Method in madness.Excerpts from my diary -29.6.13 and 30 .6.13
When ever pappu starts sporting his beard and looks grubby it portends a fresh round of emotional outbursts for me , of course induced stealthily by pale face and co with their bagful of tricks .The reasons could be either of the following--
1. Pappu has to take some decisions that should be earth shaking and a fitting reply to the other contender and pappu has blanked out and needs an uncontaminated view and direction that is taken as the true signal as it is said or written in the height of my emotional outlets.[the strong belief of politicians in anecdotal evidences to steer them through the gamble]
or
2. Pappu or some tricky ruling party men have already decided but would like me to believe that it was the result of my emotional outbursts.A ruse to make me feel important and make me quit opposition party and join the ruling party so that the following may be achieved.
1. To score one up on bjp[.I don't think either of the parties are much bothered about me owing to my lack of electoral appeal. ]
2. To curtail my natural tendency to write about ancient history purely from a academic point of view --read Hindutva to jaundiced eyes and defang me and bring me back to the fold --the saccharine sweet secularism and liberalism.
As for me according to sane , practical ,as well as intellectual and intelligent persons i am a split personality.May be on the surface .I can several view points .But deep within my core beliefs are that of a conservative Hindu ,in essence and politically with many of those principles that bjp stands for.So back to square one .After bramha prayathanam ie constant brain washing by all those around i am still the same.
If being Liberal means that it is the accepted norm to read the personal diary and notes of another or overhear conversations of another in their houses and make political and economic capitol out of it i am glad that i am not one.If being illiberal that is who does not snoop , or tat a tale or loot another or mask the religious identity and wish away the glorious Hindu past means being a 'conservative' and 'unfit for the genteel society' ,the label suits me just fine.-----------29.6.13.
The following events played out from which suitable conclusions can be drawn.
The pattern played on the streets of my usual beat was a spate of women breezing by on scooters. Naturally the courtesy of pale face . After that i suffered persistent headache which i have been suffering uncharacteristically intermittently of late and aches and nagging pain in y limbs and general fatigue which no amount of drinking tea ,to clear away the tight feeling in my forehead or popping of analgesics relieve , for one whole day.Yoga did help a bit but generally it was a hellish day with constant indecipherable messaging to my brain .It left only at late at night and that to all of a sudden!The coin fell when i saw my long time Hindu neighbour's son looked up at me with a strange look as he drove away whilst i stood on the balcony for fresh air.Shocking ! Yes an youth well known roped in to do the dirty works on a person as old as his mother!A family with which we all nicely got along!I shudder to think the impact of this would have on my son as when he gets to know the truth ,with all the dirty sordid details.As for pale face he was a stranger till all this happened but not the other player and players.
The next day the papers had the news that the cabinet re shuffle was a damp squib bereft of the much looked forward to novelty .to revive the animal spirits and set it prancing towards the goal post !.How could a 85 year old inductee perform this Utopian task ?Well that is that parties business now let me come to mine.
This time when pappu once again sported the Deva das look [grubby beard] my defences were down since i was totally absorbed in the interesting pieces of information of my son's North Indian tour to 'secular'pilgrim spots and places--naturally to save him from his rabidly Hindu there fore highly communal mother , by those pulling the strings.The hand reaches the remotest corner of this land whether one likes it or not.The trip that coincided with the clean shaven new born baby face looks of pappu during the great deluge and after.The trip that was forced upon in the usual underhand way since he is or is made to twiddle his thumbs after clinching a job in the campus interview at his mba college whilst others who had, are all at work drawing their subsatntial salaries, as he waits impatiently for the call that is taking a lot of time ,uncharecteristic of such a prestigious company,{naturally i detect the hand's deviousness[petty politics to hurt and to show case its reach] in this handout} in coming..
I knew something was in the offing when my late younger brother and father kept popping out of my sub conscious.in the few moments of deep relaxation [ the commie pale face was at his element] i either snatched or was pushed into on 28.6.13 at noon , just before the arrival of my son in the evening.
After a long and tiring walk and meditating in a unusually quiet Ttd temple and accosted by the sound of traffic and fireworks at a marriage and a nice conversation which i have referred to earlier with the return of the voyager ,fell like a log of wood , having woken up again uncharacteristically at 5 am in this very long and exhausting day.Only to wake up late next day and pick up a fight with hub centering around the bee that was made to buzz within me that of 'woman'.The messaging i am sure that a cynical but determined socialist group of the ruling party ,resurrected after along period of marginalisation and attendant disillusionment was kindling me to talk or write about for the past two weeks.
And i did this time !If pale face is CBI , what a shame! He has received elite training owing to taxpayers money but is deployed to do dirty jobs thus demeaning the the respect that the premier institute commands amongst the public and reducing it to a laughing stock,by corrupt, manipulative and unscrupulous politico's ,who after looting the material resources of its citizens are looking to loot the mental resources as well.
The reason the group that wanted me to talk about status of woman could be the following---
1. To influence lethargic pappu and make him act.since he likes a mirror to be held from the likes of me --a la neo kalavathi.If i am being manipulated to mouth what he or his mom wants to hear , by the dirty managers preying on his fear of Modi and Hindu terror , is he that naive?And does he actually believe that what i , who was ruthlessly programmed to talk about it for two whole weeks without a break[whilst he was happily vacationing] ,that came out as a emotional out burst [specifically induced] was actually the truth said at the spur of the moment? if soNarayana please save this country from this dud.
2. Or another chilling and quite plausible explanation could be that pappu and co are using me in cold blooded ruthless manner with well thought out pre meditated planning as a tool to bring around the superstitious and traditional within to toe his line of thinking? Remorseless mania.
Exploiting a woman [after all i am a sub standard , low class ,superstitious Hindu woman so does it matter?That to belonging to the much despised Brahman caste.]on one hand to be regarded as the saviour of others.A collateral damage?
Betraying the fiduciary trust reposed by party men by deceitful means instead of winning them over?
The conscience less application of the maxim 'ends justifies means as advocated in Prince by Machiavelli as against the values of original Ghandhi ,verily by those who profess to follow in his foot steps!----The archetypal of the politicians potrayed in Bollywood.
This refers to the 50 % reservation for women in the ruling party announced yesterday by its VP after my early morning altercations centring around my being a woman , a mother yet considered as 'half and half' and with intention to hurt that he was just like pale face[ he figures a lot in our conversation ,naturally with repeated suggestions from above] who was effiminate and therfore doesnot over awe me or command my respect the way a macho man like modi would.
Lessons learnt:
1.Though public good is resulting from my anger it is artificially induced by indecent , inhuman and totally abhorrent means I must build up my defenses.
2.Never mention Modi in my conversations or writings just before any important happenings in the ruling party's camp.----------30.6.13
ps my yatras have been succesfully curtailed for the past few months thus denying me the oppurtunity to inject ancient histiry my pet subject and the source of allergy to politico's ,into my writings.
1. Pappu has to take some decisions that should be earth shaking and a fitting reply to the other contender and pappu has blanked out and needs an uncontaminated view and direction that is taken as the true signal as it is said or written in the height of my emotional outlets.[the strong belief of politicians in anecdotal evidences to steer them through the gamble]
or
2. Pappu or some tricky ruling party men have already decided but would like me to believe that it was the result of my emotional outbursts.A ruse to make me feel important and make me quit opposition party and join the ruling party so that the following may be achieved.
1. To score one up on bjp[.I don't think either of the parties are much bothered about me owing to my lack of electoral appeal. ]
2. To curtail my natural tendency to write about ancient history purely from a academic point of view --read Hindutva to jaundiced eyes and defang me and bring me back to the fold --the saccharine sweet secularism and liberalism.
As for me according to sane , practical ,as well as intellectual and intelligent persons i am a split personality.May be on the surface .I can several view points .But deep within my core beliefs are that of a conservative Hindu ,in essence and politically with many of those principles that bjp stands for.So back to square one .After bramha prayathanam ie constant brain washing by all those around i am still the same.
If being Liberal means that it is the accepted norm to read the personal diary and notes of another or overhear conversations of another in their houses and make political and economic capitol out of it i am glad that i am not one.If being illiberal that is who does not snoop , or tat a tale or loot another or mask the religious identity and wish away the glorious Hindu past means being a 'conservative' and 'unfit for the genteel society' ,the label suits me just fine.-----------29.6.13.
The following events played out from which suitable conclusions can be drawn.
The pattern played on the streets of my usual beat was a spate of women breezing by on scooters. Naturally the courtesy of pale face . After that i suffered persistent headache which i have been suffering uncharacteristically intermittently of late and aches and nagging pain in y limbs and general fatigue which no amount of drinking tea ,to clear away the tight feeling in my forehead or popping of analgesics relieve , for one whole day.Yoga did help a bit but generally it was a hellish day with constant indecipherable messaging to my brain .It left only at late at night and that to all of a sudden!The coin fell when i saw my long time Hindu neighbour's son looked up at me with a strange look as he drove away whilst i stood on the balcony for fresh air.Shocking ! Yes an youth well known roped in to do the dirty works on a person as old as his mother!A family with which we all nicely got along!I shudder to think the impact of this would have on my son as when he gets to know the truth ,with all the dirty sordid details.As for pale face he was a stranger till all this happened but not the other player and players.
The next day the papers had the news that the cabinet re shuffle was a damp squib bereft of the much looked forward to novelty .to revive the animal spirits and set it prancing towards the goal post !.How could a 85 year old inductee perform this Utopian task ?Well that is that parties business now let me come to mine.
This time when pappu once again sported the Deva das look [grubby beard] my defences were down since i was totally absorbed in the interesting pieces of information of my son's North Indian tour to 'secular'pilgrim spots and places--naturally to save him from his rabidly Hindu there fore highly communal mother , by those pulling the strings.The hand reaches the remotest corner of this land whether one likes it or not.The trip that coincided with the clean shaven new born baby face looks of pappu during the great deluge and after.The trip that was forced upon in the usual underhand way since he is or is made to twiddle his thumbs after clinching a job in the campus interview at his mba college whilst others who had, are all at work drawing their subsatntial salaries, as he waits impatiently for the call that is taking a lot of time ,uncharecteristic of such a prestigious company,{naturally i detect the hand's deviousness[petty politics to hurt and to show case its reach] in this handout} in coming..
I knew something was in the offing when my late younger brother and father kept popping out of my sub conscious.in the few moments of deep relaxation [ the commie pale face was at his element] i either snatched or was pushed into on 28.6.13 at noon , just before the arrival of my son in the evening.
After a long and tiring walk and meditating in a unusually quiet Ttd temple and accosted by the sound of traffic and fireworks at a marriage and a nice conversation which i have referred to earlier with the return of the voyager ,fell like a log of wood , having woken up again uncharacteristically at 5 am in this very long and exhausting day.Only to wake up late next day and pick up a fight with hub centering around the bee that was made to buzz within me that of 'woman'.The messaging i am sure that a cynical but determined socialist group of the ruling party ,resurrected after along period of marginalisation and attendant disillusionment was kindling me to talk or write about for the past two weeks.
And i did this time !If pale face is CBI , what a shame! He has received elite training owing to taxpayers money but is deployed to do dirty jobs thus demeaning the the respect that the premier institute commands amongst the public and reducing it to a laughing stock,by corrupt, manipulative and unscrupulous politico's ,who after looting the material resources of its citizens are looking to loot the mental resources as well.
The reason the group that wanted me to talk about status of woman could be the following---
1. To influence lethargic pappu and make him act.since he likes a mirror to be held from the likes of me --a la neo kalavathi.If i am being manipulated to mouth what he or his mom wants to hear , by the dirty managers preying on his fear of Modi and Hindu terror , is he that naive?And does he actually believe that what i , who was ruthlessly programmed to talk about it for two whole weeks without a break[whilst he was happily vacationing] ,that came out as a emotional out burst [specifically induced] was actually the truth said at the spur of the moment? if soNarayana please save this country from this dud.
2. Or another chilling and quite plausible explanation could be that pappu and co are using me in cold blooded ruthless manner with well thought out pre meditated planning as a tool to bring around the superstitious and traditional within to toe his line of thinking? Remorseless mania.
Exploiting a woman [after all i am a sub standard , low class ,superstitious Hindu woman so does it matter?That to belonging to the much despised Brahman caste.]on one hand to be regarded as the saviour of others.A collateral damage?
Betraying the fiduciary trust reposed by party men by deceitful means instead of winning them over?
The conscience less application of the maxim 'ends justifies means as advocated in Prince by Machiavelli as against the values of original Ghandhi ,verily by those who profess to follow in his foot steps!----The archetypal of the politicians potrayed in Bollywood.
This refers to the 50 % reservation for women in the ruling party announced yesterday by its VP after my early morning altercations centring around my being a woman , a mother yet considered as 'half and half' and with intention to hurt that he was just like pale face[ he figures a lot in our conversation ,naturally with repeated suggestions from above] who was effiminate and therfore doesnot over awe me or command my respect the way a macho man like modi would.
Lessons learnt:
1.Though public good is resulting from my anger it is artificially induced by indecent , inhuman and totally abhorrent means I must build up my defenses.
2.Never mention Modi in my conversations or writings just before any important happenings in the ruling party's camp.----------30.6.13
ps my yatras have been succesfully curtailed for the past few months thus denying me the oppurtunity to inject ancient histiry my pet subject and the source of allergy to politico's ,into my writings.
posted by K.C. Sujata at
7:34 AM
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