
Felt sad and meditated on Rama as suggested maybe to check my anger in this phase but bitter thoughts of revenge did arise at political leadership. .After an hour or so walked up the long beach
Saw a strange sight that made me wear my glasses to get a better view.A tall broad shouldered youth in jeans, t shirt and county cap .walking from opposite side with a flock of crows circling him and two dogs were prancing at his heels.One stopped mid way .I watched that youth till he went out of sight. I couldn't help crying with my whole body shaking.
A symbolic creation...
Isn't it in natural for any bereaved parents to feel so?On face of it we,specially me may appear to be getting along.One has to.But that grief will linger .Then walked had a last look at the sea .Thought of my brother and that article i read in a paper on 31 st .May be it was written generally and with a political motive but it could also have been written after reading about my plea and requests in earlier blog.
note --i had deleted this para today morning after a walk, and constant pressures for past few days regarding the safety of my son's life and when my husband's body started to swell and he started walking heavily sending alarm bells that may be he is next on the list I am going to keep this above para in memory of my poor and powerless brother .The least i, his sister weak and powerless can do for him .As soon as i deleted the owner of black scooter left with a scary signal. R became a little bit less restless and i could snatch a nap in noon .god knows what all gadgets were being used upon him and on me ,evening heard flat mates talking how 'Mani' ran away after his work was done and that they would have to use chemicals to clean the tank.maybe in reference to me and my blog on 28.8.14 which i continue to keep ,again in memory of my brother ,though again apart from this chemical threat ,it is being suggested that an other sect will get furious.whereas no such sectarian clash exists to my knowledge at present.If at all it could be only against me and my blogs . . written at 6 pm 5.9.14.
A thin man directed my attention to a group of gypsies .As i walked on a bulky man got his mo bike ,glaring at me muttering some thing.I walked on .A police van full of plain clothes men who ignored me and this motor bike waited side by side to cross the road and a car with govt of India went down the road with its occupant reading something .The van and motorbike crossed the road together.
The motor bike man came back and inquired quite pleasantly whether i needed any help as i looked lost? Suggested that i take a bus.Thanked him and said i ll catch an auto soon as i am not new to this place.Hearing song about a goddess , now as i blog at 5.15pm.
When i wore the glasses ,the young auto driver with ear drops, spat out.Came in around 9 am. Hub came out of bathroom ashen and trembling.His heart was troubling or was it deliberately troubled?A sad song of a man pleading for mercy was heard and i let go of my bitter revengeful mood in a instant.
As i bathed heard a song saying they couldn't help.Came out and saw a plump woman from opposite slum pumping .Now the warnings in bath rooms has stopped I had taken off the tapes over the socket as i think that without warnings i 'll not be able to tackle casing or have to be doubly cautious remembering earlier directions.
.Not possible....i guess it is too late,maybe my blogging did it .If some one was helping me i am truly sorry for botching it up .Received a call The marriage proposal of son is off.
Noon blogged repenting my decision to darken the socket .No use. Later son called .Then received call informing me and asking me to attend the 10 th day ritual .
The sound of chiming of clock has lessened and advise indistinct .The ear splitting music played only in evening.
Unable to decode the sad songs only that some one had tied their fortunes with me and my kindness and understanding and they had lost it and are as helpless as i am as they are unable to alert me in this casing war.
skipped morning walk.Decided to chant a different mantra as one of the reasons of problems faced by me is made out as a sectarian conflict and that is also fanning and confounding the problem .As i blogged this without blogging 'one of the reasons' heard a sad song pleading for mercy from mother,and son rang soon after.Oh my god ,just what is happening? Why am i being constantly trapped putting my husband's and son's life at risk?Who despises me so much ?Just what did i do?changing my daily routine under symbolism hasn't stopped the unnatural deaths.
I and my family are under this constant threat and since it is due to fascination of leadership to my ideas then such persons must provide us protection against such enemies both internal and external .we just can't be used and misused by both sides by taking my patriotism and public spirit and religious beliefs for granted from one side whilst the other frowns ,without proper security and safeguards. Since i clearly have no choice in this matter the authorities must guide me from the traps in open clarity without confusing me as i am no longer young to grasp things quickly and to get over tragedies quickly and also provide security to my family and me as well as my relatives .Heed to my requests .
Am hearing ear splitting gloating music from the festival speakers.'Am a bad boy '.Song suggests that some one or some persons are taking a lot of morbid delight in trapping me into being the cause of any mishap in my family.Why?What for?For thinking? abusing?calling names in my personal diary which is by force has been made public knowing fully well my diary writing habit and no one coming forward to remedy this? And calling this thought control as against democracy and is reminiscent of earlier communist regimes?
This is indigestible.First my diary became public, then my thoughts,all without my knowledge and forcibly and i am made to pay for it by seeing my dear one's popping off? just who is doing this to me ?
Those in know of this, kindly answer me.
An film song is heard meaning what is behind my jacket, my heart is in my jacket,in the heart a god's name is there.
This would mean that some transmitter is in the gold pendant i always wear as per our tradition here at south.And that transmitter is sending my emotions instantly and that could explain the swift punishment r got when i had revengeful thoughts in the beach .who has placed it ? A sacrilege to traditions ?Indians or a foreign power .?Does that explain why r's life is threatened since as per traditions a married woman discards her--mangal sutra--gold pendant on her husband death.But it doesn't explain other deaths. oh my god don't tell me that the plot is so sinister that each of their wives have this in their mangal sutra and their emotions transmitted and punishment given when i abuse the controllers of my life since 2012 ? just guessing about gps etc in others pendants, Did my flatmate advise me to turn to spirituality and develop pure thoughts in few months back and deaths which i guess to be before time in my family is and which have been deliberately brought to my notice,that is hat such deaths were not natural only now after change in govt Why can't any one tell us on the face if it is so? Why should i guess it ?Are our lives so cheap that it doesn't matter if it is so trifled with by breaking families and severing relationships for good with no chance of return ?Is some one taking revenge on the present leadership through us specially me and is this the famed strategic move of the famed security expert to keep me in place ..Or is there the hidden hand of a foreign power in all this?or political opponents handwork?or to simply nasty me .Can't keep on guessing till i pop off .
again emotional blackmail has started .calls about proposals and r getting restless.
Note .I at times have some angry words for our leaders out of sheer frustration as a child which would show its angst to its parents confident that they would not harm him or her for showing such emotions and then forgetting it.My anger is purely and mainly due to lack of information on the mysterious activities around me and no one is coming forward to clear the air .Hence as per symbols shown i hit out guessing something or the other on my own This may ,viz guessing, few angry words and then retracting may hopefully stop in future if persons stop exploiting me by persons not known to me and some one in authority comes forward and explain to me the real nature of things.and removes all cumbersome gadgets that is broadcasting my thoughts even the dirtiest and vilest to the world without my consent or permission . . If a person in power is to hear each and every citizens angry words he or she would be too discouraged to undertake anything at all..
posted by K.C. Sujata at
6:20 AM
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