The day dawned grey with dark clouds eclipsing the normally pleasant golden sunrise of spring .The clouds however sped away as the day chugged in its usual path to keep its tryst with night, several hours away, depositing its rays on the leaves of the nearby Arasamaram making the tiny fruits that had ripened recently in a amazing red, amazing since it contrasted vividly with the pastel green of mature leaves and glittered like rubies when the boughs swayed ,with the leaves flapping merrily as the breeze rustled through them .
The attractive colour of the berries dancing to tunes heard only by them not only attracted my attention but also of several pairs of koels ,coal black with fiery red eyes and their grey coloured mates frolicked amongst those fresh fruits cooing in some secret delight.
Black and grey seem to be the motif of the day since the butterflies that flitted around were also black with circles of gray bordering their powdery wings .Black and grey were also the labourers ,their sun soaked skins contrasting with the grey cement they were pouring on the road in a bid to extend it.
Black and grey was also my mood when i was denied the access to to the Net in my black PC .The workings of black and grey shadows taking offence at my reference to their lack of intelligence which is so vital in a job dealing with security of the nation owing to the system of reservations prevalent in our country.
I could have used the Women,s day card to secure immediate and highly patronising access as an emotional appeal to my blackmailers,but didn't since that would concede justifying reservations on grounds of history.etcetc,so instead worked off my black mood by walking on the terrace.
The sun set coloring whirlpools of white clouds swirling in a brick red sky to slate grey .As it darkened a pair of eagles coasting above took leave and a group of black bats flapped and swooped and squeaked in unusual excitement as they all veered towards the the arasamaram vying for a foot hold upside down to gorge on the fruits ,plentiful remains of the morning feasting by other winged as well as mammalian creatures whose life is simplified to a daily routine of feeding of natures offerings.
As the sky blackened the starlight hidden by the brilliance of our nearest star swirled, strewn across the sky in definable patterns .Just gazing at them for a while was enough to shed the feeling of loneliness that had crept up.
Since it was decided to keep me off the net today unless it was requested or begged for with a pliant and coquettish look in my eyes which i couldn't bring myself to , on a day when the world was celebrating Women's day ,since that would have been demeaning to other women, if i did so.I would have let them down notionally by subjubgating myself to male domination and authority ,for what was rightly mine.So watched TV instead that was suffused with women and the topic that always follows next that of rape , abuse etc in gory details.
In a foriegn TV a woman compere said that .Net was empowering women .Since, like minded women across the globe could shed their loneliness and bond with one another in issues taxing them in common and learn from each others experiences ,strengthen themselves with their support.An Mexican activist supported the view that economic freedom of women as well as the active participation of men was very vital in empowering women.Appreciation to the overwhelming support of men young and old in empowering women as was witnessed in Delhi in Dec last on Jyothi Pandey 's tragic brutalisation was made wholeheartedly.It is crass insensitivity [is there a pseudo secular angle to this?] to call the victim ,already a faceless, one by names so very patronisingly bestowed by prim and proper genteels like Nirbhaya etc, and thus rendering her further faceless amongst the anonymous millions denied of her individuality and dignity even after her death though supposedly waking the conscience of the nation. .
Crazy and also weird as it may seem ,but it is very apt that i dedicate Women's day synonymous with liberation from men's domination and running rough shod over basic human rights , or my empowerment day to two men in my life.
First my father who stood firm in is views that property after him should also go to me in equal measure along with my 4 for brothers though there were objections to his views , he was firm in overruling the usual argument that enough money was spent on the daughter over her [my] marriage.
The substantial share [from my view point] gave me tremendous confidence .To those viewers [women] like journos ,working etc from the very beginning ,would view me with condescention .But to a person like me who passed on from fathers house to husbands house relying solely on their expendable income,level of indulgence ,moods etc for decades ,a tidy sum in my own name was a very uplifting moment,for my self respect and freedom.
Second my late son .If not for his extraordinary sensitivity to my feelings, his amazement at my vocabulary and a deep faith in my writing skills and his burning desire that i capitalise on it [before the bequest] by writing blogs and securing ads and thus become financially independent and strong ,i wouldn't be in the net.
So did i make money from it?No. But it was a conduit to bond with people of similar views .How so ever minuscule my audiences were ,it thrilled me to know that apart from my late son there were others in the world who were interested in what i thought ,felt and observed.That gave me strength, support ,how so ever little ,the backscratching was comforting
I was literally no one for 50 years.Then suddenly i was some one .such a 'some one ' that secretive figures who else but Intel's at behest of politicos found their way to my flat and my usual beat for supervision actively in the past one year actively non stop!
I suppose that any house wife whose life revolved only around her family would have collapsed at the sudden and secretive[only to the immediate family and not to others] shady but very real interrogation that went on for two months which was very scary, highly intimidating ,humiliating in public as well as in the privacy of my house,isolating and the continuing harassment.It was and is no joke.But i didn't. The reason partly maybe my nature as i had done nothing wrong so what was there to fear ,knowledge of laws that govern us with all its checks and balances that would not let anyone howsoever authoritative exceed the limits and largely the empowerment that came to me by being on the net where i knew and sensed that i wasn't alone and that people were watching the enfolding drama with some of them ---true friends of my late son horrified and truly sympathising with me.Just in the way as i looked at a bright red star earlier in the evening and the feeling of being short changed had dissolved .
Two men in my life empowered me on their own volition ,one due to principles and other due to compassion without me having even once to ask,or agitate or slave or plead or beg.It is unfortunate that both could do it only with their death.
