Latest experience in Tirumala on my conversion
The queue in Tirumala temple was quick moving.Thanks to a reef of infants,the crowd was not too pushy or rough.Had a nice darshan of the splendid form of Lord Venkateshwara. .Could not get a closer view as the line was exited near the gate itself.. So had to peer into the interiors lit only by oil lamps.However overall had a good darshan without being jostled or pushed around. though it lasted but few seconds.
Words cannot describe the sublime form of Srinivasar and the beauty of the cosmic energy he was radiating.It can only be experienced .
After theertham and chadari sat on the narrow raised stone floor in the prakaram ,which has a good view of Srinivasar carved in the Vimanum.Due to 3 long experience of my prayers and meditation being constantly interrupted in the temples i visit by making me hear curse words in its midst, i had determined not to tell slokas or do japa in this visit.The presence of Srinivasar so close made me feel that to have such fears in such a mighty presence was foolish and so said few Sanskrit and Tamil slokas and meditated .Suddenly a tall dusky man of 30 or above came and sat next to me ,smiling at me.I ddin't like his over familiar companionship but couldn't shoo him away from a public place ,He had a back pack.I ignored him and continued with my recitation.He left after sometime .
After visiting other small temples in outer prakaram viz--Narasimhar and Haygreevar returned to my lodgings.after taking meals in a restaurant .The room allotted to us by TTD was in second floor .An allotment procedure that took more time than the time we waited to have darshan .Glitches due to faulty and slow computerisation of records.
For past week or two i became aware of mobiles role in enhancing far away sounds and,conversations.that tend to grate me.Earlier i had caught two sanitary workers down below nearly 30 feet away glued to their touch phone in straight line to our mobile when i came near the window overlooking Varahar temple.I knew they were being used to transmit messages from elsewhere and i kept turning my head left and right a procedure which i discovered in Chennai that it tends to cut off the transmission My husband was reading the newspaper with specs which are also transmitters .Soon the workers looked surprised at thier mobile connection going off , shook it shook their heads and then left.
So that window was enabling transmission .
Went to bed thinking i scarcely think of Vidat or any one else these days having become too engrossed in trying to find ways out of this trap that has removed all sense of privacy of mind and body Night was cool and i kept drifting in and out of sleep
In one such bout of short half sleep .half wakefulness i found myself confessing to some guilt of mine regarding my rearing of Vidat.I woke up and within few seconds i forgot as to what i had confessed.I felt anger rising within me at what was a confession session and felt furious at TTD for allowing conversion in its premises.
I knew it was conversion as Confessions is part of Christianity and i have been hounded and am still being hounded by converters for too long in Chennai and any place i visit and stay,as to not to know the signs.In Chennai i do get angry but it fizzles out soon probably due to heavy micro wave radiation.and the traps/transmitters that abound there.like remotes, clock, fan and any battery operated gadget which one cannot do without.This room had no tv or ac or clock.hence i felt quite free and the deep religiosity of the place made me fume at ttd and others for allowing it.
After sometime i cooled down and started analysing it impassionetly.Of what little i know of Christianity ,Confession and Forgiveness on which Christians lay so much emphasis upon are good concepts.Confession can remove the feeling of guilt and forgivness may remove anger. But i do not believe in either forgiving those who have troubled me excessively nor forgetting it .
A lot of pressure has been applied since 2014 to write in favour of muslims .How can i write when instead of building bridges with me when they thought they were in power they and their secular supporters made a laughing stock out of me?
Very good from pchycological and emotional point of view .That is all it can do,These two concepts can never wipe away my Karmas,I have to face the music for actions done One cannot escape the result of actions once done,No one can take ones karma,it is i alone who has to bear its fruit .Sweet or Bitter.
Confession and forgivness will not cancel those results at the most it can wipe away the memory of an act done or not done,
My faith in workings of Karma is too deep rooted to be supplanted by such easy concepts.It is not so very easy to attain salvation or Moksham from what i have read in books on Hinduism , Sri Vaishnavism,Epics Gita and Upanishads .One has to control all senses , lead ascetic and pious life and so on and this in impossible to achieve this in a life span by all and sundry.God realisation is not easy and our ancient rishis as acharyas and saints have written volumes as to how hard it is despite following rituals, severe austerities , self control and , devotion and i absolutely agree with them .
'
Ofcourse it is extremely comforting to believe thus--'I have confessed and forgiven hence i have reserved a place in heaven '.The problem is that i do not believe in that concept and how much ever tougher it is for me as a Hindu ,sect/Sri vaishnavaite vadagalai to attain Moksham .viz uniting with the creator /Brahman /Narayana ,it is that path and way i believe in and these short cuts cannot tempt me away from it.
When i examined my belief i felt like laughing at the persistent efforts to make me reach heaven from Christian methods and ways,This short cut according to me is a illusion i cannot subscribe or get myself to subscribe to it.Felt lighter after sorting it out.
OK back to that back pack man .Who was he ?Was he a Christian ?They have no bar in entering temples What was there in his back pack? If it was a mobile or walkie talkie, why was he allowed to do his conversion stuff right in the temple premises itself?
Whilst waiting for our tickets inside the queue complex , was asked to sit on a chair The desk had a walkie talkie abandoned by police man or security. The way it was abandoned on that desk made me take note as was intended and it kept working in the back of my mind .In the station on our return journey saw a policeman in the opposite platform glare at me for breaking and conquering the urge to talk to my husband only when a Muslim of poorer section with white topee or without it is in my vicinity This time i was on guard when i felt that urge rise to speak to husband sitting next to me saw a white topeed Muslim walk of lower section on opposite platform. i immediately curbed it and started chanting Rama ;s name Was enacted to me earlier in Chennai that Muslims will scurry off if i chant Rama's name and Christians would also leave if i Chant Venkateshwara/ Srinivasar..Some one in my flat or nearby can make crows caw and preen make koels sing pigeons to hum ,crickets to screech at will They can even control our movments and also of others and thoughts etc .
This time being on guard i checked myself But why was a police man of AP or Railways glaring at me for not co operating in this nasty business of equating Muslims in my vicinity to my husband?
His glare sort of solved that puzzle regarding that abandoned walkie talkie.The special frequencies that they have must be used in this transmitting messages or receiving it.How can an ordinary mobile do such special tasks?At the most mobiles in my vicinity must be only facilitating .Is the metallic whoosh i hear time to time those frequencies ?
Few weeks back i decided do or die and stop this intrusion which i felt for long was due to implant in my right molar in the root canal done in 2011 by covering it with gold cap and thus deflect the micro waves and free myself from this wretched problem .visited original dentist and another who both said the ceramic covering was fine and i would be wasting money by substituting it with gold .I was determined to to do it at any cost Has a x ray taken in Apollo clinic .it had a slight smudge The doctor insisted that the whoosh sound i hear is not due to my teeth but due to ear problem .I said remove my cap or even my tooth .
He warned that it would be very painful and , could lead to fracture of tooth , infection and was wondering as to why i wanted to pull off such a good strong and firm implant So dropped that idea .Next visited ent who said there was imbalance in ear presurre and the metallic grating hear is due to that tooth.An useless 3/4 th dead tooth that will neither fall off nor can be removed .Good news for those who view me as an animal to be shepherded
Thought it over about capping tooth with gold. An original dentist was ready to do it .If there is implant to control me would that gold capping suffice?What if signals can be sent to the roots?i would be just wasting money.,Due to a flurry of activities i forgot about my mission to rid myself of animal control and was diverted to the other problem viz of sounds , its enhancement and its effects on me .
Back to the confession session that took place right in the heart of Tirumala in our lodgingd just 1/2 km away from the sacred ancient temple.How it was done is too technical to unravel That it could have been done with support from police wireless frequency makes my stomach churn in revulsion.
What has my country come to?Conversion with help of state?Despicable.
Setting aside the religious aspect to this confession and viewing it from pshycological view point The presence of the policeman aiding , that equating of that muslim with my husband which is a insult to my pious husband makes me wonder that may be some nosey parker in power has decided to cleanse my mind ? what do these sessions do?They probe my sub conscious regarding my inadequecies and guilts regarding Vidat makes me face it and then it vanishes totally from memory So one more crease of sorrow gone and i am unholily cheerful and feel very light headed .
Is it good for me? I donot think so First by completely wiping out my memory of past incidents painful and even pleasant ones my ability to take similar incidents in my stride has been whittled down .It has weakened me.Without my memory i can never dip into my my past experiences and thier solutions to face or tackle problems that may arise in future Now even very small problems are being blown out of proportion for a person [me] who had confronted one of the biggest loss in life that had made so many other day to day problems too trivial to get so hot and bothered about ,the way i am doing now.
It has also cut into my activities.To tackle my grief i was doing a lot of social work , visited temples ,blogged them , read extensively a lot of religious books to strengthen my inner self ..Now with memories being systematically wiped out my only activity is eat and eat more and sleep and get into silly scraps with my family over trivial matters , making them turn away in disgust ,thus weakening my support system .
Words cannot describe the sublime form of Srinivasar and the beauty of the cosmic energy he was radiating.It can only be experienced .
After theertham and chadari sat on the narrow raised stone floor in the prakaram ,which has a good view of Srinivasar carved in the Vimanum.Due to 3 long experience of my prayers and meditation being constantly interrupted in the temples i visit by making me hear curse words in its midst, i had determined not to tell slokas or do japa in this visit.The presence of Srinivasar so close made me feel that to have such fears in such a mighty presence was foolish and so said few Sanskrit and Tamil slokas and meditated .Suddenly a tall dusky man of 30 or above came and sat next to me ,smiling at me.I ddin't like his over familiar companionship but couldn't shoo him away from a public place ,He had a back pack.I ignored him and continued with my recitation.He left after sometime .
After visiting other small temples in outer prakaram viz--Narasimhar and Haygreevar returned to my lodgings.after taking meals in a restaurant .The room allotted to us by TTD was in second floor .An allotment procedure that took more time than the time we waited to have darshan .Glitches due to faulty and slow computerisation of records.
For past week or two i became aware of mobiles role in enhancing far away sounds and,conversations.that tend to grate me.Earlier i had caught two sanitary workers down below nearly 30 feet away glued to their touch phone in straight line to our mobile when i came near the window overlooking Varahar temple.I knew they were being used to transmit messages from elsewhere and i kept turning my head left and right a procedure which i discovered in Chennai that it tends to cut off the transmission My husband was reading the newspaper with specs which are also transmitters .Soon the workers looked surprised at thier mobile connection going off , shook it shook their heads and then left.
So that window was enabling transmission .
Went to bed thinking i scarcely think of Vidat or any one else these days having become too engrossed in trying to find ways out of this trap that has removed all sense of privacy of mind and body Night was cool and i kept drifting in and out of sleep
In one such bout of short half sleep .half wakefulness i found myself confessing to some guilt of mine regarding my rearing of Vidat.I woke up and within few seconds i forgot as to what i had confessed.I felt anger rising within me at what was a confession session and felt furious at TTD for allowing conversion in its premises.
I knew it was conversion as Confessions is part of Christianity and i have been hounded and am still being hounded by converters for too long in Chennai and any place i visit and stay,as to not to know the signs.In Chennai i do get angry but it fizzles out soon probably due to heavy micro wave radiation.and the traps/transmitters that abound there.like remotes, clock, fan and any battery operated gadget which one cannot do without.This room had no tv or ac or clock.hence i felt quite free and the deep religiosity of the place made me fume at ttd and others for allowing it.
After sometime i cooled down and started analysing it impassionetly.Of what little i know of Christianity ,Confession and Forgiveness on which Christians lay so much emphasis upon are good concepts.Confession can remove the feeling of guilt and forgivness may remove anger. But i do not believe in either forgiving those who have troubled me excessively nor forgetting it .
A lot of pressure has been applied since 2014 to write in favour of muslims .How can i write when instead of building bridges with me when they thought they were in power they and their secular supporters made a laughing stock out of me?
Very good from pchycological and emotional point of view .That is all it can do,These two concepts can never wipe away my Karmas,I have to face the music for actions done One cannot escape the result of actions once done,No one can take ones karma,it is i alone who has to bear its fruit .Sweet or Bitter.
Confession and forgivness will not cancel those results at the most it can wipe away the memory of an act done or not done,
My faith in workings of Karma is too deep rooted to be supplanted by such easy concepts.It is not so very easy to attain salvation or Moksham from what i have read in books on Hinduism , Sri Vaishnavism,Epics Gita and Upanishads .One has to control all senses , lead ascetic and pious life and so on and this in impossible to achieve this in a life span by all and sundry.God realisation is not easy and our ancient rishis as acharyas and saints have written volumes as to how hard it is despite following rituals, severe austerities , self control and , devotion and i absolutely agree with them .
'
Ofcourse it is extremely comforting to believe thus--'I have confessed and forgiven hence i have reserved a place in heaven '.The problem is that i do not believe in that concept and how much ever tougher it is for me as a Hindu ,sect/Sri vaishnavaite vadagalai to attain Moksham .viz uniting with the creator /Brahman /Narayana ,it is that path and way i believe in and these short cuts cannot tempt me away from it.
When i examined my belief i felt like laughing at the persistent efforts to make me reach heaven from Christian methods and ways,This short cut according to me is a illusion i cannot subscribe or get myself to subscribe to it.Felt lighter after sorting it out.
OK back to that back pack man .Who was he ?Was he a Christian ?They have no bar in entering temples What was there in his back pack? If it was a mobile or walkie talkie, why was he allowed to do his conversion stuff right in the temple premises itself?
Whilst waiting for our tickets inside the queue complex , was asked to sit on a chair The desk had a walkie talkie abandoned by police man or security. The way it was abandoned on that desk made me take note as was intended and it kept working in the back of my mind .In the station on our return journey saw a policeman in the opposite platform glare at me for breaking and conquering the urge to talk to my husband only when a Muslim of poorer section with white topee or without it is in my vicinity This time i was on guard when i felt that urge rise to speak to husband sitting next to me saw a white topeed Muslim walk of lower section on opposite platform. i immediately curbed it and started chanting Rama ;s name Was enacted to me earlier in Chennai that Muslims will scurry off if i chant Rama's name and Christians would also leave if i Chant Venkateshwara/ Srinivasar..Some one in my flat or nearby can make crows caw and preen make koels sing pigeons to hum ,crickets to screech at will They can even control our movments and also of others and thoughts etc .
This time being on guard i checked myself But why was a police man of AP or Railways glaring at me for not co operating in this nasty business of equating Muslims in my vicinity to my husband?
His glare sort of solved that puzzle regarding that abandoned walkie talkie.The special frequencies that they have must be used in this transmitting messages or receiving it.How can an ordinary mobile do such special tasks?At the most mobiles in my vicinity must be only facilitating .Is the metallic whoosh i hear time to time those frequencies ?
Few weeks back i decided do or die and stop this intrusion which i felt for long was due to implant in my right molar in the root canal done in 2011 by covering it with gold cap and thus deflect the micro waves and free myself from this wretched problem .visited original dentist and another who both said the ceramic covering was fine and i would be wasting money by substituting it with gold .I was determined to to do it at any cost Has a x ray taken in Apollo clinic .it had a slight smudge The doctor insisted that the whoosh sound i hear is not due to my teeth but due to ear problem .I said remove my cap or even my tooth .
He warned that it would be very painful and , could lead to fracture of tooth , infection and was wondering as to why i wanted to pull off such a good strong and firm implant So dropped that idea .Next visited ent who said there was imbalance in ear presurre and the metallic grating hear is due to that tooth.An useless 3/4 th dead tooth that will neither fall off nor can be removed .Good news for those who view me as an animal to be shepherded
Thought it over about capping tooth with gold. An original dentist was ready to do it .If there is implant to control me would that gold capping suffice?What if signals can be sent to the roots?i would be just wasting money.,Due to a flurry of activities i forgot about my mission to rid myself of animal control and was diverted to the other problem viz of sounds , its enhancement and its effects on me .
Back to the confession session that took place right in the heart of Tirumala in our lodgingd just 1/2 km away from the sacred ancient temple.How it was done is too technical to unravel That it could have been done with support from police wireless frequency makes my stomach churn in revulsion.
What has my country come to?Conversion with help of state?Despicable.
Setting aside the religious aspect to this confession and viewing it from pshycological view point The presence of the policeman aiding , that equating of that muslim with my husband which is a insult to my pious husband makes me wonder that may be some nosey parker in power has decided to cleanse my mind ? what do these sessions do?They probe my sub conscious regarding my inadequecies and guilts regarding Vidat makes me face it and then it vanishes totally from memory So one more crease of sorrow gone and i am unholily cheerful and feel very light headed .
Is it good for me? I donot think so First by completely wiping out my memory of past incidents painful and even pleasant ones my ability to take similar incidents in my stride has been whittled down .It has weakened me.Without my memory i can never dip into my my past experiences and thier solutions to face or tackle problems that may arise in future Now even very small problems are being blown out of proportion for a person [me] who had confronted one of the biggest loss in life that had made so many other day to day problems too trivial to get so hot and bothered about ,the way i am doing now.
It has also cut into my activities.To tackle my grief i was doing a lot of social work , visited temples ,blogged them , read extensively a lot of religious books to strengthen my inner self ..Now with memories being systematically wiped out my only activity is eat and eat more and sleep and get into silly scraps with my family over trivial matters , making them turn away in disgust ,thus weakening my support system .
posted by K.C. Sujata at
6:02 AM
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