Poetic justice.

Every dog ,even the lowliest has its day,as one being constantly jeered, heckled, hypnotised,manipulated,forcibly socialised and currently being subject to a constant jet of aroma therapy and forced to see reason from the rigid point of view of the perpetrators, for being a batty, solitary,middle class activist, i had mine when i read the news item that 68 youth protested against corruption, humiliating and jeering and heckling loudly at front of the sane, sauve, social ,rich and powerful politician's house.

On 5 th anniversary and 29 th birthday...star birthday

Vayur nilam mritam yeksham bhasmathshariram!Om !
Rhito smar kritam smar!Rhito smar kritam smar!.............prayer from Isavasyo Upanishad.

Meaning:

My breath will join the deathless moving winds.My body will be reduced to ashes,

But I and my deeds will not disintegrate! Remember this always! Remember this always!

Aravind,

Break the fast and recoup for another day .I and all others need you alive and fighting fit to lead this agitation in days to come.

A woman's instinct and a son's reaction.

Since his exams were over i rang up and spoke to my second son at length.He laughed when i said ..... our neighbour for more than 10 year is a dirty spy.Probably the eavesdropper heard it , why probably 100 % they heard it and made bold to send his dad to enquire of my hub
about the nearby temple's upcoming festival.

When he left disgorging his booming voice and false bonhomie i told my hub to avoid this PP Tom.He too laughed .This made me wild and cursed my fate aloud for being born intelligent and knowledgeable and to be trapped between two denses.

As i mopped the house i went over the conversation .It is not only my intellect but also my instinct , a woman's instinct , an woman whose body has never been seen fully by another apart from her husband.The shame of physical exposure ,an woman's natural instinct ,that came to the fore in those days of intense interrogation through constant scrutiny , hypnosis ,may be drugs streamed through the ac that made me feel with dead certainty and with great revulsion that this neighbour and his son and several others had seen me thus.

It was in the height of this humiliation [ which is still continuing, in a subtle manner] in May, due this no touch torture ,which i couldn't quite put my finger into ,due to the cloak and dagger nature of the entire operation that i cried out to Vidat /a powerful son Aravind to redeem his mothers honour in this blog.And he did.

My son through Aravind 'ponghiyezhundhan'.He charged 14 ministers with corruption charges and this made head lines all over the world and the govt that was stripping me stood naked and its credentials slid and slid and were thoroughly abused by every tom dick and harry for the nose dive in the econmy.

Who is Aravind to me? A familiar and honest face on TV.Why did i zero in on him? May be Vidat guided me.
Who am i to Aravind ? No one.Yet the depth of the pain of a disgraced mother stirred him.

This is humanity. This is the power of pure souls.

He had become Vidat at that point of time and acted just like a son would have at the humiliation of his mother.

May be Vidat unable to bear his mothers plight entered Aravind the only person capable of shaking this vile and authoritative govt and party to its foundations , that was perpetrating the most heinous crime on its citizen[like kauravas on draupadhi] and nudged him to act , to save and avenge his mother's disgrace ,an unintended result of her fulfilling his last wishes, of blogging.

God bless you, with 100 long years of healthy and peaceful life.

Thought for the day. by Vivekananda.

Follow what you like .Similarily allow others to follow what they like.

Alien in the attic.

There is a hush of silence.Every one is at their best behaviour.Not a single argument or a scream
of rage to be heard.Even the ruffians who abound in plenty and swagger and strut around have become tamed beasts.

What a control!

How discomfiting,disconcerting,irritating and intimidating it is to have a in house psycho doc[hannibal?]/cop[rush hour detective,black?]/ con man ,corporate spy?/neta's chamcha/media's hacker[murdoch's hireling?]/either one or all rolled into one to be planted on the attic .However i am sure that the nerves of the mole has become frayed by all this nonstop preying on others psyche.He needs a break before he becomes more berserk and runs around amok wreaking more damage on already frayed nerves of all those around who are secretly and fervently praying for his quick disappearance from their once normal and idylic life' once and for all for good..

And all those around also need one to let their hair down and just be themselves.

I would know that normalcy has returned when i hear the irritating sound [now i am simply longing to hear it] of women quarreling at the hand pump and the men shake their fists at each other at the drop of a hat.

Further ,when i hear the noisy sounds of the streams of guests visiting my next door neighbour and hear the string of curses from the woman down below letting out her frustrations and the loud voice of another neighbour lamenting at the injustices that according to her every one is bent on heaping on her and when i hear the loud chanting of slokas of another neighbour in preparation of the work ahead in the mornings and the regular petty and loud fights of his next door tenant with all and sundry 'from newpaperman down to the watchman,and when i hear the uninhibited yells of boys playing cricket on the roof top or in the corridors ,whenever they can snatch these places for themselves unmindful of the volley of abuses showered on them by grouchy adults.

Finally when i hear my own voice struggling to be heard above that of my spouse in the frequent quarrels [ how i miss them ] and chafe' at the loud music blaring from nearby temple [it has fallen ominiously silent] and hear in awe at the extraordinary energy of another neighbour's non stop high pitched arguments with her family for hours together., i would know that things are back to normal ,as they should be.

Every one it seems are forcibly in their Sunday best. Just how long can this control last or be compelled to hold one's breath?

Photo:An chameleon on the fence.

Babu moshai'

Every worthy, the well known chatterers,are trying to fanthom the enigmatic phenomenon called Rajesh Khanna,who passed away today .

Why did he tug at the heart strings of women as he still does ,whenever i see his earlier films?
His face cut, classic!The innocence as well as that cocky confidence coupled with a undefinable look in his eyes, enquiring and perpetually amazed like a child that cannot but stir the maternal instincts in all women.Yet he was a man , his voice and his hairy chest.This combination is the cause of his terrific hit.

All said and done ,now why should he pass away right in the middle of two dates that are the most heart wrenching in my life with the memory of his famous endearment babu moshai ' ,only a dialogue, a piece of acting in one of his many films ,but a real snatch of a poignant conversation that was actually played out in my life, which i was made to overhear, later.

Mother's day out.

The diminutive soft spoken woman the HM of primary school .,was the first person we met on the very first day of our visit to a prestigious school when admitting Vidat in fourth class ,inbetween a academic year, thanks to my grand father's enduring name ,that was the magic key to the correspondent to grant him immediate admission to a school i wanted so much for him and his younger brother to study ,repelled by the cowshed like school that was the only one for taking in the suburbs we lived then.

She showed us around the vast spaces of the school that reminded of my school at Hyderbad.Iwrangled an admission for my second son soon after .This was not smooth sailing .I had to exert a lot of pressure especially through my mother that finally had the desired effect and a very vexed correspondent who has the greatest regard to my late grand dad gave in graciously and even waived away with the donation payment ,taken in by my earnestness.Once again i met this small woman who suggested that i create trust in the name of my g.father and pay the interest as prize to kids excelling in the field of my liking.
The cynical clerk at the accounts dept shot it down the very next day and advised us to either pay up straight and simple or not pay at all.My husband paid up.

Vidat's greatest moment of pleasure in his school days was winning doubles carroms in the primary school hence i wanted to institute an award for winners in his memory.I did 3 years back, but no prize was awarded.

Got a letter out of the blue few days back that the memorial prize in my son's name will be given on the 16 th of this month soon after the morning prayers.
All the thrashings received and spying and my frustrations at inability to keep this constant intrusion into my private life made me sink to a such low ebb that this news did not uplift me as it would have, normally.It did one thing immediately to me though ,of suspecting the toad's hands .The attempts to forcibly socialise me.

I had butterflies in my stomach after i readied to visit the school and watch the ceremony.It was tough to revisit the school .The cab was on time . No obstacles there.

One of the staff who must have been a beauty in her younger days received us ,a bit too enthusiastically at the secondary block,as and when she came in, whilst i was filling my eyes with the ravishing red coloured flowers of the line of gulmohar trees ,in full bloom and listening to the carefree chatter of school kids as they trudged up to their classes..

We were seated right in the front near the stage very near kinder garden kids , for being a donor whilst the parents of the winners , sat far behind.The obstacle ,began as expected .How can Charlie turn into a new leaf overnight?As i was enjoying the creamy innocence of pre KG kids ,their faces fresh as newly bloomed white roses that was heightened by their snow white uniforms and was thirsting to catch a glimpse of their unadulterated innocence ,a balm to taodies wickedness ,a teacher of huge proportions found a very convenient spot just in front of me and blocked the view.

My longing made me stand up to catch a glimpse as they skipped to the stage to receive their prizes,as the hefty woman refused to budge.Here i was met with long hard stares from toadies ,men posing as fathers [may be they were].
Charlie knows exactly what i long for and sees to that i am denied of these small pleasures.Sadist.
Despite this i managed to have my fill of innocence, a shaft of all that is good in this world , that has got terribly lost in the past few months of horrible fights.

Of course i wasn't allowed to have a full glimpse of those two girls who won the prize i instituted in Vidat's name.Charlie saw to it ,stationing that amazon at front of me.I wanted to get up and go out and meet those girls ,but all the beatings and hurdles thrown and stiffened my initiatives and i stuck on to the seat
An young girl was made to tell a story about rabbits, wolf and tiger .Poor kid was shaking in fear and chattering incoherently.Her fear and not the story [i am pretty bad at taking hints] that caught my attention.Why prey on a innocent lamb for your selfish interests,you wolves in sheep clothing?

The chief guest was a young singer .Her singing was her meditation ,pure and simple that straightened my cramps.
We were escorted out at the end!An honour reserved for only vip's , i am sure.Met Vidat's favourite teacher .Her hair looked all askew but what she had to relate and recapture Vidat's mischievous antics touched me .She still remembers my son as well as his mischiefs with a fondness that matches mine..No wonder she was his favourite teacher.

The group of teachers and HM took us to a room for breakfast.Charlie's doing definitely.The look of deep thought in each of those mam's eyes and the mask of enforced joviality towards ordinary donor parents , gave the game away.Toady had got to them.,sounding them well in advance of my terrorist credentials and deep doubts regarding my mental equilibrium .They were all , on guard ready to flee the moment i raised my hand even as innocuous as smoothing my hair,except for that ex primary hm ,who has now shrunk further and lost in her own world.

As i rose to take leave after the conversation dwindled [like as if on cue after a call received by the hm and i knew that by this time toady would have read my diary , nobody likes my diary more than he , so i thought, till i read some blogs of the aman ki asha fame that a lot of others too are interested in them for instance the one who calls himself a pitcher and another a trader and not be left behind rival publications anon editorial.Toadies fry me to enrich themselves. Just you wait , my saviour is already born] the saintly woman who was the first person i met when i first entered these gates years ago and i suppose the last i'll see of her, blessed me with good wishes. I nearly touched her feet, if only she knew how much i needed some good wishes.May be she did
.The very old and the very young are nearer to the creator and instinctively divine others pain.

As we crossed the courtyard milling with students and passed the office where i used to pay the children's fees and glanced up at the upper floor,housing class 8 rooms, a lone teenager leaned down and looked at me ,his hands on the parapet wall with a smile and look that was unmistakably familiar.

I have seen that boy before,oh, so long , long ago.

.


.

Fundamentaly wrong.

The confession has been extorted .My sincere apologies have been tendered.The carnage is over My outrage has subsided ,even if it didn't would any one care about the damage done?

To the one who bears the name that rhymes with the word mirage,who is ever fixated on my visage from his upper perch , the unwanted baggage that continues to barge into my life,
'Are you paying the telephone bills or for the TVs recharge or the rising current bills?.Did you buy the heater, fridge, fans, AC and the computer?Are you paying for my upkeep? Will you pay for my health and shopping bills as long as i live?

Who is doing all this for me? What and from where do you derive the right to control my emotions through the gadgets my spouse has paid and is maintaining.Just who the hell are you to have 24 hours access to my privacy? God?

My being on this public platform , doling out snippets from my private life now and then ,doesn't automatically cancel out my private life.

How can my home become the home of a ministry and source of information to a party or a media house that is heavily funded by western coffers?If i am such a raving nut according to surmises made by all and sundry and am being avidly projected as such to world at large with so much labour and resources, which itself renders the supposedly altruistic motive behind it a suspect, why should my loony observations and blabberings be given credence by esteemed ,sane ,sensible selves that every trick is played that it doesnot see daylight?

If this is some kind of house arrest where is the warrant? Or if i am under any threat,Why haven't i been informed?

Are we living in a communist regime where the fundamental right to property and the right to privacy does not exist and brain washing techniques are overtly and covertly allowed to be performed on non conforming individuals ?Is all this insolent assault on my independance ,individuality and basic human rights done to bring me around for a 'inter faith dialogue' since my repeated posts on Hinduism makes me a 'fanatic' and my extremity has to be chipped off to render me socially acceptable and politically amenable?I believe that spirituality is common to all human kind ,but my faith is my own and the interest in my country is inborn and personal .I have no appetite for discussions on religious faiths or on politics.

India is a democracy that guarantees fundamental rights to its ordinary citizens.What a joke the constitution has been made of by those very people who swear an oath of allegience to it,derive their powers from it and pay mere lip service in upholding it.

I will not seek political protection or knock on the doors of the courts but continue to fight for my rights through this blog.

The million dollar question that arises in my mind apart from my 'brain washing' bit, is for 'whose 'benefit and 'why' such a carefully monitored choreography of manufactured events without a let up on such a massive scale to project me as a person of basically unsound mind suffering from delusions and paranoia is still being carried out ?When i very well know that i do not suffer from such extreme mental disturbances and so does the perpetrator.Is it to blunt my deep thoughts by keeping me perpetually diverted?Or is it with the hope of convincing some one --very important person or persons that my observations must be taken with a pinch of salt?Funnily enough i am in total consonance with my tormentors about the last bit.I always rely on scientific reasoning,individual research and analysis and my own inferences, and my judgments are formed from them , and maybe to a certain extent on faith, instinct
and actual experiences but not on 'blind faith'.I recommend the same to my viewers.

However i lodge my strongest protest at the humiliations heaped on me and make it clear that the series of dastardly acts let loose on me in gay abandon and with utter callousness, arrogance, perversion and in the shameless aggradisation of selfish interests has done irreparable damage to my reputation and standing in the society as well as leaving deep scars of distrust and betrayal within me with attending loss of peaceable enjoyment of my day to day life.

Can these wrongs done to me be ever righted ?Never. Not as long my memory lasts.

The four yuga's and the path to Mukhthi.

They are....

Kritha yuga -----In this yuga knowledge and wisdom viz 'Gyana' was the path to Mukhthi.

Dhiredha yuga-----In this yuga-Giving gifts or charity viz 'Dhaana' was the path to mukhthi.

Dwaparayuga-------In this yuga sacrifice viz 'Yagna' was the path to mukhthi

Kaliyuga.-------------In this yuga devotion viz'Bhakth'i is the path to mukhthi

Vivekananda's thoughts.

Only those who work without expecting money or fame in return ,can work exceptionally well.
When he is able to work and act thus he becomes Buddha.
The ability to transform this world erupts in him .He then appears as a shining example of the highest form of Karma yogi.

The cause and balm of my ordeal.

I was beaten black and blue non stop for 2 months in order to teach me a lesson and also to extract an confession ,as to my stand.My mind was so mercilessly and tirelessly raped that at the end of which ,it was totally emptied of all its contents,that it put me in a fatigued topor ,which took me nearly a week to get over and find myself again.
I have this very strong hunch that most in here and in the political and journalistic field were in the loop ,except for me , my husband, and my son.

The interrogation was ruthlessly performed in a cloak and dagger manner from the immediate upper floor, that to every one not in the know that i was 'framed' neatly as one suffering from shared pshycosis would tend to concur with the view floated around, after reading my blogs and reactions as and when the bizarre and cruel interrogation was taking place that i was in such a ripened state of lunacy that i had poured out my delusions, paranoia,health conditions and eccentricities.

What a frame up!

At the end of this 'no touch torture' i felt betrayed by the selfishness of the political classes as well as by the mistrust of my neighbours and was totally askance at all those who chipped in enthusiastically either for wads of notes or under duress by the authorities.I would have never done dirty on my neighbours.My thanks to all those who didn't ,thus reassuring me of their decency.

I am convinced that all this macabre mayhem which was the culmination of manipulative harrassment that was going on for quite a while, was played out because i visited Gujarat , unintentionally on the very anniversary of the riots coupled with the fact that i didnot condemn or abuse Sri Modi , as is the norm in English speaking genteel society.

The beatings i bore was because of Modi.Isn't it insane to hold me responsible for some one else's action or inaction or what ever it might have been a decade back? Whilst he has a huge following to defend him ,i have none.It was a lone war .
However the ointment to the bruises were provided by Modi himself.When at the end of this mind blowing ordeal he wrote a blog in which he saluted the efforts of individuals who work for a public cause , all on their own
This lifted my spirits and helped me to heal swiftly though belligerent social ostracism and the insolent intrusion into my and my families privacy even within the four walls of my house has become a fact of my life.
It is no wonder that youngsters in this country consider Modi as inspirational leader,though i am not an youngster i got the feel of it first hand when he stepped in with a word of encouragement ,when it was needed most, by me.

Vivekananda's thought for the day.

When one loses self confidence it is equal to losing one's faith in god.

Vivekananda's thought.

As long as there is a state called death ,as long as there is this weakness called faint heartedness ,as long as a cry arises from the heart owing to such inherent weaknesses in human beings ,the belief and faith in god will ever endure.

Poor fools.

Eaves droppers never hear good about themselves.You dug too, too deep into my sub conscious [without my or my families permission]and that which has come out has only served to strengenthen the hands of your dreaded adverseries ...Modi and RSS.Bhasmasuras ,you all asked for it. The undoings of excessive doings.

In this unethical and immoral form of interrogation, after first clearing the decks by framing me as a person suffering from shared pshycosis , [even if i appear to be suffering from some such symptoms it is the responsibility of my husband and son to treat and cure me .It is definetly not the State's or of some selfish inhuman right activists who seem to be keen in supplanting Western notions in purely Indian context.The States business is to govern the country as a whole and not a specific individual. Stated simply ,I am none of your business] all the markers of civilisations like culture, scholarship, decency,and human rights were stripped clean and the theme that was deveolped and that remained in the background through out was around two most basic things, one primitive and other historical.

The subjugation and domination of a woman by a man in authority,
And the struggle for supremacy between two historical adversaries.

The excerpts from my diary 29.6.12 thereafter provides the answer to the above two.

By the way thanks for spreading the word around that i am a serial killer with serious pshychotic problems .Every body around me are scared stiff of me though initially they did pitch in to bring me around they have now all started to give me a wide berth,weary of their fruit less efforts, giving me back my much needed solitude.Even the auto wllaha the toughest nuts to crack dare not bargain with me and go against my will fearing an instant violent reprisal.

The neighbourhood pshycho doc has let loose a pshycho serial killer in the neighbourhood, who is constantly on the prowl.

PS. Why am i not seeking legal recourse?It will be too long winding and painstaking.The worst is over andI'll just weather out the rest.[Yet another confession !]