A page from my diary.27.7.12

I felt wretched. Who is this charlie to butt into my life and then graciously grant me a reprieve only for the past few days to think and mourn about Vidat and make me teary? Where was he and others fawning excessively and artificialy now when i had to tackle and overcome the terrible tide of emotions in the very first year, which is toughest period to negotiate such a grief ,all by myself?

He comes on the scene after 5 whole years ostensibly to give me a suitable[ suited to whom is the question]therapy and like Naradar has stirred up a lot of kalagam [mischeif] .He has made every one around me who would scarcely give me glance all these days to look at me like as if i am a junthu.

Granted ,he is powerful or has the backing of some one very powerful behind[let me not use the word 'behind' lest my highly irritated hub explode into string of dirty unprintable curses] or at his side that is making everyone twirl around his fingers.To come in my line of vision anywhere and everywhere and to stop and glare and stare at me either rudely or jeeringly or pityingly.Why should he choreograph my emotions? Whom does he think himself to be ? God?

The same happened today whilst i had my morning coffee at the balcony.The local rowdy who looks very sick after the horrific murder of his brother and a gas delivery man stood like two scarecrows in the direct line of my vision.

My eyes misted not only with the thoughts of Vidat but also at this vulgar show of power at front of which i am supposed to cow down and beg for reprieve.Understand damn you, it is not in my blood to do so.

Then a little bird that could fit into my palm sang sweetly,hidden amongst leaves of nearby tree .My despondency lessened and my heart lifted.Damn you Charlie if it is one thing you can't do is ,to make that tiny bird sing.That power is in the hand of another.A bigger power.

I felt free again, Thank you birdie.