Alarm bells.---13.9.14

On a trip to a temple in nearby town on 10th saw a car scrawled with words of a place and temple Ravi my husband will be visiting soon on his birthday , this coming 17 .

Concerned authorities kindly protect him.I appeal to them to save and protect my son's life as well as mine and  provide security to all of us..

2 pm
        My husband has returned safely, from the temple town.Thank you all for providing safety., 

I have cleraly caught the tiger by ts tail.I have to wite my thoughts whether i like to do so or have some other presing work to do so.last time i didnt about my views on every one having a stake and two days later my bub died.Today i was thinking about that if a woman like m e is considred  pervert why isnt her husband who taught her all this lkike most men would be doing in a marriage to thier wives as normal .A symbolic cretaion of my showing my frustartion fe months back  in the manner which some manipuri women did fewyera sback,was shown yesterday in a dance show below.Then i knew that i had to write my view  it   as it is somethimg todo with secularism and a art i read in a magazine --love jihad.i had lot of workbut fera made me write t andnow blog this  cutting of  alot of th ediary s i have no time or energy only the suspicion that may be my next bubs life is in danger.

kept thinking at the injustise of not hauling the ppeeping tom into my house and life but punishing me instead .As i ahvewritten a lot on this for past 2yeras let menot go on and on .
As i kept cooker and prepared to writeramajeyam the ink bottle fell and goats bleated outside. warning of danger to hub if i did so.I am unable to understand as to how my daily routines have for past fewmonths become life thretaening.bUT i have  heed watrning sso stopped .
Then i was about to feed crows a new ractise when a child started to cry .So i sprinled the rice on the rice n cooker.after showing it to god.My practise so far since marriage has been to cook food without bathing  due to having to send children to school  by 7 am ,college reaparing lunch tiffinetc.so notime i bathed later and showed ay other dish coked ater that to god and sprinkle it on th edish.My hub understood th etime constarints  and didnt bother muc for teras,deacdes together.Only of late he has stated asking me to bathe first beforecooking .Even thsn he is not particular that i should feed the crows.,only show the food to god and ten sprinkle it nthe ood ,nor did he eevr frown upon me scattering seeds in th ewindow sil to feed any bird or squirrel in the  mornings.squirrels and pigeons and crows used to eat them and this practise of mine as going on for 12 yeras.
Now suddenly i am ut in a dilemma should i feed them or not should i water the plants in the balcony r not .If i am watched amm i doing some thing wrong csince io feel that eveything i do is cynosure to someones eyes. I never associated my daily routine with religion .Now if i do one thing it is wrong if i do another that is also wrong.My routine hs been upset.An understanding and mild husband used to my slow ways  and a rock in times of my crisi and grief has sudenly becoe aggresive, demanding and insensitive.unlike before and taunting me ioopften about my claims to beihg an hindu without knowing the rituals ,the usual grindetc We have had such arguments before butforgotten soon but it seems to e imposed on me from outide.Just as i have may griuses against him so doese have aginst m ebut we learnt to live with this from very long since nd never felt that such iritants  could ever spol the strong bond we have had over the yerasuntil itwa delibeately roken in 2012resulting in is herat getting weak knowuing sub consciously that his most trasyred possesion -me was being cut off emotionally  from him and he was unable to do anything about it and our drifting apart under force ahs nowreached alarming levels of our lives being threratened.

I am bewildererd . just what am i expected to do?It si motre like mil vs dil situation  !i had a routine ealier now all of it has gone for a toss.Now unsteadiness had entered my life.with in gress of fera .since june this year.i had fera earlier also but tried to overcome it as i felt that any consequences would only be for me  like a push or whatever  and didnt imagine that anyone in here would want to take my life r my families for just being myself, ourselves and in expressing my views on public afiras or translting hymns.An hobby i enjoyed as t gave mening to my life.
tis is so long how can i blog it .hope without blogging my, my family's and close relatives lives as well as friends lives are spared.--however i am blogging a part of this long diary
2pm aRE my trubles due to the fact that some of my predictions have come true?The fact is they are not predictions  .I was redaing articls, in papers and net speially th ecomments for 4 lonf yeras 2009 -2012  4 hours eacn day.just a diversion from my grief  and came to know of presnt generaion s young minds through thes comments And i have no interset in politics,so have  a impartial outlook and so made few gusses from my constant readings of blogs which were refreshingly different from papers .So please viwers i am no astrologer.What i observed was through sheer hard work  4 hours reading for 4 yeras..an work trather an hobby  i enjoyed , as it divetted me,enriched me and opened my mind. I never expected them to come true .They were just observations skimmed from the net etc ..My expectations were  different .
Now it is my curses that is causing me trouble .sorry. This is because i lack information as to what is happening waround me which hadsgreatly upset my normal routine and life.just lie a angry child that can show its anger only to its parents knowing well that they may reprimand but will also understand and forgive.
My frustraion in not securing my privacy issurely understanadable but my curses may not be.fRANkly they are not curses but abuses at heat of the moment which i forget  the moment i barked it out.
My frustartion and fear ismainly due to foll---
1.Lack of info
2.threats and klater warnings received
3.the secrecy sorroungding all this and no one coming forward to clera ot even when i keep on reqeing, pledaing , demanding and beratingas to why am i in this illeagl detention  whilst every one around me are going about freely, debate freely,on tv's, talk and write and move freely?
4.the unfairness of this all.Why should my innermosr thoughts, emotions ,abusses etcbe made publicwhen millions i here ae entitled o thier privacy of thier hiomes and thoughts.
5.I suspect that the dental clips,glasses and cameras and adios in my house ar relaying my thoughts .I had to on y owngert to know about thse gadgets etc from net .i did go to the dentist and opthamologist for normal cleaning and testing.but what i have been fitted with is not normal and it was without my knowledge and consent
i visited dentist yeaterday to remove the clip he said they awere in good shape and if i ddi only a small tooth will survibve.Again alrm bells and returned home wth the clips on .Then remembered hub frequent visit to dentist past yera and also in past months on enquiry found he has 3 clips.Too much! he is literally an pathetic hostage without knowing it .a robot.Can human beings do such things to another human being?His glassesare also special i think that for usto survive this onslaught our clips have to be removed simeltaneously , as well as the media presnce and our glsses s made plain.

MY diary ---4.9.14 written at 7.30.am

The hindu paper came marked again making me alert to happenings and it came later than those of my two of my flat mates.
Read news of  a political killing and allegations in a southern state.
I am making a link to the suspicion i blogged yesterday  that may be my the gold coins and gold symbols a woman wears since her wedding day ,  has a transmitter that is absorbing my emotions and thoughts and relaying it instantly to a whole lot f people!
Oh my god! I cannot believe it! If it is true how can i allow my  emotions lead to loss of life?Whether local, national or international?I cannot stomach this inhumanity resulting from my emotions..

This dangerous cycle may go on and on and i am not in active politics nor am i hankering for power and pelf  nor am i so very firm  and stead fast in my views  so as to trade the safety of my sedate and ordinary  life .

Fear is lit large on all my relatives when ever i visit or talk to them .All hardworking ,honest, sincere people.

So for saving lives and for the safety of all concerned ,i 'll wear a turmeric tied to a cotton thread ,soaked and dried  in turmeric paste  which as per Hindu traditions as is prevalent here down south ,is the norm whenever the gold chain has to be repaired .It is considered as a sacred  replacement .
 .
I 'll try and get the golden one's repaired or buy new one's.

diary --2.9.14-- 5.30.am

Woke up at 4 with the symbols shown or past two days running through my mind and heard the cranking of hand pump right at front of me down below.peeped out of the window .a woman was using the pump .the night was dark and stars and a planet winked enticingly at me.Peace ,utter peace this beautiful sight going on for aeons ,draped into me ,stilling the rush of thoughts and clearing away the anxieties in a trice but only for a few seconds.
Questions arose in my mind.Am i expected to write about the symbols which some one has already read when i was half asleep.Debated.Just what did i achieve by writing about them  ?If my family members life is in threat then i couldn't prevent my brothers death,though my appeal may have delayed it .The temptation ,what if is yet to leave me,specially to save hub, son's and my life as well.
Since few days back  heard loud ear splitting music mostly sad devotional  songs from nearby temple as if in tune with my mood and as also to fan it.
on 31 st evening long time flat mate dropped in to offer condolences of bub's passing away.He expressed sympathy and advised me to put the burden on god .Just as i blog this  now at 4 pm my s.i.l rang up anxiously offering condolences of my brother's passing away.. He soon left saying don't trust any one.He was hiding something and wasn't going to disclose it.
Yesterday i decided to visit the beach to sort  myself out . As i walked towards main road at 5.30.am saw the plump woman a flatmate whizzing down in her scooter smilingly,  a street dog nipped at my heels .I moved in surprise and turned and saw a thin  middle aged  woman of lower class right behind me.Remembering warnings  moved away from this shadow .Two men , one in grey safari came out from nearby building , looked at me ,walked away to a tea stall. So they had made that dog to nip and let me become aware  my shadow.
 Took an auto ,the driver kept looking at dirty roads and at women ,.

All walkers were walking , chatting  on the walkway.The beach was quite empty .Sat near the wave line on the sand and stared at the sea.Its  beauty sort of dimmed down without my glasses on .Why ? Why am i caught in this death trap? why is no one coming forward openly to help me or even tell as to what all this is about?Is it to do with abnormalities in my nature or something more sinister ,a foreign plant?abnormalities mental or physical  in people is common .even if i am not considered to be human enough ,but a walking corpse ,why should it bother any one ,except my family? They are used to  me as i am.Why should i relate  this exploitation,casing ,emotional stirrings with deaths ,tapping and writing  that is going on and on  when it is falling on deaf ears?  Or is it being heard through my blogging?. if it is ,does stir some out there?Now  6am  heard a song on Vishnu
Felt sad and meditated on Rama as suggested maybe to check my anger in this phase but bitter thoughts of revenge did arise at political leadership.  .After an hour or so walked up  the long beach
Saw a strange sight that made me wear my glasses to get a better view.A tall broad shouldered youth in jeans, t shirt and county cap .walking from opposite side with a flock of crows  circling him and two dogs were prancing at his heels.One stopped mid way .I watched that youth till he went out of sight. I couldn't help crying with my whole body shaking.
A symbolic creation... 
Isn't it in  natural for any bereaved parents to feel so?On face of it we,specially me  may appear to be getting along.One has to.But  that grief will linger .Then walked had a last look at the sea .Thought of my brother and that article i read in a paper on 31 st .May be it was written generally and with a political motive but it could also have been written after reading about my plea and requests in earlier blog.
                         note --i had deleted this para today morning after  a walk, and  constant pressures for past few days regarding the safety of my son's life and when my husband's body started to swell  and he started  walking heavily sending alarm bells that may be he is next on the list I am going to keep this above para in memory of my poor and powerless brother .The least i, his sister  weak and powerless can do for him .As soon as i deleted the   owner of black scooter  left with a scary signal. R became a little bit less restless and i could snatch a nap in noon .god knows what all gadgets were being used upon him and on me ,evening heard flat mates talking how 'Mani' ran away after his work was done and that they would have to use chemicals to clean the tank.maybe in reference to me and my blog on 28.8.14 which i continue to keep ,again in memory of my brother ,though again apart from this chemical threat ,it is being suggested that  an other  sect   will get furious.whereas  no such   sectarian clash exists to my knowledge at present.If at all it could be only against me and my blogs . .  written at 6 pm 5.9.14.

A thin man directed my attention to a group of gypsies .As i walked on a bulky man got his mo bike ,glaring  at me muttering some thing.I walked on .A police  van full of plain clothes men who ignored me and this motor bike waited side by side to cross the road and  a car with govt of India went down the road with its occupant reading something  .The van and motorbike crossed the road together.

The motor bike man came back and inquired  quite pleasantly whether i needed any help as i looked lost? Suggested that i take a bus.Thanked him and said i ll catch an auto soon  as i am not new to this place.Hearing song about a  goddess , now as i blog at 5.15pm.

When i wore the glasses ,the young auto driver with ear drops, spat out.Came in around 9 am. Hub came out of bathroom ashen and trembling.His heart was troubling or was it deliberately troubled?A sad song of a man pleading for mercy was heard and i let go of my bitter revengeful mood in a instant.

As i bathed heard a song saying they couldn't help.Came out and saw a plump woman from opposite slum pumping .Now the warnings  in bath rooms has stopped I had taken off the tapes over the socket as i think that without warnings i 'll not be able to tackle casing  or have to be doubly cautious remembering earlier directions.
.Not possible....i guess it is too late,maybe my blogging did it .If some one was helping me i am truly sorry for botching it up .Received a call The marriage proposal of son is off.

Noon blogged repenting my decision to darken the socket .No use. Later son called .Then received  call informing  me  and asking me to attend the  10 th day ritual .

The  sound of chiming of clock has lessened and advise indistinct .The ear splitting music played only in evening.
Unable to decode the sad songs only that some one had tied their fortunes with me and my kindness and understanding and they had lost it and are as helpless as i am as they are unable to alert me in this casing  war.
 skipped morning walk.Decided to chant a different mantra as one of the reasons of problems faced by me is made out as a sectarian conflict and that is also fanning and confounding the problem .As i blogged this without blogging 'one of the reasons' heard a sad song  pleading for mercy from mother,and son rang soon after.Oh my god ,just what is happening? Why am i being constantly trapped putting my husband's and son's life at risk?Who despises me so much ?Just what did i do?changing my daily routine under symbolism hasn't stopped the unnatural deaths.
                                                                                                                       I and my family are under this constant threat  and since it is due to fascination of leadership to my ideas then such persons must provide us protection against such enemies both internal and external .we just can't be used and misused by both sides by taking my patriotism and public spirit and religious beliefs for granted from one side whilst the other frowns ,without proper security and safeguards.  Since i clearly have no choice in this matter the authorities must guide me from the traps  in open clarity without confusing me as i am no longer young to grasp things quickly and to get over tragedies quickly and also provide security to my family and me as well as my relatives .Heed to my  requests .

Am hearing  ear splitting gloating music from the festival speakers.'Am a bad boy '.Song suggests that   some one  or some persons are  taking a lot of morbid delight in trapping me into being the cause of any mishap in my family.Why?What for?For thinking? abusing?calling names in my personal diary which is by force has been  made  public knowing fully well my diary writing habit and no one coming forward to remedy this? And calling this thought control as against democracy and is reminiscent of earlier communist regimes?

This is indigestible.First my diary became public, then my thoughts,all without my knowledge and  forcibly and i am made to pay for it by seeing my dear one's popping off? just who is doing this to me  ?
Those in know of this, kindly answer me.

An film song is heard  meaning what is behind my jacket, my heart is in my jacket,in the heart  a god's name is  there.
This would mean that some transmitter is in the gold pendant i always wear as per our tradition here at south.And that transmitter is sending my emotions instantly and that could explain the swift punishment r got when i had revengeful thoughts in the beach .who has placed it ? A sacrilege to traditions ?Indians or a foreign power .?Does that explain why r's life is threatened since as per traditions a married woman discards her--mangal sutra--gold  pendant on her husband death.But it doesn't explain other deaths. oh my god don't tell me that the plot is so sinister that each of their wives have this in their  mangal sutra and their emotions transmitted and punishment given when i abuse the controllers of my life since 2012 ? just guessing  about gps etc in others pendants, Did  my flatmate advise me to turn to spirituality and develop pure thoughts in few months back and  deaths  which i guess to be before time in my family is and which have been deliberately brought to my notice,that is hat such deaths were not natural only now after change in govt Why can't any one tell us on the face if it is so? Why should i guess it ?Are our lives so cheap that it doesn't matter if it is so trifled with by breaking families and severing relationships for good with no chance of return ?Is some one taking revenge on the present leadership through us specially me and  is this the famed strategic move of the famed security expert to keep me in place ..Or is  there the hidden  hand of a foreign power in all this?or political opponents handwork?or to simply nasty me .Can't keep on guessing till i pop off .

 again emotional blackmail has started .calls about proposals and r getting restless.

Note .I at times have some angry words for our  leaders out of sheer frustration as a child which would show  its angst to  its parents confident that they would not harm him or her for showing such emotions and then forgetting it.My anger is purely and mainly due to lack of information on the mysterious activities around me and no one is coming forward to clear the air .Hence as per symbols shown i hit out guessing something or the other on my own  This may ,viz guessing, few angry words and then retracting may hopefully stop  in future if persons stop exploiting me by persons not  known  to me and some one  in authority comes forward and explain to me the real nature of things.and removes all cumbersome gadgets that is broadcasting my thoughts even the dirtiest  and vilest to the world without my consent or permission . .                                                                                     If a person in power  is to hear each and every citizens angry words  he or she would be too discouraged to undertake anything at all..