Nowhere to hide-- successful completion. 6.7.14. sunday -9.35.am
Went to bed at 10 but didn't get a wink of sleep.I was going through the reactions/observation of the nature and capacity of woman political leader whom i saw just in flash of few seconds on tv. and then started correcting it by blaming myself for being envious of that person's personality,energy, etc.This went on and on and i decided that i'd better share my hub's bed at this unusual penitence that was coupled with the safety of my son who is in a metro giving a exam --sent by his company.
As usual of late i felt ,it was planned and so is ,his return on 8 th .setting of alarm bells.Earlier i rang up my bub in town and cautioned him about threat of death to him owing to my forcible role in political power games.I did same to hub.I may appear paranoid or make me appear like one.whatever the fear has been put deeply into my heart,abdomen and body in past 1 month of non stop jamming and heavy brain washing as to make it appear real specially after my b.il's death .
My thoughts kept running and with a shock i understood that they are being keenly read with accompanying sounds of criticism and encouragement like a tap on the ceiling or a chortle.And that i am made to correct even in privacy of my mind any ill will to any one ,specially political leaders , with accompanying shrill observations in breaking news and news panels.Even if such a thought is only in passing.
How is it possible or any one to be lily pure?Don't all people experience both positive and negative thoughts?Just show me one person who has reached that state in ordinary course of life .
It would be harsh to deny any person of her or his thought process to reach its logical end of her or is own will ,instead of intervening to set it right.This is squashing the very individuality of a person and i feel it is being done to me.
That i month long jamming etc must be brain washing.Just who ordered this callous and inhuman torture?Just who has so much hatred towards me?Or is it hatred directed at some one else and i am being used as a pawn for adjustment by super secularists ?.
I got the clue of my thoughts being read when i landed in a nearby house ,once again the day before.The man slipped away and his extrovert wife of my age regaled me with anecdotes etc.I watched her face and thought 'how happy she is!'and said so to her.she replied that she always admired me for being strong and bold .A gift she said.I found her gift of enjoying simple life equally worthy.
she advised me to write since it was also a rare gift and asked me not feel apologetic for writing about Hinduism .and said 'even i go to beach but find nothing to marvel and write about it where as some people do.'.
As i went over this conversation and that line last night a coin dropped .After visiting the beach last week i wanted to write about the shimmering water, level sand and that makes walking easy, the dirty free toilet, the rickety bus seats ,the laughing faces of young girls in droves going to school and also in that bus and the suicidal way in which young school boys chased buses to board it and to find a foot hold but refrained from doing so and the next morning i scripted it in my mind lying half asleep.When i went for a walk a little later saw a corporation bulldozer barring my way and banging against a brick wall furiously and on my return a dirty garbage vehicle was stuck all over with tiny lotus labels.
So that thought scripted in my mind had been read and it was being exhibited to me.Earlier for past 2 years s it was about the unique way i buttoned up or dressed in my bathroom or some such act.done in privacy .
Those persons are aware as to what is going on since they were very much into this from the time it all started but are not coming out straight.Her voice as usual reached a high volume and speed as her hub walked in .Any way in that long talks i could gather the hint that now even my thoughts are being read .
Every person will get positive and negative reactions and a sword cannot be dangled to say that one should never get such thoughts or otherwise!This is like trying a person before the crime is committed .Unless i give speech to my thoughts ,some of which i would even forget the next instant or write it down i cannot be held responsible for which i am yet to commit myself for taking responsibility for having such thoughts!
This is unheard of in any state except in rare cases, if fear is impelling such acts and if it is actually directed against some one else ,this is a cowardly thing to do.Either face the foe or meet and accept the foe or forget the foe.Whatever just do not make me a pawn in this dangerous politics of power.
As mentioned earlier when i published my blog on 2.7.14 i felt a deep pain in my left ear.. Instant punishment.The doc didn't even remove the fungus which he said was the cause with suitable instruments instead used forceps pressing down my tongue and knocking my teeth.totally uncalled for.Reminded me of the treatment given to a dictator .Another skit was played.
He prescribed tablets which has taken away the pain but has not removed the block or the sound of wind whooshing by constantly.My skin across the forehead has become tightly stretched like a mask like as if it can be peeled off and i can tap my face specially my forehead and hear a hollow sound and feel no sensations on the skin My tongue and even lips taste bitter and have lost my appetite for food and normal life.Have become more or less like a robot Talking on cue and always correcting thoughts
The tok tok of lizards yes,yes to thoughts has been replaced by a sharp and intense chortle when ever i have a conversation with myself which is never ending these days The latest cue is is of sound of flapping paper.quick change!
If not for that blogger who has written about people cookers any one reading this would conclude that i am going to pieces on my own, Bless him .He has given the exact details , methods and results which are being applied to me for past 2 years [since i became aware of it]and has intensified after elections and change of govt .I have no doubt about my sanity .it is ok as far as i am concerned except for short bouts of anxiety now and then.The anxiety fanned by the threats i am made to feel. These are all attempts ,quite successful owing to gadgets and power, and a long period of constant application and employed with ruthlessness and harshness to break me down completely.
An unfair war.A hidden war waged against a middle aged , middle class woman.There is nothing to trumpet over this victory by those who have nearly got it.
Just how much longer must i be forced to endure these manipulations?Why is it in such a shady manner?Why not see me in person face to face and tell me what the problem is?Am i not old or mature to understand and adjust to things if it was made clear as to what is so troubling in my writings?And whom is it troubling?What is the need for this shady form of control and constant playacting for some minor gains and some major losses?Who is scared of whom?Isn't this an sovereign country that allows its citizens to enjoy all rights?I did fully till 2 years back.Why this sudden shackling for past 2 years and its continuation ?unanswered questions.
Just who are p f and co? Which law gives this power to do all this?Why can't they be removed or shifted At least i am aware but my hub is unaware and he is too easy going .his heart is weakened by shady tactics of pf and co?My son is also kept in total ignorance and kept away from us for too long a time.
this pf and co seem to be up against me and has become too harsh these days. Who ever in authority please remove this person and co who are becoming increasingly ruthless and monstrous..
.
As usual of late i felt ,it was planned and so is ,his return on 8 th .setting of alarm bells.Earlier i rang up my bub in town and cautioned him about threat of death to him owing to my forcible role in political power games.I did same to hub.I may appear paranoid or make me appear like one.whatever the fear has been put deeply into my heart,abdomen and body in past 1 month of non stop jamming and heavy brain washing as to make it appear real specially after my b.il's death .
My thoughts kept running and with a shock i understood that they are being keenly read with accompanying sounds of criticism and encouragement like a tap on the ceiling or a chortle.And that i am made to correct even in privacy of my mind any ill will to any one ,specially political leaders , with accompanying shrill observations in breaking news and news panels.Even if such a thought is only in passing.
How is it possible or any one to be lily pure?Don't all people experience both positive and negative thoughts?Just show me one person who has reached that state in ordinary course of life .
It would be harsh to deny any person of her or his thought process to reach its logical end of her or is own will ,instead of intervening to set it right.This is squashing the very individuality of a person and i feel it is being done to me.
That i month long jamming etc must be brain washing.Just who ordered this callous and inhuman torture?Just who has so much hatred towards me?Or is it hatred directed at some one else and i am being used as a pawn for adjustment by super secularists ?.
I got the clue of my thoughts being read when i landed in a nearby house ,once again the day before.The man slipped away and his extrovert wife of my age regaled me with anecdotes etc.I watched her face and thought 'how happy she is!'and said so to her.she replied that she always admired me for being strong and bold .A gift she said.I found her gift of enjoying simple life equally worthy.
she advised me to write since it was also a rare gift and asked me not feel apologetic for writing about Hinduism .and said 'even i go to beach but find nothing to marvel and write about it where as some people do.'.
As i went over this conversation and that line last night a coin dropped .After visiting the beach last week i wanted to write about the shimmering water, level sand and that makes walking easy, the dirty free toilet, the rickety bus seats ,the laughing faces of young girls in droves going to school and also in that bus and the suicidal way in which young school boys chased buses to board it and to find a foot hold but refrained from doing so and the next morning i scripted it in my mind lying half asleep.When i went for a walk a little later saw a corporation bulldozer barring my way and banging against a brick wall furiously and on my return a dirty garbage vehicle was stuck all over with tiny lotus labels.
So that thought scripted in my mind had been read and it was being exhibited to me.Earlier for past 2 years s it was about the unique way i buttoned up or dressed in my bathroom or some such act.done in privacy .
Those persons are aware as to what is going on since they were very much into this from the time it all started but are not coming out straight.Her voice as usual reached a high volume and speed as her hub walked in .Any way in that long talks i could gather the hint that now even my thoughts are being read .
Every person will get positive and negative reactions and a sword cannot be dangled to say that one should never get such thoughts or otherwise!This is like trying a person before the crime is committed .Unless i give speech to my thoughts ,some of which i would even forget the next instant or write it down i cannot be held responsible for which i am yet to commit myself for taking responsibility for having such thoughts!
This is unheard of in any state except in rare cases, if fear is impelling such acts and if it is actually directed against some one else ,this is a cowardly thing to do.Either face the foe or meet and accept the foe or forget the foe.Whatever just do not make me a pawn in this dangerous politics of power.
As mentioned earlier when i published my blog on 2.7.14 i felt a deep pain in my left ear.. Instant punishment.The doc didn't even remove the fungus which he said was the cause with suitable instruments instead used forceps pressing down my tongue and knocking my teeth.totally uncalled for.Reminded me of the treatment given to a dictator .Another skit was played.
He prescribed tablets which has taken away the pain but has not removed the block or the sound of wind whooshing by constantly.My skin across the forehead has become tightly stretched like a mask like as if it can be peeled off and i can tap my face specially my forehead and hear a hollow sound and feel no sensations on the skin My tongue and even lips taste bitter and have lost my appetite for food and normal life.Have become more or less like a robot Talking on cue and always correcting thoughts
The tok tok of lizards yes,yes to thoughts has been replaced by a sharp and intense chortle when ever i have a conversation with myself which is never ending these days The latest cue is is of sound of flapping paper.quick change!
If not for that blogger who has written about people cookers any one reading this would conclude that i am going to pieces on my own, Bless him .He has given the exact details , methods and results which are being applied to me for past 2 years [since i became aware of it]and has intensified after elections and change of govt .I have no doubt about my sanity .it is ok as far as i am concerned except for short bouts of anxiety now and then.The anxiety fanned by the threats i am made to feel. These are all attempts ,quite successful owing to gadgets and power, and a long period of constant application and employed with ruthlessness and harshness to break me down completely.
An unfair war.A hidden war waged against a middle aged , middle class woman.There is nothing to trumpet over this victory by those who have nearly got it.
Just how much longer must i be forced to endure these manipulations?Why is it in such a shady manner?Why not see me in person face to face and tell me what the problem is?Am i not old or mature to understand and adjust to things if it was made clear as to what is so troubling in my writings?And whom is it troubling?What is the need for this shady form of control and constant playacting for some minor gains and some major losses?Who is scared of whom?Isn't this an sovereign country that allows its citizens to enjoy all rights?I did fully till 2 years back.Why this sudden shackling for past 2 years and its continuation ?unanswered questions.
Just who are p f and co? Which law gives this power to do all this?Why can't they be removed or shifted At least i am aware but my hub is unaware and he is too easy going .his heart is weakened by shady tactics of pf and co?My son is also kept in total ignorance and kept away from us for too long a time.
this pf and co seem to be up against me and has become too harsh these days. Who ever in authority please remove this person and co who are becoming increasingly ruthless and monstrous..
.
posted by K.C. Sujata at
2:26 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home