Kudan kulam --meaning ''The pond where all meet ''.From my diary --21.7.14--6.30 am
Herad kural at 6 am " when good words are available one must not use harsh words .It is like hankering for a fruit that has not ripened when a ripe fruit is available."
as i entered the kitchen to prepare coffee after waking up at 3 am and lying fully awake ,first in my bedroom than in a sudden thought that t as better for my hub if i sared his room for remaining f the night ,so went there and lay down beside him who was snoring loudly with rise and fal of his belly that has become enormos in past few months , saw a seive that is used to remove chaff from wheta lying on the floor .
I remember that as i lay analysing the drama i saw yesterday as well as aarticle i read in a local apaper i suddenly clenched my teeth for onravelling the past one month torment and injustise of it all and may ave cursed csime onre otr the other in power.Who is that person in receipt of my abuses for few seconds i do ot recall in fact i forget it the next instant , hence iam writing all this now itsef lest i forget this also and thus not expalin myself and cause more and more heat burns and trouble for myself.
There many ways in which one lets of steam .Crying and abusing are my two forms of let offs apart from few othersWhen i was about to cry at 3 am when i woke up bolt upright at this unerathly hour and started closing the glass windows and lay in hot interiors didnt switch on the ac as i was wary of it sucking in whartecver probes and rays that are hovering outside in the open space but switched on the transi for music but was careful to keep it waway from my body lest either it or i transmit something through it and herad soulful tunes played on a flute that drew me dep dep into the universe where my late son was slowly apperaing with hi usual smile that made me plunge into that unresolved grief once again with my presnt impossible position snf predicament ading to it . The thretas i have been facing for past two months that it lay squarely in my hands though the culprits were some one else to save the honour of our country., democracy etc at the cost of my family and my life and if i was smart enough to somehow manage to save both! No wonder my shoulder has become hunched and bowed .The burden too tough to take on , all alone.The scared faces that greet me where ever i go adds further to my fera and makes me lose my confidence in my self.The constant watch has mede me very nervous and to lose satisfaction from the ordinary pleasyres f life like etaing , watching tv or walking freely .
Am i a professional soldierv to face enemies without bothering about life and put my life and my family's for the sake of my country? No ! Soldiers do it volutarily whilst i was pushed into this forcibly .Naturally there is patriotism in me like the next person but it doesnt extend to such an extent that for having it , an ordinary middle aged householders like us and our innocent son and close relatives as well have tpo ay for it with our lives.Does this hapen in any other country?Then what is the need for aving army navy etc?What are able bodied and well trainable men for? Whist we in 50's and 60's have to climb mountains with degenerating hearts to face and tackle the enemies?Isnt such a unusual set up un heard of in other countries?
O.K back to my slipping into teras , when suddenly my hub barged in [cased?]to use th etoilet giving me ascare.He walked away in heavy tread. My teras dried .Had i cried my mind would have cleraed and i may not have lain awake thinking , linking and cursing .So may be there was adesign in that sudden movement of hub.
i dont know whether writing all this i am putting myself ad hub to more danger or not .But some how i feel that it is my role to write this diary as well as my daily activities.apart from token visit to party office.By writing i can clera my mind and also clera the foggy atmosphere sorrounging me and enable those who cahn discern the iner meanings to arrive at conclusions that could save our lives and free us from this deathly trap with its vice like grip.
okback to my abusing at 3.30 or 4 am As i didso herad some vessel fall in kitcen which i didnt investigate then itself but slipped into a tiny nap.
Well now, not remembering as whom i abused scares me and hence this long winding expalnation to all those shameless people whoatre bent on proboing , sucking out my thoughts and using them for ulterior purposes even before i give a concrete form in words written in this diary or elewhere.Agai does this happen elewhere in this world?That a citizens mind is constantly bombarded , probed , planted with conflicting thoughts and sucked out ?What a dirty game this is.Aernt there enough palnets in this universe where such technology can be put to use for migration of people than wasting it on political intelligence insteda of probing a tired brain like mine .I have to write this diary an innatl one precisely because of mt innatl friends to comabat innatl, natl and local enemies if i and my family has to get out of this mess in one peice.
ok now recounting my daily activities.
yesterday went otfor walkat 7 am thinking tis and that .The roads lined with treesare in ull bloom The gumoharshave studded their emerald green leaves with ruby red petals .again i coudnt drink in the beauty of ature and fill myself with spirtual satisfaction theway i would have 2 yeras back and feel reccharged .I just glanced at it without any pleasure.After a listless wlk whilst retrning back saw a old woman curled up on the pavement ,the exact place where abulldozer had paced menacingly up ad down the day my observations of my trip to the beach and back was scripted in my mind in we ors and sucked out .couple of weks back.She was curled up then also and my herat missed a fewbeta sat the proximity of that monstrous vevicle in her space.
Brushing aside a vey strong internal wrning not to give her money or face consequences, probably to either test or put an end to my altruistic streak , i droped er atebn rupee note ,She looked at me with glazed eyes in grtaitude and touched and folded her palms at me as a gesture of mute thanks.I immediately felt my head clear and all my feras vanished that instant.I felt that who ecver was troubling me were in no match to the one who is above ,all.The sky looked bluer and vaster and the cloudsshone with silver specks.My herat lifted and ifelt confident and felt it was ok to to be myself .
The hunger ifelt when i saw those people from a loqwer economic strata gorging on steaming idlis bought from road side vendors on myway back , vanished as i had te satisfaction that with that 10 rs that frail old woman could satisfy her hunger at esast for 3 days ,if she could make it to the govt canteen or sme one bougyt her idlis from there.
In the next lane a black street dog suddenly pounced on a smaller brown dog and bit it.The smaller one ran away dazed and feraful.Further down saw a oldetr , thinner tired version of pf with long hair and sacred ash on his forhead dragging himself by with slumped shoulders whilst i was feeling pretty high and alive.
Then coking, then read articles on net of the rights
Evening went to a play .Nice one. About sendig a space shuttle with a athiest as head and a theist as his junior and a l woman scientist and a down to erath affable minister and his pa, assistant and a spy thrown in .The theist observed that since us and wn countries was putting too many retsrictionslike tey didrecently on a nuclear pant on the ground that itwasspilling waste on to the sea we i india must rely on own brains to develop .The minister pitches in and the shuttle is sent.
After getting back home a car with govt of india drove away in the front.Had dinner and read the paper .An humorous article about a cahrcter in a film sent me into ,peals of laughter It loked like a comic version of my real life tragedy for th epast 1 month in particular and 2 yeras in general.
It lesened my tension amnd made me sleep wel and i connected the dots of the article when i woke up at 3 am and my heart sank and mind was filled with anger and would have abused those who nearly killed my hub and also drove me to my brink.
This is what i made out.as gleaned fromthat art
That i am a split .one tough and other docile.The former hero was caught by defence honcho's and cbi , which does sevarl work not connected to its real work who used methods borrowed from guantemano bay only that they by mistake took a joke manual to torture that tough hero to ferret out the truth .And when they gave a shock the transformer --my hub i sppos couldn't take the load and burst which led to power crisis in t nadu which it is yet to recover from .he predicted that actor would become cm next.
the parrele story of a maths genius of last cent had few lines about how those studying on 8 th std being in teens were full of hormoes that made them have several suitorsandtherfore cannot be trusted to have fidelity.
o.k i made a connection .So i am also that teen stucjk in age 14 [so i was and am made to be stuck deliberatyely , iremember writing my diary in very good vacabulary,routinely that amazed me even before that 20 12 .since i used to write a diary only sketchily and haphazardly till i think 2010..So something fishy was going on much much before] . as aslo creative /mathematical like that genius.Work of adjustment breau? Can never trust these extreme secularists who had a free run in last regime and probably still do .
It is one of th etime tested methods to doubt the morality /fidelity of women who are forward to put them down.
ok back.So transformer is my hub whose medications for heart prescribed every month may have deadened the immunity system to fight back .and was slowly collapsing at the don juan methods .Was he dying ? or going batty?prob both.And i was definetly going batty.at tis 25 day long torture .Then it was lesened and the grip reaxed insted of going for the kill which could have the original aim .What made tis happen?Sinepower crisr was mentioned i am linking this to news iread then that the kkpwas being shut for a month .What made thi shapen to aplant tat wasbgoing ahead in full steam? The agitators have gone, hence i conect this to the amazing fact that my hbs detoriating conditions came tothe notice ofin natl community my viwers who deciderd to restrain the govt here by stopping kkn production on some grounds may be environmental to stop the torture of amiddleclas famuily whom many in inatl community may have alsoexpolited but but there could also be many who actually liked us and felt us to be one of them so as to stop this inhuman tretment. Thanks to you all .My eyes fill with tera s as i ackowledge your care andconcern .True humanity.
Thanks to that journo as well who made me see it all .
Though many may view me as traitor in here though it is no fault of mine . i aws actaully built up asiduosly in here as a person having a say in inantl community without my knowledge or consent.As a citizen leading a midle classlife if it is a choice between my family's life, safety and well being and country's honour in a situation which was not of my making but this very country's and may be other inquisitive country's groups,politiciansmedia and even govt machinery i will naturalyy put my family's life ad peace above the nation and i have.Why should an ordinary diarist like me stick out my neck when thetre leaders and persons who are in such a high position and jobs and are aware of the risks that their job entails and are willing to stick out thier necks on being assured of rings and rings of safety nets around them to do their jobs without any distraction or insecurity ?.
The sanctions i guess are for stopping the power roduction at kudankulam on grounds of environmemt .The very power plantb for which i fought bravely ,to secure th emunifence from russia for sake of betterment of living conditions of my people viz my country's citizens .Irony!
In hindsight maybe i should have given in then itself and secured my release then itself.Only ,i didnt know as to what was happening and how deep the web was insteda felt thrilled that due to my latesomn'd desire that i blog, i was able to get a such a good deal for my country just by writing and then with hold writing.
If only i had known then tself that by writing what was expected of me without any anlysis that i would be saving my hub's ,son's reltives and mine , i would have written that which was expected of me and controlled my urge to link .deals between countries for development etc is the job f country' heads and not mone.I would have obeyed the suggestions ad orders and quietly slipped of and let the political laeders at the helm handle it at atime and palce of thier choosing , if onyi had known then itself that i was uwittingly staking the life of my hub's son's , mine and relatives.
Just who are these political leaders? so far i was thinking it could be the ruling onse from previous regime .what if it wasnt and it was th eopposition .I can digest it to a certain extent if it was the former but what if it was thelatter.? All those i admired and held in high esteem for so many yeras for thier sincerity, honesty ,humane outlook would come crashing down from their high pedestals and it would be very dificult for me to digest it.This would be coupled with the feling of being betrayed by the very people i trusted so deeply and went seeking refuge and seek solutions to the problem of non stop invasion of privacy by media and others as well as harassments and humiliations and not informing me plainly as to what i was and am up against..
Yesterday i also corrected a blog i had written before elections under deliberate needling that had made me write offensive views on minorities .That post kept niggling me ever since i wrote it ,since i actually have no ill will towards minorities . I am living amongst them for past 12 yeras without any friction or ill will .so do my hub and son .But i wanted to teach the politicians a lesson for un necessarily trifling with my peaceful life ,hence i kept it on with the hope and trust that they would be responsible enough as not to exploit that post .Then i forgot about it.under constant harrassment . Few days back i decided to correct that post by writing my true views and did so yesterday.
Had fixed an appointment with ent to un block my eras but a call came thatent was on leave .Am i being given a chance to blog this and may be other recent diary writings as well ? A choice between life and death by the very person or persons who have the capacity coupled with full backing of authorities ,to take life away ,before i get too lulled by medicines i may be prescribed mainly to cure my anxiety and thus lose my very basic instinct for self preservation of my son's and hub's and my life ?
It appears that since threat to my hub's life was somehow averted either by act of god or due to intervention of humane friends here and abroad it is my only surviving son's life which is under threat .The fact that young men are constantly shown ,walking or chatting seems to be giving indication where the next threat lies.Whom can i appeal to save his life?I have made so many and yet i have received no information, plain and square from concerned authorities .
Aernt there millions of citizens living happily and peacefully with thier families in this country? Why shouldnt i and my family?
Kural at 1 pm --"If a person wants to give but others stop it out f jealousy then those around will deny such jealous persons of food, clothes ,shelter and water."
Kural at 6 pm --living without fame is of no use.
For past few days my hub's [ i noticed when we went out together] as well as my attention has been drawn to to young men riding on motorbikes as well as to buxom women ,mostly young in t shirts or see through sarees.
Ferw days back i remember well drssed women of n e cahtting outside a house on my returmn from a walkIt seemed an odd place and too early in morn for such a lively gathering.
Today too when i went out my attention was sought to be distracted by young men who looked like those working in IT , mostly hapy faced but a few sad and unshaven young men also shopped by my side!
I have to mention all this becuase i find it all very sinister specially after i swa the ns of murder of ane boy in delhi
the ptg of IT boys is also very scary and my mind naturally makes a connection to my IT son and makes me fera for his safety
just who is showing me all this? .is it actually enacted and does it bear links?
Heard kural 8 pm ' control anger otherwise it will kill one'---Is it for me?Did i abuse any one publicly?Did i abuse any one before i was pushed to a corner?even a rat will turn nad fight its hunter . i have been needled for 2 tyeras withiout any one coming to my rescue openly.I can bet that the mildest person would turn even more angry than me if he or she was put in such a dictatorial set up for 2 yeras as i was held and am still being held and in constantly receives degrading and de humanising humiliations every day .
As i walked back , in even i drew support from the sacred fig leaves flapping from the road side whose delicate leaves were rose tinged indicating its newly born status that seemed to say .men may come amd go but we will grow and regenerate again and again and spread our sacredness all around and guard all of you a oin th maner we have been doing since long and will continue to do so.don't worry. i felt relief wash over me.
A ambas car with name 'govt of india' drove by .
as i entered the kitchen to prepare coffee after waking up at 3 am and lying fully awake ,first in my bedroom than in a sudden thought that t as better for my hub if i sared his room for remaining f the night ,so went there and lay down beside him who was snoring loudly with rise and fal of his belly that has become enormos in past few months , saw a seive that is used to remove chaff from wheta lying on the floor .
I remember that as i lay analysing the drama i saw yesterday as well as aarticle i read in a local apaper i suddenly clenched my teeth for onravelling the past one month torment and injustise of it all and may ave cursed csime onre otr the other in power.Who is that person in receipt of my abuses for few seconds i do ot recall in fact i forget it the next instant , hence iam writing all this now itsef lest i forget this also and thus not expalin myself and cause more and more heat burns and trouble for myself.
There many ways in which one lets of steam .Crying and abusing are my two forms of let offs apart from few othersWhen i was about to cry at 3 am when i woke up bolt upright at this unerathly hour and started closing the glass windows and lay in hot interiors didnt switch on the ac as i was wary of it sucking in whartecver probes and rays that are hovering outside in the open space but switched on the transi for music but was careful to keep it waway from my body lest either it or i transmit something through it and herad soulful tunes played on a flute that drew me dep dep into the universe where my late son was slowly apperaing with hi usual smile that made me plunge into that unresolved grief once again with my presnt impossible position snf predicament ading to it . The thretas i have been facing for past two months that it lay squarely in my hands though the culprits were some one else to save the honour of our country., democracy etc at the cost of my family and my life and if i was smart enough to somehow manage to save both! No wonder my shoulder has become hunched and bowed .The burden too tough to take on , all alone.The scared faces that greet me where ever i go adds further to my fera and makes me lose my confidence in my self.The constant watch has mede me very nervous and to lose satisfaction from the ordinary pleasyres f life like etaing , watching tv or walking freely .
Am i a professional soldierv to face enemies without bothering about life and put my life and my family's for the sake of my country? No ! Soldiers do it volutarily whilst i was pushed into this forcibly .Naturally there is patriotism in me like the next person but it doesnt extend to such an extent that for having it , an ordinary middle aged householders like us and our innocent son and close relatives as well have tpo ay for it with our lives.Does this hapen in any other country?Then what is the need for aving army navy etc?What are able bodied and well trainable men for? Whist we in 50's and 60's have to climb mountains with degenerating hearts to face and tackle the enemies?Isnt such a unusual set up un heard of in other countries?
O.K back to my slipping into teras , when suddenly my hub barged in [cased?]to use th etoilet giving me ascare.He walked away in heavy tread. My teras dried .Had i cried my mind would have cleraed and i may not have lain awake thinking , linking and cursing .So may be there was adesign in that sudden movement of hub.
i dont know whether writing all this i am putting myself ad hub to more danger or not .But some how i feel that it is my role to write this diary as well as my daily activities.apart from token visit to party office.By writing i can clera my mind and also clera the foggy atmosphere sorrounging me and enable those who cahn discern the iner meanings to arrive at conclusions that could save our lives and free us from this deathly trap with its vice like grip.
okback to my abusing at 3.30 or 4 am As i didso herad some vessel fall in kitcen which i didnt investigate then itself but slipped into a tiny nap.
Well now, not remembering as whom i abused scares me and hence this long winding expalnation to all those shameless people whoatre bent on proboing , sucking out my thoughts and using them for ulterior purposes even before i give a concrete form in words written in this diary or elewhere.Agai does this happen elewhere in this world?That a citizens mind is constantly bombarded , probed , planted with conflicting thoughts and sucked out ?What a dirty game this is.Aernt there enough palnets in this universe where such technology can be put to use for migration of people than wasting it on political intelligence insteda of probing a tired brain like mine .I have to write this diary an innatl one precisely because of mt innatl friends to comabat innatl, natl and local enemies if i and my family has to get out of this mess in one peice.
ok now recounting my daily activities.
yesterday went otfor walkat 7 am thinking tis and that .The roads lined with treesare in ull bloom The gumoharshave studded their emerald green leaves with ruby red petals .again i coudnt drink in the beauty of ature and fill myself with spirtual satisfaction theway i would have 2 yeras back and feel reccharged .I just glanced at it without any pleasure.After a listless wlk whilst retrning back saw a old woman curled up on the pavement ,the exact place where abulldozer had paced menacingly up ad down the day my observations of my trip to the beach and back was scripted in my mind in we ors and sucked out .couple of weks back.She was curled up then also and my herat missed a fewbeta sat the proximity of that monstrous vevicle in her space.
Brushing aside a vey strong internal wrning not to give her money or face consequences, probably to either test or put an end to my altruistic streak , i droped er atebn rupee note ,She looked at me with glazed eyes in grtaitude and touched and folded her palms at me as a gesture of mute thanks.I immediately felt my head clear and all my feras vanished that instant.I felt that who ecver was troubling me were in no match to the one who is above ,all.The sky looked bluer and vaster and the cloudsshone with silver specks.My herat lifted and ifelt confident and felt it was ok to to be myself .
The hunger ifelt when i saw those people from a loqwer economic strata gorging on steaming idlis bought from road side vendors on myway back , vanished as i had te satisfaction that with that 10 rs that frail old woman could satisfy her hunger at esast for 3 days ,if she could make it to the govt canteen or sme one bougyt her idlis from there.
In the next lane a black street dog suddenly pounced on a smaller brown dog and bit it.The smaller one ran away dazed and feraful.Further down saw a oldetr , thinner tired version of pf with long hair and sacred ash on his forhead dragging himself by with slumped shoulders whilst i was feeling pretty high and alive.
Then coking, then read articles on net of the rights
Evening went to a play .Nice one. About sendig a space shuttle with a athiest as head and a theist as his junior and a l woman scientist and a down to erath affable minister and his pa, assistant and a spy thrown in .The theist observed that since us and wn countries was putting too many retsrictionslike tey didrecently on a nuclear pant on the ground that itwasspilling waste on to the sea we i india must rely on own brains to develop .The minister pitches in and the shuttle is sent.
After getting back home a car with govt of india drove away in the front.Had dinner and read the paper .An humorous article about a cahrcter in a film sent me into ,peals of laughter It loked like a comic version of my real life tragedy for th epast 1 month in particular and 2 yeras in general.
It lesened my tension amnd made me sleep wel and i connected the dots of the article when i woke up at 3 am and my heart sank and mind was filled with anger and would have abused those who nearly killed my hub and also drove me to my brink.
This is what i made out.as gleaned fromthat art
That i am a split .one tough and other docile.The former hero was caught by defence honcho's and cbi , which does sevarl work not connected to its real work who used methods borrowed from guantemano bay only that they by mistake took a joke manual to torture that tough hero to ferret out the truth .And when they gave a shock the transformer --my hub i sppos couldn't take the load and burst which led to power crisis in t nadu which it is yet to recover from .he predicted that actor would become cm next.
the parrele story of a maths genius of last cent had few lines about how those studying on 8 th std being in teens were full of hormoes that made them have several suitorsandtherfore cannot be trusted to have fidelity.
o.k i made a connection .So i am also that teen stucjk in age 14 [so i was and am made to be stuck deliberatyely , iremember writing my diary in very good vacabulary,routinely that amazed me even before that 20 12 .since i used to write a diary only sketchily and haphazardly till i think 2010..So something fishy was going on much much before] . as aslo creative /mathematical like that genius.Work of adjustment breau? Can never trust these extreme secularists who had a free run in last regime and probably still do .
It is one of th etime tested methods to doubt the morality /fidelity of women who are forward to put them down.
ok back.So transformer is my hub whose medications for heart prescribed every month may have deadened the immunity system to fight back .and was slowly collapsing at the don juan methods .Was he dying ? or going batty?prob both.And i was definetly going batty.at tis 25 day long torture .Then it was lesened and the grip reaxed insted of going for the kill which could have the original aim .What made tis happen?Sinepower crisr was mentioned i am linking this to news iread then that the kkpwas being shut for a month .What made thi shapen to aplant tat wasbgoing ahead in full steam? The agitators have gone, hence i conect this to the amazing fact that my hbs detoriating conditions came tothe notice ofin natl community my viwers who deciderd to restrain the govt here by stopping kkn production on some grounds may be environmental to stop the torture of amiddleclas famuily whom many in inatl community may have alsoexpolited but but there could also be many who actually liked us and felt us to be one of them so as to stop this inhuman tretment. Thanks to you all .My eyes fill with tera s as i ackowledge your care andconcern .True humanity.
Thanks to that journo as well who made me see it all .
Though many may view me as traitor in here though it is no fault of mine . i aws actaully built up asiduosly in here as a person having a say in inantl community without my knowledge or consent.As a citizen leading a midle classlife if it is a choice between my family's life, safety and well being and country's honour in a situation which was not of my making but this very country's and may be other inquisitive country's groups,politiciansmedia and even govt machinery i will naturalyy put my family's life ad peace above the nation and i have.Why should an ordinary diarist like me stick out my neck when thetre leaders and persons who are in such a high position and jobs and are aware of the risks that their job entails and are willing to stick out thier necks on being assured of rings and rings of safety nets around them to do their jobs without any distraction or insecurity ?.
The sanctions i guess are for stopping the power roduction at kudankulam on grounds of environmemt .The very power plantb for which i fought bravely ,to secure th emunifence from russia for sake of betterment of living conditions of my people viz my country's citizens .Irony!
In hindsight maybe i should have given in then itself and secured my release then itself.Only ,i didnt know as to what was happening and how deep the web was insteda felt thrilled that due to my latesomn'd desire that i blog, i was able to get a such a good deal for my country just by writing and then with hold writing.
If only i had known then tself that by writing what was expected of me without any anlysis that i would be saving my hub's ,son's reltives and mine , i would have written that which was expected of me and controlled my urge to link .deals between countries for development etc is the job f country' heads and not mone.I would have obeyed the suggestions ad orders and quietly slipped of and let the political laeders at the helm handle it at atime and palce of thier choosing , if onyi had known then itself that i was uwittingly staking the life of my hub's son's , mine and relatives.
Just who are these political leaders? so far i was thinking it could be the ruling onse from previous regime .what if it wasnt and it was th eopposition .I can digest it to a certain extent if it was the former but what if it was thelatter.? All those i admired and held in high esteem for so many yeras for thier sincerity, honesty ,humane outlook would come crashing down from their high pedestals and it would be very dificult for me to digest it.This would be coupled with the feling of being betrayed by the very people i trusted so deeply and went seeking refuge and seek solutions to the problem of non stop invasion of privacy by media and others as well as harassments and humiliations and not informing me plainly as to what i was and am up against..
Yesterday i also corrected a blog i had written before elections under deliberate needling that had made me write offensive views on minorities .That post kept niggling me ever since i wrote it ,since i actually have no ill will towards minorities . I am living amongst them for past 12 yeras without any friction or ill will .so do my hub and son .But i wanted to teach the politicians a lesson for un necessarily trifling with my peaceful life ,hence i kept it on with the hope and trust that they would be responsible enough as not to exploit that post .Then i forgot about it.under constant harrassment . Few days back i decided to correct that post by writing my true views and did so yesterday.
Had fixed an appointment with ent to un block my eras but a call came thatent was on leave .Am i being given a chance to blog this and may be other recent diary writings as well ? A choice between life and death by the very person or persons who have the capacity coupled with full backing of authorities ,to take life away ,before i get too lulled by medicines i may be prescribed mainly to cure my anxiety and thus lose my very basic instinct for self preservation of my son's and hub's and my life ?
It appears that since threat to my hub's life was somehow averted either by act of god or due to intervention of humane friends here and abroad it is my only surviving son's life which is under threat .The fact that young men are constantly shown ,walking or chatting seems to be giving indication where the next threat lies.Whom can i appeal to save his life?I have made so many and yet i have received no information, plain and square from concerned authorities .
Aernt there millions of citizens living happily and peacefully with thier families in this country? Why shouldnt i and my family?
Kural at 1 pm --"If a person wants to give but others stop it out f jealousy then those around will deny such jealous persons of food, clothes ,shelter and water."
Kural at 6 pm --living without fame is of no use.
For past few days my hub's [ i noticed when we went out together] as well as my attention has been drawn to to young men riding on motorbikes as well as to buxom women ,mostly young in t shirts or see through sarees.
Ferw days back i remember well drssed women of n e cahtting outside a house on my returmn from a walkIt seemed an odd place and too early in morn for such a lively gathering.
Today too when i went out my attention was sought to be distracted by young men who looked like those working in IT , mostly hapy faced but a few sad and unshaven young men also shopped by my side!
I have to mention all this becuase i find it all very sinister specially after i swa the ns of murder of ane boy in delhi
the ptg of IT boys is also very scary and my mind naturally makes a connection to my IT son and makes me fera for his safety
just who is showing me all this? .is it actually enacted and does it bear links?
Heard kural 8 pm ' control anger otherwise it will kill one'---Is it for me?Did i abuse any one publicly?Did i abuse any one before i was pushed to a corner?even a rat will turn nad fight its hunter . i have been needled for 2 tyeras withiout any one coming to my rescue openly.I can bet that the mildest person would turn even more angry than me if he or she was put in such a dictatorial set up for 2 yeras as i was held and am still being held and in constantly receives degrading and de humanising humiliations every day .
As i walked back , in even i drew support from the sacred fig leaves flapping from the road side whose delicate leaves were rose tinged indicating its newly born status that seemed to say .men may come amd go but we will grow and regenerate again and again and spread our sacredness all around and guard all of you a oin th maner we have been doing since long and will continue to do so.don't worry. i felt relief wash over me.
A ambas car with name 'govt of india' drove by .
posted by K.C. Sujata at
7:49 AM
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