Price of power. 31.3.14

Since i was in the eye of the storm in the Andaman cyclone  370 ,its after effects are still reverberating in me.
Viewing the triangle dispassionately ,today i realise that Obama  whom i cursed in the height of my emotional outbursts and has caught my attention  since then was doing what he did viz cutting deals with our politicians so as to promote his country's interests and so was Putin.

But what our politicians have done wasn't .Frankly all those involved in this plot  have held the entire country at ransom for the sake of the prestige of a single woman.

It reminds of the legend from ancient world history that the  beautiful face of a woman - Helen of troy   launched a thousand ships.When i see all those ships and planes scouting the Indian ocean for that mysteriously so near yet so far wreckage of that ill fated plane which  makes my stomach turn  and anger blurr my vision at the cold blooded nature of diplomacy i wonder whether history has repeated itself.

Holding this country hostage for the prestige of a single woman could very well continue unless that woman and her clique decided never to step into US and let go off magnanimously keeping in view the enormous love and adulation showered on her by teeming millions in her matrimonial home the very basisof the power and prestige as otherwise she would have been just one among the millions a nondecripit home maker .Shopping for vegetables and talking to vendors instead of presiding over conclaves and conversing with foreign dignitaries . 

Experiments with my emotions and the compulsive obssesion with its results.

I suffered indignities in the hands of a tailor whilst taking my measurements ,who is long known to me [, clearly acting under orders,yet ]which   made me fly into a rage on 25.9.13 and then wrote about it in my personal diary on 26.9.13 in the morning which is available for immediate  public viewing by all the bigwigs  so i am not going into the details.To be a successful politician or roaring journo or highly circulated newspaper one should not have  that normal feeling known as shame or feel even the tiniest prick of conscience and follow the policy 'all of yours is mine but mine is only for myself.
                                                                                                                                    
And then analysed its political angle and concluded that --'the presumption forming the basis of a long analysis is that shop has affiliations dmkand since that party is well known in here for anti Brahmini'sm and harassing Brahmin women as well  and that it couldn't have Cong affiliations since that party is known for its decency and moral standards in public life wouldn't stoop so low , but oops that was the image of that party in the past which by force of habit  i had forgotten and it could and must have changed now.'

Evening read news that youngsters in Cong were against ordinance.

27.9.13  noon was reading toi .How they had started the campaign against that ordinance overturning SC 'decision on criminals in politics and about how modi had  reffered to the deaths of jawans and the indifference of our pm to attend a banquet with pak pm in us.Today is malaya paksham ,a day one offers shradha to even strangers ,but whose death touches us .Those young soldiers in their 20's death for this country touched me .When i am fanned i reach for the remote dozen time as a day to read the barking news unlike in my earlier habit and desire to see only films or discovery etc.And so i did soon after lunch and lo behold the great news was  of the' protected species' raging in the press club over his own ordinance, was breaking! I made a connection with my reading that article in the  paper.
three things arise--

1. What i say or read at the height of my emotions fanned deliberately especially after a small prayer or puja acts as a trigger to some one very high up to come to a decision.This could be a incurable obsession [well hidden from public gaze]which is being exploited by a coterie to push for change and cleansing and re inventing the old old party .If so who is this coterie.
2. I could be deliberately set up  ie hound me on one hand and also make me aware of my indirect role in the policies of Cong party, in some of them and thus make me feel wanted and important and thus make me surrender not defect since no one is taking my membership of bjp seriously, at the lily white feet.

So why am i not doing so After all  i am born and bred amongst ghandhi topees at least in my formative years?

1. My self respect.I should be invited or at least asked to do so instead of being coerced.i suspect even bjp tried doing it but i joined it for different reasons mentioned in earlier blogs.The more i am hounded and treated as a sub human the more i am hardening.

2.Definitely if i fall on the feet i'll be kicked around even more furiously  for ideas by those who should be naturally possessed of  to lead  this country but seem to be lacking and by that very logic are unfit to rule. It is natural for any woman to  plump any day to be protected by a strong person with sound and good convictions than be burdened with the thankless and insipid job of protecting a highly protected persons

3. Since both Cong and bjp are hands and gloves in this indecent , illegal intrusion into my life it is meaningless to do so.Like i said the harassment and disrespect will not stop it will only be private and i wont even have the luxury to lighten my woes through this blog..

I suppose the gimmick of rubbishing the ordinance is a knee jerk reaction to the rally of clean Mr modi at Delhi [on 29 th]--the focal point of civil society movements that frightened the unclean political classes en mass 2  year back and also made them land at my flat. '

The hanging ....from my diary....21.11.12.

Kasab was hanged today at 7.30.AM, quietly!Sri Pranab took the decision on 8 th nov according to ndtv.
Something made me check my writings and my diary .On 7th Nov  i had written in my diary that youngsters are still furious at the carnage in Bombay on 2008.

Did my observation hasten Congress to decide swiftly on the matter of Kasab's execution?

Oh i feel sick. My stomach is churning and i want to vomit.

Later in the evening ,on going through articles in Niti on the net regarding the sequence of dates leading to this final end i felt relieved to know that the decision was taken on 5 th Nov .But my relief was short lived .On checking my blogs found a piece written in all innocence about 'religion' on 2nd Nov that can also be suggestive for those scrutinising it for nefarious political gains .Nausea took over me once again.

Have to console myself that i didn't  decide only observed.It could be  co incidental or could also be a trigger to take a decision on this 'sticky issue' by the  Congress  from its[the minority loving party]point of view.

I wish it was   only purely co incidental .May be in my teens my blood would have boiled at the outrage to our country as it does in my son's and in his age group ,but with so many decades behind me and my own tragedy my intense emotions have mellowed.

I feel much better after writing this though i know it is being scanned skimmed and scooted by shameless politico's and journo's.

More importantly what is more scary and nauseating is that my observations , if at all was a trigger to act, has so much political weight,that ruthless politicians coolly capitalise!

Dirty Kasab has shed a lot of blood but i do not want his blood or any one's blood on my hands.This is what is troubling me.