The gentle touch.

Stood at the open window of my room at the hospital ,after the drips, cathereter was removed early in the morning after a night of nightmares ,fever ,drop in pressure and some how lifting myself in the middle of trhe night out of the soft and too deep a bed  with help of duty nurse ,saying once from depth of my being the name of   my godly hero Rama  , the name that was always on my lips since childhood which i had been forbidden to utter few months back and had resolved not to owing to various fears put into me .Yet i did ,he was the the one and only crutch i needed then to hoist myself  get off that bed to go to the relieve myself.though nurses were in plenty to assist me as they failed to hoist me of that bed.
That road's speeding traffic sounds filled my ears for 2 whole days,even piercing my heavy sedation.
A tailless boxer or doberman with a collar but without a master was smelling and crossing that road and trotting along aimlessly.
The meaning struck me in full force and felt a fresh bout of pain shooting all around and up my raw abdomen
Brutality.Weren't  only criminal youths from slums in custody subject to such brutality?There is a exception to every rule or norm and i guess i am one such.
Staggered back to the bed and crawled on to it and slept. was woken up by a gentle touch.It was that diminutive young nurse, from  a small town or village as was obvious from the look of, her.She wanted to remove my plaster .She cautioned me of the pain and i braced myself to meet it willing myself to bear it and was awaiting the brisk swift professionalism of nurses who are genarllybursting with life and vigour and  have a back slapping attitude .
The touch was gentle ,apologetic and the plaster was peeled off,nay blown away without the tiniest prick of pain or discomfort.
She was young ,lively but didnot display briskness that charecterised other nurses attending on me  .nearly 5 or more.Whose actions would say ,your pain is nothing , come on get up and get going.whilst this girl either a novice or by nature  a very gentle person showed none of those briskness but utmost atention to doing her pain giving job of the moment as gently as possible.
Her gentle administrations  two small acts ,putting a injection  and taking off cathereter and plaster stuck to skin and hair was  a oasis of relief in that sea of pain.
As i watched this small young nurse  leavewith BP checking instrument and a bottle with thermometre  ,quietly with soft steps,with the rapidly darkening of theoutside sky silhouting her tiny frame ,hoped that she would never bury her solicitiousness to the pain of others  in the briskness she may acquire deep into her career
It is not all that have such a touch .But some one did .The image of lady with  a lamp flitted through my mind.One we have all read about without truly appreciating what her gentle administrations meant to scores o f  battle scarred men lying in heaps.Now i did.
I wasn't battle hurt or was i? The constant shadow boxing for past 3-4 yeras  made me feel battle weary and this major surgery i undertook to escape emotional and physical blackmail was a resultant wound.
Shooting pains ripped on and off whole day through as i lay on that bed and tried turning my mind away from it by thinking of others  like cancer patients who could be in more pain than i but it was the image of soldiers left to die in dark dormoteries ,crying in pain and then feeling relieved and hopeful at the touch of that lady that kept coming to my mind.May be being a victim of this shadowy war against me i could identify and experience their pain as well as the relief felt by a touch that recognised , understood and respected that pain.

Did i under go this surgery to realise the importance of the healing touch?No.But a true life story read in school days has actually danced before me in shadow and light.

written on ---9.12.14  1.30pm