Fore head torture.
The two tortures i am constantly subject to , apart from squeezing of my abdomen , head and arm and leg joints is the burning sensation within my entire forehead and the blocking off my forehead completely.
The burning sensation is always given at night when i go to bed and fall asleep It lasts the whole night and continues well into the morning .What ever i do to try and get rid of it like taking pills for head and body ache , or give hot water fomentation or listen to music with ear plugs or recite slokas are of no avail .It cannot be shaken off by me .When i feel that the burning sensation has gone it and feel relieved it would mean that it had been withdrawn by those who were giving it.It is a sort of punishment , the cowards are expert in handing me without showing their face, like terrorists who hide and attack
I have observed that the following actions of mine .is generally followed by this punishment that pours fire into my forehead .
1.Wearing light weight transparent sarees and going out wearing them .
2. After blogging my views on public matters or about the no touch tortures i am subject to .
This is happening since 2014 after my head was pierced for a month at night .Cruelty that started in 2012 with blasting my head with high decibel noises goes on and on unasked and unchecked .
Effect of this punishment is that it reduces my desire, energy , concentration and undermines my efforts to write and blog meanings of Sanskrit slokas or Tamil pasurums .It also discourages me from by hearting slokas and pasurums .but encourages me to write and comment on news items in a crazy manner.My blogs on public matters hardly attract any viewers but my blogs on meanings of slokas etc are the ones that are popular and attract a lot of viewers .But this burning burns away my ability to grasp the meanings and it also blocks my vocabulary.
I experienced the burning sensation soon after i deleted the addition i had made two days back to my blog on forgiveness sessions.I want the original blog to be as it is as i wanted to stick to my principle that i will not encourage any one invading my privacy .That person wanted me to blog on humane stuff etc but he was not respecting my human right to eat in peace in my own house. This one way traffic,on the sly going on since 2012 has hardened me so much that i refuse to feel sorry for any one .My answer would have been different had it been face to face and if they want to know it, come and meet me in my house .
The two Dravidian parties that are in power alternately with loyalists entrenched in institutions must understand that i do not belong to either of the two parties nor to any other party they are allied with so ,none of them can claim any rights over me.and force me to write on topics dominating TV news..I have no idea as to what is the idealogy of these two sibiling parties nor do i care to know of it nor am i bothered about their future prospects as well as thier allies as i am dead sure that none of them will stop the bombarding of my auditory canals and fore head nor stop giving instructions and suggestions on coming to power. .
The other torture which is equally bad or worse is the tightening of my forehead like as if it is a prison from which i cannot escape .This sort of torture started since 201 2 and became acute after 2014.This happens generally when i travel by car or train or auto .It goes on and on if i am in a long journey .This also cannot be shaken off by any pill etc .But sometimes a sloka i recite or i hear on transcend ,hoping to get rid of it does give relief , but it is temporary clearance of the blockade , it will be back again.And the same sloka or pasurum will not work the next time when my forehead is blocked .I just have to wait it out .It is a terrible torture .
observation is that ,this covering of the innards of my forehead with a shroud or a thick purdah is done when i am on a temple trip or to do something with Hinduism. Recently it happened in the auditorium as well as on my way back from a Bharatnatyam recital of Dasavatharam, in the auto i was travelling back home .
I have observed that this tightening of forehead and the constant conversations i am having within myself without a pause prevents me from either to take note of surroundings around me or enjoy the simple beauties of nature like fluffy white clouds scudding the skies or the colourful blossoms on trees or stars twinkling in a clear night is connected to the wrist watch i wear and the mobile and the clutch that i carry whilst going out for a walk.or any other outing .The babble within me becomes fierce near certain lamp posts that have various wires and plastic bags wound around them that at times my head starts spinning and whirling .Wrist watch that i wear is number one culprit in giving me that terribly uncomfortable and at times unbearable feeling in my forehead, of it getting, knotted tied up and cramped up from within .Inside the house every nook has these odious torturous devices .I am sure tube lights have them coupled with cameras.They often provoke me to argue and at times worse provoke me to hit members of my family !The latter i have never done.This instruction is given generally when the TV is on and when my family members and i am near the TV. I have observed that such instructions are beamed into my ear when my right ear is near a tube light in my dining room and in the kitchen.It also happens at Bangalore.Maybe those provoking me to hit want to make my family believe that i am not only batty but also violent .
Those giving me such instructions know exactly where i am standing or sitting and also know as to exactly who is in front of me or next to me .This proves the existence of hidden cameras .
Why do they want to do so?They have successfully made them believe that what ever i went through like blasting my head with noise in 2012 , then jamming it 2012 and the various conversions attempted to be done on me in 2014 and still being done are all figment of my imagination and delusions and if i start hitting them obeying that or message or instruction injected right into my forehead or ears then all those who have perpetrate and continue to perpetrate such tortures on me will get a good cover .They would successfully brand me as mad and who will believe a madman's word?
OK why is it necessary to brand me as delusional and violent in the eyes of my family and relatives?Only those doing it will know as to why it is so important to brand me as such.The only plausible guess i can make is that it can only be the handiwork of secular fundamentalists and their protege's and protectees.
These sly methods adopted to make me appear as delusional and violent makes me think that may be such methods were also adopted over my late son , provoking a very intelligent and obedient boy to go haywire that culminated in his 'accidental' death in railway tracks.in 2007..at 24 years of age .
Again why ?I know for sure that i am deliberately instructed to hit out at my family members standing at front of me and when i am under a ceiling fan or near a tube light.So i have every reason to suspect foul play in my late son's sudden death which could be deliberately instigated suicide or a deliberate accident.few days before he was to leave for US .just a day before that horrific day the ceiling fan in my dining room started to rattle loudly and sway crazily .My late son helped the electrician to fix it .OK again the question arises , if Vidat was deliberately done away with ,why?What for?since i find myself in this macabre drama which is like a replay of what happened to my son in 2007 it is quite possible that secular fundamentalists and thier protectees could have had a hand in my late son's sudden death.
OK why am i sure it is and was handiwork of secular fundamentalists .I wasn't even blogging in 2007 but was writing my diary. But my husband was pretty vocal and loud with his Right ists views.This must have rubbed those around in the wrong way ,who in those times would never stomach such views without retaliating.and are still retaliating.Simply put --nastying him ,without him being aware that he is being nastied .. The only difference is that i know that i am being deliberately provoked , instigated and am made to write or act upon suggestions ,owing to blasting of my head with noises in 2012 followed by jamming and then conversion attempts in 2014,but my late son didnot know. My family also refuses to believe that i was subject to and am being subject to all the harrassments rather tortures i have been put through and they also have been put through like nearly killing my husband by aggravating his heart condition.
{No ordinary citizen will ever think such things are possible.that their normal life can be disrupted so slily surreptiously and systematically in a cold blooded manner by outsiders.If they did they would lose thier peace of mind, normalcy and trust in people around them as well as in the govt.Ignorance is bliss there fore i quit feeling sorry for myself that i receive no support or even mere understanding even from my own family , for all that i was put through since 2012.Many around me know about it and would believe me at what i have gone through since 2012 ,except my own family and relatives! It is a well kept public secret.Media isn't bothered becuase in their gilded lofty world only on atrocities on Muslims, Christians and Sc's.matters.Opposition and other politicians couldn't care less , though they know about it ,because my curious case will not bring votes,so why waste time on me?.But both would love to read my views and may even try to wrest it out of me !
The twin surreptious and harsh attacks on my skull and forehead by loud noises and piercing my skull with painful jabs in 2012 and 2014 has made me like the hero of the film Gazhni where the hero on being hit on his head by the villian loses his memory and has to write notes to himself to remember as who he is and why he is like this. And that conversion attempt on me in september 2014 keeps making me assure myself that i am a Hindu, I am a Hindu I am a Hindu,not a Christian or Muslim but a Hindu,yes a Hindu, that to belonging to a particular sect, a need i have never felt till then .I have also started to feel a overwhelming need to prove to those around me as well in the blogs that i continue to be a Hindu despite that forcibile conversion attempts that had a lot of death threats ,that , i have not converted .It was a very traumatic and terrifying experience..It stopped abruptly after 27 days when the late CM was sent to jail on corruption charges.
I was so far under the impression that it was my blogging on corruption during Anna agitation that invited the ire of authorities .But now i scarcely blog on corruption , yet i am inviting ire in form of forehead jamming.but am blogging on public matters entwined with religous beliefs.of Hindus.The methods adopted to show ire to extract results is something similar to what my late son exhibited in 2005-2007 hence i have this feeling that maybe such methods were also adopted over my late son to push him to the brink and plunge our lives into grief and gloom as revenge for views that was not in consonnance with that of secular 'fundamentalists' and thier vote banks and to exploit our grief ..
Effect is that i cannot enjoy the trip or performances and lose myself in the spiritual and religious experience and feel touched and elevated and satisfied.Nor can i sleep in the long trips in car or train if the trip has to do with a temple visit .Terrible feeling like as if my for head would explode.This is surely to discourage me from visiting temples , to learn , recite slokas and meditate .It is religious persecution .
It sounds strange that i being a Hindu am being religiously persecuted in a sly , undercover and shadowy manner right in the midst of vast majority of Hindus but it is being done !
Some times a doubt does arise in me as to whether these people are really interested in converting my religious ad sectarian beliefs , if not why aren't they approaching me directly to do so .?Isn't that the normal practise? {Why was some one encouraging me to have extra marital thoughts by giving me pleasure by gently vibrating my spinal chord when my back is towards a single electric bulb in my house balcony on seeing a Muslim flat neighbour whilst provoking me to anger and hatred towards my husband?An ugly immoral set up . Pleasurable feelings are being deliberately induced in me since 2012 with regard to one single individual of Muslim community living in my flat complex whom i would have never bothered about other wise. It was given constantly and, punctually around 6.45 -7 pm probably in tune with flights taking off maybe to shift my emotional allegiance and dependence from my husband to this man and the community he belonged to and to empathise with them or to listen to his commands.Why should i be forced in such a sick manner?In all my life i have never felt any sympathy towards that community.They were rulers of India for several centuries.They have ruled over my ancestors .How can i pity a class that has enjoyed all trappings of power for centuries?Same goes to Christians as well .They were wielding power ,prestige etc when British were ruling over us for nearly 200 years . So should i pity them because they lost their past power and , prestige in freedom struggle and a democracy was put in place by majority of Hindus ? It is a cycle of time .One goes up and other comes down . Once upon a time Brahmins dominated the society and polity .Look at the pitiable state of Brahmin's every where are , they are a shadow of their past glory the way i a Brahmin woman am now in this Dravidian land.So do i keep on currying for sympathy and lamenting over my lost status ?}
The only class of people i pitied were SC's .They were never rulers unlike Muslims and Christians.Over the years seeing how nicely SC's have fared i have stopped feeling guilty or remorseful towards them .In fact the aggression exhibited by some SC'S towards me is so daunting that it is slowly eroding my sympathy towards them..
What ever the reasons maybe it was a sick , perverted and nasty thing to do to me after terrifying and weakening my nerves and blotting out my memory by playing loud noises in my ears and forehead for a month in 2012 .So much ,for human rights.A torturer or torturers were let loose upon me twice in full scale, who were like the fabled Chinese torturers .After 2014 my attention was sought to be captured in a similar manner [viz pleasure , conc only on his voice and family]by non brahmin Hindu neighbour whom i had always seen as a younger brother and that is all ,whilst the former 's role became muted but very much there. What ever the reasons maybe ,security etc, which i cannot fanthom fully ,it is a sick and cheap set up. .It cuts at the very root of the emotional ties with my family and forcing me to becoming dependant on my neighbours and thus making a caricature of my husband's role in my life.What this set up implies is this --Your husband is no longer your hero , we are your hero and , caretakers and only we are capable of taking care of you so listen to us, thus cleanly forgetting the decades preceding 2012 when he was my sole caretaker ,friend, companion etc and was doing a good job of it.What ever maybe the reason behind this transformers/subtitution role, it is indigestible and revolting to me.It is trivalising the sacredness of marital ties and property, privacy,and shows distrust in individuals capacity to handle thier family matters .If this is to do with' security' let it be straight and open. if not i will think that it is a sham and will think that i have no enemies with knives drawn to kill me but it is the transformers/substitutes or whom ever they are working for, are the ones having enimies and i am being kept like a prisoner so as to protect them..
1.Is my harassment on religious lines is being done to set an example to some Hindus [fringes] who are said to be persecuting minorities up north?Because my situation is quite strange .whilst TV and newspapers keep beaming news about how Muslims, Christians and Sc's are persecuted every day in Hindu majority country [even if it is just one person from the vast minority communities and Sc's who are in millions] here I am, a person from majority community as well as belonging to the highest caste viz Brahmin who is being religiously persecuted right in the centre of a metro city .Are these cowardly attacks of revenge on me a tit for tat .?Like terrorists who hide and attack?
Are they constantly sending the message , Look we have a Hindu Brahmin family in our grip , You vast majority fools with all your techs and numbers you can do nothing about it?Just watch and read their suffering.Are they also delighted that in my frustration at being always on a razors edge that i start putting down our democracy, politicians and people?
2.Or is it done by those who want me to give the other side of the picture of India?That it is not only minorities or Sc's but also persons from majority community from good families who are also persecuted by minorities and Sc's right in the heart of a metro city?Because on the sea of liberal news engulfing India who highlight only minority persecution and harassment and who all skip news relating to conversions , my case is reverse osmosis and is quite unique .I am not some adivasi woman or illiterate fisher woman .But am from a good family background, belong to highest caste in India viz Brahmin, having famous ancestors both from religious and political view point .
These are two sides of a coin .One could be real religious persecution owing to some perverse objective because my constant transmitters are Muslims in large numbers followed by Christians, Sc's and Hindus.Why should so many Muslims hover around me ?Young men in kurta pyjama and skull caps used to come towards me with swaggering walk or on scooters.They could be just innocent passerby's but would a ordinary Muslim beat a hasty retreat on seeing my carrying a keychain with lordsSrinivasar's tiny idol ?Have these Muslims come from some far off Arab country that they have never seen idols or temples around them .S o it makes me conclude that these young Muslim's hovering around me have some ulterior motives .The fact that i wear saree and decorate my forehead with kumkum , real kumkum and not sticker bindi's doesn't make me appear as a Hindu woman to these non stop Muslim stalkers.It requires a tiny idol dangling from a key chain held in my hand or worn as a ring in my finger that puts them off .They beat such a hasty retreat that i have to doubt their intentions which i conclude is only malafide .What are they seeing me as? Whilst the older ones are trying their hand at love jihad may be the younger ones are doing Mother jihad.as i must appear as old as their mothers , trying to tug at my maternal emotions but are rudely shocked and unable to digest that i am a idol worshipper on seeing tiny idols swinging in my hand!. Being a Hindu it is very very normal for me have idols of gods around me but those stalkers seemed to be shocked or revolted in seeing me in company of idols like as if i am a Muslim woman who is not supposed to worship idols !
It is not only those wearing white caps who beat a hasty retreat it is also men in pants ,jeans and shirts without any obvious religious markings on them who shy away from me .even flat neighbours .on seeing idols in my person.Why should they shy away unless they are approaching me with bad intentions.?
I thought at least i can get rid one of my pursuers and started to take my Srinivasar key chain in my walks and in outings .I forced myself to do so since i am not a person who likes to exhibit religiosity .It also riles me that being a Hindu why should i keep on proving it ?It also riles me that those avowing their Hindu faith by doing homamas etc are fore front in extending all possible help to those viz other two communities in intruding my prayer s. The white caps have melted away but now i am being pursued with a lot of vigour by dark young men.The Srinivasar idol in my keychain is drawing these men who may be Christians like a magnet and are intruding in my daily meditation by passing the name of their god Jesus when i close my eyes to meditate on Narayana.Am caught between the devil and the deep sea .
If Muslims stalking me is a defence problem i am willing to dangle my key chain as i walk or go out if that is the solution to keep them off my back .I will even buy a fairly big gold pendant of Lord Venkateswara,at my own expense , affix it to a gold chain and wear it over my saree displaying it to all accosting me .But it should not lead to Christians taking hold of me and intruding my daily prayers .Last week at Bangalore i walked with keychain but my meditation was not interrupted .but here it is being done most probably by Christians .If i am expected to shoulder the defence problem i should be assured that my right to pray is not hindered in any manner . Why should i be the one who is expected to make all the sacrifices whilst those who can rein in such elements go scot free?/
They all seem to enjoy political patronage in this 'secular' state .Second those who can stop all these transmissions are not doing it
It is like as if i am expected to write about the unbelievable position i am in so as to show the world even a person from high caste ,well educated and from good family can be persecuted by minorities and Sc's without any fear of law or consequences .A scape goat.
Most importantly what guarantee is there that one amongst the many Muslims who are constantly hovering around me does not have terrorist links or is in ISI payroll?Were they practising love jihad viz forcing me to go into purdah by threatening to make my private moments public, as a first step to conversion? Similarly any one from the Christians, SC's and Hindus hovering around me could also have links to Naxals.Didn't this possibility never occur to those who have so lavishly granted connections to all and sundry to my auditory canal and my forehead or they couldn't care less?Reading my thoughts became easy after my forehead was blasted with high decibel sounds in 2012 .Why was it done?Was it to 'liberalise 'me by throwing open me and my family to the world?, Desh drohi's .They have not only put our lives in peril but also this nations.Selfishness to the core.
Yesterday when i wanted to add this observation to this blog , my head was immediately squeezed ,since my thoughts are constantly being read by these perverts and the net connection was blocked .I couldn't access the net from 9 pm onwards .The pain i felt in my left forehead as i was forming the words for this blog [was similar to one i felt for 10 days after Ram mandir verdict] and blocking my access to net thereafter confirms that i have hit the nail.Maybe those who did not like the verdict was blocking me and preventing me from writing leave alone blogging. My head could have been jammed stiff even for security purposes. It could be law and order .It could also be for defence purposes! As far as i am concerned there is no need to put me in jail or be warned .My head will be firmly taken hold in a vice like invisible grip making me dazed , bewildered and zombie like for many days ,till all is clear .I have no legal rights.and no one is going to question any one on my behalf or be bothered and waste their time about me being turned into a zombie on and of .
. Maybe terrorists /ISI and naxals are transmitting messages, suggestions and are also reading my thoughts.It is scary, indigestible and revolting that cold blooded.killers and schemers have access to my thoughts .Who landed me in this horrible situation which is worse than a horror film ?.will that person ever get punished?
I am sure that authorities do know about this but transmission from strangers is going on as gaily as ever. I think it has even increased .Proof is this blog, the previous ones .I am constantly writing and blogging theses days .This is proof enough that i am not being allowed to sit in peace and think of other things.or do some productive translations.
An abnormal and dangerous set up .
The reason why this sort of sly conversion along with suggestion giving is resorted to is because they know that to convert me openly is impossible.They have nothing to offer to me that would induce me to change .My economic condition is sound ,and i am satisfied with it so money cannot lure me .But i would appreciate if suggestion givers approached me directly to discuss and write since my views seems to count so much ,Other wise this is nothing but exploitation of a person in a hostage like situation' similar to slavery. If i am forced to write by various tactics it is forced and bonded labour . Do journalists write without pay?Are they forced to write? Are they looked down in society?
In fact if i am approached directly to make me blog and am paid for it it would release from alot of problems.The myth that i am idealogically driven , my awowed charm ,which i guess is the cause of all my harrassment will vanish and i would be a paid hand just like any other .Mashter pleash pleash pay uh poor me and giveth thish blog shlave her freedomth. Brahmin's are the highest caste in Indian society where caste hierarchy is a reality .So why would i trade this high position i have in society for a lower one?
If it is my grief that is attracting converters i am so thoroughly convinced that all the solutions to it are in my own Hindu religious scriptures and practises.that it is impossible to make my abandon religion OK constant hurdles thrown at my visits to temples or interfering in my daily puja and meditation could exhaust me and cut down the practises but can the converters shake me away from my deep faith in Hindu philosophy?That is impossible.
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My religious scriptures like Gita appeals to that part of my nature that has a scientific streak .Many practises of Hinduism or dictum's in shastras are based on actual observation of life and emotions .My bitter experiences in life made me realise this.My actual experiences and the advises[dictum's] in shastras to bear such situations, like prescribing one year period for mourning, tallies , increased my reverence and respect for Hinduism [sanatana dharma].The rishi's who have made these shastras were very human and observant.Even the Sanskrit mantras chanted during funeral ceremonies are very poignant , down to earth and assuring .It is a pity that none of us understand them .If we did then it would be a soothing balm at such times of deep sorrow.only a year back i read the English translation of the mantras on net and realised the true value of such mantras.
Science says that energy can never be destroyed.Atma viz the driving force in a body is a energy.Common sense .Hindu philosophers since Vedic times are telling us the same thing , that atma can never be destroyed , it is the body that hosts it that gets destroyed .Why shouldn't i believe this ? I believe it .
Acharyas who have commented on Gita explain very logically and beautifully as to how this energy [Atma]keeps on taking various bodies in a regular cycle of death and re birth.till the atma gets rid of its karma's and attains its original pure state .In its original state the atma is pure, happy , powerful , knowledgeable and has a host of good qualities which makes it or or less at par with the creator.Gita gives in detail the various methods to over come Karmas that have been accumulated in past several re births.I believe in this concept of re birth too .
If only skeptic Hindus had the patience to read the commentaries of our acharyas like Shakaracharya , Ramanuja and others ,who were great intellectuals and scholars they wouldn't be deriding their own religion or join those deriding it .
The belief insurmountable workings of trigunas viz sattva, rajas and thamas that explains many of our actions is also a fact which can be observed by all in our daily life .When we are peaceful it means sattva guna is in action when we are angry and energetic and greedy it means that rajas is in force and when we are lazy it means thamas is in force.
The belief that atma carries with it the impressions [vasanas]of its past innumerable births explains the contradictions in our nature which is not in tune with the caste or family we are born into .This is a very comforting belief because it explains our sufferings .It is even more comforting to learn from Gita that it is impossible to circumvent Trigunas unless one is wise, yogic ,detached , without ego and extremely devout , which is again tough to achieve .It recognizes the limitations of individuals who are always under sway of triguanas and vasanas and thus removes guilt and shame associated with ones incapacity's . I absolutely believe in this .
When my own religion is enlightening and comforting why should i seek succor elsewhere ?
Why do the converters arrogate themselves the right over me . who are they to decide as to whom and what i should believe in?If they are impelled by humane considerations that they cannot bear seeing me wilt in grief and that changing my religion is the only remedy then why do grief stricken people in Western nations seek psychiatric help to overcome it although they are all Christians?If Christianity cannot help those who are born and bred in it, to tackle their grief how can it help me? I read that people in Christian countries visit psychiatric clinics religiously and hardly attend church services and that most churches are empty .First heal thyself .
I have a lot of faith in Gita .Its teachings has pulled me out from what i thought was inescapable void .Maybe before my bereavement i may not have believed in re birth of a atma in countless births , but now i believe it absolutely .It is a very comforting belief as it ends the suspense as to what happens after death , scotches illusions and delusions--like '-they are all waiting up there in heaven etc '.
Gita tells me You have let go off a nice atma owing to your own karmas and vasanas, but that atma is not pining or waiting for you .It has cut off all its relations with you .This is the reality accept it .May be that atma has found a better body and a nicer family .
There is also a sectarian angle .That i should worship amman or siva .It is a very silly thing to do Our fundamental beliefs are same re birth, karma , difference between atma and body , worship of Deva's,and pitrus idol worship , worshiping in temple ,performing yagnas and homams, belief in one paramatma or Supreme Brahman .
Either a Hindu believes in Siva and his family or i n Vishnu and his avatars .I belong to latter category
.I have never switched my loyalties from Narayana the deity who is worshipped in the family and sect i am born into and will never do so .Chanting slokas and pasurums on Narayana and his consort Lakshmi steadies my mind as i am used to it since childhood and i am not going to trade it for another god .and goddesses . I have a deep sense of belonging to avatars of Vishnu, aazhwars and purva acharyas , because i belong to srivaishnaviate sect .I cannot let go of this sense of belonging and reel in a new found vacuum.so late in my life .There are people who are mobile skipping from one deity to another in search of peace and for rewards .I am not that kind . I have a unquestioning loyalty to Vishnu and Lakshmi , in what ever the circumstance i find myself in .I never blame them for my misfortunes ,and i doubt whether any of my viewers would have faced tragedies to such a extent as i have and am still facing,but i blame only myself for not being devout enough so as to receive thier protection and blessings and endeavour to make myself even more devout.So where is the question of me to quit worshipping Vishnu and Lakshmi and leaving them in disgust for an alternative one within Hindu fold?
In all the slokas i recite daily on Vishnu and Lakshmi , i have to chant the names of Siva , Brahma, Indra , Muruga , Shakthi, Surya, Agni and Durga's since none of the slokas are bereft of their names .So what is the problem of these people?I have to accord respect to other Hindu gods daily because the slokas from puranas or those slokas made by acharyas and aazhwars mention them specifically with due respect, when i recite them .
28.1.20 --Note:I added a lot of the paragraphs to this original blog which was to do only with my forehead torture.I was impelled , induced to do so a week or two before Amavasya[new moon day] and Republic day owing to planes making terrific sounds taking off over head in my flat with 10 minutes interval.The itch to blog and vomit everything i have written above that lay nestled within myself so far was overwhelming .With shame and sadness i have to admit that i couldn't resist it .Sadness because i have lost control over myself which is again actually nothing to be ashamed off since i have become like this only after my forehead was blasted in 2012 for a month at day time without a break and jammed in 2014 without a break at night for a month forcibly by people hiding their faces, identity and intentions from me in both cases.
Few minutes before i could hear the booming sound of plane flying over head i would get this un combattable urge to write or blog my observations shelved in my memory and i was literally doing so continuously for 3 -4 days thus.It abated only after i blogged my bio data and Amavasya came and went.and when the planes stopped flying directly low over us.
This urge is normally given to me before Amavasya .What is its significance?Is it do with conversion?That Christians /Muslims,do not like the pitru worship done by my husband on that day ?But do they have the capacity to make aeroplanes to keep on flying overhead .Can they take control of Air traffic?I doubt it .This is not the handiwork of ordinary persons or converters.
Definitely govtl agencies are behind this .Either they wanted me to write the suggestions put into me in my half sleep state or knowing some of my views they wanted me to come out with it and make it public
The torture i was put in that week was terrible .I am clearly being exploited.
Last 3 days viz 26 and 27 th and 28th i was subject to the forehead torture about which this blog was to be about.Felt burning sensation in my forehead whole night and even at day time.Punishment .
On one hand there is immense [using air traffic] provocation to write and if i succumb to it then it is followed by this punishment! Both are tortures i am being constantly put through .
I am wondering as to when my capillaries will break under such pressures and give me a brain hemorrhage.
I was doubly cautious this time since AIDMK is in alliance with BJP i knew that party or the govt agencies would put pressurre on me to write or blog in favour of CAA and condemn the protests
.What ever i wrote is my opinion alright but i didn't want the party that has been treating me shabbily since 2012 and constantly attempting to convert me ,and help them to curry favours from centre by making me sing their peans or trunes .But the air attack on my forehead ears coupled with other auditory attacks and preventing me from sleeping at nights with bright street lamp lights and constant creaking of hand pumps through out the night amplified maybe with audio transmitters etc was too much for my weakened nerves to bear and i had to abandon my resolve not to blog on controversies or about minorities ,who are constantly dominating news or about myself viz tortures ,conversion attempts etc..
The burning sensation is always given at night when i go to bed and fall asleep It lasts the whole night and continues well into the morning .What ever i do to try and get rid of it like taking pills for head and body ache , or give hot water fomentation or listen to music with ear plugs or recite slokas are of no avail .It cannot be shaken off by me .When i feel that the burning sensation has gone it and feel relieved it would mean that it had been withdrawn by those who were giving it.It is a sort of punishment , the cowards are expert in handing me without showing their face, like terrorists who hide and attack
I have observed that the following actions of mine .is generally followed by this punishment that pours fire into my forehead .
1.Wearing light weight transparent sarees and going out wearing them .
2. After blogging my views on public matters or about the no touch tortures i am subject to .
This is happening since 2014 after my head was pierced for a month at night .Cruelty that started in 2012 with blasting my head with high decibel noises goes on and on unasked and unchecked .
Effect of this punishment is that it reduces my desire, energy , concentration and undermines my efforts to write and blog meanings of Sanskrit slokas or Tamil pasurums .It also discourages me from by hearting slokas and pasurums .but encourages me to write and comment on news items in a crazy manner.My blogs on public matters hardly attract any viewers but my blogs on meanings of slokas etc are the ones that are popular and attract a lot of viewers .But this burning burns away my ability to grasp the meanings and it also blocks my vocabulary.
I experienced the burning sensation soon after i deleted the addition i had made two days back to my blog on forgiveness sessions.I want the original blog to be as it is as i wanted to stick to my principle that i will not encourage any one invading my privacy .That person wanted me to blog on humane stuff etc but he was not respecting my human right to eat in peace in my own house. This one way traffic,on the sly going on since 2012 has hardened me so much that i refuse to feel sorry for any one .My answer would have been different had it been face to face and if they want to know it, come and meet me in my house .
The two Dravidian parties that are in power alternately with loyalists entrenched in institutions must understand that i do not belong to either of the two parties nor to any other party they are allied with so ,none of them can claim any rights over me.and force me to write on topics dominating TV news..I have no idea as to what is the idealogy of these two sibiling parties nor do i care to know of it nor am i bothered about their future prospects as well as thier allies as i am dead sure that none of them will stop the bombarding of my auditory canals and fore head nor stop giving instructions and suggestions on coming to power. .
The other torture which is equally bad or worse is the tightening of my forehead like as if it is a prison from which i cannot escape .This sort of torture started since 201 2 and became acute after 2014.This happens generally when i travel by car or train or auto .It goes on and on if i am in a long journey .This also cannot be shaken off by any pill etc .But sometimes a sloka i recite or i hear on transcend ,hoping to get rid of it does give relief , but it is temporary clearance of the blockade , it will be back again.And the same sloka or pasurum will not work the next time when my forehead is blocked .I just have to wait it out .It is a terrible torture .
observation is that ,this covering of the innards of my forehead with a shroud or a thick purdah is done when i am on a temple trip or to do something with Hinduism. Recently it happened in the auditorium as well as on my way back from a Bharatnatyam recital of Dasavatharam, in the auto i was travelling back home .
I have observed that this tightening of forehead and the constant conversations i am having within myself without a pause prevents me from either to take note of surroundings around me or enjoy the simple beauties of nature like fluffy white clouds scudding the skies or the colourful blossoms on trees or stars twinkling in a clear night is connected to the wrist watch i wear and the mobile and the clutch that i carry whilst going out for a walk.or any other outing .The babble within me becomes fierce near certain lamp posts that have various wires and plastic bags wound around them that at times my head starts spinning and whirling .Wrist watch that i wear is number one culprit in giving me that terribly uncomfortable and at times unbearable feeling in my forehead, of it getting, knotted tied up and cramped up from within .Inside the house every nook has these odious torturous devices .I am sure tube lights have them coupled with cameras.They often provoke me to argue and at times worse provoke me to hit members of my family !The latter i have never done.This instruction is given generally when the TV is on and when my family members and i am near the TV. I have observed that such instructions are beamed into my ear when my right ear is near a tube light in my dining room and in the kitchen.It also happens at Bangalore.Maybe those provoking me to hit want to make my family believe that i am not only batty but also violent .
Those giving me such instructions know exactly where i am standing or sitting and also know as to exactly who is in front of me or next to me .This proves the existence of hidden cameras .
Why do they want to do so?They have successfully made them believe that what ever i went through like blasting my head with noise in 2012 , then jamming it 2012 and the various conversions attempted to be done on me in 2014 and still being done are all figment of my imagination and delusions and if i start hitting them obeying that or message or instruction injected right into my forehead or ears then all those who have perpetrate and continue to perpetrate such tortures on me will get a good cover .They would successfully brand me as mad and who will believe a madman's word?
OK why is it necessary to brand me as delusional and violent in the eyes of my family and relatives?Only those doing it will know as to why it is so important to brand me as such.The only plausible guess i can make is that it can only be the handiwork of secular fundamentalists and their protege's and protectees.
These sly methods adopted to make me appear as delusional and violent makes me think that may be such methods were also adopted over my late son , provoking a very intelligent and obedient boy to go haywire that culminated in his 'accidental' death in railway tracks.in 2007..at 24 years of age .
Again why ?I know for sure that i am deliberately instructed to hit out at my family members standing at front of me and when i am under a ceiling fan or near a tube light.So i have every reason to suspect foul play in my late son's sudden death which could be deliberately instigated suicide or a deliberate accident.few days before he was to leave for US .just a day before that horrific day the ceiling fan in my dining room started to rattle loudly and sway crazily .My late son helped the electrician to fix it .OK again the question arises , if Vidat was deliberately done away with ,why?What for?since i find myself in this macabre drama which is like a replay of what happened to my son in 2007 it is quite possible that secular fundamentalists and thier protectees could have had a hand in my late son's sudden death.
OK why am i sure it is and was handiwork of secular fundamentalists .I wasn't even blogging in 2007 but was writing my diary. But my husband was pretty vocal and loud with his Right ists views.This must have rubbed those around in the wrong way ,who in those times would never stomach such views without retaliating.and are still retaliating.Simply put --nastying him ,without him being aware that he is being nastied .. The only difference is that i know that i am being deliberately provoked , instigated and am made to write or act upon suggestions ,owing to blasting of my head with noises in 2012 followed by jamming and then conversion attempts in 2014,but my late son didnot know. My family also refuses to believe that i was subject to and am being subject to all the harrassments rather tortures i have been put through and they also have been put through like nearly killing my husband by aggravating his heart condition.
{No ordinary citizen will ever think such things are possible.that their normal life can be disrupted so slily surreptiously and systematically in a cold blooded manner by outsiders.If they did they would lose thier peace of mind, normalcy and trust in people around them as well as in the govt.Ignorance is bliss there fore i quit feeling sorry for myself that i receive no support or even mere understanding even from my own family , for all that i was put through since 2012.Many around me know about it and would believe me at what i have gone through since 2012 ,except my own family and relatives! It is a well kept public secret.Media isn't bothered becuase in their gilded lofty world only on atrocities on Muslims, Christians and Sc's.matters.Opposition and other politicians couldn't care less , though they know about it ,because my curious case will not bring votes,so why waste time on me?.But both would love to read my views and may even try to wrest it out of me !
The twin surreptious and harsh attacks on my skull and forehead by loud noises and piercing my skull with painful jabs in 2012 and 2014 has made me like the hero of the film Gazhni where the hero on being hit on his head by the villian loses his memory and has to write notes to himself to remember as who he is and why he is like this. And that conversion attempt on me in september 2014 keeps making me assure myself that i am a Hindu, I am a Hindu I am a Hindu,not a Christian or Muslim but a Hindu,yes a Hindu, that to belonging to a particular sect, a need i have never felt till then .I have also started to feel a overwhelming need to prove to those around me as well in the blogs that i continue to be a Hindu despite that forcibile conversion attempts that had a lot of death threats ,that , i have not converted .It was a very traumatic and terrifying experience..It stopped abruptly after 27 days when the late CM was sent to jail on corruption charges.
I was so far under the impression that it was my blogging on corruption during Anna agitation that invited the ire of authorities .But now i scarcely blog on corruption , yet i am inviting ire in form of forehead jamming.but am blogging on public matters entwined with religous beliefs.of Hindus.The methods adopted to show ire to extract results is something similar to what my late son exhibited in 2005-2007 hence i have this feeling that maybe such methods were also adopted over my late son to push him to the brink and plunge our lives into grief and gloom as revenge for views that was not in consonnance with that of secular 'fundamentalists' and thier vote banks and to exploit our grief ..
Effect is that i cannot enjoy the trip or performances and lose myself in the spiritual and religious experience and feel touched and elevated and satisfied.Nor can i sleep in the long trips in car or train if the trip has to do with a temple visit .Terrible feeling like as if my for head would explode.This is surely to discourage me from visiting temples , to learn , recite slokas and meditate .It is religious persecution .
It sounds strange that i being a Hindu am being religiously persecuted in a sly , undercover and shadowy manner right in the midst of vast majority of Hindus but it is being done !
Some times a doubt does arise in me as to whether these people are really interested in converting my religious ad sectarian beliefs , if not why aren't they approaching me directly to do so .?Isn't that the normal practise? {Why was some one encouraging me to have extra marital thoughts by giving me pleasure by gently vibrating my spinal chord when my back is towards a single electric bulb in my house balcony on seeing a Muslim flat neighbour whilst provoking me to anger and hatred towards my husband?An ugly immoral set up . Pleasurable feelings are being deliberately induced in me since 2012 with regard to one single individual of Muslim community living in my flat complex whom i would have never bothered about other wise. It was given constantly and, punctually around 6.45 -7 pm probably in tune with flights taking off maybe to shift my emotional allegiance and dependence from my husband to this man and the community he belonged to and to empathise with them or to listen to his commands.Why should i be forced in such a sick manner?In all my life i have never felt any sympathy towards that community.They were rulers of India for several centuries.They have ruled over my ancestors .How can i pity a class that has enjoyed all trappings of power for centuries?Same goes to Christians as well .They were wielding power ,prestige etc when British were ruling over us for nearly 200 years . So should i pity them because they lost their past power and , prestige in freedom struggle and a democracy was put in place by majority of Hindus ? It is a cycle of time .One goes up and other comes down . Once upon a time Brahmins dominated the society and polity .Look at the pitiable state of Brahmin's every where are , they are a shadow of their past glory the way i a Brahmin woman am now in this Dravidian land.So do i keep on currying for sympathy and lamenting over my lost status ?}
The only class of people i pitied were SC's .They were never rulers unlike Muslims and Christians.Over the years seeing how nicely SC's have fared i have stopped feeling guilty or remorseful towards them .In fact the aggression exhibited by some SC'S towards me is so daunting that it is slowly eroding my sympathy towards them..
What ever the reasons maybe it was a sick , perverted and nasty thing to do to me after terrifying and weakening my nerves and blotting out my memory by playing loud noises in my ears and forehead for a month in 2012 .So much ,for human rights.A torturer or torturers were let loose upon me twice in full scale, who were like the fabled Chinese torturers .After 2014 my attention was sought to be captured in a similar manner [viz pleasure , conc only on his voice and family]by non brahmin Hindu neighbour whom i had always seen as a younger brother and that is all ,whilst the former 's role became muted but very much there. What ever the reasons maybe ,security etc, which i cannot fanthom fully ,it is a sick and cheap set up. .It cuts at the very root of the emotional ties with my family and forcing me to becoming dependant on my neighbours and thus making a caricature of my husband's role in my life.What this set up implies is this --Your husband is no longer your hero , we are your hero and , caretakers and only we are capable of taking care of you so listen to us, thus cleanly forgetting the decades preceding 2012 when he was my sole caretaker ,friend, companion etc and was doing a good job of it.What ever maybe the reason behind this transformers/subtitution role, it is indigestible and revolting to me.It is trivalising the sacredness of marital ties and property, privacy,and shows distrust in individuals capacity to handle thier family matters .If this is to do with' security' let it be straight and open. if not i will think that it is a sham and will think that i have no enemies with knives drawn to kill me but it is the transformers/substitutes or whom ever they are working for, are the ones having enimies and i am being kept like a prisoner so as to protect them..
1.Is my harassment on religious lines is being done to set an example to some Hindus [fringes] who are said to be persecuting minorities up north?Because my situation is quite strange .whilst TV and newspapers keep beaming news about how Muslims, Christians and Sc's are persecuted every day in Hindu majority country [even if it is just one person from the vast minority communities and Sc's who are in millions] here I am, a person from majority community as well as belonging to the highest caste viz Brahmin who is being religiously persecuted right in the centre of a metro city .Are these cowardly attacks of revenge on me a tit for tat .?Like terrorists who hide and attack?
Are they constantly sending the message , Look we have a Hindu Brahmin family in our grip , You vast majority fools with all your techs and numbers you can do nothing about it?Just watch and read their suffering.Are they also delighted that in my frustration at being always on a razors edge that i start putting down our democracy, politicians and people?
2.Or is it done by those who want me to give the other side of the picture of India?That it is not only minorities or Sc's but also persons from majority community from good families who are also persecuted by minorities and Sc's right in the heart of a metro city?Because on the sea of liberal news engulfing India who highlight only minority persecution and harassment and who all skip news relating to conversions , my case is reverse osmosis and is quite unique .I am not some adivasi woman or illiterate fisher woman .But am from a good family background, belong to highest caste in India viz Brahmin, having famous ancestors both from religious and political view point .
These are two sides of a coin .One could be real religious persecution owing to some perverse objective because my constant transmitters are Muslims in large numbers followed by Christians, Sc's and Hindus.Why should so many Muslims hover around me ?Young men in kurta pyjama and skull caps used to come towards me with swaggering walk or on scooters.They could be just innocent passerby's but would a ordinary Muslim beat a hasty retreat on seeing my carrying a keychain with lordsSrinivasar's tiny idol ?Have these Muslims come from some far off Arab country that they have never seen idols or temples around them .S o it makes me conclude that these young Muslim's hovering around me have some ulterior motives .The fact that i wear saree and decorate my forehead with kumkum , real kumkum and not sticker bindi's doesn't make me appear as a Hindu woman to these non stop Muslim stalkers.It requires a tiny idol dangling from a key chain held in my hand or worn as a ring in my finger that puts them off .They beat such a hasty retreat that i have to doubt their intentions which i conclude is only malafide .What are they seeing me as? Whilst the older ones are trying their hand at love jihad may be the younger ones are doing Mother jihad.as i must appear as old as their mothers , trying to tug at my maternal emotions but are rudely shocked and unable to digest that i am a idol worshipper on seeing tiny idols swinging in my hand!. Being a Hindu it is very very normal for me have idols of gods around me but those stalkers seemed to be shocked or revolted in seeing me in company of idols like as if i am a Muslim woman who is not supposed to worship idols !
It is not only those wearing white caps who beat a hasty retreat it is also men in pants ,jeans and shirts without any obvious religious markings on them who shy away from me .even flat neighbours .on seeing idols in my person.Why should they shy away unless they are approaching me with bad intentions.?
I thought at least i can get rid one of my pursuers and started to take my Srinivasar key chain in my walks and in outings .I forced myself to do so since i am not a person who likes to exhibit religiosity .It also riles me that being a Hindu why should i keep on proving it ?It also riles me that those avowing their Hindu faith by doing homamas etc are fore front in extending all possible help to those viz other two communities in intruding my prayer s. The white caps have melted away but now i am being pursued with a lot of vigour by dark young men.The Srinivasar idol in my keychain is drawing these men who may be Christians like a magnet and are intruding in my daily meditation by passing the name of their god Jesus when i close my eyes to meditate on Narayana.Am caught between the devil and the deep sea .
If Muslims stalking me is a defence problem i am willing to dangle my key chain as i walk or go out if that is the solution to keep them off my back .I will even buy a fairly big gold pendant of Lord Venkateswara,at my own expense , affix it to a gold chain and wear it over my saree displaying it to all accosting me .But it should not lead to Christians taking hold of me and intruding my daily prayers .Last week at Bangalore i walked with keychain but my meditation was not interrupted .but here it is being done most probably by Christians .If i am expected to shoulder the defence problem i should be assured that my right to pray is not hindered in any manner . Why should i be the one who is expected to make all the sacrifices whilst those who can rein in such elements go scot free?/
They all seem to enjoy political patronage in this 'secular' state .Second those who can stop all these transmissions are not doing it
It is like as if i am expected to write about the unbelievable position i am in so as to show the world even a person from high caste ,well educated and from good family can be persecuted by minorities and Sc's without any fear of law or consequences .A scape goat.
Most importantly what guarantee is there that one amongst the many Muslims who are constantly hovering around me does not have terrorist links or is in ISI payroll?Were they practising love jihad viz forcing me to go into purdah by threatening to make my private moments public, as a first step to conversion? Similarly any one from the Christians, SC's and Hindus hovering around me could also have links to Naxals.Didn't this possibility never occur to those who have so lavishly granted connections to all and sundry to my auditory canal and my forehead or they couldn't care less?Reading my thoughts became easy after my forehead was blasted with high decibel sounds in 2012 .Why was it done?Was it to 'liberalise 'me by throwing open me and my family to the world?, Desh drohi's .They have not only put our lives in peril but also this nations.Selfishness to the core.
Yesterday when i wanted to add this observation to this blog , my head was immediately squeezed ,since my thoughts are constantly being read by these perverts and the net connection was blocked .I couldn't access the net from 9 pm onwards .The pain i felt in my left forehead as i was forming the words for this blog [was similar to one i felt for 10 days after Ram mandir verdict] and blocking my access to net thereafter confirms that i have hit the nail.Maybe those who did not like the verdict was blocking me and preventing me from writing leave alone blogging. My head could have been jammed stiff even for security purposes. It could be law and order .It could also be for defence purposes! As far as i am concerned there is no need to put me in jail or be warned .My head will be firmly taken hold in a vice like invisible grip making me dazed , bewildered and zombie like for many days ,till all is clear .I have no legal rights.and no one is going to question any one on my behalf or be bothered and waste their time about me being turned into a zombie on and of .
. Maybe terrorists /ISI and naxals are transmitting messages, suggestions and are also reading my thoughts.It is scary, indigestible and revolting that cold blooded.killers and schemers have access to my thoughts .Who landed me in this horrible situation which is worse than a horror film ?.will that person ever get punished?
I am sure that authorities do know about this but transmission from strangers is going on as gaily as ever. I think it has even increased .Proof is this blog, the previous ones .I am constantly writing and blogging theses days .This is proof enough that i am not being allowed to sit in peace and think of other things.or do some productive translations.
An abnormal and dangerous set up .
The reason why this sort of sly conversion along with suggestion giving is resorted to is because they know that to convert me openly is impossible.They have nothing to offer to me that would induce me to change .My economic condition is sound ,and i am satisfied with it so money cannot lure me .But i would appreciate if suggestion givers approached me directly to discuss and write since my views seems to count so much ,Other wise this is nothing but exploitation of a person in a hostage like situation' similar to slavery. If i am forced to write by various tactics it is forced and bonded labour . Do journalists write without pay?Are they forced to write? Are they looked down in society?
In fact if i am approached directly to make me blog and am paid for it it would release from alot of problems.The myth that i am idealogically driven , my awowed charm ,which i guess is the cause of all my harrassment will vanish and i would be a paid hand just like any other .Mashter pleash pleash pay uh poor me and giveth thish blog shlave her freedomth. Brahmin's are the highest caste in Indian society where caste hierarchy is a reality .So why would i trade this high position i have in society for a lower one?
If it is my grief that is attracting converters i am so thoroughly convinced that all the solutions to it are in my own Hindu religious scriptures and practises.that it is impossible to make my abandon religion OK constant hurdles thrown at my visits to temples or interfering in my daily puja and meditation could exhaust me and cut down the practises but can the converters shake me away from my deep faith in Hindu philosophy?That is impossible.
******************
My religious scriptures like Gita appeals to that part of my nature that has a scientific streak .Many practises of Hinduism or dictum's in shastras are based on actual observation of life and emotions .My bitter experiences in life made me realise this.My actual experiences and the advises[dictum's] in shastras to bear such situations, like prescribing one year period for mourning, tallies , increased my reverence and respect for Hinduism [sanatana dharma].The rishi's who have made these shastras were very human and observant.Even the Sanskrit mantras chanted during funeral ceremonies are very poignant , down to earth and assuring .It is a pity that none of us understand them .If we did then it would be a soothing balm at such times of deep sorrow.only a year back i read the English translation of the mantras on net and realised the true value of such mantras.
Science says that energy can never be destroyed.Atma viz the driving force in a body is a energy.Common sense .Hindu philosophers since Vedic times are telling us the same thing , that atma can never be destroyed , it is the body that hosts it that gets destroyed .Why shouldn't i believe this ? I believe it .
Acharyas who have commented on Gita explain very logically and beautifully as to how this energy [Atma]keeps on taking various bodies in a regular cycle of death and re birth.till the atma gets rid of its karma's and attains its original pure state .In its original state the atma is pure, happy , powerful , knowledgeable and has a host of good qualities which makes it or or less at par with the creator.Gita gives in detail the various methods to over come Karmas that have been accumulated in past several re births.I believe in this concept of re birth too .
If only skeptic Hindus had the patience to read the commentaries of our acharyas like Shakaracharya , Ramanuja and others ,who were great intellectuals and scholars they wouldn't be deriding their own religion or join those deriding it .
The belief insurmountable workings of trigunas viz sattva, rajas and thamas that explains many of our actions is also a fact which can be observed by all in our daily life .When we are peaceful it means sattva guna is in action when we are angry and energetic and greedy it means that rajas is in force and when we are lazy it means thamas is in force.
The belief that atma carries with it the impressions [vasanas]of its past innumerable births explains the contradictions in our nature which is not in tune with the caste or family we are born into .This is a very comforting belief because it explains our sufferings .It is even more comforting to learn from Gita that it is impossible to circumvent Trigunas unless one is wise, yogic ,detached , without ego and extremely devout , which is again tough to achieve .It recognizes the limitations of individuals who are always under sway of triguanas and vasanas and thus removes guilt and shame associated with ones incapacity's . I absolutely believe in this .
When my own religion is enlightening and comforting why should i seek succor elsewhere ?
Why do the converters arrogate themselves the right over me . who are they to decide as to whom and what i should believe in?If they are impelled by humane considerations that they cannot bear seeing me wilt in grief and that changing my religion is the only remedy then why do grief stricken people in Western nations seek psychiatric help to overcome it although they are all Christians?If Christianity cannot help those who are born and bred in it, to tackle their grief how can it help me? I read that people in Christian countries visit psychiatric clinics religiously and hardly attend church services and that most churches are empty .First heal thyself .
I have a lot of faith in Gita .Its teachings has pulled me out from what i thought was inescapable void .Maybe before my bereavement i may not have believed in re birth of a atma in countless births , but now i believe it absolutely .It is a very comforting belief as it ends the suspense as to what happens after death , scotches illusions and delusions--like '-they are all waiting up there in heaven etc '.
Gita tells me You have let go off a nice atma owing to your own karmas and vasanas, but that atma is not pining or waiting for you .It has cut off all its relations with you .This is the reality accept it .May be that atma has found a better body and a nicer family .
There is also a sectarian angle .That i should worship amman or siva .It is a very silly thing to do Our fundamental beliefs are same re birth, karma , difference between atma and body , worship of Deva's,and pitrus idol worship , worshiping in temple ,performing yagnas and homams, belief in one paramatma or Supreme Brahman .
Either a Hindu believes in Siva and his family or i n Vishnu and his avatars .I belong to latter category
.I have never switched my loyalties from Narayana the deity who is worshipped in the family and sect i am born into and will never do so .Chanting slokas and pasurums on Narayana and his consort Lakshmi steadies my mind as i am used to it since childhood and i am not going to trade it for another god .and goddesses . I have a deep sense of belonging to avatars of Vishnu, aazhwars and purva acharyas , because i belong to srivaishnaviate sect .I cannot let go of this sense of belonging and reel in a new found vacuum.so late in my life .There are people who are mobile skipping from one deity to another in search of peace and for rewards .I am not that kind . I have a unquestioning loyalty to Vishnu and Lakshmi , in what ever the circumstance i find myself in .I never blame them for my misfortunes ,and i doubt whether any of my viewers would have faced tragedies to such a extent as i have and am still facing,but i blame only myself for not being devout enough so as to receive thier protection and blessings and endeavour to make myself even more devout.So where is the question of me to quit worshipping Vishnu and Lakshmi and leaving them in disgust for an alternative one within Hindu fold?
In all the slokas i recite daily on Vishnu and Lakshmi , i have to chant the names of Siva , Brahma, Indra , Muruga , Shakthi, Surya, Agni and Durga's since none of the slokas are bereft of their names .So what is the problem of these people?I have to accord respect to other Hindu gods daily because the slokas from puranas or those slokas made by acharyas and aazhwars mention them specifically with due respect, when i recite them .
28.1.20 --Note:I added a lot of the paragraphs to this original blog which was to do only with my forehead torture.I was impelled , induced to do so a week or two before Amavasya[new moon day] and Republic day owing to planes making terrific sounds taking off over head in my flat with 10 minutes interval.The itch to blog and vomit everything i have written above that lay nestled within myself so far was overwhelming .With shame and sadness i have to admit that i couldn't resist it .Sadness because i have lost control over myself which is again actually nothing to be ashamed off since i have become like this only after my forehead was blasted in 2012 for a month at day time without a break and jammed in 2014 without a break at night for a month forcibly by people hiding their faces, identity and intentions from me in both cases.
Few minutes before i could hear the booming sound of plane flying over head i would get this un combattable urge to write or blog my observations shelved in my memory and i was literally doing so continuously for 3 -4 days thus.It abated only after i blogged my bio data and Amavasya came and went.and when the planes stopped flying directly low over us.
This urge is normally given to me before Amavasya .What is its significance?Is it do with conversion?That Christians /Muslims,do not like the pitru worship done by my husband on that day ?But do they have the capacity to make aeroplanes to keep on flying overhead .Can they take control of Air traffic?I doubt it .This is not the handiwork of ordinary persons or converters.
Definitely govtl agencies are behind this .Either they wanted me to write the suggestions put into me in my half sleep state or knowing some of my views they wanted me to come out with it and make it public
The torture i was put in that week was terrible .I am clearly being exploited.
Last 3 days viz 26 and 27 th and 28th i was subject to the forehead torture about which this blog was to be about.Felt burning sensation in my forehead whole night and even at day time.Punishment .
On one hand there is immense [using air traffic] provocation to write and if i succumb to it then it is followed by this punishment! Both are tortures i am being constantly put through .
I am wondering as to when my capillaries will break under such pressures and give me a brain hemorrhage.
I was doubly cautious this time since AIDMK is in alliance with BJP i knew that party or the govt agencies would put pressurre on me to write or blog in favour of CAA and condemn the protests
.What ever i wrote is my opinion alright but i didn't want the party that has been treating me shabbily since 2012 and constantly attempting to convert me ,and help them to curry favours from centre by making me sing their peans or trunes .But the air attack on my forehead ears coupled with other auditory attacks and preventing me from sleeping at nights with bright street lamp lights and constant creaking of hand pumps through out the night amplified maybe with audio transmitters etc was too much for my weakened nerves to bear and i had to abandon my resolve not to blog on controversies or about minorities ,who are constantly dominating news or about myself viz tortures ,conversion attempts etc..
posted by K.C. Sujata at
3:46 AM
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