Redeeming the trust reposed.

For the past 2 weeks i had been put under extra ordinary pressure by people cookers at the behest of their masters --politicos and media.
My nights were spent tossing in the bed and days sped in a  incoherent daze and in writing reams and reams of confessions .Only last night i finally got some respite --a few hours of undisturbed sleep when the b------- switched off their gadgets  let go off their mind controlling techniques.

Here is a list of dates of my compulsory involvement.in the aap drama.

From 8 th itself my mind was constantly tapped with suggestions that fell in place only as and when i spoke to my son over the phone on 9 th evening .It was to gauge my view that is at a very deep ,deep subconscious level as to what i actually thought that Aravind k should do now,after bjp had decided not to form a govt[before going to lg].That night as i slowly drifted into sleep i said to myself[remember pf and co can jaw read ] it is up to Ak to decide.

I suppose this totally detached view wasn't in the line of thinking of the politicos/media who kept putting more and more presurre which would make me write ad trap me into taking a stand .

As the Delhi dead lock continued i fought the temptation to broker  a deal between A.K and bjp .A gust of  chilly wind  of early night blowing on the terrace sobered me with the realisation that for all my power over the net ,it would be unfair to use it over all those persons and parties who have actually toiled on the ground expending money, energy and time with fond dreams and objectives.So i refrained from attaching the alluring tag of 'Honest broker' to my accomplishments.

A few more days passed and just like the public that has a short memory i observed aloud that it was better for ak to form a govt and fulfill his promises if he wanted to retain the trust of the public.
I neither wrote this nor blogged it busy as i was writing impositions after impositions on totally unrelated topics.It was so tiring that blogging was impossible. The pitfalls of over dose  of pressure tactics that a hard pressed people cookers overlooked in their eagerness to deliver.

Finally i wrote the view of a fatigued public in my diary on 17 .12.13--10 pm .I suppose i was expected to blog this .i didn't .Earlier that day i had written in my diary about me  as a sister would not poke her nose in a married couples life as to whether they wanted a child and if how they would go about it [test tube baby etc] .This could have given ak [who also reads my diary,so how clean is he?] the idea of forming the govt [child]after  holding a referendum. pf  succesfully wrangled out an idea.

Since the pressures over me  were building up [god knows ,who and what gave me strength to endure such brutality ]i decided to stay away from the net so as 1. not to get confused 2. not to give any indication to ak and co or ppts  that would be contrary to my view the original one that ak has to decide for himself.I will have nothing to do with it.

Why was i firm in this view.?

Reasons.
1. When he and others were  activist i gave them  moral support  as i didn't want to be the one dampen the   enthusiasm of the young,idealistic and naive net users to the anna movt  who were turning a indifferent eye to foreign funding, tax evasions , financial irregularities ,etc of the leaders of this movt.Even if i did,that is attempted to open their eyes to the futility of yet another law [lokpal]to eradicate corruption and that  their leaders were all not saints and totally above suspicion like all the well informed journo's , bloggers were pointing out  then itself ,they wouldn't have been in a mood to hear.Time pounces on every one and the freshness of youth is not ever lasting.But now the stakes are too high.The person and once activists will be in a position of responsibility with resources of the state and people in their command and this makes me baulk that is shy away at the very idea of pronouncing them clean since with all the info available that points otherwise i am unable  in a basic level  to view them as incorruptible or honest or financially above board.as they are projecting themselves to be and therefore would rather that the trusting youngsters digest the bitter pill ,that i am administering--viz-truth. right now itself..

2. was disappointed when ak and co  chose politics over activism by forming a party but respected his decision that could have been the true fruit of his desires and ambitions.Maybe my blog at that 'fast' to end the futile and life threatening exercise may have crystallised this decision .

3. My disillusionment was complete when instead of being a clean politician committed only to cleansing up the system he trod the typical crass pseudo secular politicians path by wooing highly controversial  and avoidable elements in minority community.

Hence i couldn't get myself to give ak a clean chit which was what the ppts [may be from all  political parties] were demanding from me.
So this clean blogger refused to certify this mega creature of the net that had taken real shape[aap]on terra firma.

Again why did i hold back with such persistence ?I could have blogged and secure my release from that never ending psycho torture and felt free  much earlier as i do now ,today..
Reason.

1.My entire being ,down to the very sub conscious level rebelled against this  illegal unconstitutional and simply crazy intrusion into my house and my privacy and refused to submit to coercion how ever helpless i may be ,that is totally isolated and cornered without evidence to fulfill some dirty politicians/medias totally selfish agendas. If i hadn't so grossly meddled with i might have written just what the adjustment bureaus wanted ,on my own.                                                                                                                                                                    2.My initiation into the the net world was due to my late son who was a centrist tilted to the right , patriotic, incorruptible, hard working and also enjoying weekends , idealistic and altruistic.The recognition i got through the net was the fruit of his endeavour to bring to the public his mother's [me] abilities .An mother whom he knew would never lie to him how so ever trying circumstances she may be in .And i had to redeem that trust come what may.To hell with shceming politicians ,let them do what they like  with me but i' ll not give in try my best to weather it out.

Now net has become irrelevant.My diary was and is.Since both has merged --public and private space, the battle of nerves was getting tougher and tougher each day.So when ever i as tricked into writing i somehow realised the true purport for making me write --to give a clean chit , a certificate of validation to a typical politician --ak--who was fooling the public by acting like a clean activist .Had he been truly a honest  politician or a clean activist he wouldn't have dilly dallied this long to arrive at  a decision..

After my early morning writing on 20 th  pf  spoke in a voice [from his balcony above] that was curiously flat [at least he informs me , small mercies].Exhibiting his disappointment at the lack of fruition of that night long pshyco tortures and orders.

Why? just what is stake in here?Was it in any way connected to US state depts decision to proceed with legal proceedings  that was hanging fire against that woman diplomat ?Robot like i immediately switched o n tv news and read the breaking news that state dept [some young man] was going ahead with its rules .That diplomat  showed the indian politicians their place.Serves them right. Were the politicos drumming up public outrage theory to score some diplomatic points and secure electoral advantage and i threw cold water on that manufactured media rage?That means even foreign media or even worse foreign countries are having  a  direct access to my house .On that day too i had reiterated that i wouldn't intervene in ak'a decision and had mentioned about caged parrots .

Or is it even more sinister ? That US had of late started engineering and encouraging civil rights movts  in developing countries to cause confusion in such countries[read it on net] and then later make such movts enter politics so that it can indirectly control such countries through their activists turned politicians- puppets?
Was ak movt one such? And  a clean apolitical  member of public, or activist --like anna -- or in my case a  clean blogger  certificate of probity was needed to affix a sincere stamp of approval[did anna distance himself on coming to know about this?] so that several such spontaneous risings can be funded to embarrass the country as well as the party in power?The next could very well be bjp and next some one else but the fact that could be is that the sovereignity of our state constitution and laws could be seriously compromised insidiously.

If so i gave the message that day itself to US as well as to all those selfish and unpatriotic root less Indian politicians of all hues clinging to it in fond hope of power and pelf  to just get lost ,don't meddle in our affairs by sticking to my stand that ak wasn't squeaky clean .

At the end of this long fortnight  of intense pressure applied to me i am glad that i found the strength not to betray the trust my late son[ which would also include all those young viewers with similar views and ideals] had reposed in me by standing it out.

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27.12.13
The irony of it all cannot be lost on my regular viewers and to myself.Last may --june  ie in 2012 i was hounded by political parties for having blogged in favour of anna movt as well as supporting ak and co and tried their level best to make me join a political party and to stop blogging now for the past 15 days i was incessantly hounded by the same set for not blogging  after joining a political party or even writing in my diary in favour  of ak and co!I am living and shining example  to the extent the major national political parties are willing to go to seek validation for themselves and to push their selfish interests..
Further if ak and co were like the cong decades ago  viz making a lot of noise about corrupt ion i was like and am like bjp that was decades ago viz spreading hinduism[mine genuine interest but politicos are trained to see only politics ] and hindutva pretty thick in my blogs.
But both parties changed over time and were clearly embarrassed at our respective tenacity of purpose and  to top it all our mutual backscratching,mine  over the net .So an concerted psycho warfare was launched to bring both the non violent activists to the main stream of politics.
The former succumbed first owing to inherent ambition but the latter held on for quite some time and also succumbed owing to humanitarian considerations.Water finds its source .Ak with all his protestations is actually comfortable with nehruvian cong and i found my way to bjp due to basic ideological confluence.
How typically masochistic of us both to join the respective groupings that hounded us in the first place.!A victory to big two.It is also a victory to the mini  two's.
However tiresome and irksome we may be neither of the big two can wish away their [original] mini me's.[As activists we could have been handled with more nicety and diplomacy or simply ignored.]

At least it holds good for me.By intruding into my activist life and  by deliberately blurring the private and public space it is the party's [to which i have joined] 'duty' to either to bear with me or exercise the right to remove me from the party formally.because ill stick on without foregoing my individual identity.There is no q of defection ,etc.