Face to face.
Should i or shouldn't i write my diary?11.10 12 Any how ppt's will read it just as i writing it , but write i must.so here goes.
R had another turn and took me along to meet a specialist who asked him to go easy on breezing through the streets in his scooter since his heart is not up to it.and gave pessimistic forebodings, though he declared that medicines would suffice for now.
As we walked back to meet the general doc after having tiffin in a restaurant right in middle of pondy bazaar whose young accountant's nervousness alerted me to presence of Intel's ,i asked him whether the chap on top is not what he appears to be . He said no.and added that if Intel's --cbi were really after me the fear of this unwarranted intrusion did not show on my face or reflect on my activities , though it has whitened my hair--which he didn't add.
On persistence he said that if he did turn out to be one he would go file for criminal offence.
I laughed and said" It is only state that prosecutes a citizen and not vice versa."My mobile must have relayed our talks.But what he actually meant was that if there were sufficient proof that our neighbours were wilfully trespassing into our private space, into our house, he wouldn't hesitate to file a criminal complaint.
Felt generally depressed and R mooning around didn't help.
Read articles of Asha Bhonsle's daughter Varsha who killed herself few days back, She has the same views as mine but has supported it with extraordinary facts and figures and proves her inherited creative ability as well as the over loading of her brain that seems to have been in vain and fruitless and could have been a one of the source of deep disappointment,[ i am only speculating] since it looks like as if that there was no worthwile recognition for such stupendous efforts and boldness from where it should be naturally coming from, the political right . Sandeep[,blogger?] had put it in his blog.On further reading of his blogs found out that he is not RSS .Net is a confusing world.
Evening walked up feeling relaxed since not a soul was around in nearby terraces .Heaved a sigh of relief , So the monster had left'.As if divining my wishful thinking an intrusion came up in the form of my plump neighbour who came up panting either due to exertion or in sheer nervousness , of course sent by Charlie to give me company.[ chit chat therapy]What if i jumped off the roof? Wasn't i depressed and that would be the most logical thing to do?So would have mentalist reasoned. So what if i did? That would be peace for all around.Dear mentalist forgets that i am quite illogical and i am not under any drugs that would give the courage to do so unless,he has pumped them through the vents slyly, is that why he is anxious?Or was it to ensure that i actually did ,unable to bear the non stop harrassment?
The way charlie takes care of me day and night ,even my mother wouldn't have even when i was a new born. Previous janma's Karma!
My pleasure punctured ,came down and went through the net. Suddenly toi news on sg's visit and suraiyas article on petty but costly prosecutions flashed through making me connect the dots of the the mysterious goingons in my neighbourhood.and i typed to Charlie 'are u cbi? did sg send u? Am i so important or that dangerous?Come down face me or answer me or arrest me.Waited when no reply came switched it off.
As i was preparing dinner heard the ,high pitched affected sweet caressing and hypnotic voice[ how can a man have such a sweet voice it is sweeter than mine] of who else but the alien , floating up from down below.I decided to have it out.R was away to some drama.so no hassles there.Went to the balcony and kept staring hard at Charlie's balding head hoping that he would look up.Would he ? No way .Then he started to go inside. I waited at my doorway debating whether he would take a lift or the stairs. Would he lose his nerve?
He didn't .As he came up with some green cards i called him in and asked him to take a seat .He did.I asked straight away "Why are u spying on me?"The consummate actor that he is with a school boy's innocence crossed his heart and said " Me madame?I live on A 9 the secretary of the association, don't you know me?I replied " You know that i know". But he didn't give way and rambled on about the cards.
I said under my breath "You are too smart". A smile like that smirk on that cat that followed him [ pet therapy] flitted on his face, that is all.The cat that followed him ,that black devil kept sneaking further into the flat and mentalist ran after it to chase it away after taking permission from me to do so.But the familiarity at which he paced my flat was like that of a proprietor who knows and owns every milimeter of it, the layout of the upper floor he occupies is exactly the same and it is definetly coupled with the fact that of his burning the midnight oil to keep a watchful eyes or rather hypnotic eyes on us and continue it all day through as well as devise tricks and theatrics to catch and divert our attentions in the day to come,whilst i the actual mistress of the flat sat benumbed and bemused rooted to the sofa.!. He stuck to his cover and asked me innocently " Don't you watch the TV?I thought 'As if you donot know'. Was it a suggestion to hypnotise me further?And added ,very chummily that he found my face calm and peaceful .as he watched me from his window on and off , and not every second on his cctv as is sure is his regular practise. Another dig! I should have shot back your face looks so funny and strange.but i didn't.
Face to face he is small made, sweet voiced and has dark circles around his eyes. Effeminate with a huge head , obviously bulging with crooked brains.He was both scary and funny.
Scary because he was being tricky and not straight and i knew that he was noting down my body language and was making a mental note,which could be"Chee, after all my sweat and toil to make her an confident and strong neta she is as nervous as a mother hen"What a waste of time and energy.God alone can help me".
Funny because he was so alert and jumping around and seemed to be satisfied and pleased with himself like a cat that had its cream.He seemed to bubbling with inner mirth and enjoying a secret joke.Obviously at me .Since he has read all my diaries and has seen me and sees me in my most stupidest moments.
But his dark shadows troubled me. Am i such a tough assignment?Or was it that , the illegality and unconstitutionality of this entire operation had rendered it so shady and shadowy that it is stretching on and on and is therefore taking its toll?I even got angry at ppts for troubling my tormentor --Stockholm syndrome.Why can't they let be? If my outpourings are of a sick mind why bother with them or with me?Good Salman khurshid got it back from Aravind k That man is a ppt as he reads my diary with utmost relish and interest but then goes around calling its writer as well as that crusader , [my younger brother and only protector who has replaced Vidat so very naturally and so very obvious to which i was blind so far since he heads idealistic , pure and angry youngsters who are like Vid and his friends.,] 'sick'.Serves that minister right.
Ok back To charlie . he baited me with Porur and when i didn't take it he took leave bounding away .
When R came back i related everything . He said that i was praising a useless fellow too much.I replied ' may be in that short conversation he had hypnotised me to praise him ,so that he could get himself a promotion.R laughed and when i said' He is in cbi 'he further guffawed and said ''What a shame for cbi to have this ali.''
When i mentioned the dark circles under my tormentors eyes R said " dont worry you can drop
some money in his bowl when he loses his job and knocks on our door like that cat , so audaciously does."
Come to think of it the mentalist was a bit wary of me .Did he honestly expect me to spring on him any time and strangle his neck as i had threatened him earlier [in my diary at the height of pshycological and phisiological torture meted out to R in the usual shadowy manner]? He has a very poor opinion of me , and what a thankless job he has , to stare at me the whole day!
Then the memories of the cruel interrogation washed over me and the fact that he had brainwashed me to take un natural interest in Muslim's. to know about them more and to pity them came rushing back and i swore aloud" When modi comes i'll send him packing to a tanni illa kadu--waterless wasteland .At which r said ''Finish him of in an encounter. ''I replied ''No, No, he is half and half that is, a foe as well as a friend, so thanni illa kadu is the maximum punishment that can be meted out for him.''
Face to face did not elicit the information i wanted but served to lift the gloom that had descended on me in the morning [with the stark realisation that people i like and look up to never like me and even look down upon me and those on whom i do not invest ,that much sweat rush to my aide and take side with me,] and made me have a good laugh..
.
R had another turn and took me along to meet a specialist who asked him to go easy on breezing through the streets in his scooter since his heart is not up to it.and gave pessimistic forebodings, though he declared that medicines would suffice for now.
As we walked back to meet the general doc after having tiffin in a restaurant right in middle of pondy bazaar whose young accountant's nervousness alerted me to presence of Intel's ,i asked him whether the chap on top is not what he appears to be . He said no.and added that if Intel's --cbi were really after me the fear of this unwarranted intrusion did not show on my face or reflect on my activities , though it has whitened my hair--which he didn't add.
On persistence he said that if he did turn out to be one he would go file for criminal offence.
I laughed and said" It is only state that prosecutes a citizen and not vice versa."My mobile must have relayed our talks.But what he actually meant was that if there were sufficient proof that our neighbours were wilfully trespassing into our private space, into our house, he wouldn't hesitate to file a criminal complaint.
Felt generally depressed and R mooning around didn't help.
Read articles of Asha Bhonsle's daughter Varsha who killed herself few days back, She has the same views as mine but has supported it with extraordinary facts and figures and proves her inherited creative ability as well as the over loading of her brain that seems to have been in vain and fruitless and could have been a one of the source of deep disappointment,[ i am only speculating] since it looks like as if that there was no worthwile recognition for such stupendous efforts and boldness from where it should be naturally coming from, the political right . Sandeep[,blogger?] had put it in his blog.On further reading of his blogs found out that he is not RSS .Net is a confusing world.
Evening walked up feeling relaxed since not a soul was around in nearby terraces .Heaved a sigh of relief , So the monster had left'.As if divining my wishful thinking an intrusion came up in the form of my plump neighbour who came up panting either due to exertion or in sheer nervousness , of course sent by Charlie to give me company.[ chit chat therapy]What if i jumped off the roof? Wasn't i depressed and that would be the most logical thing to do?So would have mentalist reasoned. So what if i did? That would be peace for all around.Dear mentalist forgets that i am quite illogical and i am not under any drugs that would give the courage to do so unless,he has pumped them through the vents slyly, is that why he is anxious?Or was it to ensure that i actually did ,unable to bear the non stop harrassment?
The way charlie takes care of me day and night ,even my mother wouldn't have even when i was a new born. Previous janma's Karma!
My pleasure punctured ,came down and went through the net. Suddenly toi news on sg's visit and suraiyas article on petty but costly prosecutions flashed through making me connect the dots of the the mysterious goingons in my neighbourhood.and i typed to Charlie 'are u cbi? did sg send u? Am i so important or that dangerous?Come down face me or answer me or arrest me.Waited when no reply came switched it off.
As i was preparing dinner heard the ,high pitched affected sweet caressing and hypnotic voice[ how can a man have such a sweet voice it is sweeter than mine] of who else but the alien , floating up from down below.I decided to have it out.R was away to some drama.so no hassles there.Went to the balcony and kept staring hard at Charlie's balding head hoping that he would look up.Would he ? No way .Then he started to go inside. I waited at my doorway debating whether he would take a lift or the stairs. Would he lose his nerve?
He didn't .As he came up with some green cards i called him in and asked him to take a seat .He did.I asked straight away "Why are u spying on me?"The consummate actor that he is with a school boy's innocence crossed his heart and said " Me madame?I live on A 9 the secretary of the association, don't you know me?I replied " You know that i know". But he didn't give way and rambled on about the cards.
I said under my breath "You are too smart". A smile like that smirk on that cat that followed him [ pet therapy] flitted on his face, that is all.The cat that followed him ,that black devil kept sneaking further into the flat and mentalist ran after it to chase it away after taking permission from me to do so.But the familiarity at which he paced my flat was like that of a proprietor who knows and owns every milimeter of it, the layout of the upper floor he occupies is exactly the same and it is definetly coupled with the fact that of his burning the midnight oil to keep a watchful eyes or rather hypnotic eyes on us and continue it all day through as well as devise tricks and theatrics to catch and divert our attentions in the day to come,whilst i the actual mistress of the flat sat benumbed and bemused rooted to the sofa.!. He stuck to his cover and asked me innocently " Don't you watch the TV?I thought 'As if you donot know'. Was it a suggestion to hypnotise me further?And added ,very chummily that he found my face calm and peaceful .as he watched me from his window on and off , and not every second on his cctv as is sure is his regular practise. Another dig! I should have shot back your face looks so funny and strange.but i didn't.
Face to face he is small made, sweet voiced and has dark circles around his eyes. Effeminate with a huge head , obviously bulging with crooked brains.He was both scary and funny.
Scary because he was being tricky and not straight and i knew that he was noting down my body language and was making a mental note,which could be"Chee, after all my sweat and toil to make her an confident and strong neta she is as nervous as a mother hen"What a waste of time and energy.God alone can help me".
Funny because he was so alert and jumping around and seemed to be satisfied and pleased with himself like a cat that had its cream.He seemed to bubbling with inner mirth and enjoying a secret joke.Obviously at me .Since he has read all my diaries and has seen me and sees me in my most stupidest moments.
But his dark shadows troubled me. Am i such a tough assignment?Or was it that , the illegality and unconstitutionality of this entire operation had rendered it so shady and shadowy that it is stretching on and on and is therefore taking its toll?I even got angry at ppts for troubling my tormentor --Stockholm syndrome.Why can't they let be? If my outpourings are of a sick mind why bother with them or with me?Good Salman khurshid got it back from Aravind k That man is a ppt as he reads my diary with utmost relish and interest but then goes around calling its writer as well as that crusader , [my younger brother and only protector who has replaced Vidat so very naturally and so very obvious to which i was blind so far since he heads idealistic , pure and angry youngsters who are like Vid and his friends.,] 'sick'.Serves that minister right.
Ok back To charlie . he baited me with Porur and when i didn't take it he took leave bounding away .
When R came back i related everything . He said that i was praising a useless fellow too much.I replied ' may be in that short conversation he had hypnotised me to praise him ,so that he could get himself a promotion.R laughed and when i said' He is in cbi 'he further guffawed and said ''What a shame for cbi to have this ali.''
When i mentioned the dark circles under my tormentors eyes R said " dont worry you can drop
some money in his bowl when he loses his job and knocks on our door like that cat , so audaciously does."
Come to think of it the mentalist was a bit wary of me .Did he honestly expect me to spring on him any time and strangle his neck as i had threatened him earlier [in my diary at the height of pshycological and phisiological torture meted out to R in the usual shadowy manner]? He has a very poor opinion of me , and what a thankless job he has , to stare at me the whole day!
Then the memories of the cruel interrogation washed over me and the fact that he had brainwashed me to take un natural interest in Muslim's. to know about them more and to pity them came rushing back and i swore aloud" When modi comes i'll send him packing to a tanni illa kadu--waterless wasteland .At which r said ''Finish him of in an encounter. ''I replied ''No, No, he is half and half that is, a foe as well as a friend, so thanni illa kadu is the maximum punishment that can be meted out for him.''
Face to face did not elicit the information i wanted but served to lift the gloom that had descended on me in the morning [with the stark realisation that people i like and look up to never like me and even look down upon me and those on whom i do not invest ,that much sweat rush to my aide and take side with me,] and made me have a good laugh..
.
posted by K.C. Sujata at
10:49 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home