Japa and numbness,--2.10.17
Whilst doing silent japa on conclusion of morning puja could feel my legs go numb It soon reached unbearable levels.I knew that a was plane was coming for landing as wounds and scratches and sprains start throbbing with pain whenever a plane is few minutes away from sight.Bore the pain and didn't stretch my legs and continued with japa.Sure enough a blue winged plane came in sight seen clearly from my bedroom window Then i stretched my aching leg.In the next course of japa i started feeling Nausea and pressurre in my heart .Stuck on .Isnt my heart strong enough to bear all this?So says a recent medical report.So why fearThen a red winged plane came in sight.For third sequence of japa again felt numbness and saw ared winged plane.
When i finished and came near the fridge felt shivers [mild] run up and down my body making my hands shake. Since removal of that root canaled tooth these tremors soon after morning puja starts troubling me.It has become regular feature .I decided to relax in arm chair .The tremors didn't leave, and my late father 's fake started to appear.Alarmed i hiked up my sari .It revealed my stomach.Immediately the tremors vanished !Instantly!I was back to normal.
So all this is being done deliberately by some one watching me and exposure of my body puts them off.
Then had lunch and i suddenly started feeling angry at upper floor resident [may be due to transmission ] and started thinking thus---
In 2014 September got numerous messages day and night the whole of that month.One was this---Since my husband was too weak to control me or satiate my enormous sexual appetite [i was 57 then ] services of other men was needed to control and satiate me so as to give us a peaceful marital life .
This upper floor resident whom i have observed to be a psuedo liberal and the neighbour of my floor who prides in his Christian links who is nothing but a psuedo Hindu were the two such people known to me to be proffering thier services unasked since 2012.
1.This psuedo liberal who is so concerned about my husband 's pitiable state in my hands had said soon after the floods of 2015 had receded, to me and to the wife of the psuedo Hindu that he wanted to dunk his wife in the flood waters and to finish her off once and for all .He even imitated her waddling walk to justify his murderous urge.He regretted that he missed a very good oppurtunity to get rid off her!His heart bleeds for my husband but not for his wife.My husband would never tell such things about me even in the privacy of our house even as a joke.
2.He and all those Muslims gazing at me have thier wives covered head to foot .I saw his wife without just once without burkha and head gear which makes her look like aged nun,Was surprised as to how smart she looked just like any other nice looking non brahmin woman.So he is scared that her beauty will be stared at but has no qualms in staring at other man's wife [me]
3.This psuedo liberal who was so concerned in 2012 about my faded cotton sarees wasn't much concerned about his wife attired in the same old frayed black burkha covering all the finery even in their son's wedding.reception.
Frankly i have no issues about other peoples customary attires but since this person poked his nose into my life projecting himself as broad minded and humane person i want to give him back.Even more frankly the Burkhas i see here are like tight fitting black gowns high lighting the contours of the body of the female wearing it.defeating the very purpose of it being worn,.they are psuedo burkhas The real ones according to me are the one worn by women in Taliban Afganistan --the flowing shapeless ones .
All said and a woman in burkha appears to be unapproachable to me and i cannot move with such persons freely.
Orthodox Brahmin who women drape themselves in 9 yards long sarees have husbands who wear panchagajam dhothi But this person covers his wife and daughter in law in conservative Burkha whilst he wears western clothes.He ought to be wearing a white cap and kurta pyjama to complement them and thus not hoodwink others to think that he is a modern and liberal.Muslim.
4.This Pl loves to see me in tears.This bleeding heart just loves it . I had used japa to pull me out of grief and tears and to get a hold of my emotions but this bleeding heart is using my japa to make me sad and despondent!He uses it make feel sorry for people i hardly know or care --the poor of his community.I see very poor hindus but that doesn't make my heart wring or make me feel sad the way he contrives me to make me feel sorry for the poor of his community.!He is like a Vethal on my back whom it is difficult to shrug off .I had truck load of grief to last me several life times and had devised ways like meditation , reading philosophy ,even short stories , visiting temples all over India ,theeetrthyatras and Photography to tackle it.Do i need others problems to push me back into a abyss that is thankless and futile to me?My personal grief was a step to make me more spiritual and religious and a better person but eternal victim hood and , rebellion is being foisted on me [that to at this age !]making me crib at every aspect life, society, govt and institutions due this unwanted intrusion into my life
psuedo Hindu never lets his wife out of her sight , probably same fear-viz poaching but he was keeping another man's wife in his sight and distancing that man [my hub] from his wife--me.This man who is past 60 is subject to violent fits of temper and rage unlike my even tempered husband.His substitution will only make my husband unnaturally angry at a time when he has settled down for a peaceful retired life.It is also making me absorb negativity like resentment, irritation , uncalled for anger at slightest provocation,whining and complaining about others and the holier than thou attitude.
So on what basis can these two control me? How is my husband of 35 years less capable to do so/He was keeping me in check in his own quiet way He didn't go and complain to all these people about me nor has he put any bar on my dressing or freedom of movement or speech.
This psuedo liberal came and dropped a burkha on me even in my house and this psuedo hindu curtailed my free movements outside this locality[ both through putting fear in me] both over looking the fact that i was someone else's wife and not theirs so as to fit me into thier way of thinking and practises.
I donot know who else were added to this list after 2014 .
Was thinking of that conversion by messages and transmissions in September 2014
Muslim conversion was one loud Bismillah uttered in a terrifying voice.That is all.The Christian conversion went for whole of September .
earlier in June the bed for conversion was laid by knocking out my defences by piercing my head with what felt like pain ful jabs of sharp and thick needles all over my head waking me from my sleep at night for one whole month.Which ever room i went , even went under my bed i couldn't escape those painful jabs .It was also done in the morning when i relaxed over come by exhaustion of the night of drilling into my head Terrible torture.Not a single window of relaxtion was allowed in that whole month..
Ok about this Christian conversion --I have herad that it is generally persuasive but mine was coercive accompanied by death threats to me and family .It also had enticements like facilitating my and my son's migration to US[ not my husband ]if i converted and allowed my son to marry a Christian over there.Death was any how decreed for my husband by these converters soon, whether i converted or not so according to them it was best for me and my son that i took the offer of conversion and enjoy a good life in US.
But in this also there was a catch that my son will there after take my husband's role!Sick sexual formulations in filial relationship that repulsed me If didn't accept any of this all of us will be put to death .So would other relatives and finally the entire Srivaishnava community!
They thought that i was some uneducated woman without a strong Hindu lineage of scholars dating back to centuries .I was terribly weak owing to discharge of sticky fluids neaaly non stop whole of that month .But my spirit was strong and i said No. Death of all of us is prefferable to conversion go ahead and finish us all and quench your religious blood lust. Then it stopped. As also the sectarian conversion that was also taking place .Its enticement was that i will escape conversion to other religions if i changed the worship of deities.i did try this but found it difficult to suddenly develop belief in other hindu deities viz Amman just to escape conversion or even death I wasn't being true to myself so dropped it also
I guess that the conversion in September 2014 was coercive because they wanted to go for the kill when i was in a very weakened state -mentally, physically and emotionally.
fLights do play a role in all this It could have been thus set up even much earlier than 2012 If i probe too deeply i;ll start suspecting foul play in Vidat's death also and lose my peace and trust altogether.
A lot of unwanted sex knowledge was imparted to me in 2014 September through transmissions About front and back and since then the theme in my life was only sex and it is linked to my Hindu religious beliefs.
I was also warned to never touch or go near my legally wedded husband at pain of his death and i should never touch my clothed body and the perogative of doing so lay with those weilding the gadgets who will either cause numbness or make me leak . Making me nervous of my own body and its abnormal reactions and over careful of movements of my limbs and to be without any human touch !
So as per that Harold Robinson knowledge imparted to me for free and the observations i have made of persons in my vicinity; the sensations i am made to have like scratching in my back and stings followed by leaks the front are associated with following persons I was also informed that i was deriving my strength thanks to the cooperation of the labour force of the slum tenements on the opposite side. Really?Most of them are more obese than me.The knee pain i had was due to deliberate aggravation and it subsided because such aggravations were removed.Now i have pain in my left hand It is also due to deliberate means.Is the strong heart and bones that i have inherited 60 years back from my parents also owing to this good samaritan working forces courtsey?
Sensations and persons associated with it--
1.Scratching sensation in back means it is to do with Christians and Saivaites They see me as Ali viz man acting like a woman so they can access only my back
2.Irritating stings in front followed by leaks and scratching in upper front is associated with Muslims and maybe Srivaishnavaites .To them i am a woman who needs to constantly satiated so as to be kept in good spirits.
It has been set up like this .without micro waves , auditory masking , implants or receivers for transmission of messages , blasting of my mind with loud sounds in 2012 wrecking my nerves and the drilling of my brain in 2014 followed by heavy discharge of abnormal fluids this stupidity .is impossible to achieve.
Soon after i wrote this conclusion planes started to take off loudly flying overhead making me want to make
innumerable trips to the loo.
When i finished and came near the fridge felt shivers [mild] run up and down my body making my hands shake. Since removal of that root canaled tooth these tremors soon after morning puja starts troubling me.It has become regular feature .I decided to relax in arm chair .The tremors didn't leave, and my late father 's fake started to appear.Alarmed i hiked up my sari .It revealed my stomach.Immediately the tremors vanished !Instantly!I was back to normal.
So all this is being done deliberately by some one watching me and exposure of my body puts them off.
Then had lunch and i suddenly started feeling angry at upper floor resident [may be due to transmission ] and started thinking thus---
In 2014 September got numerous messages day and night the whole of that month.One was this---Since my husband was too weak to control me or satiate my enormous sexual appetite [i was 57 then ] services of other men was needed to control and satiate me so as to give us a peaceful marital life .
This upper floor resident whom i have observed to be a psuedo liberal and the neighbour of my floor who prides in his Christian links who is nothing but a psuedo Hindu were the two such people known to me to be proffering thier services unasked since 2012.
1.This psuedo liberal who is so concerned about my husband 's pitiable state in my hands had said soon after the floods of 2015 had receded, to me and to the wife of the psuedo Hindu that he wanted to dunk his wife in the flood waters and to finish her off once and for all .He even imitated her waddling walk to justify his murderous urge.He regretted that he missed a very good oppurtunity to get rid off her!His heart bleeds for my husband but not for his wife.My husband would never tell such things about me even in the privacy of our house even as a joke.
2.He and all those Muslims gazing at me have thier wives covered head to foot .I saw his wife without just once without burkha and head gear which makes her look like aged nun,Was surprised as to how smart she looked just like any other nice looking non brahmin woman.So he is scared that her beauty will be stared at but has no qualms in staring at other man's wife [me]
3.This psuedo liberal who was so concerned in 2012 about my faded cotton sarees wasn't much concerned about his wife attired in the same old frayed black burkha covering all the finery even in their son's wedding.reception.
Frankly i have no issues about other peoples customary attires but since this person poked his nose into my life projecting himself as broad minded and humane person i want to give him back.Even more frankly the Burkhas i see here are like tight fitting black gowns high lighting the contours of the body of the female wearing it.defeating the very purpose of it being worn,.they are psuedo burkhas The real ones according to me are the one worn by women in Taliban Afganistan --the flowing shapeless ones .
All said and a woman in burkha appears to be unapproachable to me and i cannot move with such persons freely.
Orthodox Brahmin who women drape themselves in 9 yards long sarees have husbands who wear panchagajam dhothi But this person covers his wife and daughter in law in conservative Burkha whilst he wears western clothes.He ought to be wearing a white cap and kurta pyjama to complement them and thus not hoodwink others to think that he is a modern and liberal.Muslim.
4.This Pl loves to see me in tears.This bleeding heart just loves it . I had used japa to pull me out of grief and tears and to get a hold of my emotions but this bleeding heart is using my japa to make me sad and despondent!He uses it make feel sorry for people i hardly know or care --the poor of his community.I see very poor hindus but that doesn't make my heart wring or make me feel sad the way he contrives me to make me feel sorry for the poor of his community.!He is like a Vethal on my back whom it is difficult to shrug off .I had truck load of grief to last me several life times and had devised ways like meditation , reading philosophy ,even short stories , visiting temples all over India ,theeetrthyatras and Photography to tackle it.Do i need others problems to push me back into a abyss that is thankless and futile to me?My personal grief was a step to make me more spiritual and religious and a better person but eternal victim hood and , rebellion is being foisted on me [that to at this age !]making me crib at every aspect life, society, govt and institutions due this unwanted intrusion into my life
psuedo Hindu never lets his wife out of her sight , probably same fear-viz poaching but he was keeping another man's wife in his sight and distancing that man [my hub] from his wife--me.This man who is past 60 is subject to violent fits of temper and rage unlike my even tempered husband.His substitution will only make my husband unnaturally angry at a time when he has settled down for a peaceful retired life.It is also making me absorb negativity like resentment, irritation , uncalled for anger at slightest provocation,whining and complaining about others and the holier than thou attitude.
So on what basis can these two control me? How is my husband of 35 years less capable to do so/He was keeping me in check in his own quiet way He didn't go and complain to all these people about me nor has he put any bar on my dressing or freedom of movement or speech.
This psuedo liberal came and dropped a burkha on me even in my house and this psuedo hindu curtailed my free movements outside this locality[ both through putting fear in me] both over looking the fact that i was someone else's wife and not theirs so as to fit me into thier way of thinking and practises.
I donot know who else were added to this list after 2014 .
Was thinking of that conversion by messages and transmissions in September 2014
Muslim conversion was one loud Bismillah uttered in a terrifying voice.That is all.The Christian conversion went for whole of September .
earlier in June the bed for conversion was laid by knocking out my defences by piercing my head with what felt like pain ful jabs of sharp and thick needles all over my head waking me from my sleep at night for one whole month.Which ever room i went , even went under my bed i couldn't escape those painful jabs .It was also done in the morning when i relaxed over come by exhaustion of the night of drilling into my head Terrible torture.Not a single window of relaxtion was allowed in that whole month..
Ok about this Christian conversion --I have herad that it is generally persuasive but mine was coercive accompanied by death threats to me and family .It also had enticements like facilitating my and my son's migration to US[ not my husband ]if i converted and allowed my son to marry a Christian over there.Death was any how decreed for my husband by these converters soon, whether i converted or not so according to them it was best for me and my son that i took the offer of conversion and enjoy a good life in US.
But in this also there was a catch that my son will there after take my husband's role!Sick sexual formulations in filial relationship that repulsed me If didn't accept any of this all of us will be put to death .So would other relatives and finally the entire Srivaishnava community!
They thought that i was some uneducated woman without a strong Hindu lineage of scholars dating back to centuries .I was terribly weak owing to discharge of sticky fluids neaaly non stop whole of that month .But my spirit was strong and i said No. Death of all of us is prefferable to conversion go ahead and finish us all and quench your religious blood lust. Then it stopped. As also the sectarian conversion that was also taking place .Its enticement was that i will escape conversion to other religions if i changed the worship of deities.i did try this but found it difficult to suddenly develop belief in other hindu deities viz Amman just to escape conversion or even death I wasn't being true to myself so dropped it also
I guess that the conversion in September 2014 was coercive because they wanted to go for the kill when i was in a very weakened state -mentally, physically and emotionally.
fLights do play a role in all this It could have been thus set up even much earlier than 2012 If i probe too deeply i;ll start suspecting foul play in Vidat's death also and lose my peace and trust altogether.
A lot of unwanted sex knowledge was imparted to me in 2014 September through transmissions About front and back and since then the theme in my life was only sex and it is linked to my Hindu religious beliefs.
I was also warned to never touch or go near my legally wedded husband at pain of his death and i should never touch my clothed body and the perogative of doing so lay with those weilding the gadgets who will either cause numbness or make me leak . Making me nervous of my own body and its abnormal reactions and over careful of movements of my limbs and to be without any human touch !
So as per that Harold Robinson knowledge imparted to me for free and the observations i have made of persons in my vicinity; the sensations i am made to have like scratching in my back and stings followed by leaks the front are associated with following persons I was also informed that i was deriving my strength thanks to the cooperation of the labour force of the slum tenements on the opposite side. Really?Most of them are more obese than me.The knee pain i had was due to deliberate aggravation and it subsided because such aggravations were removed.Now i have pain in my left hand It is also due to deliberate means.Is the strong heart and bones that i have inherited 60 years back from my parents also owing to this good samaritan working forces courtsey?
Sensations and persons associated with it--
1.Scratching sensation in back means it is to do with Christians and Saivaites They see me as Ali viz man acting like a woman so they can access only my back
2.Irritating stings in front followed by leaks and scratching in upper front is associated with Muslims and maybe Srivaishnavaites .To them i am a woman who needs to constantly satiated so as to be kept in good spirits.
It has been set up like this .without micro waves , auditory masking , implants or receivers for transmission of messages , blasting of my mind with loud sounds in 2012 wrecking my nerves and the drilling of my brain in 2014 followed by heavy discharge of abnormal fluids this stupidity .is impossible to achieve.
Soon after i wrote this conclusion planes started to take off loudly flying overhead making me want to make
innumerable trips to the loo.
posted by K.C. Sujata at
6:49 AM
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