The moat.
1.12.15--Tuesday 10.30am
Heard a song on Lord Muruga being played from down below.The sound of heavy rains poured as a copious gift of god muted the song's volume.It is a warning for views as usual aired in my drawing room after watching tv the debate loksabha and wondered aloud whether rains were a curse or a gift .Settled on the latter.
The tone of the woman singer is similar to the tone of 10 rs balm seller -soft ,low yet menacing .the similarity is making me write it down as it could be yet again a warning i should take heed of.
Am in receipt of several warnings since last month specially after airing my views on intolerance at home.whenever i am just about to sleep my father appears which means an hypnotist is around and i have to jerk myself up to full wake fullness so as to avoid its full impact .Before GE probably he was used to stir me up on humanitarian issues .Now if he comes i am sure to rave and rant against commies and minorities,etc and land myself in deeper trouble.So i am on guard .Since mind has been attacked constantly as written earlier in detail am unable to unravel the rationale behind this hypnosis its consequence -anger at people i normally never think of and then warnings--that is to whose benifit is this hypnosis,gadgetry attacks and constant shadowing being done ? For me there is only pain and some one is gaining at my pain .
6 pm
If my father appears in my semi conscious state i should actually feel kinship with comarades as he was one of them& they were the first party i approached when i wanted to do social work after my son's death and left it coz being a trained lawyer & rule and law bound i didn't like the katta panchayat done in legal aid cell just coz a sc woman was involved, totaly blind to the fact she was also in fault and i also shouldn't have tussles &feel furious at mino neigh by which i mean those in my flat specially one on upper floor added to this upbringing of mine of seeing all equally without any prejudice is the influence of my husband a very religious person ,who is equally tolerant to mino's and has no prejudice against sc' or st's .in fact it was he who encourages their free entry into my kitchen be it a sc or st maid or gas delivery men It was also he who asked me to ignore upper floor harraser a mino & dismissed him saying they are a little bit awry with a tolerant look but for year or two after sensing that his wife is being exploited but unable to bead the logic is unable to stand the sight of ufr.He avoids him as otherwise ufr;s domineering ways makes his heart queasy .Not once did he a strict vegetarian fly into rage ,leave alone even wrinkle his nose in disgust at smells of meat prevading our house from their kitchen which is right on top of us,nor have i .I didnt get into any paroxym of rage nor mind the slip when a scantily clad meat seller brought a bag of it when he deliberately or other wise knocked on our door as if mistaking it for upper flat nor did my hub who was doing his puja right in the living room itself .
Yes my late father did share the political idealogy of communists in here and used his power as a high ranking bureaucrat to specially and only to help mino's-Mus, sikhs and sc's without bending any rules .But at same time was not blind to their faults .He was shocked when he saw the sculptures at Hampi mutilated by sultans .He was rattled by a sudden mass conversion in southern districts of TN.In tales of some atrocities on dalits he wasn't blind to fact that some of them in thier new fouind arrogance were deliberately provoking .some such instances.
First and foremost he was incorruptible,He never used his position as chief of 44 labs to line his nest .Would firmly turn away those who came with bribe for contracts .He himself scarcely used his office car and never let us use it.So he would never have entered a household to exploit a family so as to enhance his power or wealth or influence in such a crooked ,sly and cowardly manner.if he wanted to influence me it was done in a straight and direct manner and never forced me do things that i didn't like or if i found it too difficult . Strong in his convictions but at same time didnt thrust it down into my throat the way it is being done for [past few years in a highly controlled situation ..One who is assuming his role is clearly doing every thing that he wasn't and is besmirching his image and is making fun of what ever he stood for and in a way ridiculing some good facets of communists in here .
How is it that people are standing mutely watching a nice pious Hindu man's home entered into so wantonly ,his long puja and meditations slyily used without any compunction to control him and through that get to his wife me so that i write whatever trash they want me to? Most in here are working in private colleges ,which includes the mino;s and very few in govt or some such undertaking,it seems there it is a mutual co opertaion between the two to throw all norms and ethics and laws to the wind to continue with this dirty work of spying into another man's home ,thier neighbour for more than a decade,his children and his wife ?In which democratic country or even in any state of india such a crazy set up be put up with conniavance or even full support of the state ?If mino's are involved in this aern't they simply asking for it? Didn't GE teach a lesson to a major party not to trifle too much with the self respect of hindu'sand not to offend hindu's even if they may not appease them?Is the cocky confidence in here still too high which has blinded to the reality or are we expendable in local politics as kashmiri pandits were?But in there it was two comunities but in here hindu;s are in majority and ruled by a religious hindu ,i am sure most of them are uncomfortable at our plight but either indifference or fear of getting entangled in politics or even fear of offending mino's who are capable of violent protests if crossed , is making them all turn a blind eye and to keep quiet . strange how ufr has got away with such a despicable and perverted form of intrusion into our lives without a jot of protest from any right thinking person around. and continues to get away with it! My blogging it +tweeting about it has not shamed those abusing me nor those living above me one bit in fact it is going on as usual . The nearby temple did alert in earlier months about me being exploited too much very cruelly to satisy a mother;s hunger and how a stolen property will not last long and will lose its fine qualities.the temple has fallen silent now after i decided to treat my house as my own ,saying enough of this unwanted purdah in my own house. Let see how long ufr and co's spurious reign and powerful backers last. Matter of time.
explanatuion to purdah to new viewers--In 2012 when i was made to realise that mu house has become public and a policeman who came at request of my hub when i complained to him to shattering noise on ceiling whereevr i sat or walked and groups of people neigh ,totsl strngers of lowerstrata used to clap thier hands as if to tease me when i sat or walked in the terrace to or in park or sat in balcony and most noise came from above house he used his friends influence and brought a polceman who checked for cameras as i felt only with caneras such things could be done ,he said there were none and instead suggested that as i had lost my eldr son and my other son was away in another city i had lost my mental balance implying that i was hearing sounds as a true nut case would though they were not there and my hub gulped it down and treated the matter of sound nblasting my brain and strange behaviour of neigh and their peeking into our house as matter that was settled viz thare was no such intrusion as a policeman himself had checked and certified it as such and i could only be imagining it and thence forward didn't take my complaints seriously! I was so battered with stereofonic sounds from above ,fridge, &weven within my head maybe something was
i mplanted in tooth opertaion i had few months before this sound blasting and felt aggressive stares when i looked into the mirror or tv, deleberatly high pitched screechy humming sounds in my ears [a lingering torture somewhat like the infamous chinese slow torture fit for a hard core terrorist or criminal to break them down ] and vibrations in my spine &in pvt parts was used for two months at end of which i was a bundle of raw nerves and lost my concentration in my hobby of translating slokas,and tamil verses and as knockings contd like as if goading an animal to move[ and do so till today also]even whilst changing clothes or using the toilet or whilst bathing [or eating or working in kitchen , or in computer or reading,just about anything i do it is made sure that people or neigh from above flat ,occupied by its mus owners are always watching and monitoring my move and giving me their unwanted 24 hours company,more or less living along with me that is they will give me company but i cannot give them,they will intrude in my most pvt moments but i cannot do so in reciprocity!] At the end of that 2 months torture it struck me that since a mino neigh was doing all this so openly that is open to all except my hub and son he must be having the backing of authorities and i observed loudly that maybe this the reconciliation that ruling party at centre [cong] is being enacted and instantly the mus neigh of above -i didnt believe him to be a mus then as i was under the impression that they will not be allowed or sent to undertake such a sensitive matter as i was blogging on religion and i connected the two and felt that no one India would dare send a mus man even if he is in govt to torture a hindu woman right in her house right under her hub's nose as it would definetly assume a communal colour ,came down accompanied by another older neigh of my floor but left without explaining why they came or what they wanted .since the tappings contd and i had lost my will to fight legally with no one to assist me or to believe me & had no evidence to prove i thought these fellows were looking down at me and in shame i started covering myself even whilst bathing, dressed in dark and for first time in my 55 long years i was feeling a total lack of privacy,ownership of my houseand belongings and even family members ,strange but that is how i was made to be,a stranger to myself ,my age and station in my family and society.This is what i meant by 'purdah'.
In september 2015 i started going through my pile of earlier diaries so as to edit them and then store them that with a shock i realised what a fake life i was forced into since 2012 in which my memories of my middle aged life was systematically wiped out and was made to mentally live as a blooming woman in first flush of youth and later after ge as a helpless toddler specially after a month of attacks of painful waves on my brain and body2014june or july which reduced my bodies defences and make lose control over my secretions and jammed my brain of thoughts and was compelled to take orders in form of mild headaches with fear of loss of life to family if i didn't obey and also keep of net tv papers and after a induced fluid discharge for whole of september was made clear that if i dare tell my prayers or even go near a hindu god;s image i will have a sticky discarge,[whichh left after my uterus operation but liquids cotd in temples etc and now after claiming my house as my own irritations still continue ]and no outings,tours,and shouldnt wear silk sarees .mangalsutra,jewels,dress even more in dark and should never tell my daily prayers .ok after readaing my 2004.5 diary i shook myself from these strange invisible chains and said go to hell .This is a country and house and family which is mine where i was as free as the next person and i am going to treat my house as own and deliberately dressed with full lights on in front of mirror for first time in 4 years and went for my usual morn walk to ttd temple and was swiflty punished for exhibiting my freedom .was made to fall on the main road and scraped my knees and nearly broke a tooth .since then i started to use my house as my own ,thouhh i am still nastied , tappings on ceilings even,whilst bathing iritations in pvt parts if i wear hindu gods'image or go near a pic all the while heaping abuses on the persons who have reduced me to this level in a lovely country in which i was as free as the wind even at the height of my sudden grief of losing my son.i had no such crazy unbelievable shackles.to my movement or thinking or worship. Which sadistic pervert did this to me?Hope that person or persons gets it back in full measure .The gall to attempt conversion in a sordid manner of a woman [may be my hub also] who hails from a long lineage of scholars versed in vedas and so on in the only country where my religion hinduism is practised gives me a rage which is impotent ,since i and my family have been given a blow so repulsive as well as insidious that we can hardly get up ,so weakened we are mentally and spirituall;y i can only rage on the net.
1
my very painful tooth implant,then jaming my head for a month with painfully cruel attacks and then make me discharge fluids for a month that reduced me to a jelly are the three main procedures done on me to break my confidence in me and faith in neigh and govt and all the things i took as guarenteed for granted for so many years of my life,i am being made to feel like a alien in my own land !whose handiwork is this? i am sure it of those who feel that they donot belong to this land nor that it is sacred nor are they proud of democracy nor are they willing to abide by laws,ethics and dharma and seem to be extremely violent as they are using brainwashing tactics on a defenceless family in a land famed for non violence.who ever did this to us are bringing great disrepute to this ancient civilisation with a modern democracy.
Viewers what i am relating is what happened to me .others -millions are enjoying their freedom ,leading a very normal life as i used to before i started to blog .This is specific to me .
At times i wonder if all this is being done to us because my hub is a pure hindu right with unabashed and very vocal affection and loyalty for our present pm since the days of he became chief minister in a flat populated by mus or even by hindus who may not have liked his open admiration in those early years 2002 onwards when we first came here.and may have tried to rub his nose down, by slyliy taking over his property and wife May be they are still at it as he is a very firm hindu right .The opposite tenements are highly politisiced .
when i think of ufr prying into my daily activities i get quite angry thinking he is keeping his wife in burkha but is very freely watching another man's wife .He told me once that he was here to control me!must be thru cameras.Would he allow my hub to control his wife? That thought will never cross my hubs mind of that i am sure and proud of.I am sure there are also hindu's who are watching me in my house how is that these hindu's who have tied a mangalsutra on thier wives neck and are assured that no other man will take hold of her aren't honouring the one tied by thier hindu neigh and impinging and disrespecting this sacred custom at will ?
Even if it is woman who are watching my intimate moments again what right do they have to invade my privacy ?it is pure brain washing tactics to remove the feeling of i from me and dumb me down .and make beg for favours and become like cattle to be herded, like a prisoner who is being brainwashed to lose his or her identity when all this are my inalienable rights and i and my family are happy with my original identity
and no one except maybe politicians or some groups are not comfortable with.
If all this web of deceit and control is becuase of my blogging what gives any one any right to stop me from doing so?was that why so much fuss was made about specs and was constantly nastied so that i will discard it in horror and never read or blog and had to undergo cataract operation even before time ? now i can read net easily without specs and am typing without it .Who is so scared of my blogging?
Before ge ufr the one sent to control me didnt like my blogs on hinduism as well as in public affairs .specially on hinduism.why ?1000's of people write on it so why me?why couldn't my posts on hinduisnm as experienced by me wasn't welcome in a predominatly hindu country? did my blogs prove more influential than others?So was i expected to let go of sharing my experiences?Experiences constitute hinduism and why shouldn't i being a hindu discover them on my own or through books or articles?why was i expected to round off the true facets of hinduism either in translation or in my personal experiences? ,why should i do so?To please the seculars .aethiests and mino's?This is tyrany of thought control.And since ufr is a muslim i will say and think that he is communal. That he and his family enjoyed teasing me and enjoyed invading my privacy as they have little or no respect for my religion or customs.And those hindu's who did it are bending backwards to nasty and disrespect thier own religion and customs to please whom?.
The 4 long years of harrasment , constant monitoring, constant parading of dark ,thin ,handicapped people and rag pickers and mino's and others only from from lower strata ,that to dirtily clad ones evesdropping ,provocations by tapping on my ceiling,glares that are offensive & not curious, from opposite tenements when i go near the window or balcony or walk on street or in dramas cinema halls trains,buses,park temples ,relatives houses ,marriages has made me breach my level of tolerance and am giving opposite reactions to my true nature .So much so that i have developed an allergy to mino's, sc's darkies and handicapped's as they are being constantly rubbed into my life in a very very negative , offensive , rude and crude manner.Obviously all these people are doing all this glaring etc as they have been ordered to do so probably to make my life as hellish as possible without a moment of relaxation,meditation and introspection and thus lose my originality.
Nor are we strictly sectarian as it is sought to be projected.Being a Tamil it is but natural for us to pay obseince to Lord Muruga son of siva or amman or shakthi wife of siva along with our kula and prime Venkateshwarar.The primacy naturally to Narayana or Maha vishnu being Srivaishnavaites by birth. The original thinking and views of mine seems to rattle politicians.
At times i boil with anger and want to confront my constant harrassers whether they have ever helped handicapped people the way i have?Did so for several years.Are they living cheek to cheek with mino's and have no issues with them or blow issues up ,for so many years nearly 14 the way all of us do here?Can they move as freely and without any prejudice with them the way i can?Did i ever run up to upper floor and say don't read your religious books or blog it when they interfered in my readings and writings and tried to stop me and finally succeeded?I hardly read any books for fear of being nastied through my reading glasses nor visit temples as i once did freely all over india as my hub was deliberately weakened and emotionally distanced from me .Have these harrassers ever touched a sc from very low strata the way i have without any revulsion or prejudise?I would have continued to be the same person that i was so would have my hub if not for this invasion into my privacy,thoughts[teeth clip] and lifestyle as well as into his..
Writing my diary in candle light as electricity was cut at 1 pm.Road outside is flooded for the first time in these rains
2.12.15--Wednesday--
Brother rang up day before yesterday inquiring about our well being in here at chennai Said we are fine.Not a drop of water on our road ,everything normal.Was made to eat back those the very next day viz yesterday itself when it started raining since morning and became heavy at noon .Again nothing unusual .it has been raining for nearly a month with a spell of few dry days inbetween
In fact on our trip to tirupati in middle of Nov when our train was confirmed at the last 12 hours ,before, the road the auto took to the station was bone dry and only a few ditches, ponds ,tanks on wayside to Tirupati were filled with water and were not brimming.In fact we encountered heavy rains at Tirumala and an unheard of announcement in mike was made ,inviting pilgrims to have darshan in a hours time as rains had prevented many from visiting the temple.room &bed in Ashram was damp .Next morn was dry and had a good darshan after attending a kalayana utsavam which was however packed with people who had all booked earlier like we had done.As we left the hills rain started to ,very heavy and was lashing even as we boarded the train .Back to Chennai which was comfortingly dry and cozy !
Ok back to yesterday viz 1.12.15 .rain as usual but a bit heavy but what was unusual was that the road outside started overflowing with water.Current was cut at noon .So no tv for updates .Actually was nore bothered about debate in parliament than about state of Chennai,as i was still in the comfort zone
Darkened quickly inside in evening ,by 5 pm ,used all the few candles kept on reserve for a power cut that never lasted for this long .Then lit the agal villakkue/s--small oil lamps i had lit on karthigai festival and had not yet stored them in the loft ..Though no street lights. the sky wasn,t dark ,it looked like it was lit up with some hidden light or refraction and i could see out cleraly.The water kept rising and entered the gates and started to run around our flats .A sudden flurry of activity in a neighbourhood and flats that had become silent without any tv or net on around 9 pm .Neighbours were putting gunny bags with sand to protect the electric meters at the ground level as water was fast rising.All this done with torch light.
Switched on my transister radio and was terribly disappointed .A one line about rains in Chennai and that it was heaviest in several years and that it would continue.flat! No other information .No warnings ,unlike decades back when a.i r.kept giving hourly news about a huge cyclone's [1985 ]path and the precautions we need to take ,specially fishermen.
Chided the indifference of AIR at such a calamatious situation .In times of information why was there such a sketchy info'specially with current cut .Heard it was cut through out the city,with no access to tv or net ?
I am much better off than my neigh's who don't even have a transistor for info.I am the old timer cherishing relics from past and it did me a good turn .could hear news and also music for entertainment when all the modern modes collapsed .but youngsters were using their mobiles[ but this too conked of later ]
wick light diner and sleepless night mainly owing to noise made by some persons from opposite shop.They were talking but it carried very loudly may be the water did it.
Today morn a lot of commotion .Opposite side residents as bemused as i was by the water on street .Knee level.The water around our flat has risen.Ground floor neighs have escaped ,so far.A lot of noise all around as all are at home.None, barring a few youngsters from tenements ventured out to work.
No current .Switched on transy.Heard army &navy are out at Tambaram to rescue and PM as usual has risen to the occasion at the correct point of time and has assured all help to TN people..Then other news.Felt frustrated .Bub rang up giving news from tv he was seeing at Delhi mainly tamil channels.Asked us to be careful
Only one police van went down the street.Chaffed at this parisomny then reasoned other places are more severely hit.
FM AIR was playing music when i switched it on after an hour.!Got wild and as usual let of to my hub who goes deaf whenever i do so.An switch off he has honed to perfection since our marriage decades back
Then again tried other stations .some pvt fm channels were giving info mainly distress calls from various parts of chennai --places with 8-10 feet of water!Old ,ill people as well as pregnant women marooned without food &water
We are much better off At 2 pm a communist van came ploughing thru the waterand distributed the food .
All are well off herein tenements but some are not it was help to them .No other party came by.
so commies also have risen to the occasion .Not bad.This is the social service i expect of them and not shadowing behind me and pshycho harrasing me.
3pm -no current rain stopped at 12.
Back to Ranchi days of late 8o's where powercut and watercut used to last for more than a week and had to catch water falling of the roof and rely upon hurricane lamps .
Heard from some pvt fm channels who are doing a good service at this needful hour that chennai is declared as a disaster zone .
Hearing the various non stop SOS on transi ,it seems so.
Though rains have halted water conversely is rising on street and in flat.
Was bub right when he said that water from overflowing adayar river could reach and flood us?and had advised me to stock food and vege.That time there was very little water on the street so didnt take much note .But now water is rising.He warned of backwater.Can't the water on street below and in our compound be pumped out? Like bub said if sea itself rejects and pushes the water back what can be done ?
3.12.15 Thursday.
Had a good sleep and woke up at 5 in morn.Shone the torch below.Water had risen shoulder high .Thank god the couple with a small kid had moved up to the adjoining flat in our floor that was vacant last night itself.
Yesterday as the water kept rising i asked them to come up to our house and move into the kids room which is free.They were still hoping that water wouldnt rise .So did we as rains had stopped yesterday itself.But surprisingly water from knee level rose upto waist level.the neigh in adjoining flat waded through this water yesterday so as to be with her father living a few kms away in a higher floor and drier area.her house was free and another neigh on same floor took her permission to let them in as the couple may hesitate to impose themselves upon us if they had to shift in with one of us.They finally moved up paying heed to our alarmed calls from our landing as we watched the water rise around their flat rapidly .The watch man in whose shelter a viper had entered a few nights back and then disappeared mysteriously in the day, took shelter in the stairs.
Went to bed thinking if water rose the watchman would alert us but at same time felt that it wouldn't rise to our floor.
ok back to 5 am ,today.after seeing water level went to bed ,heard a call to the faithful's and soon after crows made a ruckus. alarm & panicky crowing.I drifted of to sleepand my father kept coming as if in a dream or vision Alarm bells like the parked submerged cars in our and also next compound that kept giving out shrill and loud burglar alarmtill late last night.Was he informing of my rapidly impending tryst with pitru's or was it hypnosis?Must be latter .So woke up and also woke up hub who was in deep sleep.The alarmed calls of crows means it is something to with R.Harm to him.
Dawn broke .scooter,mobikes of youngsters f opp side all submerged .A man walked .Water was chest high.
Other g floor neigh have gone to relatives houses or to upper floor.in the next block.
Made tea for watchman and for the couple .thanks to milk delivered yesterday.Some kids swimming in water.
Herad news on my transi the only sourc e of info'as no current that ndrf was sent on war footing and chennai is a disaster zone.Not a single boat in sight nor any info relayed on megaphone to assure us.
Kids are having fun but what about elderly with heath probs.I havent bought provisions for this month and have to manage with last months balance.Even if i go out herad all shops are under water,so rice, medicine etc could be wet destroyed .Bubs advise to stock food good but cant implement it now..ok for us twoprovision swill last for a week with a bit of rationing,what about others around us?
Head that rise of water is due to release of water rom a lake that is 20-30 kms away.it is flooding that dirty drain ,Coovam which is stone throw away.Is it flooding us?Some say that main road after half km is dry and so are few other localities.So why are we flooded? Is it coz it is low lying?Who would have imagined such a pass to come about?
Few days back was chaffing in frustration at the nature f my diary being public.What a turnaround for us.If it is still public[ then it means that current is not cut and are kept deliberately in dark as a policeman 4 yrs back said that closed circuit cameras cannot function without current whatever just this one time - i wrote this on 8.12.15 as i realised this fact only after few hours of writing this sos] ]i can think it as a boon to tell our probs to outside world and hope it will be acted upon and bring us relief.boats for people to go to safer places and food for those who stay behind specially in opp side and clean water for us,
Even as i write this asking for help a hope that water will recede is there and my confidence to be self reliant is playing at back of my mind making me hesitate to ask for help even though it is a extra ordinary situation that has never visited us all these years[prob i was hypnotised to ask for help as in my next diary my anger is there for making me do so]
ok what if water reaches our floor?we all have to move up and i must take documents,dry clothes .really even to imagine it is hard.Not that bothered about gadjets but definetly about that which is perishable and can never be restored like photo's and other memoribolias that are links to my past .,family etc .Our identity itself?
It is like a earth quake or fire ,only that it is in former loss is swift in latter it is slow.
9 am --bub rang up.He is watching sun tv in which they are making appeals for impartiality.
A coin clicked .This is dmk area so is assistance lagging?are we caught in politics?Or is rescue teams -local too stretched?He said naval ship Airavat has landed in the port .army will also help just wait for few hours.
Actually if the dirty Coovam that has become clean and then dirtied us .stops flooding then no problem.for us at first floor.Can't go out .which was how i was ,stuck in the house for nearly a month as i didn't trust my balance to hold in rain splattered slippery streets with some fellows constantly out there in the streets to vacum the back of my spine & head and make me dizzy and and make me fall on the road.Just went out once or twice ,to type my latest booklet of aazhwars pasurams/hymns on thiruvallur and to laminate vid's photo as the glass frame of the original one was being used for nastying us. In my house reflection from glasses is the mine field i have to always guard against.what a pass!
Is my membership to bjp also cause of this indifference or my right leaning with a caustic tongue?Should others around me suffer for my leanings??Hope not.Maybe Amma's resources are too stretched .We'l just wait hoping that water doesn't rise further and also that it doesn't rain.
Got a call from hub's neice from US. Anxious for our safety.She couldn't contact r's sisters in w.mambalam .they are also flooded.She recollected that Katrina hurricane's devatation.Yesterday when we called them they had no prob. Now i am thinking of my nephew &neice in other parts.how are they ?They all were fine few days back but now everything has changed.Quite a deluge!
11.20Am--Another coin clicked.since this is dmk area why isn't that party getting its act together?They can hire boats and distribute essentials.Fm chennai live hat was doing a wonderful job yesterday was giving phone lines to ntl &ola boats.No one is in sight.Leaving politico's aside ,big orgns known for public service can help.not a single one in sight.
Started to drizzle.Water slowly receding to hip level.
5pm --Few mts back ufr and family left to their other house.for first time i am seeing them as a family.They way they got on to a inflated black raft with a policeman in it was tricky and funny. May be knockings on ceiling will stop.That elder boy lifted his mother effortlessly whilst ufr clambered on to it in a ungainly manner & tumbled into it which was so funny making me as well as the policeman on the raft laugh..What a comic relief .And this man wants to control me as he haughtily claimed in 2012! watched from balcony
Earlier lfr family left wading through chest high water to thier parents place at 12 pm .Then another family left .that girl with her newly delivered baby and another toddler and her parents to relatives house.
Many left but we are stil here.where else to go?Water has receded a bit .maybe others left fraring another deluge.at 2pm heard a heli.was it pm?after that north indian youths distributed food on opp side and also some body else Then a funny sight around 4 pm a boat glided down the road Proper one!Wondered why a rope wasn't tied on road side for people to hold and walk safely like it was done in mumbai,when i saw that girl with infant walking in swirling waters without any support.to hold.
So many youths but all are in their own world.none of them came forward to help couples with small children to wade out.Neither from my flat nor from opp side.Missed my sons.Surely they would have helped their neighs--weak one's in this situation.i can command them but not my neigh's sons or those on opp side.
Crows making a terific din
Another day of no current.Drinking water running short.Isn't this flat full of intels.not one is coming forward to organise basic service to all those around.As indiff as others .
Have become allergic to people with specsaround meas it is being used to wage a psycho war on me .
When ufr left ,the sons walked .A thin young man with specs came on opposite side of the road immediately that older boy who is rude to me laughed and turned deliberately and said goodbye watchman a dark man, laughingly.Some delusional work.So current is there for those using it but have kspt it dark. Geting fed up of this specs, back scratching, hypnosisand suggestions.
Was it for 1000crores?that is make me write about the 'grave situation'?hub didn't find our situation all that grave and was taking it in his stride .Was i made to over react?What amount will suffice?sld i keep on writing till then?
Come to think of it now aid came only after pm 's visit ended.Were all ordered to keep off till then?
4.12.15--Friday.
Good tidings.Water has receded to ankle level and milk available at a depotCorner shop ope.People busy on street.
Funny.I was harrassed and teased by showing water cans by those around me .For past few days nature teased them all with shoulder high water,house arresting all of them .What a joke.Is this karma?Must be from my point of view.
The excitement and anxiety of the day before absent yesterday once water started to recede,
Another aspect though my entire routine was upset since 2012 with active participation of all around me i was sticking to my routine i have been following since marriage.even bathing in cold water of quarter bucket before lighting the puja lamp in morn whilst others were too overwhelmed by their routine going awry and kept on talking and mooning around,even hub dropped his routine.I.Like those violinists who stuck to their routine on the sinking titanic ship by playing thier violin i too stuck to my routine for a feeling of normalcy tho' attacked by hypnosis and crude invasion of my thoughts from above, not being spared even in a abnormal situation..
What did they want?That pm sld visit?was it pm or the person they wanted to arm twist?he wld have visited any way .Did they want to shake the centre and bjp?
Many. have left to better environs. The highly humane' family of ufr has deliberately left behind 2 petticoats and dupatta hanging in above clothesline so that water from it can drip and wet our clothes.One sided humanity and sensitivity.That family is a nice eg for the abov.e.
Bad tidings---Water for drinking and cooking viz can water even with rationing has gone down.Stench from water around.no current.only source of info transi hope the battery lasts.hub needs heart medicine.what is the state of my booklet and photo's.
Now pvt fm has stopped sos relay and AIr fm is doing it.heard it yesterday.but the rj's were not even tempered nor gently assuring ,unlike the one's on pvt fm.rattled off help lines in such a speed that it was tough to note it down.
Heard an army man's take .Very clinical and down to earth.Nice and credible.Rampant encroachments on water bodies blocking natural drainage,lack of state disaster force ,error in judgement in release of water from dams.and rounded it saying hope it doesn't rain more ,it is in god's hands.
11.30.am--Water completely drained off the concrete road.Wondered about my earlier house at Porur.when i visited it after a gap of 13 yeras a month back,it looked sort of sunk.The road has been raised so water may have gone into it. Remember my father saying that water entering into home in adayar during rains was coz of raising of roads constantly.bub gave an explanation concrete roads have a long life but how will those with connections make money if they don't keep on laying inferior roads?hub too same view.
All repairing mo'bikes car etc
What was lacking was lack of info'When vendor could announce with mega phones at drop of angavastram /towel about --
1.My effect of writing on politics
2.Warning of punishment for hurting political sensitivity of a minor section + for critising political leaders,why couldnt the same be done to inform all of us to take precautions with life and property that water was being let off from a dam?
I got to know it from bub in Delhi who was watching news and correctly made some deductions.I didn't believe him because he is not the authority
Are sensitivities of a section and politics more important than life and property?
Have observed that before ge and also state elec as well as after that if i dared express my frank appraisals of performance or rebut their views i will invite swift punishment .Earlier i was only blogging ,now i have stopped it for year and am speaking in my house.& writing diary.Having been taught a lesson in since june2014 -sept end i was careful not even to write my honest opinions and the pain i was made to undergo for doing so even in my diary for fear of hurting my family -life and reputation.
A neigh from uuflr graciously off loaded kgs of potatos on the remaining few neigh as he and his family left .He must have had a sack ful of it but didn't have the heart to part with it when we were all in need of vegetables yesterday and day before.
The can water some one supplied was just like bore water-- salty.Sun is shinig .no rain no current.
For me water logging of roads is nothing new .Had happened often at the suburb we lived and it stagnated so long and the houses were so few that fishes used to hatch and swim and be caught by boys for meals from nearby slum .but level didnt rise alarmingly when water was let out from dams.Even tho' no info from authorities ,only hearsay and later newspaper.Somethings never change in changing Tamilnadu.
Why am i writing on and on?Getting fed up of it and am getting angry at those who are extracting my views,opinions and imaginations.Those who are doing it in such a dirty & nasty manner with scant regard to my time,needs,privacy,family ties will never prosper.That is guarenteed.Let it be media or politicians or seculars or conversionists.Nasama poividuveenga.100% sure
How long will my pain bring gain?There will be reversal of fortunes.Have lived long and experienced a lot to observe so convincingly.It is a matter of time.
Son rang up from office .sounded monotonous and low. Sounded a lot like vid when he wld call late at night from office .poor boy is being over worked ,i guess .He inquired.Observed and crossed swords at each others attitude and got our respective confidence back.Me ,for his non involvment and he for my indulging in self pity, panic,when i was actually safe, sound and healthy and for making too much fuss.
For past few days apart from crows making a lot off a panicky din several goats smalland big specially small ones were bleating miserably.Are we the scape goats?If so above observation that the cycle will catch up the cruel explioters holds good for those making us one.
5.12.15--Saturday 10.30 pm.
Not a drop of flod water in compound &street and not a drop of water in tap as.No current.Lighting the oil wicks.
Evening set out to ttd temple by walk walk for exersice.no luck ,it started to rain so took a auto Some streets flooded a bit more than it normally is .Temple dry. Bought two books on Hinduism .one for myself and another for the young man who asked me for a book.on hinduismWas really surprised that such a young person is interested in religion/hinduism ,that is how it originated and what it is,forgetting that i also used to read Gita, ,upanishads etc since youth and lerant more about hinduism in BA hist and in family law but no man,family, friends,class mates whom i knew at that age,ever did.hub exception. Bought rice,candles .All available in a nearby shop.
Garbage all over .Cleaning going on.
Neta's local reps have started to distribute water etc Now no water,What those N.indian boys and some others did was tough wAding thru chest high water in a unfamiliar place with cold rain pelting in pitch dark and distributing food and water.Tho aid very limited admire their service at such a tough time.very few left in flat.Maybe lack of current is cause of exodus. we are drawing water from sump with bucket i used at porur well! Some came to clean up in the morn.The most hit are those in ground floor.stinking silt,fridge,cots etc damaged and fear of infection
.The couple with infant grand child also came.whilst drawing water.i asked them as to why they took such a risk of leaving the place in chest high water.they cld have waited to recede.They said the infant was fast developing an allergy and needed medical attention and that tho they tried several help lines no help or boat came.It was heart stopping to see the frail girl who was in bed rest and her thin mother carry the premature baby in swirling waters.
Only ufr and family were transported in that black boat They waited in waist high water when they could have easily walked .they must be same age of that couple with grand child or even younger.Prestige?just who is he?They were behaving like a infirm old couple tho' younger than me and many of us.Am sure the boat with police came for him and family .vip?After that boat didn't come .The scales went down .The couple, that was lording over me teasing my lethargic and inhuman ways didn't have it in them to face adverse situations stoically nor did their well built kids pitch in to help neigh.
Both bubs rang up so did cousin .They were all overwhelmed by pictures on tv,We in the hub of it didn't watch a single shot and was overwhelmed --me only by lack of info'and not by the adversity.affecting us personally.
since ufr and co left no loud knocks on ceiling.but some very muted ones.So that flat is still used.see strangers --young men,maids all unknown slip away quietly from the gate on and off.Suspicion that they are being used against me in psycho war.
The boisterous neigh also left today.so only 4 families in this flat and 4 in next block.it appears like a ghost flat --dark,silent and mysterious
crows as in past few days constantly crowing together.in morns.
Even had a argument with hub.him not taking me for temple tours when he said he refuses to do so since i am more interested in writing about it and then blogging it than in the spiritual aspect and then complain about harrassment I replied that i have been writing since 12 ,about travel,pub affairs ,society .see my old diaries. it was for myself.it was coz of vid i came on net and when i saw that me a dumg down person with no audience save only vid since our marriage,was having so many takers [maxi 40], it encouraged me to blog.
Do you know i have now more than 3 lakh viewership after i stopped blogging but i am not tempted to blog as i was too mentally tortured, fera put in me after ge and my originality squashed and also realised that i may be mouthing others views due to this hypnosis, people casing us, gadjetry use,provocations with aim of extraction extreme reactions not in tune with my actual views on a topic in pub affairs and to keep away from toxic influence of vengencefilled mino's and seculars who were making me feel and react in the manner in which they wanted without allowing me to visit net to get the view of the other side to 'communal 'happenings in india.My flat has quite a few such lads of mino community and seculars who could be vengeful ,detest my writings and hate the current dispensation at the centre and they could have tampered with the electric connection or have been given permission by authorities to do so.
Now i am doing it coz this is experience is one in a life time.and i also got back some of my confidence. back .From my constant thirst for knowledge about my religion, history , travel, stories and literature by authors from all over the world i have been diverted to such silly things as casing, and controversial subjects like conversion,sectaranism, communalism etc in which i have no interest at all, in a systematic manner.
6.12.15-sunday9.30.am
No current.It is given in next road that has water .is it deliberate?Not fair on elderly and those with kids.How long can they adjust with relatives?
three spectacled youths came in morn asking specifically for my door no and said if we wanted to shift to Bbangalore we could go along with them as they had by car with relief materials and were going back this noon.I was slightly tempted .why not be with son?
Hub came in and said no we'll manage here.Curious i asked Alvina a young woman and her Iyer companions how they got to know about us.they said they were in IT and some how got to know thru 'face book
She tooka snap of us.me in my nighty.They left.
Now a days i am quite suspicious or have been made to be suspicious of what could might well be innocent or ordinary.so was suspicious whether it was on net or is my diary live and some one has sent them .They are not son's friends.Then there is current as that policeman said circuit cameras cannot work without current "Adaadha mazhai peidhalum vida dha nadaiperum-"--tamil proverb. meaning Even if it rains heavily constantly it will be conducted.
What is worse is the harrassment and casing even in extremely abnormal situation/calamity .Another eg of lack of humanity and total selfishness for gains --media,politico's or groups?
Son' s friend had come down from Bangalore said my son couldn't get away owing to Jap exam.No wonder he sounded low.Are screws being applied on him as well? who is gaining in such a sadistic manner ?Don't they have families?What if they were also subject to such constant needling for some one elses gain ?Will they realise only then?
Maid brought pump water from opp side
I asked hub why can't party workers help in relief?He
said they are habituated to receiving money for any work done ,will they suddenly do this thankless work with no monetary returns all of a sudden?
oh no ! ufr has returned.Thought he had shifted for good .Luck doesn't last long .all nastiness will start again.
bub rang up warning us to be careful of water It must be mixed with sewage ,pesticide etc .
Same thing can be said of my pshyche and emotions in past 4 yeras t,to write as per dirty, perverted,fearful thoughts and views of those capable of influencing me with psycho tactics to either be a vehicle of thier fear and anger and nasty myself with stupid confessions and dirty whatever name and regard i may have had in the net .
It is raining .the muck has been cleared from our gate and has been deposited at front of opposite J block ,right in front of my view from the bedroom window.
At noon those kids total strangers from Bangalore came with provisions rice ,juice etc I didnt like it as we can afford to buy it all from shops and was also suspicious of political angle so was a bit abrupt.Hub took it to distribute to opp side dwellers.They left.Later cooling down, i kept 2 water bottles and 2 friuts in recognition of their efforts and offer of transport to Bang . Distributed the rest.All taken in jiffy.
ruminated about myself.My entire time is taken in trying to find a solution to this constant nastying of my bodily parts and curbs on my religious freedom .how to escape it .how to escape this highly invasive control.instead of enriching myself with knowledge through reading on net or books.if i use reading glasses i will be nastied .if i go out have to be careful of my balance .some one or the other .only lower strata people would be there to use gadjets to make me light headed and forget .it also happen sin house.So some one has succeeded in removing my only power and source of my confidence viz knowledge .constant stinging for 4 yera s or more
8pm
Heard news on transi as no current .CM has spoken on army day about their sacrifice.Fine but why a deafening silence when calamity struck?Not a single word of assurance from her or her ministers.Didn't write this earlier ,tho' was airing it,as i didn't want to provide food for opposition and indulge in politics at the time of crisis and was also a bit wary of her minions and cadres wrath. But that lacuna is there as she is cm and therefore leader of all in here and not just her party men.
Today when normalcy is returning it doesn't matter if she speaks or not.
7.12.15 Bright sun .went for morn walk.festive atmosphere in flat.as there was hope of getting current .got it exactly at 1pm.
Panic and gloom tata..
Heard a song on Lord Muruga being played from down below.The sound of heavy rains poured as a copious gift of god muted the song's volume.It is a warning for views as usual aired in my drawing room after watching tv the debate loksabha and wondered aloud whether rains were a curse or a gift .Settled on the latter.
The tone of the woman singer is similar to the tone of 10 rs balm seller -soft ,low yet menacing .the similarity is making me write it down as it could be yet again a warning i should take heed of.
Am in receipt of several warnings since last month specially after airing my views on intolerance at home.whenever i am just about to sleep my father appears which means an hypnotist is around and i have to jerk myself up to full wake fullness so as to avoid its full impact .Before GE probably he was used to stir me up on humanitarian issues .Now if he comes i am sure to rave and rant against commies and minorities,etc and land myself in deeper trouble.So i am on guard .Since mind has been attacked constantly as written earlier in detail am unable to unravel the rationale behind this hypnosis its consequence -anger at people i normally never think of and then warnings--that is to whose benifit is this hypnosis,gadgetry attacks and constant shadowing being done ? For me there is only pain and some one is gaining at my pain .
6 pm
If my father appears in my semi conscious state i should actually feel kinship with comarades as he was one of them& they were the first party i approached when i wanted to do social work after my son's death and left it coz being a trained lawyer & rule and law bound i didn't like the katta panchayat done in legal aid cell just coz a sc woman was involved, totaly blind to the fact she was also in fault and i also shouldn't have tussles &feel furious at mino neigh by which i mean those in my flat specially one on upper floor added to this upbringing of mine of seeing all equally without any prejudice is the influence of my husband a very religious person ,who is equally tolerant to mino's and has no prejudice against sc' or st's .in fact it was he who encourages their free entry into my kitchen be it a sc or st maid or gas delivery men It was also he who asked me to ignore upper floor harraser a mino & dismissed him saying they are a little bit awry with a tolerant look but for year or two after sensing that his wife is being exploited but unable to bead the logic is unable to stand the sight of ufr.He avoids him as otherwise ufr;s domineering ways makes his heart queasy .Not once did he a strict vegetarian fly into rage ,leave alone even wrinkle his nose in disgust at smells of meat prevading our house from their kitchen which is right on top of us,nor have i .I didnt get into any paroxym of rage nor mind the slip when a scantily clad meat seller brought a bag of it when he deliberately or other wise knocked on our door as if mistaking it for upper flat nor did my hub who was doing his puja right in the living room itself .
Yes my late father did share the political idealogy of communists in here and used his power as a high ranking bureaucrat to specially and only to help mino's-Mus, sikhs and sc's without bending any rules .But at same time was not blind to their faults .He was shocked when he saw the sculptures at Hampi mutilated by sultans .He was rattled by a sudden mass conversion in southern districts of TN.In tales of some atrocities on dalits he wasn't blind to fact that some of them in thier new fouind arrogance were deliberately provoking .some such instances.
First and foremost he was incorruptible,He never used his position as chief of 44 labs to line his nest .Would firmly turn away those who came with bribe for contracts .He himself scarcely used his office car and never let us use it.So he would never have entered a household to exploit a family so as to enhance his power or wealth or influence in such a crooked ,sly and cowardly manner.if he wanted to influence me it was done in a straight and direct manner and never forced me do things that i didn't like or if i found it too difficult . Strong in his convictions but at same time didnt thrust it down into my throat the way it is being done for [past few years in a highly controlled situation ..One who is assuming his role is clearly doing every thing that he wasn't and is besmirching his image and is making fun of what ever he stood for and in a way ridiculing some good facets of communists in here .
How is it that people are standing mutely watching a nice pious Hindu man's home entered into so wantonly ,his long puja and meditations slyily used without any compunction to control him and through that get to his wife me so that i write whatever trash they want me to? Most in here are working in private colleges ,which includes the mino;s and very few in govt or some such undertaking,it seems there it is a mutual co opertaion between the two to throw all norms and ethics and laws to the wind to continue with this dirty work of spying into another man's home ,thier neighbour for more than a decade,his children and his wife ?In which democratic country or even in any state of india such a crazy set up be put up with conniavance or even full support of the state ?If mino's are involved in this aern't they simply asking for it? Didn't GE teach a lesson to a major party not to trifle too much with the self respect of hindu'sand not to offend hindu's even if they may not appease them?Is the cocky confidence in here still too high which has blinded to the reality or are we expendable in local politics as kashmiri pandits were?But in there it was two comunities but in here hindu;s are in majority and ruled by a religious hindu ,i am sure most of them are uncomfortable at our plight but either indifference or fear of getting entangled in politics or even fear of offending mino's who are capable of violent protests if crossed , is making them all turn a blind eye and to keep quiet . strange how ufr has got away with such a despicable and perverted form of intrusion into our lives without a jot of protest from any right thinking person around. and continues to get away with it! My blogging it +tweeting about it has not shamed those abusing me nor those living above me one bit in fact it is going on as usual . The nearby temple did alert in earlier months about me being exploited too much very cruelly to satisy a mother;s hunger and how a stolen property will not last long and will lose its fine qualities.the temple has fallen silent now after i decided to treat my house as my own ,saying enough of this unwanted purdah in my own house. Let see how long ufr and co's spurious reign and powerful backers last. Matter of time.
explanatuion to purdah to new viewers--In 2012 when i was made to realise that mu house has become public and a policeman who came at request of my hub when i complained to him to shattering noise on ceiling whereevr i sat or walked and groups of people neigh ,totsl strngers of lowerstrata used to clap thier hands as if to tease me when i sat or walked in the terrace to or in park or sat in balcony and most noise came from above house he used his friends influence and brought a polceman who checked for cameras as i felt only with caneras such things could be done ,he said there were none and instead suggested that as i had lost my eldr son and my other son was away in another city i had lost my mental balance implying that i was hearing sounds as a true nut case would though they were not there and my hub gulped it down and treated the matter of sound nblasting my brain and strange behaviour of neigh and their peeking into our house as matter that was settled viz thare was no such intrusion as a policeman himself had checked and certified it as such and i could only be imagining it and thence forward didn't take my complaints seriously! I was so battered with stereofonic sounds from above ,fridge, &weven within my head maybe something was
i mplanted in tooth opertaion i had few months before this sound blasting and felt aggressive stares when i looked into the mirror or tv, deleberatly high pitched screechy humming sounds in my ears [a lingering torture somewhat like the infamous chinese slow torture fit for a hard core terrorist or criminal to break them down ] and vibrations in my spine &in pvt parts was used for two months at end of which i was a bundle of raw nerves and lost my concentration in my hobby of translating slokas,and tamil verses and as knockings contd like as if goading an animal to move[ and do so till today also]even whilst changing clothes or using the toilet or whilst bathing [or eating or working in kitchen , or in computer or reading,just about anything i do it is made sure that people or neigh from above flat ,occupied by its mus owners are always watching and monitoring my move and giving me their unwanted 24 hours company,more or less living along with me that is they will give me company but i cannot give them,they will intrude in my most pvt moments but i cannot do so in reciprocity!] At the end of that 2 months torture it struck me that since a mino neigh was doing all this so openly that is open to all except my hub and son he must be having the backing of authorities and i observed loudly that maybe this the reconciliation that ruling party at centre [cong] is being enacted and instantly the mus neigh of above -i didnt believe him to be a mus then as i was under the impression that they will not be allowed or sent to undertake such a sensitive matter as i was blogging on religion and i connected the two and felt that no one India would dare send a mus man even if he is in govt to torture a hindu woman right in her house right under her hub's nose as it would definetly assume a communal colour ,came down accompanied by another older neigh of my floor but left without explaining why they came or what they wanted .since the tappings contd and i had lost my will to fight legally with no one to assist me or to believe me & had no evidence to prove i thought these fellows were looking down at me and in shame i started covering myself even whilst bathing, dressed in dark and for first time in my 55 long years i was feeling a total lack of privacy,ownership of my houseand belongings and even family members ,strange but that is how i was made to be,a stranger to myself ,my age and station in my family and society.This is what i meant by 'purdah'.
In september 2015 i started going through my pile of earlier diaries so as to edit them and then store them that with a shock i realised what a fake life i was forced into since 2012 in which my memories of my middle aged life was systematically wiped out and was made to mentally live as a blooming woman in first flush of youth and later after ge as a helpless toddler specially after a month of attacks of painful waves on my brain and body2014june or july which reduced my bodies defences and make lose control over my secretions and jammed my brain of thoughts and was compelled to take orders in form of mild headaches with fear of loss of life to family if i didn't obey and also keep of net tv papers and after a induced fluid discharge for whole of september was made clear that if i dare tell my prayers or even go near a hindu god;s image i will have a sticky discarge,[whichh left after my uterus operation but liquids cotd in temples etc and now after claiming my house as my own irritations still continue ]and no outings,tours,and shouldnt wear silk sarees .mangalsutra,jewels,dress even more in dark and should never tell my daily prayers .ok after readaing my 2004.5 diary i shook myself from these strange invisible chains and said go to hell .This is a country and house and family which is mine where i was as free as the next person and i am going to treat my house as own and deliberately dressed with full lights on in front of mirror for first time in 4 years and went for my usual morn walk to ttd temple and was swiflty punished for exhibiting my freedom .was made to fall on the main road and scraped my knees and nearly broke a tooth .since then i started to use my house as my own ,thouhh i am still nastied , tappings on ceilings even,whilst bathing iritations in pvt parts if i wear hindu gods'image or go near a pic all the while heaping abuses on the persons who have reduced me to this level in a lovely country in which i was as free as the wind even at the height of my sudden grief of losing my son.i had no such crazy unbelievable shackles.to my movement or thinking or worship. Which sadistic pervert did this to me?Hope that person or persons gets it back in full measure .The gall to attempt conversion in a sordid manner of a woman [may be my hub also] who hails from a long lineage of scholars versed in vedas and so on in the only country where my religion hinduism is practised gives me a rage which is impotent ,since i and my family have been given a blow so repulsive as well as insidious that we can hardly get up ,so weakened we are mentally and spirituall;y i can only rage on the net.
1
my very painful tooth implant,then jaming my head for a month with painfully cruel attacks and then make me discharge fluids for a month that reduced me to a jelly are the three main procedures done on me to break my confidence in me and faith in neigh and govt and all the things i took as guarenteed for granted for so many years of my life,i am being made to feel like a alien in my own land !whose handiwork is this? i am sure it of those who feel that they donot belong to this land nor that it is sacred nor are they proud of democracy nor are they willing to abide by laws,ethics and dharma and seem to be extremely violent as they are using brainwashing tactics on a defenceless family in a land famed for non violence.who ever did this to us are bringing great disrepute to this ancient civilisation with a modern democracy.
Viewers what i am relating is what happened to me .others -millions are enjoying their freedom ,leading a very normal life as i used to before i started to blog .This is specific to me .
At times i wonder if all this is being done to us because my hub is a pure hindu right with unabashed and very vocal affection and loyalty for our present pm since the days of he became chief minister in a flat populated by mus or even by hindus who may not have liked his open admiration in those early years 2002 onwards when we first came here.and may have tried to rub his nose down, by slyliy taking over his property and wife May be they are still at it as he is a very firm hindu right .The opposite tenements are highly politisiced .
when i think of ufr prying into my daily activities i get quite angry thinking he is keeping his wife in burkha but is very freely watching another man's wife .He told me once that he was here to control me!must be thru cameras.Would he allow my hub to control his wife? That thought will never cross my hubs mind of that i am sure and proud of.I am sure there are also hindu's who are watching me in my house how is that these hindu's who have tied a mangalsutra on thier wives neck and are assured that no other man will take hold of her aren't honouring the one tied by thier hindu neigh and impinging and disrespecting this sacred custom at will ?
Even if it is woman who are watching my intimate moments again what right do they have to invade my privacy ?it is pure brain washing tactics to remove the feeling of i from me and dumb me down .and make beg for favours and become like cattle to be herded, like a prisoner who is being brainwashed to lose his or her identity when all this are my inalienable rights and i and my family are happy with my original identity
and no one except maybe politicians or some groups are not comfortable with.
If all this web of deceit and control is becuase of my blogging what gives any one any right to stop me from doing so?was that why so much fuss was made about specs and was constantly nastied so that i will discard it in horror and never read or blog and had to undergo cataract operation even before time ? now i can read net easily without specs and am typing without it .Who is so scared of my blogging?
Before ge ufr the one sent to control me didnt like my blogs on hinduism as well as in public affairs .specially on hinduism.why ?1000's of people write on it so why me?why couldn't my posts on hinduisnm as experienced by me wasn't welcome in a predominatly hindu country? did my blogs prove more influential than others?So was i expected to let go of sharing my experiences?Experiences constitute hinduism and why shouldn't i being a hindu discover them on my own or through books or articles?why was i expected to round off the true facets of hinduism either in translation or in my personal experiences? ,why should i do so?To please the seculars .aethiests and mino's?This is tyrany of thought control.And since ufr is a muslim i will say and think that he is communal. That he and his family enjoyed teasing me and enjoyed invading my privacy as they have little or no respect for my religion or customs.And those hindu's who did it are bending backwards to nasty and disrespect thier own religion and customs to please whom?.
The 4 long years of harrasment , constant monitoring, constant parading of dark ,thin ,handicapped people and rag pickers and mino's and others only from from lower strata ,that to dirtily clad ones evesdropping ,provocations by tapping on my ceiling,glares that are offensive & not curious, from opposite tenements when i go near the window or balcony or walk on street or in dramas cinema halls trains,buses,park temples ,relatives houses ,marriages has made me breach my level of tolerance and am giving opposite reactions to my true nature .So much so that i have developed an allergy to mino's, sc's darkies and handicapped's as they are being constantly rubbed into my life in a very very negative , offensive , rude and crude manner.Obviously all these people are doing all this glaring etc as they have been ordered to do so probably to make my life as hellish as possible without a moment of relaxation,meditation and introspection and thus lose my originality.
Nor are we strictly sectarian as it is sought to be projected.Being a Tamil it is but natural for us to pay obseince to Lord Muruga son of siva or amman or shakthi wife of siva along with our kula and prime Venkateshwarar.The primacy naturally to Narayana or Maha vishnu being Srivaishnavaites by birth. The original thinking and views of mine seems to rattle politicians.
At times i boil with anger and want to confront my constant harrassers whether they have ever helped handicapped people the way i have?Did so for several years.Are they living cheek to cheek with mino's and have no issues with them or blow issues up ,for so many years nearly 14 the way all of us do here?Can they move as freely and without any prejudice with them the way i can?Did i ever run up to upper floor and say don't read your religious books or blog it when they interfered in my readings and writings and tried to stop me and finally succeeded?I hardly read any books for fear of being nastied through my reading glasses nor visit temples as i once did freely all over india as my hub was deliberately weakened and emotionally distanced from me .Have these harrassers ever touched a sc from very low strata the way i have without any revulsion or prejudise?I would have continued to be the same person that i was so would have my hub if not for this invasion into my privacy,thoughts[teeth clip] and lifestyle as well as into his..
Writing my diary in candle light as electricity was cut at 1 pm.Road outside is flooded for the first time in these rains
2.12.15--Wednesday--
Brother rang up day before yesterday inquiring about our well being in here at chennai Said we are fine.Not a drop of water on our road ,everything normal.Was made to eat back those the very next day viz yesterday itself when it started raining since morning and became heavy at noon .Again nothing unusual .it has been raining for nearly a month with a spell of few dry days inbetween
In fact on our trip to tirupati in middle of Nov when our train was confirmed at the last 12 hours ,before, the road the auto took to the station was bone dry and only a few ditches, ponds ,tanks on wayside to Tirupati were filled with water and were not brimming.In fact we encountered heavy rains at Tirumala and an unheard of announcement in mike was made ,inviting pilgrims to have darshan in a hours time as rains had prevented many from visiting the temple.room &bed in Ashram was damp .Next morn was dry and had a good darshan after attending a kalayana utsavam which was however packed with people who had all booked earlier like we had done.As we left the hills rain started to ,very heavy and was lashing even as we boarded the train .Back to Chennai which was comfortingly dry and cozy !
Ok back to yesterday viz 1.12.15 .rain as usual but a bit heavy but what was unusual was that the road outside started overflowing with water.Current was cut at noon .So no tv for updates .Actually was nore bothered about debate in parliament than about state of Chennai,as i was still in the comfort zone
Darkened quickly inside in evening ,by 5 pm ,used all the few candles kept on reserve for a power cut that never lasted for this long .Then lit the agal villakkue/s--small oil lamps i had lit on karthigai festival and had not yet stored them in the loft ..Though no street lights. the sky wasn,t dark ,it looked like it was lit up with some hidden light or refraction and i could see out cleraly.The water kept rising and entered the gates and started to run around our flats .A sudden flurry of activity in a neighbourhood and flats that had become silent without any tv or net on around 9 pm .Neighbours were putting gunny bags with sand to protect the electric meters at the ground level as water was fast rising.All this done with torch light.
Switched on my transister radio and was terribly disappointed .A one line about rains in Chennai and that it was heaviest in several years and that it would continue.flat! No other information .No warnings ,unlike decades back when a.i r.kept giving hourly news about a huge cyclone's [1985 ]path and the precautions we need to take ,specially fishermen.
Chided the indifference of AIR at such a calamatious situation .In times of information why was there such a sketchy info'specially with current cut .Heard it was cut through out the city,with no access to tv or net ?
I am much better off than my neigh's who don't even have a transistor for info.I am the old timer cherishing relics from past and it did me a good turn .could hear news and also music for entertainment when all the modern modes collapsed .but youngsters were using their mobiles[ but this too conked of later ]
wick light diner and sleepless night mainly owing to noise made by some persons from opposite shop.They were talking but it carried very loudly may be the water did it.
Today morn a lot of commotion .Opposite side residents as bemused as i was by the water on street .Knee level.The water around our flat has risen.Ground floor neighs have escaped ,so far.A lot of noise all around as all are at home.None, barring a few youngsters from tenements ventured out to work.
No current .Switched on transy.Heard army &navy are out at Tambaram to rescue and PM as usual has risen to the occasion at the correct point of time and has assured all help to TN people..Then other news.Felt frustrated .Bub rang up giving news from tv he was seeing at Delhi mainly tamil channels.Asked us to be careful
Only one police van went down the street.Chaffed at this parisomny then reasoned other places are more severely hit.
FM AIR was playing music when i switched it on after an hour.!Got wild and as usual let of to my hub who goes deaf whenever i do so.An switch off he has honed to perfection since our marriage decades back
Then again tried other stations .some pvt fm channels were giving info mainly distress calls from various parts of chennai --places with 8-10 feet of water!Old ,ill people as well as pregnant women marooned without food &water
We are much better off At 2 pm a communist van came ploughing thru the waterand distributed the food .
All are well off herein tenements but some are not it was help to them .No other party came by.
so commies also have risen to the occasion .Not bad.This is the social service i expect of them and not shadowing behind me and pshycho harrasing me.
3pm -no current rain stopped at 12.
Back to Ranchi days of late 8o's where powercut and watercut used to last for more than a week and had to catch water falling of the roof and rely upon hurricane lamps .
Heard from some pvt fm channels who are doing a good service at this needful hour that chennai is declared as a disaster zone .
Hearing the various non stop SOS on transi ,it seems so.
Though rains have halted water conversely is rising on street and in flat.
Was bub right when he said that water from overflowing adayar river could reach and flood us?and had advised me to stock food and vege.That time there was very little water on the street so didnt take much note .But now water is rising.He warned of backwater.Can't the water on street below and in our compound be pumped out? Like bub said if sea itself rejects and pushes the water back what can be done ?
3.12.15 Thursday.
Had a good sleep and woke up at 5 in morn.Shone the torch below.Water had risen shoulder high .Thank god the couple with a small kid had moved up to the adjoining flat in our floor that was vacant last night itself.
Yesterday as the water kept rising i asked them to come up to our house and move into the kids room which is free.They were still hoping that water wouldnt rise .So did we as rains had stopped yesterday itself.But surprisingly water from knee level rose upto waist level.the neigh in adjoining flat waded through this water yesterday so as to be with her father living a few kms away in a higher floor and drier area.her house was free and another neigh on same floor took her permission to let them in as the couple may hesitate to impose themselves upon us if they had to shift in with one of us.They finally moved up paying heed to our alarmed calls from our landing as we watched the water rise around their flat rapidly .The watch man in whose shelter a viper had entered a few nights back and then disappeared mysteriously in the day, took shelter in the stairs.
Went to bed thinking if water rose the watchman would alert us but at same time felt that it wouldn't rise to our floor.
ok back to 5 am ,today.after seeing water level went to bed ,heard a call to the faithful's and soon after crows made a ruckus. alarm & panicky crowing.I drifted of to sleepand my father kept coming as if in a dream or vision Alarm bells like the parked submerged cars in our and also next compound that kept giving out shrill and loud burglar alarmtill late last night.Was he informing of my rapidly impending tryst with pitru's or was it hypnosis?Must be latter .So woke up and also woke up hub who was in deep sleep.The alarmed calls of crows means it is something to with R.Harm to him.
Dawn broke .scooter,mobikes of youngsters f opp side all submerged .A man walked .Water was chest high.
Other g floor neigh have gone to relatives houses or to upper floor.in the next block.
Made tea for watchman and for the couple .thanks to milk delivered yesterday.Some kids swimming in water.
Herad news on my transi the only sourc e of info'as no current that ndrf was sent on war footing and chennai is a disaster zone.Not a single boat in sight nor any info relayed on megaphone to assure us.
Kids are having fun but what about elderly with heath probs.I havent bought provisions for this month and have to manage with last months balance.Even if i go out herad all shops are under water,so rice, medicine etc could be wet destroyed .Bubs advise to stock food good but cant implement it now..ok for us twoprovision swill last for a week with a bit of rationing,what about others around us?
Head that rise of water is due to release of water rom a lake that is 20-30 kms away.it is flooding that dirty drain ,Coovam which is stone throw away.Is it flooding us?Some say that main road after half km is dry and so are few other localities.So why are we flooded? Is it coz it is low lying?Who would have imagined such a pass to come about?
Few days back was chaffing in frustration at the nature f my diary being public.What a turnaround for us.If it is still public[ then it means that current is not cut and are kept deliberately in dark as a policeman 4 yrs back said that closed circuit cameras cannot function without current whatever just this one time - i wrote this on 8.12.15 as i realised this fact only after few hours of writing this sos] ]i can think it as a boon to tell our probs to outside world and hope it will be acted upon and bring us relief.boats for people to go to safer places and food for those who stay behind specially in opp side and clean water for us,
Even as i write this asking for help a hope that water will recede is there and my confidence to be self reliant is playing at back of my mind making me hesitate to ask for help even though it is a extra ordinary situation that has never visited us all these years[prob i was hypnotised to ask for help as in my next diary my anger is there for making me do so]
ok what if water reaches our floor?we all have to move up and i must take documents,dry clothes .really even to imagine it is hard.Not that bothered about gadjets but definetly about that which is perishable and can never be restored like photo's and other memoribolias that are links to my past .,family etc .Our identity itself?
It is like a earth quake or fire ,only that it is in former loss is swift in latter it is slow.
9 am --bub rang up.He is watching sun tv in which they are making appeals for impartiality.
A coin clicked .This is dmk area so is assistance lagging?are we caught in politics?Or is rescue teams -local too stretched?He said naval ship Airavat has landed in the port .army will also help just wait for few hours.
Actually if the dirty Coovam that has become clean and then dirtied us .stops flooding then no problem.for us at first floor.Can't go out .which was how i was ,stuck in the house for nearly a month as i didn't trust my balance to hold in rain splattered slippery streets with some fellows constantly out there in the streets to vacum the back of my spine & head and make me dizzy and and make me fall on the road.Just went out once or twice ,to type my latest booklet of aazhwars pasurams/hymns on thiruvallur and to laminate vid's photo as the glass frame of the original one was being used for nastying us. In my house reflection from glasses is the mine field i have to always guard against.what a pass!
Is my membership to bjp also cause of this indifference or my right leaning with a caustic tongue?Should others around me suffer for my leanings??Hope not.Maybe Amma's resources are too stretched .We'l just wait hoping that water doesn't rise further and also that it doesn't rain.
Got a call from hub's neice from US. Anxious for our safety.She couldn't contact r's sisters in w.mambalam .they are also flooded.She recollected that Katrina hurricane's devatation.Yesterday when we called them they had no prob. Now i am thinking of my nephew &neice in other parts.how are they ?They all were fine few days back but now everything has changed.Quite a deluge!
11.20Am--Another coin clicked.since this is dmk area why isn't that party getting its act together?They can hire boats and distribute essentials.Fm chennai live hat was doing a wonderful job yesterday was giving phone lines to ntl &ola boats.No one is in sight.Leaving politico's aside ,big orgns known for public service can help.not a single one in sight.
Started to drizzle.Water slowly receding to hip level.
5pm --Few mts back ufr and family left to their other house.for first time i am seeing them as a family.They way they got on to a inflated black raft with a policeman in it was tricky and funny. May be knockings on ceiling will stop.That elder boy lifted his mother effortlessly whilst ufr clambered on to it in a ungainly manner & tumbled into it which was so funny making me as well as the policeman on the raft laugh..What a comic relief .And this man wants to control me as he haughtily claimed in 2012! watched from balcony
Earlier lfr family left wading through chest high water to thier parents place at 12 pm .Then another family left .that girl with her newly delivered baby and another toddler and her parents to relatives house.
Many left but we are stil here.where else to go?Water has receded a bit .maybe others left fraring another deluge.at 2pm heard a heli.was it pm?after that north indian youths distributed food on opp side and also some body else Then a funny sight around 4 pm a boat glided down the road Proper one!Wondered why a rope wasn't tied on road side for people to hold and walk safely like it was done in mumbai,when i saw that girl with infant walking in swirling waters without any support.to hold.
So many youths but all are in their own world.none of them came forward to help couples with small children to wade out.Neither from my flat nor from opp side.Missed my sons.Surely they would have helped their neighs--weak one's in this situation.i can command them but not my neigh's sons or those on opp side.
Crows making a terific din
Another day of no current.Drinking water running short.Isn't this flat full of intels.not one is coming forward to organise basic service to all those around.As indiff as others .
Have become allergic to people with specsaround meas it is being used to wage a psycho war on me .
When ufr left ,the sons walked .A thin young man with specs came on opposite side of the road immediately that older boy who is rude to me laughed and turned deliberately and said goodbye watchman a dark man, laughingly.Some delusional work.So current is there for those using it but have kspt it dark. Geting fed up of this specs, back scratching, hypnosisand suggestions.
Was it for 1000crores?that is make me write about the 'grave situation'?hub didn't find our situation all that grave and was taking it in his stride .Was i made to over react?What amount will suffice?sld i keep on writing till then?
Come to think of it now aid came only after pm 's visit ended.Were all ordered to keep off till then?
4.12.15--Friday.
Good tidings.Water has receded to ankle level and milk available at a depotCorner shop ope.People busy on street.
Funny.I was harrassed and teased by showing water cans by those around me .For past few days nature teased them all with shoulder high water,house arresting all of them .What a joke.Is this karma?Must be from my point of view.
The excitement and anxiety of the day before absent yesterday once water started to recede,
Another aspect though my entire routine was upset since 2012 with active participation of all around me i was sticking to my routine i have been following since marriage.even bathing in cold water of quarter bucket before lighting the puja lamp in morn whilst others were too overwhelmed by their routine going awry and kept on talking and mooning around,even hub dropped his routine.I.Like those violinists who stuck to their routine on the sinking titanic ship by playing thier violin i too stuck to my routine for a feeling of normalcy tho' attacked by hypnosis and crude invasion of my thoughts from above, not being spared even in a abnormal situation..
What did they want?That pm sld visit?was it pm or the person they wanted to arm twist?he wld have visited any way .Did they want to shake the centre and bjp?
Many. have left to better environs. The highly humane' family of ufr has deliberately left behind 2 petticoats and dupatta hanging in above clothesline so that water from it can drip and wet our clothes.One sided humanity and sensitivity.That family is a nice eg for the abov.e.
Bad tidings---Water for drinking and cooking viz can water even with rationing has gone down.Stench from water around.no current.only source of info transi hope the battery lasts.hub needs heart medicine.what is the state of my booklet and photo's.
Now pvt fm has stopped sos relay and AIr fm is doing it.heard it yesterday.but the rj's were not even tempered nor gently assuring ,unlike the one's on pvt fm.rattled off help lines in such a speed that it was tough to note it down.
Heard an army man's take .Very clinical and down to earth.Nice and credible.Rampant encroachments on water bodies blocking natural drainage,lack of state disaster force ,error in judgement in release of water from dams.and rounded it saying hope it doesn't rain more ,it is in god's hands.
11.30.am--Water completely drained off the concrete road.Wondered about my earlier house at Porur.when i visited it after a gap of 13 yeras a month back,it looked sort of sunk.The road has been raised so water may have gone into it. Remember my father saying that water entering into home in adayar during rains was coz of raising of roads constantly.bub gave an explanation concrete roads have a long life but how will those with connections make money if they don't keep on laying inferior roads?hub too same view.
All repairing mo'bikes car etc
What was lacking was lack of info'When vendor could announce with mega phones at drop of angavastram /towel about --
1.My effect of writing on politics
2.Warning of punishment for hurting political sensitivity of a minor section + for critising political leaders,why couldnt the same be done to inform all of us to take precautions with life and property that water was being let off from a dam?
I got to know it from bub in Delhi who was watching news and correctly made some deductions.I didn't believe him because he is not the authority
Are sensitivities of a section and politics more important than life and property?
Have observed that before ge and also state elec as well as after that if i dared express my frank appraisals of performance or rebut their views i will invite swift punishment .Earlier i was only blogging ,now i have stopped it for year and am speaking in my house.& writing diary.Having been taught a lesson in since june2014 -sept end i was careful not even to write my honest opinions and the pain i was made to undergo for doing so even in my diary for fear of hurting my family -life and reputation.
A neigh from uuflr graciously off loaded kgs of potatos on the remaining few neigh as he and his family left .He must have had a sack ful of it but didn't have the heart to part with it when we were all in need of vegetables yesterday and day before.
The can water some one supplied was just like bore water-- salty.Sun is shinig .no rain no current.
For me water logging of roads is nothing new .Had happened often at the suburb we lived and it stagnated so long and the houses were so few that fishes used to hatch and swim and be caught by boys for meals from nearby slum .but level didnt rise alarmingly when water was let out from dams.Even tho' no info from authorities ,only hearsay and later newspaper.Somethings never change in changing Tamilnadu.
Why am i writing on and on?Getting fed up of it and am getting angry at those who are extracting my views,opinions and imaginations.Those who are doing it in such a dirty & nasty manner with scant regard to my time,needs,privacy,family ties will never prosper.That is guarenteed.Let it be media or politicians or seculars or conversionists.Nasama poividuveenga.100% sure
How long will my pain bring gain?There will be reversal of fortunes.Have lived long and experienced a lot to observe so convincingly.It is a matter of time.
Son rang up from office .sounded monotonous and low. Sounded a lot like vid when he wld call late at night from office .poor boy is being over worked ,i guess .He inquired.Observed and crossed swords at each others attitude and got our respective confidence back.Me ,for his non involvment and he for my indulging in self pity, panic,when i was actually safe, sound and healthy and for making too much fuss.
For past few days apart from crows making a lot off a panicky din several goats smalland big specially small ones were bleating miserably.Are we the scape goats?If so above observation that the cycle will catch up the cruel explioters holds good for those making us one.
5.12.15--Saturday 10.30 pm.
Not a drop of flod water in compound &street and not a drop of water in tap as.No current.Lighting the oil wicks.
Evening set out to ttd temple by walk walk for exersice.no luck ,it started to rain so took a auto Some streets flooded a bit more than it normally is .Temple dry. Bought two books on Hinduism .one for myself and another for the young man who asked me for a book.on hinduismWas really surprised that such a young person is interested in religion/hinduism ,that is how it originated and what it is,forgetting that i also used to read Gita, ,upanishads etc since youth and lerant more about hinduism in BA hist and in family law but no man,family, friends,class mates whom i knew at that age,ever did.hub exception. Bought rice,candles .All available in a nearby shop.
Garbage all over .Cleaning going on.
Neta's local reps have started to distribute water etc Now no water,What those N.indian boys and some others did was tough wAding thru chest high water in a unfamiliar place with cold rain pelting in pitch dark and distributing food and water.Tho aid very limited admire their service at such a tough time.very few left in flat.Maybe lack of current is cause of exodus. we are drawing water from sump with bucket i used at porur well! Some came to clean up in the morn.The most hit are those in ground floor.stinking silt,fridge,cots etc damaged and fear of infection
.The couple with infant grand child also came.whilst drawing water.i asked them as to why they took such a risk of leaving the place in chest high water.they cld have waited to recede.They said the infant was fast developing an allergy and needed medical attention and that tho they tried several help lines no help or boat came.It was heart stopping to see the frail girl who was in bed rest and her thin mother carry the premature baby in swirling waters.
Only ufr and family were transported in that black boat They waited in waist high water when they could have easily walked .they must be same age of that couple with grand child or even younger.Prestige?just who is he?They were behaving like a infirm old couple tho' younger than me and many of us.Am sure the boat with police came for him and family .vip?After that boat didn't come .The scales went down .The couple, that was lording over me teasing my lethargic and inhuman ways didn't have it in them to face adverse situations stoically nor did their well built kids pitch in to help neigh.
Both bubs rang up so did cousin .They were all overwhelmed by pictures on tv,We in the hub of it didn't watch a single shot and was overwhelmed --me only by lack of info'and not by the adversity.affecting us personally.
since ufr and co left no loud knocks on ceiling.but some very muted ones.So that flat is still used.see strangers --young men,maids all unknown slip away quietly from the gate on and off.Suspicion that they are being used against me in psycho war.
The boisterous neigh also left today.so only 4 families in this flat and 4 in next block.it appears like a ghost flat --dark,silent and mysterious
crows as in past few days constantly crowing together.in morns.
Even had a argument with hub.him not taking me for temple tours when he said he refuses to do so since i am more interested in writing about it and then blogging it than in the spiritual aspect and then complain about harrassment I replied that i have been writing since 12 ,about travel,pub affairs ,society .see my old diaries. it was for myself.it was coz of vid i came on net and when i saw that me a dumg down person with no audience save only vid since our marriage,was having so many takers [maxi 40], it encouraged me to blog.
Do you know i have now more than 3 lakh viewership after i stopped blogging but i am not tempted to blog as i was too mentally tortured, fera put in me after ge and my originality squashed and also realised that i may be mouthing others views due to this hypnosis, people casing us, gadjetry use,provocations with aim of extraction extreme reactions not in tune with my actual views on a topic in pub affairs and to keep away from toxic influence of vengencefilled mino's and seculars who were making me feel and react in the manner in which they wanted without allowing me to visit net to get the view of the other side to 'communal 'happenings in india.My flat has quite a few such lads of mino community and seculars who could be vengeful ,detest my writings and hate the current dispensation at the centre and they could have tampered with the electric connection or have been given permission by authorities to do so.
Now i am doing it coz this is experience is one in a life time.and i also got back some of my confidence. back .From my constant thirst for knowledge about my religion, history , travel, stories and literature by authors from all over the world i have been diverted to such silly things as casing, and controversial subjects like conversion,sectaranism, communalism etc in which i have no interest at all, in a systematic manner.
6.12.15-sunday9.30.am
No current.It is given in next road that has water .is it deliberate?Not fair on elderly and those with kids.How long can they adjust with relatives?
three spectacled youths came in morn asking specifically for my door no and said if we wanted to shift to Bbangalore we could go along with them as they had by car with relief materials and were going back this noon.I was slightly tempted .why not be with son?
Hub came in and said no we'll manage here.Curious i asked Alvina a young woman and her Iyer companions how they got to know about us.they said they were in IT and some how got to know thru 'face book
She tooka snap of us.me in my nighty.They left.
Now a days i am quite suspicious or have been made to be suspicious of what could might well be innocent or ordinary.so was suspicious whether it was on net or is my diary live and some one has sent them .They are not son's friends.Then there is current as that policeman said circuit cameras cannot work without current "Adaadha mazhai peidhalum vida dha nadaiperum-"--tamil proverb. meaning Even if it rains heavily constantly it will be conducted.
What is worse is the harrassment and casing even in extremely abnormal situation/calamity .Another eg of lack of humanity and total selfishness for gains --media,politico's or groups?
Son' s friend had come down from Bangalore said my son couldn't get away owing to Jap exam.No wonder he sounded low.Are screws being applied on him as well? who is gaining in such a sadistic manner ?Don't they have families?What if they were also subject to such constant needling for some one elses gain ?Will they realise only then?
Maid brought pump water from opp side
I asked hub why can't party workers help in relief?He
said they are habituated to receiving money for any work done ,will they suddenly do this thankless work with no monetary returns all of a sudden?
oh no ! ufr has returned.Thought he had shifted for good .Luck doesn't last long .all nastiness will start again.
bub rang up warning us to be careful of water It must be mixed with sewage ,pesticide etc .
Same thing can be said of my pshyche and emotions in past 4 yeras t,to write as per dirty, perverted,fearful thoughts and views of those capable of influencing me with psycho tactics to either be a vehicle of thier fear and anger and nasty myself with stupid confessions and dirty whatever name and regard i may have had in the net .
It is raining .the muck has been cleared from our gate and has been deposited at front of opposite J block ,right in front of my view from the bedroom window.
At noon those kids total strangers from Bangalore came with provisions rice ,juice etc I didnt like it as we can afford to buy it all from shops and was also suspicious of political angle so was a bit abrupt.Hub took it to distribute to opp side dwellers.They left.Later cooling down, i kept 2 water bottles and 2 friuts in recognition of their efforts and offer of transport to Bang . Distributed the rest.All taken in jiffy.
ruminated about myself.My entire time is taken in trying to find a solution to this constant nastying of my bodily parts and curbs on my religious freedom .how to escape it .how to escape this highly invasive control.instead of enriching myself with knowledge through reading on net or books.if i use reading glasses i will be nastied .if i go out have to be careful of my balance .some one or the other .only lower strata people would be there to use gadjets to make me light headed and forget .it also happen sin house.So some one has succeeded in removing my only power and source of my confidence viz knowledge .constant stinging for 4 yera s or more
8pm
Heard news on transi as no current .CM has spoken on army day about their sacrifice.Fine but why a deafening silence when calamity struck?Not a single word of assurance from her or her ministers.Didn't write this earlier ,tho' was airing it,as i didn't want to provide food for opposition and indulge in politics at the time of crisis and was also a bit wary of her minions and cadres wrath. But that lacuna is there as she is cm and therefore leader of all in here and not just her party men.
Today when normalcy is returning it doesn't matter if she speaks or not.
7.12.15 Bright sun .went for morn walk.festive atmosphere in flat.as there was hope of getting current .got it exactly at 1pm.
Panic and gloom tata..
posted by K.C. Sujata at
4:18 AM
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