Experiments with my emotions and the compulsive obssesion with its results.

I suffered indignities in the hands of a tailor whilst taking my measurements ,who is long known to me [, clearly acting under orders,yet ]which   made me fly into a rage on 25.9.13 and then wrote about it in my personal diary on 26.9.13 in the morning which is available for immediate  public viewing by all the bigwigs  so i am not going into the details.To be a successful politician or roaring journo or highly circulated newspaper one should not have  that normal feeling known as shame or feel even the tiniest prick of conscience and follow the policy 'all of yours is mine but mine is only for myself.
                                                                                                                                    
And then analysed its political angle and concluded that --'the presumption forming the basis of a long analysis is that shop has affiliations dmkand since that party is well known in here for anti Brahmini'sm and harassing Brahmin women as well  and that it couldn't have Cong affiliations since that party is known for its decency and moral standards in public life wouldn't stoop so low , but oops that was the image of that party in the past which by force of habit  i had forgotten and it could and must have changed now.'

Evening read news that youngsters in Cong were against ordinance.

27.9.13  noon was reading toi .How they had started the campaign against that ordinance overturning SC 'decision on criminals in politics and about how modi had  reffered to the deaths of jawans and the indifference of our pm to attend a banquet with pak pm in us.Today is malaya paksham ,a day one offers shradha to even strangers ,but whose death touches us .Those young soldiers in their 20's death for this country touched me .When i am fanned i reach for the remote dozen time as a day to read the barking news unlike in my earlier habit and desire to see only films or discovery etc.And so i did soon after lunch and lo behold the great news was  of the' protected species' raging in the press club over his own ordinance, was breaking! I made a connection with my reading that article in the  paper.
three things arise--

1. What i say or read at the height of my emotions fanned deliberately especially after a small prayer or puja acts as a trigger to some one very high up to come to a decision.This could be a incurable obsession [well hidden from public gaze]which is being exploited by a coterie to push for change and cleansing and re inventing the old old party .If so who is this coterie.
2. I could be deliberately set up  ie hound me on one hand and also make me aware of my indirect role in the policies of Cong party, in some of them and thus make me feel wanted and important and thus make me surrender not defect since no one is taking my membership of bjp seriously, at the lily white feet.

So why am i not doing so After all  i am born and bred amongst ghandhi topees at least in my formative years?

1. My self respect.I should be invited or at least asked to do so instead of being coerced.i suspect even bjp tried doing it but i joined it for different reasons mentioned in earlier blogs.The more i am hounded and treated as a sub human the more i am hardening.

2.Definitely if i fall on the feet i'll be kicked around even more furiously  for ideas by those who should be naturally possessed of  to lead  this country but seem to be lacking and by that very logic are unfit to rule. It is natural for any woman to  plump any day to be protected by a strong person with sound and good convictions than be burdened with the thankless and insipid job of protecting a highly protected persons

3. Since both Cong and bjp are hands and gloves in this indecent , illegal intrusion into my life it is meaningless to do so.Like i said the harassment and disrespect will not stop it will only be private and i wont even have the luxury to lighten my woes through this blog..

I suppose the gimmick of rubbishing the ordinance is a knee jerk reaction to the rally of clean Mr modi at Delhi [on 29 th]--the focal point of civil society movements that frightened the unclean political classes en mass 2  year back and also made them land at my flat. '